“I'm Haylee,” I say and I see her cat-like smile widen as though she has spotted her prey. This chick is creepy, but shockingly good-looking at the same time.
“Haylee,” she gushes, but everything about her face is forced right now. “It is so good to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you.” She holds her little hand out to me to shake, but I just furrow my brow.
Uh. . .should I know who Lexi Forbes is? My mind is flipping right now like a rolodex but the name and certainly the face are not ringing any bells.
“Oh, I'm sorry! I'm Chase's manager,” she finally explains but I'm still unclear as to why she's
here
looking for
me
? Oh God! Has something happened to him? “He told me to say hello for him. Could we go inside and talk for minute?”
Okay, so he must be okay, but why had he sent his manager to say hello to me? I am very confused as I open the front door and lead her into the front room. She looks around and makes little comments about how 'nice' things are but she isn't very convincing. “What can I help you with?” I finally ask so she'll stop walking around the room looking at all of my family's belongings.
“I was just traveling through the area and I wanted to stop by and talk with you,” she explains and sits down on the sofa, crossing her skinny legs in front of her. “I know that you and Chase are close, but I felt like you need to know that you're holding him back.”
If someone had kicked me in the stomach right now it wouldn't have felt any worse.
“He's been trying to move back here to be with you, but, Haylee, Chase is very talented and he has many more things to accomplish in the wakeboarding world. He's torn right now between making you happy and continuing with his dream. He belongs in California. Sweetie, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you're just an itch he had to scratch, the small town girl from next door. You need to set him free and let him stay where he belongs. He won't tell you any of this because he's afraid of hurting you.”
There are tears stinging my eyes and I feel bile rising in the back of my throat. So Chase told me all of those things about wanting to come back here and then he'd gone back to California and sent his manager to tell me that I am holding him back?
Lexi rises from the couch. “I'm very sorry, Haylee. I just hope you'll do the right thing,” she says and lets herself out the front door while I sit rooted to my seat. Why couldn't he have just told me himself? Why had he gotten my hopes up while he was here, telling me all that stuff about how much he loved me and how he couldn't wait to come back here and start over?
I know that Mom will be home soon from work and I can't be sitting here in wet clothes in the front room crying like a baby. I drag myself up the stairs and collapse onto my bed as the tears stream from my eyes. I feel like I've been torn in two. I had given Chase part of my heart a long time ago, and when he'd come back with all of his declarations and promises, I had given him my whole heart. It feels as though he has taken a knife himself and jabbed it right into the center of my heart. I cry big, ugly tears until I finally fall asleep. This is exactly what I'd been afraid of. Will he at least tell me that he isn't coming back or will he just disappear on me like the last time?
I wake up later when the bed dips down beside me. I pick my head up and look over. My eyes are so sensitive that even though it's dark out now, they burn like there is a floodlight pointed right at me. Griff sits beside me wearing a very concerned expression.
“Haylee, are you okay?” he asks. “You were gonna come up and grab a shower and meet us down at the house for dinner and a bonfire. I started to get worried when I realized it was eight o'clock and you were nowhere to be found. I texted you a bunch of times and you didn't answer.” I can just imagine what he is thinking. I am laying facedown in my bed, still in my swimsuit and tank top with puffy, red eyes.
I turn onto my side and cry while I tell him about my encounter with Lexi. He listens but his brow is furrowed the whole time.
“Haylee, did you call Chase and ask him about this?”
“NO!” I cry. “Lexi said he couldn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. So why would I call him?”
“It just sounds sketchy to me. I know for a fact that he wants to come back here. Maybe this manager is just worried about losing money from him and came out here to scare you off, thinking that if you ended things with him he wouldn't have a reason any more to move back to Wake Forest.”
I let my head fall back down onto my pillow. I suppose there's every possibility that Griff is right as well, but I've been rattled by what Lexi said. She played right into all my secret fears.
“You need to talk to Chase before you jump to any conclusions. I'm sure he'll tell you that Lexi just misunderstood something,” Griff encourages. “You wanna come out to the fire?”
