Read Snapped: Satan's Fools MC Online
Authors: Needa Warrant
There really wasn’t much talking happening, truth be told we don’t tend to talk a lot anymore anyway, deep and meaningful conversations between us haven’t happened for a long time now. Hell, deep and meaningful love making hasn’t been happening either; it’s just fucking now, always just hard fucking. Sometimes I lay there and I let my mind drift off, thinking of things I shouldn’t be thinking of. Sometimes I look up at him and wonder why he’s still here, wondering why he even bothered to come home to fuck me instead of just making use of one of the club sluts that are always around and throwing themselves at him. Sometimes, yes sometimes the look he gets on his face while fucking me tells me he’s wondering why he’s still here too, but when he closes his eyes, that just kills me. He never used to close his eyes, if I were under him his eyes were always looking deeply into mine. Now, he closes his eyes to finish off. If I think about it though, that’s probably a good thing; with his eyes closed it’s got to be harder for him to be able to tell I’m faking it, right?
Last night though, it wasn’t any different from our new normal. It felt like nothing more than hard, primal fucking. I could have been anyone, he could have been anybody, hell we could have been strangers for all the care there was between us right there in that gross, old dilapidated motel bed. Instead of two lovers spending all night getting as much of each other as possible before having to part the next morning for eighteen long months, we were more like two strangers taking what they needed from each other just to satiate a natural urge for sex. I could tell you what patterns the water marks on the ceiling overhead made if I were asked.
Hell, a one night stand would probably have had more feeling involved.
I huff out a disgusted snorting sound as I sigh heavily and move to get up. I notice out of the corner of my eye Shovels turn his head my way for a moment with his eyes narrowed, but he says nothing, just continues to finish getting ready.
I move to my bag and grab some fresh clothes then head into the bathroom to shower and get myself ready. Just as I move to close the door I hear him on the motel room phone, he’s called someone from the club no doubt.
* * *
Shovels pulls his bike into the Allenwood Prison parking lot ahead of me and I turn my car into the empty space next to him. Brooklyn, the Savage Demons prospect who rode in with me, gets out of the car as soon as I’ve come to a stop and walks over to Shovels. I sit in the car for a minute watching the two of them, heads bent and talking low. I can guess what they’re talking about, the bike. Shovels, I’m sure, is giving him instructions on following me back to our place in Blessing, New Jersey and making sure his bike is all secured in our garage for the duration of his time in Allenwood.
We’d already had this discussion and it was heated, as usual whenever we discussed me riding bikes. I’d told him I was planning on riding his bike back home, but no, that wasn’t good for Shovels, which is why I ended up having to drive my car all the way here instead of being in my place on the back with him. God forbid his woman should ride his precious bike. When we met twelve years ago I was still racing bikes, hell I could ride his ’71 shovelhead better than that damn prospect could and Shovels fucking knew it too, but because I don’t have a dick dangling between my thighs I can’t ride his bike. I laugh softly to myself as I get out of the car, thinking if only he knew how many times I’ve had that bike out on the road to get my ride fix whenever he’s been gone on club business in one of their trucks or vans. Of course, I’m always careful where I ride, it wouldn’t be good if anyone he knew saw me, that bike of his is well known and with that custom paint job, it’s real hard to miss.
I get out and slam the door to my stang, walking over to the guys I come to a stop next to Shovels as I wait for them to finish talking. It doesn’t take long and Shovels is handing his keys over to Brooklyn. They clasp hands and give each other a shoulder bump then Brooklyn is climbing on the bike and roaring out of the parking lot. I know he’ll pull over further down the road, where he’ll wait for me to drive by before he’ll get back on the road and follow me for the long haul home.
Shovels finally turns his attention my way and wraps those beefy arms around me, pulling me in tightly against his chest. I can’t help taking in a deep breath, letting the scent of my man wash over me. He rests his chin against the top of my head and just holds me quietly for a few minutes before I feel the deep rumble of his voice against my face when he starts speaking.
“You’ll be fine and the club will be keeping their eye on you. You know they’ll be around to check on things and if you need anything, you call them and they’ll send someone over to help or do whatever needs to be done,” Shovels tells me.
I don’t answer, there’s no need to disagree with him at this point. I don’t want help, most especially not any of theirs. I’m in this position right now because of that fucking club, like hell I’ll be calling any of them for help. I know I’m on my own here, and I’m fine with that. Shovels isn’t going to be around and honestly I feel like I’ve been dealing with everything on my own for a while now, even with him there. I’m it. I’m on my own and I’ll deal with it, just like I have been.
