RETRACE (27 page)

And yet, here I am having my thoughts cause a colossal storm in my head. I know where A.Z. is, I can reach him with no sweat. I can blow his fucking head off and finally have my closure. But I’m fully aware that at the same time I’d be blowing to hell the current investigation, and probably the rest of my life. And there’s a fat chance I’d be spending it behind bars if I take that path.

Hunter sees me to my car when I finally leave. Street lights illuminate our steps through the pitch-black night.

“I really appreciate your help. I’m well aware of just how hard it must have been for you to go back there.”

I nod, flinging my car keys from hand to hand.

“Reeves, the moment you step into your car, you forget everything you saw today.”

I don’t look him straight in the eyes because I know I can’t promise that. Because I know he’ll see right through my thoughts of how I’m burning to do the one thing I shouldn’t.

He claps my shoulder, forcing me to grace him with a look. Our eyes spark in the dark, his with warning, mine with determination.

“I’m sorry to be doing this, but it’s for your own good.” He pauses. “I’m having you followed till I’m going to be convinced you won’t do anything reckless.” The last part comes through an exhalation. I’m about to protest and halt, realizing that not only he is absolutely right to do so, that it’s indeed for my own benefit.

“Sure,” I say low, an assent loaded with frustration.

“Thank you.” He finally lets me go, patting my back.

It was a quiet night. I was wrapped up in my thoughts while she was buried in dance steps and music for a show she is putting on with the girls. We made love and I held her in my arms throughout the night, afraid to let her go, soaking in every bit of all that’s exquisite, calming and sweet, that is my Nia.

“Hey, you’re squeezing me like it might be our last goodbye,” she said through a laugh just before leaving in the morning, pressing a brief kiss on my cheek. Little did she know just how apt her words were.

I lean with one hand on the brick wall where I’m hiding, a few yards from where I’m going to soon determine how the rest of my life will play out. I shake off the thoughts of how earlier today I ditched Hunter’s guys who were following me, to Nia and how we left off this morning. Thoughts of my father, Ben, Katie, Beth and Stanley, and even the mother I never knew, all twirl together in my head. Faces, eyes, fragments of conversations, snippets from better times, bits from worse times, all run before my eyes. I shut them tightly, focusing on the one person that makes me want to retrace my steps back to the car and recall what I’m seconds away from doing.

Nia.

I clutch my stealth phone in my fist. Two beats pass before I start a text message, taking a deep breath that doesn’t reach all the way through… and press send.

Nia, I love you. Reeves.

I switch the phone off right after. Whatever happens today, at least she’ll know how I truly feel. I close my eyes again, going into focus mode, where there’s only one aim on my mind. I bring the unmarked gun from my belt, load it, and walk against the wall toward the back door. Wind whistling next to my ear and the thudding of my heart are the sounds leading me toward my closure.

A tender warmth of fulfilment suffuses me as I watch the girls perform the dance we’ve been working so hard on. I move with them, imitating their airy, small steps and twirls. The last tunes come and they all bow, holding their little hands in a pink chain of adorability.

“Wow,” I shriek, my voice is too elated to sound any less excited. “This was perfect, way to go!” Smiles and gleaming eyes respond to my compliments as they sit in a semi-circle around me. “You should be so proud of yourselves, you did such an amazing job.” I repeat some information about the last practices we’ll have before the final show and let them run off to their waiting parents.

“I’m so excited for them,” I tell Alex as we make our way to Jake’s.

“Me too. One of my girls said her grandparents are flying over just to see her perform. Poor girl, the pressure…” We both laugh but my smile withers as soon as I check my phone again. No answer from Reeves yet. I texted him right after I left his apartment this morning, it felt like our goodbye was somewhat odd in a too intense kind of way. I just wanted to make sure he was fine, and that whatever had him preoccupied is over. But he hasn’t answered since, not to my text and not to the few calls I made to him. Strangely enough, his phone has been off for the greater part of the day.

I try not to worry, however the fact that he was somewhat distant last night doesn’t make it any easy. He told me he had a lot on his mind with work. Also the way he hugged me when I left today had me thinking he didn’t really want me to leave, but he said nothing so I assumed I might be reading something that wasn’t there.

