Seduction (The Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (19 page)

I had nothing to do but sit there and try to reach my damn wolf. For two days, I had been desperately trying to talk to it, but so far there was only silence. It didn’t take long before hopelessness began sinking in and I started pleading with it, singing to it and telling it stories. But my wolf refused to make an appearance.
 

I sat on the ground next to the platform, shivering in front of the small fire. “Oh god, please come out wolf, please,” I begged as I rubbed my gloved hands together. It was early November and the temperature frequently dipped below freezing at night in the mountains. I was cold, so cold. I didn’t have much body fat right now because of the weight I’d lost during the change and therefore had very little for my body to draw from for energy and heat. Curling into a ball, I huddled next to the platform and tried to sleep to conserve energy.

I was dying
.
 

I had died before, when Jude savaged me in the woods and I knew how it felt to fade away. I felt that same way now. I’d been without food or water for three days. I couldn’t even pee anymore. I wished it would snow, so I could eat it. I’d read somewhere that eating snow could make you go crazy but I was already three quarters of the way there by now, so what did it really matter at this point?
 

My mate had deserted me and it felt like a sharp knife in the back. “Oh, Roan, where are you? I’m dying, please, help me,” I whispered over and over in my head but there was no response. Roan refused to answer my cries for help.
 

I was out of wood and had spent the day freezing and huddled against the cursed platform that had become my prison. I was beyond starving and my wolf was nowhere to be seen.

My wolf must truly hate me to let me die out here, all alone in the cold.

The forest was getting darker, as the sun went down behind the trees, and I was afraid of dying in the woods at night by myself, without the light of a fire to keep the darkness at bay.
 

I was quickly losing consciousness and could feel my will slipping away.
 

“Please wolf, please come out. I’m begging you. Please. I need you wolf,” I whispered softly into the coming darkness.
 

And then there was nothing, no thoughts, no cold, and no worries as the blessed darkness came and claimed me.

Chapter 23

~Roan~

I couldn’t do this anymore.
 

I didn’t care if her wolf came out or if she learned how to phase or control her impulses. I would take her away from the pack and we would live by ourselves away from Spruce Hollow. I could live with being away from my pack but I absolutely couldn’t live another minute with seeing Aspen suffer like this.
 

“Yes, our mate is suffering. We need to go to her now!“ my wolf said urgently.
 

I had been in wolf form for three days now. I had never stayed in phase for so long and my human half was starting to feel trapped and cagey.
 

I shrugged off the unpleasant sensation and focused my attention back to Aspen. It was far more important that I stay with her right now.
 

I had been there entire time she was chained to the platform, out of her sight in the dense woods and intently watching her every move.
 

She was my mate and there was no way that I was going to leave her all alone in the woods. I’d always left the other Weres alone at the platform. But not Aspen. No way. There was no way in hell that I could completely detach my emotions from her like I could with all the others I’d brought up here over the years.
 

She’d had no water or food and had been repeatedly pleading with me to help her through our blood bond. I hadn’t responded. Not even once and it nearly killed me to hear her pitiful voice crying out for my help. It may seem cruel, but I’d had to block her from sensing my thoughts because then she would have known that I was right there with her the entire time.
 

And that was
not
allowed.
 

At the training camp, my role as Beta switched from being an enforcer to a spiritual guide of sorts, and nothing else. Most new Weres left the training camp with the sense that I was fair but also a dominant prick, which served me well once we eventually got back to the pack and I resumed my role as the rule enforcing Beta.

But this was Aspen we were talking about.
My Aspen.
And so far, since arriving at the training camp, it felt like I had done nothing but make exceptions for her because I didn’t want to hurt her.
 

The Alpha had been absolutely right; I should not have come to the training camp with her. I should have stepped aside and let him come up here with Aspen instead of me. I guess I just didn’t want to admit to him, or to the pack, that I was too weak to do what needed to be done.

“I hear her, her wolf calls to me. We must go this instant, our mate is quickly fading away,” my wolf said urgently.

“You can hear her wolf?” I said as I fully opened up the connection between Aspen and I.
 

She was so weak. I could barely sense her.
Aspen was in big trouble.
 

“Yes. Aspen has made contact and her wolf calls to us for help,” my wolf said as he hurriedly took off through the woods towards Aspen.

It was worse than I had feared.
 

Aspen was freezing to death. Her skin was cold and her lips were tinged with blue. She was lifeless and unresponsive as I tried to rouse her.

“Aspen! You need to wake up. Open your eyes for me, Aspen! Come on baby, open your eyes and look at me!” I yelled as I shook her hard.
 

She was barely alive. I could hear still her pulse but it was fluttering and very weak.
 

“Aspen, don’t do this to me, open your eyes, little girl!”
 

No response.
 

I picked her up and slung her over my shoulder, fireman style, with her boneless, body hanging lifelessly down my back.

“Hurry Roan! Help our mate, she is in danger! Even her wolf cannot reach her,” my wolf cried out, his words laced with panic.
 

It was complete chaos in my head with my wolf’s thoughts and my thoughts running rampant at the same time.
 

“Shut up, I’m trying to think for fuck’s sake. No more talking. Communicate with her wolf through the blood bond if you want to talk,” I ground out angrily.

I was breathless with panic and physical effort, as I reached the training camp and kicked open the front door. I dumped Aspen’s lifeless body on the couch and ran to the supply closet where I quickly took inventory and riffled through the camp’s medical supplies.
 

