Saved By You (6 page)

“How’s everyone taking it?” she asked, suddenly. Her voice lowered in a way that I was used to. There was a bit of the old sound in it - the sound that she’d had when it was just the two of us taking care of each other back home.

I shrugged. “Pretty good, I guess,” I said. “Grandma’s a rock, but I haven’t been around Aunt Denise much.”

“You’re going to have to watch after them, when I’m gone,” she said. “They’re going to look to you. They know how strong you are.”

I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes.

“Don’t talk like that, Mom,” I said.

She waved a hand. “It’s the truth,” she said. “There’s no use denying it—we both know that one day, before long, I won’t be around anymore. You’re going to have to step up for everyone.”

I let out a sigh and felt a tear rolling down my cheek.

“I don’t know if I’m
that
strong,” I said. I squeezed her hand, again. “I don’t know how I’m going to be strong without you around.”

“Child, you’re stronger than you know. I raised you right, just trust in that.”

“I’ve never had to go through anything alone,” I said.

Mom gave me a soft look—her eyes spoke volumes.

“That’s not entirely true,” she said.

I struggled to swallow. In a flash the beeping of the machines pounded in my ears, taking me back to another time—maybe even a scarier time. The vision of Mom laying in a hospital bed, not unlike the one she was in, crept into my eye. Her face had looked much different, though. When the doctors were done with her, and when the swelling had finally stopped, she hadn’t even looked like herself. She hadn’t even looked human. Her cheeks had puffed out so far they pinched her eyes closed—only, her eyes were so swollen and blue that they bulged out, too.

“I wasn’t alone, then,” I said. “I still had you.”

She shook her head. “
I
had
you
,” she corrected. She let out a soft sigh. “You probably thought I was sleeping, but I still remember what you said to me that night. Do you remember?”

I frowned at her, thinking back on it. I nodded.

“You said it would be the last time he ever laid a hand on me,” she said, repeating my words from so long ago. “You were just a child, then.”

“A child who didn’t know what she was talking about,” I said.

Mom shook her head. “I don’t think that’s quite true,” she said. “He never did lay a hand on me after that.”

“But that wasn’t because of me,” I said. “I never stopped him.”

She lifted a shoulder. “Maybe, maybe not,” she said. “You never had to get in the way, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t play your part.”

More tears rolled down my face. I wiped at them with my free hand. Maybe she was right, or maybe she wasn’t. But I didn’t think it was the same thing at all. I still had my mother by my side back then. Soon, I wouldn’t.

“I’m not going to have anybody,” I said. I shook my head. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it.”

“You’re not alone, Maggie,” she said. “That’s why we’re here. That’s why we came back home. You don’t have to go through
anything
alone.” I blew out a sigh, and nodded. “You’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to go through,” she continued. “You’ve seen things no girl should ever see.” Her eyes were sullen—pained. “I’m sorry for ever taking us away from our family in the first place. We should have stayed in Texas—this was always our home.”

“Don’t say that, Mom,” I said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not like you could have known.”

She considered me for a second, but she was silent. We sat like that for a long time. The only sound in the room was the thrum of the machines, and the occasional scraping of someone out in the hall. Her eyes began to droop closed, heavily, and I sat there motionless, not wanting to disturb her.

“It’s funny,” she said. “I haven’t done anything but lay in bed all day, but I’m still so tired.” She smiled through the heavy look in her eyes. “They don’t really prepare you for any of this.” She gestured at the machines, and the bed. “But, then, I guess they can’t.”

“I can go if you need to rest,” I said, quickly.

She shook her head, softly, and closed her eyes.

“Sit with me for a while,” she said, quietly.

I sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand for a long time. The light outside dimmed to nothing, and Mom’s breathing slowed to a steady pace. The peaceful look on her face made me smile, and I didn’t dare move for fear of waking her.

Mom said that I was going to be able to make it through this, but I just wasn’t sure. The thought of not having her was so overwhelming. Tears bubbled to my eyes again while I watched her sleeping. A huge part of me still didn’t believe that this was all happening. It believed that, in any minute, she was going to hop out of the bed, yank all of the tubes and wires off of her, and say it was all some sick joke. It would be the worst joke ever, but I would take that over the truth any day.