“What can I getcha?” Eileen asks. She has this bright smile, one that pours out of her eyes. A tad on the naughty side, but I guess that’s what helps her get huge tips. That and the swells under her tight shirt, of course.

“Just water, thanks.” I rub my temples. “Any chance you have some pain killers? My head is killing me.”

The bar is still relatively quiet, just a few patrons having a drink after work. Even the music is considerably mellower, softly playing in the background. Things usually pick up in a couple of hours. I couldn’t be more thankful for the quiet-ish noise, though.

“Jake has a first aid kit in his office, try there,” Eileen says, handing Alex our drinks. Alex tips her chin, pointing at our regular table and I nod back in confirmation.

“I’m coming, just give me a second.”

Alex’s expression takes a mischievous tone. “Ask him if he has something for me too…” She winks and I inwardly cringe. I still find Jake and Alex’s flirting, Jake and Carmie’s relationship, hard to digest. The whole free spirits, let’s all get naked together, it’s a bit too much for me.

Although the door to Jake’s office is wide open, I still knock on the doorpost. Jake’s messy auburn mane and piercing eyes peep from behind his screen.

“Nia,” he calls in his graveled lilt.

“Hi.” I send him a small, side smile. “Eileen mentioned you might have some pain killers in here?”

“Sure, come in.” He pulls his chair toward a metal cupboard. “Have a seat.”

He puts a little white container next to me and bends to a mini fridge. He lets a water bottle roll toward me on the table before sinking back to his wide, worn-out chair. Jake’s legs rest on the massive desk.

“You okay?” He gets rid of the cap of his water bottle.

I pop a pill, down it with water, then bob my head. “I’m fine, just a minor headache. Have you heard from Reeves today?”

Little creases form in Jake’s forehead. “Nope. Trouble in paradise?” The side of his mouth twitches.

“No, paradise is fine. I just didn’t, umm, well, nothing really.”

“So you two are serious, huh? He’s a good guy…” Jake’s features morph a shade graver. “He’s a
great
guy.”

“Yes.” I answer on a breath. “He is.”

“He’d probably deprive me of my next breath if he ever heard I said this, but take it easy on him, he’s been through a lot.”

I nod, a whole new seed of sympathy blooms in me toward Jake.

“The last thing I’d do is hurt him in anyway. I care about him very much,” I say, countering Jake’s intent look. Our intense moment breaks as Jake lifts his feet from the table and accidently knocks over his bottle.

“Shit,” he swears under his breath. The water spills all over, forming a little pond on his desk, drowning some scattered papers. He makes his way to the door and calls over his shoulder, “wait up, there’s something I want to tell you.”

I try to save some of the floating documents when I get a text message. My heart rockets to my throat, saturated with emotions, when I read the content of the message.

Nia, I love you. Reeves.

I blink at the phone, then blink again. I don’t think there was anything I wanted more than for Reeves to tell me these three little words. “Tell” being the key word. Goosebumps raise my skin and my heart spirals around my ribcage as I press send, trying to call him. Confusion takes over when I learn that his phone is off again. When the muddle wears off I check the message again to find out it was sent from an unregistered number. What’s going on?

“Nia… Nia?” Jake’s voice invades my musing. I blink at him with everything Reeves dominating my mind. He gazes at me while pressing a stack of paper towels to the wet mess on the table. “You all right?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah, do you mind if I make a short call?” Jake slants his head toward the back of the room, to a small pantry.

Still fogged by the message, I murmur a quiet, “thanks,” and step away. Jake turns to sink into his chair, discarding the soaked papers into a bin under his desk. I shift to stand with my back to the room when I try Reeves’ number again, and again.

“You two don’t answer my calls now?” My heart jumps and I jolt back to face the room at the sound of the raspy, loud voice. The combination of the gravity and fury that’s barked at Jake makes me flinch. From where I stand I can see Jake staring with mild confusion while stretching his hand for his mobile.

The man, wearing a perfectly fitted dark suit and an intimidating glare gazes back at Jake, rigid. Jake studies his phone for a short beat and before he is able to comment, the man adds in an artic tone, “Where is Mitchell?
Where. The fuck. Is Mitchell
?”

“What do you mean?” Jake’s voice counters with his own bite of chill. My breath is held at the air of concern lacing his words.

