Self Destruct (17 page)

Rebecca

I was glad the doctor allowed Aide
n into the room with me.  I was afraid I would forget something I needed to tell the doctor, or forget what the doctor said to me.  The nurse went through all of the usual procedures.  She took my blood pressure, weight, height, and temperature.

The doctor came in and I explained
how I had been feeling.  Naturally he asked if I could be pregnant.  I explained that I hadn't had a real period for about five weeks, but I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.

“Well, Rebecca, I am going to order some tests for you so we can figure out what is wrong.  First I want to have you take a blood test to rule out pregnancy.  Home pregnancy tests are typically very accurate, but they can give false negatives. 

There are many reasons for it, but the best way to clear that up is with a blood test.  I am also going to test you for anemia and check your blood sugar.  A lab tech will be in to draw blood, and we will have the results for you by Wednesday morning at the latest.”

Aiden was very quiet after we left the clinic.  I felt irritation, anger and restlessness rolling off him in waves.  I wasn’t sure what sparked his mood swing, but it felt centered on me.  We pulled up at home and I practically jumped out of the car.  His mood had me feeling strung tight.  I felt like screaming or crying, or maybe both at the same time. 

“I have to get to class.  Can you just stay here?  We need to talk when I get home,” Aiden said, before getting back in his car.  What an ass, he didn’t even wait for me to respond.  Well I had to work.  I felt like snapping a salute, but he’d be pissed off enough when he came home and I wasn’t here.

I walked into our room and threw a change of clothes in a backpack.  I could tell that Aiden was rethinking our relationship.  There was just so much drama around us, and I was the cause of most of it.  He shouldn’t have to put up with all of my shit.  I love him more than words, but I wasn’t going to stick around and beg him to love me back. 

I fought tears all the way to Toni’s.  I called the library to see if they needed me to come in, but they had already found me a fill in.  Having nowhere I had to go, I drove to my best friend’s and broke down. 

“What’s wrong sweetie?” Toni consoled.  I told her about the doctor’s office, and how
I hadn't gotten better.  “And Aiden said we need to talk,” I sobbed.  “Oh, honey that doesn’t mean…sure it usually does, but…shit,” she stumbled. 

“I know right?” I agreed.  “What is the plan then?  Hide from him?  You know you will have to face this eventually.” 

“I know, Toni.  I need to find my courage, then I’ll face this.”  I yawned.  “Maybe my courage is behind my eye-lids, I think I’ll start there,” I said as my eyes closed.

The doorbell rang, which was weird, because our friends usually knocked once then entered.  “Are you expecting company?” I asked.  “No.  I’ll go see who it is.  Just go lay down on the couch, you like warmed over death.”

“Can I help you?” Toni asked in an uncharacteristically annoyed tone.  “We are looking for Rebecca Scott.  We were told she lives here,” a male voice said from the porch. That got my attention.  I forgot all about my desperate need for sleep, well almost forgot. 

"Y
our information is wrong.  Rebecca moved out in September,” Toni told them.  Why didn't she just come get me?  Hmm, she obviously didn't want them to see me. I decided to listen from the couch.

“Do you know where we might find Miss Scott?” a different male voice asked.  “I might, but I’m only going to tell you if you explain why you are looking for her,” Toni demanded. 

“We are attorneys for Dr. Vincent James, and have some questions for Miss Scott regarding an upcoming legal matter,” one of the men blandly explained.  “Tell you what, I’ll pass along a message.  Give me your card and I will give it to her.  It is the best I’m going to offer you,” Toni stated.

Dr. James,
him
, dammit all to hell.  Why did he send lawyers to talk to me?  The Pueblo County prosecutor hasn’t even called me.  My ears started ringing, and I felt cold.  I didn’t hear Toni shut the front door, or the snick of the lock sliding home. 

I noticed the room slant to the right, very slowly.  I tipped my head to make the room look straight, and felt the floor move to the left.  I swallowed hard, as vomit moved up my throat.  Everything went black, and I let go.  No worry, no fear, no
him
. 