What felt like an hour passed before Grandma came in the room. She tiptoed in, quietly, and gave me a warm smile. She held out a hand, beckoning me to follow her, and I did. Mom didn’t flinch when I slid off the bed—she was good and asleep.

The light in the hallway was blindingly bright compared to Mom’s room. Grandma and I walked quietly through the hospital corridors until we arrived back at the tiny waiting room. Aunt Denise sat with Sarah, and they all smiled at me when I came in.

“You all don’t have to wait out here,” I said. “We could all visit her.”

A guilty feeling went through me, realizing I’d hogged so much time with her.

Aunt Denise shook her head. “We don’t want to overwhelm her,” she said. “Besides, you should spend some time with your mother. We’ll all get our fair share.”

I tried to smile, but my lips were pinched tight. Aunt Denise gave me a nervous smile, then grabbed her purse.

“Why don’t you girls go out and do something fun?” she said.

I waved a hand. “No, it’s fine,” I said. “I wouldn’t mind sticking around here.”

“Nonsense,” she said. She reached into her purse, pulled out two hundred dollar bills and shoved them at Sarah. “Go out and do something fun. It’s on me.”

I looked at her nervously. “No, really,” I said. “I don’t want to leave. Just in case.”

Aunt Denise fixed me with a look that sent a chill running down my spine. It reminded me of the looks that Mom would give me. In that instant I knew that she wasn’t playing around.

“Let us worry about it,” she said. “We’ll call you immediately if anything comes up.”

I frowned. “Why are you trying to usher me off?” I said. “Is there something I don’t know?”

Grandma put her arm around me, and gave a gentle squeeze on my shoulder.

“It’s nothing like that, dear,” she said. “It’s just… Your mother will sleep better knowing that you’re taken care of. She doesn’t want you worrying over her all day.”

A knot tied itself up in my throat, and confusion set in. Had Mom said something to them?

“She doesn’t want me here?” I said. “Did she say that?”

Grandma squeezed my shoulder again, the soft look in her eye never fading. “It’s nothing like that, dear,” she said. Her cheek pinched to the side. “Maybe you’ll understand when you have a daughter of your own,” she continued. “She’s my little girl, and I need to take care of her. And, for me to do that, I need to make sure she’s not worrying about you.”

Some part of that made sense, but it didn’t make me feel any better. The lump was still in my throat, and there were tears behind it, threatening to come out. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more they weren’t telling me—but at this point, why would they have any reason to hide anything?

“I’ll get to see her tomorrow?” I said.

She nodded slowly, and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I know you want to be here with her, but right now she just needs to rest. She’ll rest better knowing that
you’re
resting, too.”

When we pulled away, there was a damp spot on Grandma’s sweater that hadn’t been there before. I apologized, but Grandma waved my worries away. She shooed both Sarah and I, and told us to go do something fun. I gave Sarah a nervous look, but she just looped an arm through mine and guided me away from the little waiting room without saying anything.

As we walked, a numb feeling settled itself into my chest again. It was becoming very familiar, and I wondered if it was ever going to go away.

“So where do you want to go?” Sarah asked as we climbed into the car.

A thick haze had descended over me, and I wasn’t seeing things straight. I shrugged my shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, softly. “Whatever you want to do.”

“Well, Mom gave us a lot of money, so let’s do something fun.”

I sighed at her. “What fun is there in Green Falls?” I said.

She considered it for a second, staring at the steering wheel. Her face wrinkled as she thought about it—probably because she knew I was right.

“There’s the movies,” she suggested.

I groaned.

I really wasn’t in the mood to sit in a dark room with some movie talking to me. I knew that it wasn’t going to distract me from the thoughts plaguing my head. I could have just as soon sat and stared at a wall and it wouldn’t have made the slightest difference to me.

“I need to get my mind off things,” I said, shaking my head.

