Self Destruct (13 page)

Rebecca

“Are you ready for this?” I asked as we pulled up to my parent’s house.  Aiden rubbed my knee.  “Hey, no matter how this goes, it doesn’t come between us.  Nothing they say or do will make my feelings for you change.”  “They won’t change how I feel about you either,” I promised.

Aiden grabbed the bags and we walked up to the house.
My step-dad Rick let us into the house.  “Your mom will be out in a minute.  She's making something or another in her craft room.” 

I nodded and headed toward the guest room to drop off our overnight bags.  “
Where am I sleeping?” Aiden asked from the doorway.  “In here,” I answered.  “Ok, then where are you sleeping?” he asked confused.  “In here,” I said, and pulled him into the room with me. 

He took a deep breath.  “Don’t start a fight with them about this.  I don’t mind sleeping in the guest room.” 
I gestured to the generic decorations in the bedroom.  “Aiden, look around.  This is the guest room.” 

“Where is your room?”
he asked. “My room is now the craft room,” I answered bitterly.  “Do they know we are staying in here together?” Aiden asked uncomfortable.  I nodded.  “It was my mom’s idea.” 

My
mom came out three hours after we arrived, and after Rick came back from picking up dinner.  “Sorry Rebecca I got caught up in my creation.  You must be Aiden.  I’m Alice, Rebecca’s mom,” she introduced herself.  They shook hands, and she motioned for him to sit.

“Tell me about yourself Aiden.  My daughter has told me practically nothing about you.”  “I’m twenty-four,
and a senior at Central. I’m on a baseball scholarship, and I’m studying journalism,” Aiden answered quickly. 

“Journalism?  Is that an employable field nowadays?” my mother pried.  “I wa
nt to be a photojournalist.  I'm minoring in marketing.  I’ll be able to get a job,” he answered confidently.

“You’re ambitious, I’ll give you that,” my mother responded.  “Are you done grilling him, because we have something to tell you,” I interrupted. 
Best to rip the band-aid off, not that I saw this as bad news, but she might not agree.  Hard to say when she would go from distant back to overprotective.  “I wasn’t grilling him.  Alright, let’s hear this news,” she huffed. 

Aiden squeezed my hand.  I looked at him, and I
realized he wanted to tell them.  I nodded once to agree.  “I love your daughter.  I know this is the first time I'm meeting you, and you might have reservations, but I want you to know I will be good to her.” 

Aiden was nervous.  He kept wiping his hands on his jeans, probably to dry them off.  I wondered if he realized he told them backwards. 
“What exactly are you trying to say?” my mother interrupted.  “I asked your daughter to marry me, and she said yes.”

Rick
choked on his soda.  “Becca?” Rick gasped.  “Yeah, we’re getting married,” I confirmed.  My mother tossed her napkin on the table and left without saying anything. “What is her problem?” I asked Rick.  “I’ll go talk to her.” He followed after her shaking his head.

“Did I do something wrong?” Aiden asked uneasily.
“No, honey.  She does have a way of making you feel that way though,” I said bitterly.  “When was the last time you came here to visit?”  Aiden asked suddenly. 

“I’ve stopped by when Toni and I have come through for shopping, mostly around the holidays.  Other than that I haven’t stayed all night here since the summer after my freshman year,” I replied.  “I’m sorry if I pushed you to do something you wouldn’t have done otherwise,” he apologized. 

He did, but meeting them was important to him.  I could put up with my mom if it made Aiden happy.  I started to reassure him, but my mom came back in the room. 

“Sorry about that.  How long have you two known each other?” she
continued as if she never left.  I looked at Aiden. “About two months, right?”  “You don’t know?” he teased.  I winked. “One month and three weeks.” 

“That’s it?” my mother shrieked.  “Alice,”
Rick warned.  “Rick they have only known each other for less than two months.  Have you told him Rebecca?  You can’t trap him in a marriage before you tell him,” my mother lectured me. 

Through clenched teeth I said, “I’ve told him everything mom.”
  She put her hands on her hips, eyeing me skeptically. “Really?  Have you told him about the incident?  Have you told him about your drinking, anorexia, and promiscuity?  Of, course not.  He wouldn’t have proposed if he knew how damaged you are.” 

“That is enough!”
Rick roared.  “I’ve put up with this long enough.  I’ve only been in this family for four years, but it is long enough to know that what happened to her was not an incident, but an attack.  All of the other stuff you accused her of was only to cope with how little you supported her through this trauma.”  Rick got up and stormed away from the table.  “Sorry Becca,” he called out from the hallway.

Aiden stood silently next to me.  Too silently for me to believe he was all right.  The muscle in his jaw twitched back and forth, while he clenched and unclenched his fists.  “Becca. Is. Not. Damaged,” he seethed.

