Seduction (The Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (17 page)

I was glad that someone had a handle on what was going on because I was finding the whole Were thing sort of difficult to handle.

 
Everything just seemed
more
now that I was a Were. My surroundings appeared brighter and food tasted differently than it had when I was human. My body felt faster, stronger and more agile. My moods were completely out of whack. I’d never felt such joy and happiness or been mired down in the depths of such despair before.
 

And the anger. Well, that was another animal all together. Anger was no longer simple and fleeting, oh no. Anger was now outrage, murderous wrath and vengeance combined.
 

Roan had said that we would begin working on controlling my emotions at the training camp. He’d said that once I made contact with my wolf and learned to phase, that things would be different and I’d feel a lot more balanced inside.

I hoped so because I still wasn’t very happy about discovering that Roan had been with other women over the years, while he waited patiently for me to grow up. I understood why he did it though, I really did. But it still hurt. Finding out the truth had hit me in a really deep, vulnerable spot inside my soul.
 

Before Roan and I left for the training camp, we’d both agreed that he needed to tie up some loose ends in the relationship department. I told him that there was no way that we could move forward until he did.

 
And he agreed.
 

Roan and I drove over to Stacey’s house, so he could break up with her and I was beyond irritated about it. I’d told him to send her a text her but he’d smiled and shaken his head. “Wow, that’s cold, Aspen,” he’d laughed.

He didn’t want me to come with him at first, as he was worried that I’d lose control and freak out from seeing them together. But I threatened to leave and then he got
really
upset and decided to bring me with him so he could keep an eye on me. There was
no way in hell
that he was going over to this bimbo’s house without me.
 

Roan told me how he and Stacey met as we drove over to her house. I promised him I’d be good and calm if he humored me and told me the truth about
everything
from now on.

Stacey lived with her friend in a house in the north end of Spruce Hollow and Roan had met her when she’d moved into town about six months ago.
 

Apparently she’d picked up everything and left her old life back home to follow an old boyfriend who had headed out West to work in the oilfield industry. Apparently the relationship had quickly gone down the crapper, when the boyfriend finally reconnected with her in Spruce Hollow.
 

She’d been staying in town for several weeks with a friend, and had been working as a stripper to pay her way across the country. When her boyfriend found out, he was pretty pissed and had dumped Stacey and left her at her friend’s house. And so, with no money or transportation to get back home, she’d continued to strip at the local strip club.

I was furious when Roan had told me what she did for a living. I felt enraged. I mean, my mate was dating a stripper! It just boggled my mind and I assumed that Roan had met her at the strip club.
 

Roan just laughed and said that he’d met her when she’d scraped up enough money to buy a crappy little car and brought it in to the auto body shop because the brakes were squeaking.

“If you’re trying to make me feel sorry for your little girlfriend, it’s not working,” I said angrily.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, little girl,” he said as he gave me a cheeky grin. But I wasn’t appeased and when he leaned in to kiss me full on the mouth after he parked on the road outside her place, I pulled back and refused to kiss him back.

Of course, then the thought that she might be looking out the window at that exact moment entered my head and I grabbed Roan and kissed him.
How do you like that Stacey? Ha!
I hope she saw him with his tongue down my throat.
 

Feelings of possessiveness towards Roan were running rampant through my blood and I felt tense and angry because of it. My entire body was rigid and on edge and I could feel my rage threatening to bubble over and consume me again.
 

Roan turned and looked at me as he shut off the truck, “This is going to be your first lesson, little girl.”
 

“My first lesson in what?” I said irritably as I crossed my arms in front of my chest and pouted. I refused to meet his eyes and looked out the side window instead.
 

“Impulse control,” he said as he firmly grabbed my left wrist, pulled out a set of handcuffs from his leather jacket and quickly handcuffed me to the steering wheel before I could pull my arm away from him.
 

“What the hell, Roan? Uncuff me right now!”

“Aspen, you have just gone through the transition, your wolf hasn’t even come out yet and you still haven’t phased. I would have to be a complete imbecile to trust you to remain calm in a situation like this. I’ll be back in a minute. Stay in the truck and remember to breathe, it will help,” he said as he leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth before he got out of the truck.
 

Fuming and stewing in the truck, I glared daggers at Roan’s retreating form as he walked up the driveway towards the house. At first, I was too ticked off to poke around in his mind but that was before I saw Stacey come to the door. Prompted by wild jealousy, I quickly changed my mind and immediately threw myself into Roan’s thoughts and feelings.
 

Stacey was a beautiful, blonde with big breasts and I wanted to maul her and rip her throat out for having Roan before I did.
 

She launched herself into his arms and kissed him passionately on the mouth but Roan pulled away and held her away from his body. His thoughts were with me the entire time, gauging my reaction and urging me to breathe deeply.

The nerve of her! He’d interrupted her enthusiastic greeting and pulled himself away from her but I was already growling low in my chest and seething with anger.
 

“Do you have a dog in the truck?” Stacey asked.
 

Roan looked back towards the truck, chuckled, and said, “Yeah, you could say that. It’s a female, a little bitch. She’s a really feisty one.”
 

“You didn’t tell me that you were getting a dog. Oh my god Roan, I’m so excited! I love dogs, can I see her?” Stacey squealed as she clapped her hands excitedly and jumped up and down.
 