Aiden

“Toni slow down, I can’t understand you.  Why are you at the hospital?”  I asked, as I walked into my house.  I
finally noticed Becca’s car was gone.  She usually parked on the street in front of the house, while Jeremy and I parked in back.  The motion lights made it safer coming and going late at night from the front than in the back, because it was perpetually cast in shadow. 

“Aiden, did you hear me?  Becca
passed out, she's at the hospital,” Toni said in a rush.  “What!” I shouted.  “She was really upset when she showed up.  Are you planning on breaking up with her?” Toni confronted me. 

“What?  Fuck no.  Why do you think that?” I demanded.  “I didn’t until she said you told her that you ‘had to talk’.  Anyway, these two guys in cheap suits showed up.  I snowballed them, but she was around the corner listening and something about wha
t they said caused her to faint,” she explained.

“God dammit!  That was what we needed to talk about.  I ran into those two bloodsuckers when she was in her writing class.  I wanted to warn her about them, but she seemed so weak after her appointment. I decided to leave her to get some rest and go to class. You know what, we’ll talk when I get there.  I’m on my way.”

My hands were shaking violently. I was uncomfortable driving, even a few blocks.  “Jeremy!” I screamed.  He walked out of the office, where he had holed himself up while writing his term paper for his senior history seminar. 

He took one look at me and grabbed his keys off the hook by the back door.  “Where are we going?” he asked.   “The hospital, Becca passed out,” I answered.  “She’s going to be fine,” Jeremy
reassured me.

I ran into the waiting room just as the doctor came out to tell Toni how she was doing.  “We really need to stop meeting like th
is,” the doctor teased.  Thank god, he seemed to be in a much better mood than last time. 

“Do you know what is wrong with her?” I asked.  “Yeah, this time it was
very simple.  She is awake now. You can go back. If Rebecca doesn't object, I’ll tell both of you at the same time,” the doctor said.

I followed him down the mint green and mustard speckled hallway trimmed in a dull tan. 
I have definitely spent too much time in this hospital if I was noticing the color of the hallway. 

Becca was pale, and hooked up to an IV.  I pulled a chair up as close to her as I could, and gently brushed a curl away from her face.  She frowned when she saw me sit down.  She really thought I was going to break up with her.  As if I could live without her.

“Silly girl.  Toni told me you thought I was going to break up with you.  I wanted to tell you about those men, I saw them this afternoon.  I wanted you to rest before I told you.  I love you Becca.  That's forever,” I said to her.  She smiled, and pressed her face into my hand.

“Rebecca do you mind if Aiden stays to hear your test results?” the doctor asked her.  “No,
Dr. Williams, I don't mind. I want him to stay,” she answered. 

Dr. Williams, I would have to remember
his name.  “You are going to be fine,” he reassured.  “But she’s been so sick,” I argued. 

“I didn’t say there was nothing goi
ng on.  Actually, Rebecca, you are dehydrated and anemic.  You will need to stay here for a few hours to be rehydrated, and I am going to write you some prescriptions to take care of the extreme nausea and anemia.”

“What is the cause of all of this?” I asked.  “Oh, sorry, I’m afraid I’m a bit scatterbrained right now.  I skipped over the mos
t important part.  Rebecca you're pregnant.  I am ordering an ultrasound, which should be here soon, and then you’ll need to choose an obstetrician to continue prenatal care,” Dr. Williams explained.

A technician came in with a large machine, and the doctor whipped out a large wand attached to a cord.  “We are going to determine how far along you are, but we have to use the trans-vaginal ultrasound.  This won’t hurt,” the doctor explained. 

I was going to protest the procedure, until the fast beating sound filled the room.  “The baby’s heart is very strong.  And see here,” the doctor pointed to the screen.  “That small bean shaped object is your baby.  Based on size I would say you are about seven weeks.”

“How did this happen?  I mean I know
how
, but I was on the pill,” Becca stammered.  The doctor removed the giant wand, and gave Becca space to clean up and get comfortable again. 

“Assuming you took the pill exactly as you were supposed to there were two major events that disrupted its effectiveness.  First you had your stomach pumped
after you were drugged.  Second you were given antibiotics to treat exposure to a bronchial infection by one of the other attending physicians. They should have let you know antibiotics lowered the effectiveness of birth control pills.”