I shake my head no. I am a wreck and don't even feel like changing out of my bathing suit. “I'm gonna check on ya in the morning, so don't get any ideas of hiding out in here all day,” he leans in and kisses my temple as he stands up and pulls the door closed behind him.
I sit up and search around for my phone. It's lying beside the bed but I had switched it to vibrate. Sure enough, there are six texts from Griff, each getting more concerned about where I am. My hand shakes as I hit the talk button to call Chase. What will I even say? He doesn't answer though, and I don't feel like leaving a voice mail. I let the phone fall out of my hand and just flop back on my bed.
I end up sleeping in my bathing suit and tank and feel even worse when I wake up in the morning. I've been swallowed by sadness once again and just getting up and dressed is difficult. I don't have dance today and Dr. Michael's doesn't need me until the afternoon. I look out the window and realize that it's raining. That just fits my mood perfectly, but only makes me want to crawl back in bed. I shower and put on an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I leave my hair wet since it's raining anyway. It's too early in California to call Chase, so I'll have to wait and agonize a little while longer. I hate that my head is suddenly filled with all this doubt. I need to talk to him face to face to see for myself what is really going on.
I walk slowly through the rain, letting it settle over my depressed form. What if he really does want to stay out there but doesn't want to tell me? Could I end things with him to set him free? Do I have the strength to tell him that I don't love him and that I just want to move on? It hurts me just to think the words. He'll see right through me and know that I am lying. He'd always been the one who knew when I was lying. I set the umbrella down once I reach the barn and somehow a smile still breaks across my face when I see Momma, Punkin, and the kittens. They are so full of energy and unconditional love. I sit down and play with them and stroke their fur for a while, feeling a little bit better just being with them.
Griff finds me here on the floor of the barn, holding two of the kittens in my lap while another bats at my hair behind my back. “Good,” he smiles. “I really didn't want to have to drag your lazy ass out of that bed. Did you talk to him?”
I shake my head. “He didn't answer last night and it's too early to call this morning.”
“I kinda doubt he'd mind an early wake up call from you.” Griff is setting up to feed the horses, still talking to me as he goes. Unfortunately, I'm worried that he's wrong about that statement at this point. If Chase is ready to move on, I'm sure he won't like to hear from me so early.
“I'll try in a little while,” I tell him. Once Griff is finished with things in the barn he tells me that he has to go into work. He asks if I want him to call in and stay with me today, but I tell him no. I don't want to bring down anyone else's mood.
A couple of hours have gone by and the rain has stopped when I finally decide to try Chase again. This time he answers almost right away and he sounds happy to hear from me.
“Good morning,” he greets and his voice is gravelly from sleep.
“Did I wake you?” I cringe. Oh God, is he not alone in bed?
“Nah, I gotta get movin' anyway. How are you?” he asks and I close my eyes. I'm miserable, but I can't tell him that.
“I'm. . . okay.”
“Uh oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Hayles?” he insists and his voice seems so filled with concern. I don't think he'd be talking this openly with me if he isn't alone. Maybe . . .
“I have to ask you something,” I say quietly.
“Anything.”
“Is this really what you want? You know, moving back here and away from everything you've accomplished?” There, I've asked, but will he tell me the truth?
“Of course it is. I told you that. What's going on that has you questioning it all of a sudden? Have you changed your mind and don't want to be with me?” He sounds frantic as he fires questions back at me. He doesn't
sound
like someone who is feeling obligated to do something.
“I still want to be with you, Chase,” I say. Maybe this is my opportunity to tell him 'no' so that he won't drop everything and move back here, but I can't. “I just wanted to be sure that you weren't doing all of this just for me. I don't want you to have regrets later on.”
“The only regrets I have are the choices I've made in the past. I'm not happy out here and my track record shows it. There's nothing I want more than to be back there in Wake Forest holding you in my arms, Haylee. I will never regret that.” I squeeze my eyes closed to clear away some of the tears. He sounds pretty sure of his decision to me and I just hope that if he has any doubts, he would have said something now. “Haylee, are you okay?”
“Yes,” I try to sound as though I'm not crying, but I'm sure he can tell. Partly I am crying out of happiness and relief.
“I know it's tough right now, but I'm so close to being done.“ I can hear in his voice that he's smiling then. “I love you and I won't be too much longer. I promise.”
