Something Worth Fighting For (30 page)

“No, the closest was San Diego.”

“I think I should have changed out of my wedding dress.” I laughed as a couple passed us mumbling under their breath.

“I’m glad you didn’t. I want to take it off of you later.”

“In that case I don’t care what they think.”

“That’s my girl.”

We checked our bags in, going through security and then were directed to the first class lounge. “Swanky,” I giggled as we sat down on the plush leather couch next to each other. He pulled my feet into his lap, rubbing my ankles as I watched his face.

We sat without speaking, just enjoying each others presence for a while. “Tell me about it.”

“About what?” Atlas looked away from the baseball game on the TV.

“About what happened to Eddie, I was thinking about the ceremony and I loved that the chair was there for him and one for Joaquin, thank you for that.” The two chairs had been left out with a small American flag sitting on one and the other with a single white daisy.

“I’ll go ahead and tell you so we don’t have to talk about it later. I’m not sure I’m ready to dwell on it.” Atlas cleared his throat, staring blankly at the television as the channel changed. Images of Afghanistan were flowing through one after another as his hands wrung together. “We were doing surveillance at night and Eddie was being himself, trying to lighten the mood as usual. We had been out there for days and hadn’t seen a single movement, nothing, and we were starting to think the information was bullshit. When we finally got word we could start heading back we were shot at. The insurgents we had been looking for had spotted us in a moment of weakness. We all took cover, firing back. Eddie just didn’t make it in time. We all watched him fall before he could get covered.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s part of my job, Ellie. He shouldn’t have been screwing around and we wouldn’t have been wiping his blood off our boots. I might not take a lot of things seriously but I know when to cut the shit and do my job. That and you are the only things that I know better than to screw around with.” We sat silent for a moment before the overhead speaker blared, calling our flight.

He helped me to my feet, clutching the tickets in his free hand. We walked into the waiting area as a few older men stopped Atlas. “Thank you for your service.” They said, shaking his hand. Stepping back they began to clap getting to their feet, for Atlas, for the both of us. We waved, smiling sheepishly. “Congratulations,” a few people said as we passed. We were overwhelmed with the kindness and well wishes of strangers. 

We boarded and took our seats for the long flight ahead. “I’m ready to be there and get you out of this dress.”

“Do you not like my dress? You keep saying how much you want to get me out of it.” I smirked settling into the seat.

“I love your dress, it’s beautiful, and you make it incredible. But I’m pretty interested in seeing what’s underneath it.” He gave me a wicked grin as the fasten seat belt light come on.

“Good answer.” I laughed, leaning back into the seat. “Atlas?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I’m happy, just happy.”

“Then I’m doing something right.”

We had spent a blissful week in Hawaii. If we weren’t on the beach we were between the sheets and neither one of us could complain. Being lost in Atlas was the perfect place to be. Back in the real world I knew I had one week left with him before he had to go back to Afghanistan.

“We should really consider getting our own place when you get back.” I laughed as I laid on the bed recovering from the seventeen hour return flight.

“You could start looking at houses while I’m gone. You can email me pictures and we can get an idea of what we like.”

“That’s a good idea, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Oh I’m sure you did and just forgot.” Atlas grinned. “Well I’ll be damn,” he was on the floor digging through his gear, “I found it.”

“Found what?”

“The letter you kept telling me about. I was starting to think it was a joke or something to keep me digging around but sure enough, here it is.” He sat down, leaning against the wall as he started to read. “I really wish I would have found this when I got there. Now that I have it I know I can make through the rest of this shit.” He tucked it back into the bag and climbed onto the bed with me.

“I wanted you to have it then too. You’ll have that and this.” I spun the gold band around his finger.

“You’re worried about me going back.” He said searching my face.

“I’m always worried about you when you’re there. Despite you telling me not to be. It might be easier to fool your family but I know better. My dad tried to protect me from it but I knew. I heard Keller and Tobias talking too many times to not know the danger. It’s my job to worry about you.” He traced his fingers down my face as if he was memorizing the feel of my skin beneath them.