“I don't want another one of my boys’ brains blown aw…” says the man who stops short once he notices me. Jake’s head slowly turns to follow the guy’s eyes and stills on me.

“That’s Nia, Reeves’ girl,” Jake says, not bothering to tell me who I was just introduced to.

“Have you spoken to him in the last few hours?” Asks the picture of authority and intimidation.

I shake my head, words fail me as panic starts spreading through me,
another one of my boys’ brains blown
…

“Did you have any contact with him today?”

“Nia, it’s important,” Jake says, the look on his face telling me he knows something I don’t.

“Hmm, I left his apartment this morning.” My fingers wrap tightly around the phone in my hand till the plastic bites into my flesh. “And haven’t spoken to him since…”

“I see.” Narrowed blue eyes burn into me as though trying to get inside my deepest thoughts. I hug my waist, in a way, trying to protect myself from the menacing stare.

I lower my gaze to the floor, having an inner debate whether I should mention the text I just got. Jake seems to trust this guy, perhaps I should say something.

“What is it?” Jake’s voice reaches me, low and urging. I send him a wary glance.

“Miss, if you care about your man you better speak up.”

“Hunter?” Jake sends him a bothered look.

Hunter?
Hunter
. Reeves and Jake mentioned the name a few times before.

My voice shakes as I tell Jake, “he sent me a message about five minutes ago.” The palpable sigh of relief heaved from both of the gentlemen mouths’ dazes me, while the weight of their worry seeps into my recognition.

“Can I see this message?” Hunter extends his hand forward, leaving it hanging, demanding. I take a few steps, followed by the men severe stares on me. Cautiously, I hand my phone to him and bite my lips.

He gives the phone one short peep, another my way, and says, “from a burner.” Jake’s silent curse tugs at my nerves.

“Wha… t’s… wrong?” I stammer, begging with my eyes for Jake to let me know what kind of trouble Reeves might be in.

“Nia,” Hunter says, both Jake and I turn to look his way. “I need to talk to Jake alone, can you please make sure to call Jake if there’s any signal from Reeves?”

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” My hand moves to my chest, unconsciously trying to calm the painful thuds.

“We have a reason to believe he might be… somewhere he should not be.”

I twist my lips in unconcealed scorn, offended by Hunter’s vague brush-off. I open my mouth to protest when Jake interferes, making me close it right back. “I know how to reach you if needed.” Very clearly dismissing me.

“Jake, can you at least promise to let me know if he contacts you?” Jake’s jaw tightens but he still nods affirmation.

My posture and mood fall free in complete harmony as I make my way out of the room. One of them closes the door behind me. Making my way to the bar, my head throbs with pain and anxiety. I rub my temples, processing the last few minutes.

Although they tried not to include me in whatever they were discussing, they were clear about Reeves being in some kind of danger. Inwardly, I shudder at the thought of something happening to him. At the same breath I convince myself not to take my imagination into any dark places, as I’m not sure I’d be able to come out, whole.

“Hey, Nia.” Alex waves my way, momentary pulling me out of the ring of worry tightening around me. I nod at her and shortly join her and a couple of friends of hers I haven’t had the chance to meet yet. They talk around me as I gape ahead, warming a cold drink in my tight hold. I hear their voices pass through me but don’t really listen to what’s being said. My attention is fixated at the hall leading to Jake’s office. My mind is set on waiting for Hunter to leave so I’ll be able to try and talk Jake to telling me what’s going on.

My head jerks up as I see both men walk through the bar tables’ maze. I try to catch Jake’s eyes but he seems absorbed inside his own mind. Jake leans to tell Eileen something and not long after Hunter pushes the exit door open, leaving with Jake in tow. The looks on their faces blow another hit right in the middle of my stomach.

A familiar plaguing feeling starts spreading its vines of venom through my bloodstream, and without much attention to Alex or anyone at the table, I stand up with a start, needing to get away. I run out of the bar, hugging myself, rapidly passing café’s and stores, rushing to get behind my closed door. Behind my bathroom closed door. Everything in my peripheral view becomes a blur as tears gloss my eyes. With the last bit of hope, I knock at Reeves’ door. I wait for some stressful, long minutes, but he doesn’t answer. At this point I need his breath inside me, I need it desperately, so
I
could breathe.