“I love you too, Chase,” I tell him and I feel a little better after we hang up. How can I deny the sincerity in his voice and the strength of his words? I don't think that he is just telling me what I want to hear, but Lexi's visit has cast doubt in my mind where I had been able to control it better before. I hate that I can't just believe what Chase says, but I have the past haunting me. He isn't here to talk to and reassure me, and then Lexi appears and starts stirring up the coals inside my heart. I'm just going to have to hold on a little longer and give him the benefit of the doubt.
My days begin to run together after a while. I feel like I am just coasting through time, numbly doing the same things over and over. Mom is finally doing better and that's a huge relief. She's actually around and will ask me where I'm going when I head for the front door. It's comforting because I know that's what a mother should do, but at the same time, it's frustrating because I've had so much freedom for so long. I haven't really had to answer to anyone and have taken care of myself.
I even sit down one morning while she is having her coffee before work and tell her that I still wakeboard. She just nods. I don't really think she is surprised when she thinks about it for a minute. I don't want to hurt her, but wakeboarding has been what has kept me going after Dad died. Yes, it reminds me of him and it's hard sometimes, but now I'll find myself smiling when I think about him and realizing that he'd be proud of my progress.
Mom has taken a deep breath and looks up at me with a smile on her face. I don't know what to make of her reaction. “Sweetie, I'm glad you kept it up. I know I told you not to, but I was hurting and just thinking about anything out on that lake made me think of your dad and the pain was crushing. I'm so sorry for the way that I've behaved. You deserved more than that. Could I watch you sometime?”
Tears begin pouring down my face then. Not only is she not upset, but she wants to see me wakeboard. This means so much more to me than dance and I know I have to talk to her about that as well. She is sad to learn that I don't want to do it anymore, but she listens to me and agrees that I should quit. I don't bother to tell her that I have hated it for years. She doesn't need any more guilt. I am so relieved to finally be free of dance classes! Brynn understands completely because she has known for a long time that I've hated it. She is afraid that it is because of her snarky comments and turning the rest of the girls against me, but I assure her that that only led to my distaste for her. She laughs along with me about that. I feel like a kid again and after being so sad lately, I just want to get behind a boat and shred the hell out of the wake, get some good old adrenaline pumping through my veins. Even the boarding that I've done lately has been half hearted and that just isn't like me.
Griff is game of course and says he'll call the guys and we can hit the water when he gets home from work later that afternoon. I know that Brynn is working today, so unfortunately she won't be able to join us. I put a towel down on Griff's dock and lay myself out to do some sunbathing this afternoon, mostly for relaxation, not color, since my skin is probably already as dark as it gets. It's nice to just be still and quiet for a little while. I listen to the engines of other boats roaring and sputtering past, the birds chirping all around, and the gentle breeze stirring the trees. Punkin even comes out to visit me, although briefly. She doesn't want to be close to the water for too long.
My silence is later interrupted when two truck engines roar down the driveway behind me. This means my wait is over and the boys are here. I don't even bother to glance back. I hear Griff head inside the house to change his clothes and Max and Parker grab their cooler and begin to shake my peaceful dock.
“Hey there, babe,” Parker smiles at me while strolling down the dock as Max takes the cooler over to the boat.
“Please don't call me that,” I groan, shielding my eyes from the blaring sun as I glance up at him standing over me. I've told him that many times before, but just like everything else, he doesn't listen. Griff comes out of the house and we all head for the boat, stowing gear as we go. We pretty much have this down to a science by now.
I sit up front where I prefer to be as we speed out onto the lake. The feeling of the wind in my face and the sound of the engine always settles me, and I could just ride around like this until the gas tank bleeds dry. I feel Parker come sit across from me.
“I'm sorry about the other night,” he calls over to me. “I shouldn't have gotten upset with you. You've always been clear that you weren't interested in anything more than friendship, and I guess I just held out hope that one day you'd change your mind. I just never thought that it would be with someone else.”
“Thanks, Parker. I really truly never meant to hurt you,” I call back and he nods. He seems to be much more at peace than he had been the other night, but I still don't want to be around him when he's high.