The doctor looked back and forth between us, and excused himself so we could talk.  “Thank God!” I exclaimed once the doctor left. 

“You're ok with this?” Becca asked quietly.  “Shit yeah.  When that test came back negative I was scared you were really ill.  Sure this is earlier than we were planning, but we
can
do this.  I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

Inside I was scared shitless.  What if she didn’t want it?  What would I do if I got attached to another child and it was ripped away from me? 

“You are happy about this aren’t you?” Becca asked curiously.  I'm sure she could see the happiness on my face. 

“I am
, very happy.  I’m twenty-four years old.  I’m graduating this year.  That probably puts me in a position to be more excited about this than you,” I admitted. 

She rubbed her belly lovingly.  “I’m scared, but I’m excited too.”  I kissed her forehead.  “I don’t want to wait to get married.  I want us to be a family before our baby comes.”

“Are you sure? I thought you wanted to wait until after I graduated,” she asked.  “That was before I knocked you up,” I teased.  “Actually, I never wanted to wait at all, but I wanted you to have time to finish school. I wanted to make sure you didn't have any regrets, because you married me too soon,” I confessed. 

Becca reached over and held my hand. 
“I never wanted to wait either, but now I want to wait until everything doesn’t make me throw up.  I want it to be special."  “How about Hawaii during Christmas break?” I suggested.  “Sounds perfect,” she agreed.

“We'
re going to be here a while longer.  I’m going to see if Jeremy will let me hold on to his keys and catch a ride with Toni,” I told her.  I sent them off without telling them what the doctor said. 

Rebecca

“Put me down you nut!” I squealed as Aiden carried me through the house.  “I will as soon as we get to our room.”  “I’m pregnant not an paralyzed.  Why don’t you drag me around by my hair you caveman.”  I started squirming trying to force him to put me down.  “Quit kicking before I have to spank you,” he ordered, and playfully swatted me on the rear.

“Knock it off, you aren’t my daddy, just my baby-daddy,” I said, continuing to squirm. 
Aiden growled.  “And that right there is why we have to get married right away.  Baby-daddy, shit, we aren’t from the ghetto.”

I knew he would hate being called that
, but I couldn't help myself.  I also knew it would start his wheels turning.  “It is going to be very expensive to go to Hawaii over winter break.  I don’t think that all of our friends will be able to make it there. I know you said you thought Vegas was cheesy, but, I don’t know, what do you think?” he stumbled. 

“I’m not even sure what you said.  Are you asking me if I want to go to Vegas to get married?” I
asked.  He stroked my hair, and pushed it away from my face.  “Dammit, I’m messing this up.  I don’t want you to think I’m rushing this because you're pregnant."

“Except you are,” I interrupted.  “See, I knew I was screwing this up.  Knocking you up is just a great excuse to do what I already wanted to do in the first place,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. 

“You wanted a quickie
Vegas wedding?” I asked confused. “The wedding is for you, Red.  I want to be married.  It's either that, or I write my name on your head with a sharpie,” he taunted.  “You don’t care about the wedding at all?” I asked in disbelief.

He paused, and I could tell he was thinking about what I asked him.  “I have a few opinions.  I want to see you in a fancy dress, and I want our best friends there.  My dad if he can get away from
her.
  I want to smash a piece of cake in your face, and reach up your skirt for a garter.  Other than that, I don’t care what we do,” he said smiling. 

“Wait did you say you are going to write on me with a sharpie?”
I asked incredulous.  He chuckled. “I won’t if I can go around calling you Mrs. Ryan, and every guy around here knows to keep walking.  If I can’t I’m going to write ‘Aiden’s’ on your forehead.”  I rolled my eyes at him.  “You are seriously mental.”

“You really don’t want to tell anyone about the baby until after we are married?” I asked.  “How about
only telling Jeremy and Toni?” Aiden suggested. 

“If we tell them we should tell Kate and Cameron too.  Jeremy and Toni aren’t exactly the best secret keepers,” I added. 