The camp was prepared for mostly anything, as we were in the middle of nowhere. So, we had to be because we were so deep in the woods and getting to the hospital quickly enough to avert tragedy in the face of an emergency was nearly impossible.
 

I had trained to become a combat medic in the military as it was the only position where I could still shoot an M16 in order to protect the fallen soldiers on the front lines but also learn to insert an iv and stitch wounds.
 

I had thought long and hard before I signed up for the service and ultimately, I had decided that becoming a combat medic and learning advanced first aid and life saving skills would benefit me the most in my role as pack Beta. And right now, I was thanking the Fates that for that decision.

Grabbing what I needed off the shelves, I quickly returned to where Aspen was still lying lifeless on the couch.
 

I dumped my supplies on the floor and pulled off her gloves. Her nail beds were blue tinged, like her lips. I unzipped her puffy winter coat and pulled her right arm free. Her body was cold inside the jacket and I could feel little frissons of panic crawling up and down my spine.
 

Pushing the feeling down, I opened all the supplies that I needed and put them on top of Aspen’s still form. It was hardly a sterile environment but I was willing to chance it given the circumstances.
 

I tied the tourniquet around her bicep and gently probed her skinny arm with my fingers, praying that I would find a vein but it was nearly impossible. Her veins were shrunken from dehydration.
 

Finally, I palpated one on the top of her hand and with my hands trembling, I gently pushed the needle in.
 

The vein collapsed almost immediately.
 

“For fuck sake!” I screamed out in frustration.

I probed for another vein and could feel a tiny, useless one in her wrist.
 

But chances are, it would collapse too, it was way too delicate.
 

Jesus
, her veins were dehydrated from lack of water.
I might get desperate and have to stick one in her foot or her head.
 

“Roan, breath. You are panic stricken. You have done this a thousand times before. Close your eyes and concentrate,” my wolf said gently.

I let out a big, huffing breath and grabbed Aspen’s arm. My wolf was right, I was flustered and unnerved by the fact that it was my mate in front of me and not a fellow soldier. So, I closed my eyes to block out any visual stimulation and opened up my senses. I needed to concentrate on my sense of touch.
 

Aspen’s arm felt skinny and bony under my fingertips. I felt up and down her arm, probing gently and finally, I felt a promising vein in the crook of her elbow. I opened my eyes and said a silent prayer. I wasn’t taking any chances this time, I was going by the book. I don’t think I was ever so happy to see a tiny bulging vein as I was in that moment!

I pushed the needle in gently and waited for blood return when I pulled up on the plunger.
 

Success! Thank fuck!
 

I nearly cried out in relief as I pulled out the needle, leaving the iv catheter in place and attached it to the iv line. A solution of saline and dextrose started flowing immediately into Aspen’s veins and I opened up the line and let it go as fast as it could.
 

“Is our mate going to be alright, Roan? She does not look well.”
 

“I’m doing everything I can. I think I should give her a small dose of epinephrine, in case she goes into cardiac arrest from the fluid overload I’m giving her,” I said as I swabbed the iv port and injected a small dose into it along with a silent prayer that I was doing the right thing.
 

The camp was freezing cold as I hadn’t been back here since the morning that I’d left Aspen at the wooden platform in the clearing.
 

Intelligently, I knew that we needed a fire but I was hesitant to leave Aspen’s side. “If you don’t make a fire, you will never be able to warm her up. It is too cold in here,” my wolf said.
 

He was right, of course. I reluctantly got up, leaving Aspen’s unconscious body on the couch and made my way over to the corner of the living room to pile some wood in the open mouth of the enormous fieldstone fireplace.

Aspen was naked and lying against my naked form in front of the fire. Skin to skin contact was one of the best ways to warm someone who had been exposed to cold, so I had stripped the both of us completely naked and sat down with her in front of the fire. My body felt overheated and sweaty from being so close to the blazing heat but Aspen’s body was still cold.
 

Her heartbeat was no longer a faint blip but had strengthened to a steady beat. Thank god she was resilient and strong with the Were gene coursing through her. The thought of losing her had played in my head repeatedly as I softly pushed her hair out of her face and ran my hands down her arms.
 

I knew that she was going to be okay but I was still filled with guilt and self-loathing.
How could I have done that to my mate? How could I have I left her alone in the woods to freeze to death!
 

“Oh, would you stop, Roan? Your recriminations are tiresome and irritating to my ears. You did no different with Aspen than you would have done with any other Were,” my wolf said irritably.

“Need I remind you that this is
Aspen
we’re talking about, wolf. You know, Aspen, the object of your obsessive devotion. She was nearly dead when I got to her and that never should have happened. I let her down. I’m her mate and I left her alone and without protection. I don’t fucking deserve her.”

“While it is true that we walk a very fine line with Aspen, you are the pack Beta, first and foremost. Never forget that. You have an entire pack that depends on you to bring the new Weres up here and get them ready to live safely and peacefully amongst the rest of the pack. You did nothing wrong by leaving Aspen in the woods. It is the exact same experience that all new Weres go through.”

“Are you serious? Can you actually hear yourself talking here or are you just sprouting off a bunch of crap and trying to pass it off as wisdom? You love Aspen, remember? And from the amount of time that you’ve been spending with her wolf, I’d say that you’re pretty smitten with her too. Are you ready to give them both up for the sake of the pack? I’m sure it wouldn’t be very long before another Were or a human male claims her. So, sit with that scenario and munch on it for a minute, oh wise old wolf,” I said in clipped tones.