Max cuts the engine and Parker is quick to crack a beer. I grab my vest and pull it on over my head, pulling my hair out from underneath it. “Haylee needs some stress relief today,” Max comments as I shoot him a look over my shoulder and he watches me get ready.
“Hell yeah I do,” I say and jump into the water after my board. It's been almost four weeks since Chase left, and even though I hadn't known what to expect timewise, this had not been it. I can't completely erase the doubt that Lexi has planted either, and it pisses me off. I let my frustration and anger drive me, and I really let go out there like I haven't done in quite some time. I'm pulling off the more difficult tricks and really using the speed of the boat to launch off from. That delicious adrenaline is pumping fast through my whole body and I am floating in it by the time I drop the tow rope. I stretch out in the front of the boat with a beer in my hand and watch each of the guys take their turn.
Griff is acting kind of funny. He seems almost excited. More than he usually is for wakeboarding. He's only had a few beers, but he acts as though he's had more.
While Max is boarding, I sit in the back beside Griff. “What's got you so high on life today?” I asked him.
He turns toward me with a silly, childlike smile on his face and I can't help but smile back. Griff is always goofy, but this is different somehow. “Just havin' a great day out here with my buds,” he tells me and slings his arm around my shoulder. “It's a good day, Haylee,” he adds and I just shake my head at him.
“Did you get laid at work or something?” He looks at me with wide eyes as though he's shocked, but I know better. “You realize I've heard you talk about it before right?”
“Nah, I was busy at work today.“ He looks over and sees me raise my eyebrows at him suggestively. “Working on
cars
, Haylee.” We both laugh at his indiscretions.
The sun is beginning to dip lower in the sky and we're all exhausted after each taking three turns. I've had a few beers that afternoon, more than I normally do out on the lake, and I'm enjoying the warm numbness that is wrapping itself around me. My hair is almost dry and whipping around behind me, so I reach up to pull it down over my shoulder and hold it there. I wish that someone would just drive me around the lake all night. I imagine it would be the most relaxing night of sleep ever.
Whenever I look back toward the guys, Griff is grinning at me. It's downright weird, and I'm starting to think I'm going to be punked or something. Max slows the engine slightly as we get closer to Griff's dock. I can see that someone is standing out on the end of the dock, but it's still too far to tell who it is. Maybe Brynn came over after work. The light isn't great right now either, as the sun has dipped mostly below the tree line of the mountains to the west of the lake. Colors don't stand out so well this time of day. Getting a little closer though I can tell that it's too big to be Brynn; it's definitely a guy. Finally, I let my hair go and hold my hand over my eyes like a visor and squint, my heart beginning to beat faster. I find myself leaning forward in the seat to bring myself just a tad closer to seeing. My mouth drops open and instinctively, I slap my hand over it. I am fairly sure it is Chase standing there on the dock! Talk about a rush of adrenaline; my whole body is shaking with the overload.
We are close enough now that I can tell without a doubt that it is, in fact, Chase. My heart is going to pop right out of my chest. I had no idea that he was coming back today. He stands watching us come in with his hands in the front pockets of his faded, low hanging jeans and a blue Big Air t-shirt on. I can tell from the logo. I am on my feet now and I spin around with a shocked expression aimed right at Griff. Max and Parker look surprised too, so they hadn't known either. No wonder Griff has seemed so giddy. There is that same goofy grin, even more exaggerated. “You knew,” I whisper and he chuckles at my stunned reaction.
My eyes quickly travel back to Chase though, and he looks incredible as always. He has this cocky, half smile on his face, his blue eyes squinted in the sun and this gorgeous five o'clock shadow that I haven't seen on him before. I've heard the expression 'take my breath away' before, but I am actually experiencing it now. I feel so guilty for all the doubtful thoughts that I've had.
Max slows the engine to a putter now and I can't wait any longer. I dive right off the front of the boat and swim quickly up to the dock. I can hear the guys laughing on the boat behind me. I reach the front of the dock and glance up into those piercing blue eyes. He bends over and reaching under my arms and literally hauls me up out of the water. His smile melts my heart. Without a thought about the fact that I am dripping wet, I throw my arms around his neck as tears prick my eyes.