“Uh, no, I don’t think that would be a very good idea right now. She can be kind of vicious and she bites really hard too. I’m trying to train her to be more gentle,” Roan said as he looked back towards the truck.
 

I wanted out of the truck,
now
. I yanked and pulled forcefully against the handcuffs and tried to free myself but unless I magically became double jointed, there was no way I could break free or slide the handcuff off my wrist.
 

Seeing Roan with this woman had turned me inside out with murderous rage.
 

I wanted to kill the beautiful Stacey.
 

Slowly.
 

“And that is exactly why you are handcuffed to the steering wheel of my truck, little girl,” Roan said inside my head. I could feel him there, poking around and trying to decipher whether I was a threat or not.

“Go to hell, you adulterous bastard,” I screeched at him through our mental connection. I couldn’t help it, I was completely unhinged, my voice wavering with jealousy and resentment.
 

“Breathe, Aspen. Just breathe baby,” he said calmly.

How could he be so calm in a situation like this? I was ready to explode, wreak destruction and devastation and then salt the earth.

“Fuck you, Roan, I’m going to rip her head off. You have to uncuff me at some point, lover boy.”
 

“Aspen, stop. Take a deep breath in. Listen to me talking to you, concentrate on my words and the sound of my voice, not on the sensations your body is urging you to act on. I don’t love her, Aspen. I never have. I’ve only ever loved you. Killing her would be senseless. I don’t want you to have to live with her death on your conscience for the rest of your life. Focus on your breathing. I love you. You love me. It’s going to be okay, little girl.”
 

Having Roan tell me that he loved me was still new and hearing the words from him immediately set me off kilter. I was hurting inside and wanted him to fight back. I wanted him to engage my anger and fight me. But instead, my head was a mass of swirling confused.
 

However, underneath the blinding anger there was a deep sadness because Roan had been with many women before me and was extremely well versed in sex.
 

He’d said that he didn’t love these women but I knew deep down that he must of at least
liked
them in some sense. How could he not like someone that he hung around with, texted and talked on the phone with for months at a time?

 
It seemed like an awful lot of effort just for sex. If it was truly just sex that he was looking for, he could have paid for it or had one-night stands. But no, he was looking for something else.

He was looking for companionship.

And that burned me right down to the core. I was his mate and was supposed to provide for all his needs. Me, his mate, not this woman nor the ones that came before her!
 

He found you when you were six, what did you want him to do?
said a far more reasonable portion of my psyche. “
No, he is mine. Not hers! Only mine! I must fight for what is mine!”
The savage, angry half of me was louder and more difficult to ignore.

With this back and forth battle raging within my head, my senses were completely overridden to the point that I could barely focus on Roan and Stacey’s conversation anymore. I did hear him tell Stacey that it was over because he was in love with someone from his past but the rest of it was a complete blur. I wanted to cry out of frustration at my inability to control the blood bond between Roan and I.

By the time Roan got back to the truck, my eyes were red and bloodshot as bitter tears streamed down my face.
 

I could barely look at him.
 

He got in the truck, his mouth set in a grim line as he took in my tearstained face. Sometimes I forgot that he was in my head too and therefore had a front row seat to the internal battles that I’d fought while he’d stood on Stacey’s doorstep.
 

“You did much better than I thought you would,” he said, his eyes searching my face, “I never wanted to hurt you, Aspen. I’m truly sorry. I never wanted things to be like this between us. Please believe me.”

I didn’t respond but I immediately threw myself into his head in earnest and knew that his words were honest and sincere. They were like a slippery balm to my charred skin.
 

He unlocked the handcuff and drove us back home without saying another word. He didn’t have to, we were both in the other’s head, gauging each other’s reaction to the situation and whispering gentle words of love and need.
 

We didn’t even make it in the front door before we started tearing each other’s clothes off. There was no Stacey any more, there were only the two of us. Our relationship had passed the first test by fire and we both came out a little scorched but mercifully alive.

We were deep in the Caledonia Mountains, surrounded by nothing but tall trees, an occasional stream and wildlife. We had taken Roan’s truck and driven it about twenty miles out of town; then we took a left onto a hidden dirt road, covered by overgrowth, and drove for what seemed like forever into the mountains.
 

When we came to the end of an old, dirt logging road, we parked the truck and loaded up with gear from the back of the box. It seemed like we were equipped for just about anything.
 

Roan carried three knives, two hatchets, a rifle, a handgun, ammunition for both, flint and a pocketknife as well as several flashlights, batteries and camp supplies. I carried the lighter stuff, like clothes, sleeping bags, a small amount of groceries and medicine.
 

“We barely have any food, what are we going to eat for an entire month?” I’d asked Roan worriedly as I looked in my pack.
 

“We’re going to hunt and fish for protein. Plus there are canned goods constantly replenished up there all year round. Don’t worry, we could live up there for the rest of the winter and be just fine. You’re in good hands, Aspen. I won’t let you starve, little girl,” he’d said as he winked at me.
 

Chapter 20

~Roan~

The training camp was a large two-storey log cabin, set in a clearing in the middle of the woods.
 

“It’s really old. The Alpha said that he remembers his grandfather bringing the new Weres up here when he was a kid,” Roan said as we approached the front steps.