“Tomorrow.  It’s late now, and you need to sleep,” Aiden fussed.  “You're bossy,” I complained.  “And you, Red, are stubborn.”

I felt better when I woke up in the morning, and believed my morning sickness had magically disappeared.  That lasted for about five seconds.  Then the
previously delicious aromas of coffee, pancakes, bacon, and eggs wafted into the room.  I raced into the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up everything I had eaten or thought about eating the day before.

“Becca I made breakfast,” Aiden called out from the doorway.  “Uhh,” I groaned, with my head half in the toilet.  “Oh, Becca.  Damn I didn’t think about the smell of the food.  I was hoping you would be feeling better.  I’ll get your nausea medicine, and maybe you’ll be able to eat.”  I moaned as an answer and he left to get my prescription.

Twenty minutes later the rollercoaster in my stomach had settled down.  I took a seat at the breakfast bar, and was contemplating pancakes.  I refused the bacon and eggs.  I wasn’t that courageous just yet.  I took a bite, and my stomach grumbled greedily.  I moaned.  It was so good, and I was so hungry.  Thanks to my prescription, I was sure it was going to stay down. 

“Either Aiden knocked you up, or you have a kinky fascination with pancakes,” Jeremy
commented.  I smiled at him and waggled my eyebrows.  I hooked my index finger at him to urge him closer. 

“It isn’t the pancakes, it’s the syrup,” I said, and sucked some off my finger.  “Shit, that did it right there.  It think I’m straight now,” Jeremy groaned.

“So you don’t want me to share that secret with Cameron?” I asked, and fluttered my eyelashes.  Jeremy gulped.  “Mental image of Cameron and syrup.  Never mind, still gay.”  “You better be ass hat.  Keep your bi-curiosity away from my woman,” Aiden barked. 

“Make her stop making love to her breakfast, and I wouldn’t be so curious,” Jeremy retorted.  “As long as it is staying down I don’t give a shit how she eats it,” Aiden grumbled.

“I guess this means you have super sperm right?” Jeremy goaded.  “I don’t know about that.  Apparently having your stomach pumped followed by a course of antibiotics was like a green light to my little swimmers,” Aiden said with a laugh. 

Jeremy cocked his head to the side, and studied Aiden for a moment. 
“You don’t seem too upset by this.”  “Why would I?  I have plenty of money and a gorgeous soon-to-be wife.  Which reminds me, are you down with going to Vegas in two weeks?  I want to leave the day after class lets out.”

“Vegas?  Are you two eloping?” Jeremy asked.  “Is it still eloping if all of our friend
s come with us?” Aiden thought aloud.  “I don’t think so,” I interjected.  “I’m in.  Your mom is going to birth a calf you know,” Jeremy warned.

Telling the rest of our friends was just as easy. 
Strangely they were more thrown off by the fact that we were moving up our wedding plans than us having a baby.  “You aren’t shocked at all I’m pregnant?” I asked Toni in confusion. 

Why wasn’t she surprised?
  Toni looked at me like I was slow.  "You have been puking every day for over a week.  I've heard of false negatives before.  When you passed out it seemed the likely cause."

“Ok, so if you aren’t surprised about the baby, why are you surprised we are getting married
in a couple of weeks?” I asked.  “I don’t know.  This is going to sound super stupid, but marriage is supposed to be forever you know?” Toni reasoned.

She was right it sounded stupid.  “I’m going to be a mother, Toni.  That is like the ultimate commitment.”  “I guess with your past destructive behavior.  I expected you to screw this up somehow.  Don’t get me wrong Aiden is amazing.  I love him for you.  I just thought…”  “That I’d destroy it,” I finished. 

Toni gave me an apologetic smile.  “Sorry.  I think that marrying him is right for you.  You have done so well for like, ten months now.  But to be honest I kept expecting the bottom to drop out.  He stabilizes you."

“No Toni, you stabilize me.  You gave me a reason to care about myself, even if it was jus
t so I didn’t hurt you any more.  And now,” I rubbed my belly, “I have more reasons to be healthy.”