“You don’t know her that well.  Spending part of the summer with my daughter does not make you an expert on her problems,” my mother challenged, lifting her chin in the air.  Aiden laughed without humor, “Spending twenty years with her doesn’t seem like it has helped you either.” 

Aiden playfully tugged on a lock of my hair.  “I’m sorry I pushed you into this.  I think I understand a bit better why you spent so much time punishing yourself.  I thought meeting each other’s families was part of making our engagement official.  But we don’t need them.  I don’t need anything, but you.” 

"Is this what you considered to be overprotective?" Aiden asked me.  We were pretending my mom wasn't in the room.  "I guess.  She never really let me go anywhere.  I think she believes I'm my own worst enemy."  I shrugged trying to play off how deeply hurt her words always made me.

"Red, this isn't overprotective.  She would have to protect you, but she's never managed to do that has she?"  I felt my lip tremble.  I bit it to stop the quivering.  "It was easier to view it that way, than to realize she blamed me for what happened." 

"I meant what I said, we don't need them anymore.  I've got you.  If you fall I'll pick you up.  If you break I'll hold you together.  And if you need to cry, I'll lend you my shoulder," Aiden promised and wrapped his arms around me.

My mother watched our exchange with interest.  Her eyes bounced back and forth between the two of us.  “You really did tell him didn’t you?” she asked me in shock.  I looked int
o Aiden’s midnight blue eyes. “Yeah.  I did, and he still wants me.”  “Always,” Aiden whispered in my ear.

Silent tears ran down my mother’s face.  “Good.  That’s good.  I’m so sorry Rebecca.  I’m happy for you, glad you met someone.  I was so afraid you were going to let it hold you back.
I really thought it would.  I guess I started to believe it was inevitable and I didn’t give you a chance. I worried you would never find a man who would be able to handle what happened to you, because your father and I weren’t able to.”

Aiden’s expression hardened, and he ground his molars together.  “Everything you said was some sort of test to see if I would leave her?”
“I just wanted to protect her from being hurt,” my mother responded. 

“You thought hurting me before he could was protecting me?” I asked confused.  She didn’t respond.  “You know what mom?  Please don’t help me anymore.”

“Rebecca...” she started.  “No mom, don’t.  I’ve heard enough.  I think Aiden and I should just go.” 

“Rebecca I know I keep screwing up.  I don’t mean to, something broke in me when he attacked you, and I pulled away.  The more you punished yourself, the more I retreated.  I panicked and I’m so sorry for that.  I know I can never make it up to you, but I want you to know I love you.
  I heard you earlier.  I did think I was protecting you by preparing you for the bad in the world.  I know I was wrong.  I was weak, and I'm so sorry.”

“Thank you,” I whispered
, choking back a sob.  “Maybe someday I can make-up for my deficiencies as a mother.  I would like to get to know you,” my mother tried to apologize.

“That would be nice.  It’s going to take time though,” I
responded.  “Please stay.  I started this visit badly, but I would really like to get to know your young man,” she pleaded.

Aiden smiled at me supportively.  “Ok we can try.  No promises, b
ut I’m willing to make an effort,” I agreed.  My mother let one tear slip down her cheek, and smiled in relief.

Aiden

I closed the door behind us after we went into the guest room for the night.  I exhaled forcefully.  That was some seriously stressful shit.  “So…uh…if your mom was convinced I wasn’t going to stick around, why did she set it up so we would have to sleep to
gether?”  She shrugged. “Who knows why she does half the crap she does.”

At first I thought that her mom
put us in the same room because she knew we were living together.  That was until Alice asked me if I had a roommate.  I looked pointedly at Becca.  “Red?” I asked annoyed.  She giggled nervously. 

“Can I?” I asked her.  Becca bit her lip and nodded y
es.  I turned to answer her mom. “Yeah, we have a roommate.  His name is Jeremy.”  “We?” Alice asked.  I nodded. “Becca and I.” 

“Rebecca?” Alice directed.  “I moved in with Aiden a few weeks ago.”  Alice’s eyes widened, and she looked like she was going to say something, but changed her mind. 

“Have you set a date yet?” Rick asked, redirecting the conversation.  He returned to the house shortly after Becca and her mom came to an understanding. He joined the conversation like he never stormed off.

“No, not yet,” I answered.  “Do you have something particular in mind?” Alice asked me.  “I graduate at the end of this school year, and Becca the
following year.  I don’t want our wedding to be a distraction, but a celebration,” I answered.

“Hey,” Becca
rubbed my arms, "Where did you go just now?"  I blinked a few times clearing my mind of the earlier conversation with her mom and stepdad.  “What kind of wedding do you want?” I asked her.  She shrugged  “I'm not that focused on our wedding,” she answered. 

What the fuck?  I raised my eyebrows, and stared at her in disbelief.  She laughed a deep throaty laugh
that I usually found sexy as hell, this time it irritated the shit out of me. 