“Missed ya, Hayles,” he says softly, his breath tickling my ear, sending chills racing down my body.
I am at war with myself. I don't want to ever release him, but I want to lean back and look at him. I am overwhelmed like never before, well, except for when I'd seen him in my driveway over a month ago. “Why didn't you tell me?” I ask, pulling back just enough to look him in those icy eyes of his. His smile is breathtaking. God, I've missed him. I've missed that smile. I've missed everything about him.
“I wanted to surprise you,” he says with a shrug like it's no big deal. “Guess it worked.” He pulls me back against him and brings his lips to mine. I moan with the contact. It feels like I've never kissed anyone before. There are whistles and cat-calls coming from the boat beside us and I can feel his smile against my lips.
We pull apart a bit then and I wince when I look down at the front of him plastered with my wet outline. “Sorry,” I apologize with a crooked smile.
“I kinda like it,” he says, his hands going to his abdomen where the top of my bikini had been pressed. Of course he would. I smack his arm and he tilts his back and laughs. Griff comes over and lifts me right off the dock in front of him.
“Surprise, Haylee!” he chuckles and plants a kiss on my temple before setting me back down.
“How long have you known?” I ask him wondering how long the two of them have kept this from me all while I've been miserable.
“About two weeks,” he smiles and I felt my face fall. I could have looked forward to this for two weeks? “Just kidding! He just called me yesterday when he bought the airline ticket.” I sigh with relief and feel Chase snake one arm around my waist. I turn to face him and with my hands behind his neck, pull him down to kiss me. He slides his hands down to my bottom and picks me up, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. We never break the kiss as he begins to move along the dock toward the shore. His tongue is clashing with mine and I have no idea how he's doing it, but he keeps kissing me as he walks us all the way up to Griff's house.
“See you guys later!” Max calls out with a chuckle from down at the dock before Chase pulls the door open, while still holding me with one hand and kissing me senseless. He begins to climb the stairs and we bump into the wall on the way. I giggle into his mouth and I feel him smile as well. I feel like maybe I should just set my feet down and make this climb easier on him, but he must have known what I am thinking because he grips my thighs even tighter, effectively keeping my body pinned to his. Somehow we make it to the top of the stairs and around the corner into Griff's brother's room where he has stayed before. I hear the door slam closed and I'm caught off guard as he spins me around and I find myself pressed up against the door by his body, letting my legs slide down to the floor. His hands are on the door on either side of my head, caging me in. He holds his head back to look me in the eyes. His lips are inches from mine and his gaze is intense and laced with desire. I feel the power of him, so close to me. My chest is heaving for air between us. I can feel the heat of his breath on my lips and I trace my lower lip with my tongue. He groans and squeezes his eyes closed before he crushes his mouth to mine.
I feel like I'm burning up inside, aching for his touch. Our mouths aren't enough. I arch my back, bringing my stomach into contact with the hard planes of his hips and abdomen. Another groan comes from the back of his throat, and I dig my fingers into the muscles of his back, trying to pull him closer.
He pushes off from the wall and with his hands firmly on my waist, spins me around and walks us backward until the backs of my legs come into contact with the side of the bed. I fall backwards onto the bed and he is covering me with his body and kissing along my neck. I run my fingers through his silky hair and tilt my head to the side to give him better access. The room is filled with the scent of him and the sounds of our panting breaths. I'm in total sensory overload. He reaches beneath my back with one hand and releases the tie to my bikini top, tossing it aside. Both his hands cover my breasts while he looks from his hands to my face. The way he looks right now is indescribable. Desire floods my system and his hands on my breasts aren't enough anymore either. I lift my hips up to meet his and he trails his hands down to the crest of each of my hipbones. I watch as he slowly slides my bottom down and off of my body, before he pulls the shirt off his back with one hand. I sit up then and tug at the button of his jeans. Once the clasps are undone I start to slide them down his legs along with his boxers while I lean forward and press kisses along the heated flesh of his abdomen. He hisses and fists my hair in his hands. With slight pressure he pulls my head back by my hair. Not enough to cause any real pain but enough that I know that he is in control. He tugs my hair, making me lay back once again.