I hear him sigh and his hand moves back and forth along my back. “Amy, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah, Shovels, I’m right here and of course I’m listening to every word you say,” I answer him, trying hard to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
His hand on my back stills, “I mean it, Ames,” he tells me. “You call the club if anything fucking happens or you need help. They expect you to call if you have any problems, Trigger and Billet will get whatever it is taken care of. A couple of the brothers will be stopping by to check in on you and the prospects will be around to take care of things like the yard and whatever the fuck else you need them to do. We’ve been through all of this already.” His voice suddenly takes on that harsh tone that I’ve always hated whenever he directs it at me, “Just remember what I fucking said about that locked closet at home, make sure you stay the fuck out of there. There’s nothing in there you’ll need and no reason for you to have to get in there, so leave it the fuck alone and stay out.”
“Yeah, Shovels, I get it, stay the fuck out of the closet, I got it!” I tell him feeling my temper starting to ratchet up the more he talks about that damn locked door. I know his colors are locked up in there, and fuck only knows what else.
He sighs again and changes the subject, his voice softening. “Ames, baby, it’s all gonna be ok. It’s only eighteen months; I can do that standing on my fucking head and I’ll be out before you know it.”
I don’t answer; instead I tighten my arms around his waist and press my face harder in to his chest, drinking as much of him in as I can. It may just end up being the last time I get to hold him like this, who knows. I can remember when the strong, masculine scent of him used to soothe me, but breathing him in deeply now isn’t doing a damn thing to calm the riot of emotions that are raging through me. I’m thankful when he doesn’t speak again and just continues to hold me close. In rare moments like this, when we’re silent and he just holds me tight, I can almost convince myself things are the way they used to be with us.
Almost.
All too soon the sound of his voice breaks me out of my fog and brings me back to the present with the jarring thud of reality as I feel my heart drop from his next words.
“It’s time for me to head in, baby,” he says softly, his voice gruff.
I fight the sting of tears I suddenly feel building up and give myself a mental shake before I pull back so I can look up at him. His eyes are intense and looking down at me until mine capture his, then he looks away to focus on some point over my head.
I take a steadying breath and reach up to press my lips against his. He groans as he opens his mouth and deepens the kiss, his tongue tangling with mine as he crushes me against him. He’s always been an amazing kisser and this one is no exception. I give it my all and kiss him like it will be my final memory of getting to touch him like this. All too soon it’s over though, and he moves away from me slightly while looking down at me, he keeps his hands on my shoulders to steady me a moment before they too drop away. I almost cry out from the sudden cold feeling that envelops me as he lets me go. That debilitating feeling of sadness is once again washing over me. I know this time it’s there to stay.
Taking my hand, he walks me back over towards the car and I watch in silence as he opens the driver’s side door. I look up at him in surprise, “You don’t want me to come in with you?”
His eyes harden, “Not this time, Ames, I’m going in alone. I want to see you leaving before I head in,” he answers, his voice taking on that slightly harsh tone that I should be used to hearing by now.
I stand there just looking at him, I know I shouldn’t feel hurt, but I am. I guess with the way things have been between us I really shouldn’t be that surprised. I can only nod my head as I let his hand go and get into the car.
Shovels leans in and reaches around my body to buckle me in, then turns my face toward him and kisses me softly, whispering against my lips, “Il mio piccolo gatto, ti amo.”
My eyes instantly pool and my heart aches, my breathing hitches and a soft sob escapes. It’s been so long. Such a fucking long time since my Shovels has called me his little cat. There was a time when he was always calling me that.
Before I can say anything, he runs a large hand down through my hair and straightens up shutting my door with a quiet, final click. Moving back a few steps, he waits for me to start the car and leave.
I stare straight ahead but everything I see is wavy from the flood of tears in my eyes, it’s pointless now trying to hold them back as they silently start to fall. I take a few deep, steadying breaths and swipe my hands over my eyes, and then I start the car up. I turn to look back at Shovels to find him staring past my car at something in the distance; my eyes track his to see a lone woman sitting in a car across the lot watching us. I look back at Shovels to find him looking at me once again with an intense expression now set on his face; he jerks his head slightly, silently telling me to get going.
I reverse out of my spot and start to drive out of the Allenwood Federal Prison parking lot towards the road home. Right before I turn out, I glance in my rear view mirror once to see Shovels already turned and making his way inside the building, inside where he’ll serve his eighteen month sentence for taking the fall for his club on charges of extortion of a public official.
I didn’t think it possible, but I feel my heart shattering all over again. It’s going to be a long drive home.
The next eighteen months are going to be life changing. For the both of us.
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