“Are you really dead set on a huge wedding, Aiden?”  A big w
edding? Honestly no, but chicks expected that shit, right?  “Red you are confusing the hell out of me.  I’m a guy.  Spell it out please.” 

“I’m excited about our marriage, but the wedding is just one day.  I really don’t want
a big expensive party,” Becca said simply. 

“Red, you are fucking perfect.
"  “Aw, sweet talker,” she teased.  “Are you serious though?” I asked worried she was just trying to please me. 

“I’m not saying I want to go to Vegas or something like that, but yeah just us, our friends, and whatever family we are still speaking to when the
time comes sounds perfect to me,” she explained. 

“Any thoughts on where?  I’m not interested in a big wedding either, but I’m only doing this once
. I want to make it special,” I told her.

“How do you feel about the beach?  We met on one, you proposed to me
on another,” Becca suggested.  “Perfect. Hawaii?” I offered.  She leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine. 

I could tell by the way her green eyes darkened that she wanted me.  “Bec, your parents are in the other room,” I groaned.  God, I wanted her, but parents were a definite buzz kill. 

She smiled a seductive and very naughty smile.  “I have an idea.  Follow me.”  She grabbed a blanket and turned back to me. “Let’s go.”  “Coming,” I answered.  “Not yet, but soon,” she said fluttering her eyelashes.  I chuckled. “Bad girl.”  “I know, aren’t you lucky?” she flirted. 

I loved this girl so fucking much.  “I think I’m about to get lucky,” I flirted back.  “Now you’re getting the idea,” she whispered.  Once we were on the porch I asked her, “Where are you taking me Red?” 

“There is a clearing between those trees over there,” she said pointing to the trees.  “I don’t see anything,” I said looking really hard.  “Exactly,” she replied grinning.  “I think I created a monster,” I whispered into her neck.  I loved watching the blush rush across her pale skin. 

Becca pushed aside the hanging branches of a weeping willow tree, and ducked inside.  The clearing was bigger than I expected, about the size of a suburban front yard. 
There was a circle of soft grass surrounded by a variety of trees and bushes.  She spread out the blanket and crooked her finger for me to join her.

I stalked over to her, and pulled her into my arms.  Tucked next to my chest I ran my fingers through her long silky hair.  “Can I ask you about something your mom was saying?” 

She glanced at me warily. “You want to talk?”  I ran my finger across her high cheekbone. “Just one question.”  “Ok,” she agreed quietly. 

“Your mom said you
were anorexic.  Was that true?”  “I don’t know if I was clinically anorexic, but it was something I came really close to,” she admitted.  “Why?  You're stunning. I’m sure you were then too.  Why would you want to torture yourself that way?” I tried to tone down my temper.  But truthfully the thought of anyone hurting her, even Becca herself, kinda pissed me off. 

“I didn’t
want
to feel that way Aiden,” she said with an exasperated breath.  “I was an early bloomer.  I hated that I started to look like a woman when I still felt like a girl.  I was always mistaken for older than I was, and I blamed the way I looked for the attention I got from men. 

Especially after, you know.
I didn’t want guys looking at me.  I wanted to disappear. I didn’t really consciously refuse to eat, but I didn't really make an effort to remember to eat either.  ”

I pulled her closer to me.  “And now?” I asked softly.  “I’ve had a lot of therapy.  I still have bad days, but not as often.  You are the first guy I’ve ever been comfortable with.  I like the way you look at me, and I love it when you touch me.  I never thought I would have that,” she
said quietly. 

“First?” I
demanded.  “Only,” she amended.  “Damn right.  I always imagined myself as a modern guy.  I respect women, especially you, but Becca you bring out the caveman in me.  You are mine.  I won’t ever share you.  Also, I reserve the right to beat the shit out of any guy that tries to touch you,” I told her honestly.

O
ne corner of her lips curved up. “I’m good with that, on one condition.”  My eyes narrowed. “What condition?”  “Simple, you agree to the same conditions,” she answered. 

“Ok,” I agreed, and kissed her.  “You can beat the shit out of any guy that tries to touch me,” I
agreed, trying to sound serious and not to laugh.  I could see she was also struggling.

“Aiden,” she growled.  “Red,” I repeated her tone.  She slid the tip of her t
ongue around the edge of my ear. “Agree and I continue this exploration.”  “Where,” I rasped.  “You’ll have to answer to find out,” she taunted. 

I fisted her hair.  “I don’t see other women anymore.  They don’t exist to me.  There is only you.  How could I want someone else when I have you?”
“Good answer,” she breathed.   Her lush body pressed into mine, and I heard the slide of my zipper.  I felt her softness glide down my body.  “Oh God,” I groaned.  “No Aid. Oh Becca,” she corrected.