She tilted her head in a nod. “Yeah, I know,” she said. She thought about it a bit longer, then blew out another sigh. “We could always go to the Saloon.”

My gut reaction was to tell her ‘Hell no’, but I stopped myself. For the first time ever, something really appealed to me, something I’d never seriously considered before. Sarah watched me intently as I thought about it, and when I gave a nod of agreement a tight smile tugged at her face.

“I want to get drunk,” I said.

The tight smile fell, and her mouth gaped wide open. Her brow pinched together as though she didn’t believe what I was saying.

“You want to get
drunk
?” she repeated, incredulous.

I nodded. “What better way to take my mind off things?” I said.

She shook her head, looking around frantic. “But, Maggie, you’ve never even had a drink before.”

I shrugged. “There’s a first time for everything.”

“But, after everything you’ve been through…”

Her voice trailed off, and a pang of unease fluttered in me. She knew the reason I’d never drank before—I’d seen what alcohol could do. I’d seen exactly how alcohol had destroyed my dad—destroyed my family. But none of that mattered anymore. Mom was lying on her death bed, and nothing was going to change that.

“I don’t care anymore,” I said. “I just need to take my mind off things.”

Sarah studied me for a long time.

“Maggie, where is this coming from? I don’t think you’re thinking clearly.”

“I know exactly what I’m thinking,” I said. “I just found out my Mom is going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just want something that will wash that thought away for a few hours.”

Sarah’s eyes were tight, and her cheeks were pinched up. She shook her head.

“It doesn’t work like that…” she began, but I cut her off.

“I’ve seen
exactly
how it works,” I said, my voice rising. My pulse raced as I looked at her, and I had to take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself. “Please, Sarah,” I said. “I just need to forget myself for a night. Maybe the pain will go away for a bit.”

Sarah’s eyes were wide for a long time as she stared at me—at first disbelieving, then sympathetic. Finally, her body loosened and she gave a slight tilt of her head.

“If that’s what you think you need, Maggie…”

I considered it one more time, then nodded.

She gave me a tight-lipped smile, and grabbed her phone.

“Who are you calling?” I asked.

“Huck,” she said. “I’m going to have him meet us there—because you’re sure as hell not drinking alone.”

Sarah pulled up to the Saloon a few minutes later, and I was surprised by how full it was. I shouldn’t have been—the Saloon was about the only place to go in town. I scanned around the parking lot, and was thankful when I didn’t see Haden’s BMW anywhere.

Maybe he changed his mind and finally left.

The thought sent a chill of excitement and desperation through me. I didn’t know which feeling I preferred.

We nodded at the bouncer outside, and were overwhelmed by the music when the doors opened. Maggie had taken me out to the Saloon on the first night that I’d been in Green Falls, and the dance floor had been packed with couples swinging wildly around. At least, it looked wild to me, but somehow they never bumped into each other, and everyone appeared to be having a good time. Tonight, however, the dance floor wasn’t nearly as crowded. A few couples twirled around, scooting along to the twangy country music, but the whole place felt more intimate than it had before.

Sarah and I walked straight to the table against the wall that we’d sat at before. There was something comforting in the familiarity of it. We sat there for a long time, watching everyone around us. I saw Scottie running around behind the bar, but he hadn’t noticed us come in.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Sarah asked, finally breaking the silence between us.

I shrugged, but nodded. It wasn’t so much that I
wanted
to drink, it was just that I felt the overwhelming desire to do something new. I needed something to take my mind away from everything. Alcohol was capable of that - I’d seen what it could do first hand. Normally, I would have been scared to even consider it, but not this time. This time, the thought of it was pulling me in.

“What do you want to start with?” she asked, nervously.

I shrugged, waving my hand to the side. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “Surprise me.”

Sarah gave me a long, serious look, but she nodded her head. “I’ll get something for us.”

She disappeared off to the bar, leaving me alone at the table. I couldn’t believe everything that was happening. I couldn’t believe that my mom was stuck in a hospital bed while I was off at some bar. But that was what she had wanted, right? Grandma had said that she wanted me off doing my own thing. Well, here I was—growing up and making adult decisions on my own.