“You’re my reason to be careful. I had a reason to come home this time around.” He confided in me. “Any other time I would have acted like Eddie, egged him on even. Probably done something even more outlandish. But I knew that you were waiting and if I fucked up and got myself hurt or killed that would ruin you. I never felt like there was a reason for me to absolutely have to come home before. I wasn’t on a suicide mission or anything like that but I knew people would be okay if I wasn’t around.” He huffed. “I’m not making sense.”

“You didn’t think anyone cared? That no one would be upset if you weren’t around? Atlas that’s absolutely insane. Your mother would be heartbroken if she heard you say that. Ares as well, you know that.”

“It doesn’t always seem that way. They have each other. When you brought them here when I left, that was the first time they had ever been here. I just feel like they don’t need me anymore.”

“That’s not true. Not like it matters now, I need you. Where did all this come from?”

“I know,” he ran his hands over his face as I rested my head on his chest. “Thinking about Eddie. He didn’t have someone to come home to. I mean he had his parents and his brother and sister but he didn’t have someone that was just for him. We know we can die over there but and it may just be me and Adam that think this way but we feel like knowing you girls are here waiting on us, it makes a difference. It changes the way we act and behave when we cut loose.” His chest was steadily rising and falling as he spoke. “I get scared sometimes, Ellie. It’s hard to admit that but I do. It used to be I was scared to lose a body part or die or something but now it’s that I won’t get to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“It’s okay to be scared sometimes, Atlas. You don’t always have to be the big, strong man that you’re expected to be. You’re allowed to be vulnerable with me.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“I didn’t think we had anymore.” I laughed. “Of course, baby.”

“I don’t want to go back. It’s the worse kind of Hell. I’m dreading having to get back on the plane. I think when I get back I want to see what it takes to be an instructor. I want to be an instructor at the sniper school. We could stay in North Carolina, buy a house, have kids, live a life. The kind of life I want to give you.”

“So that’s what we’ll do. Your dreams are my dreams, Atlas.”

“What if I don’t come home?”

“What if I get in a car wreck tomorrow? What if a hurricane comes and washes me away? What if someone breaks into the diner and shoots me? We can’t think about the ‘what ifs’, Atlas, we’ll drive ourselves crazy.” I tugged on his hand, pulling him over to his side.

“Look at me,” I placed my hand on his face. “Stop thinking like this. I know it’s hard but we have to think of something else. Think about all the things you want to do when you’re home. Think about us buying our first house, the kids we’re eventually going to have, the vacations we’ll take, the birthdays, anniversaries, everything that you have to be here for. That’s what’s going to get you through. It’s only three months. We just survived five, three will be a breeze. What happened to Eddie was unfortunate but you said yourself he was doing something he shouldn’t have been. Learn from his mistakes.” I pressed my lips to his, feeling the tension leave his body.

“You always know the right things to say. Thank you.”

“Just remember that and this marriage will be any easy thing for you.” I smiled as he started laughing.

“Smart ass.” He pushed me over, holding my hands above my head with one hand and tickling my sides with the other.

“No!” I howled with laughter, wiggling around underneath him.

“Keep moving like that and this will end up being something else real quick.”

“I think you just gave me the advantage I needed.” I wiggled my hips underneath him, pushing them off the bed and into him.

“You dirty temptress.” He grinned, nipping at my neck.

“I just know what I want.”

“And what’s that?”

“You.”

“I think as your husband it is officially my job to give you exactly what you want.”

“Mmm... I like the sound of that.”

Atlas’ lips covered mine, sealing out the need for anything else except for the feel of skin on skin.

❋❋❋

We spent the rest of the week looking at houses online and making plans of things to do when he came back. All too soon it was time for him to leave again. “It’s only three months, Ellie, we’ll be fine.” Atlas assured me on the way to drop him off.

“I know, I just hate to see you go.”

“I hate to leave you too. I left you plenty of things to do while I’m gone. You’re going with Darcy to look for us a house, start looking for a studio or a place to work, and go see Katie and Reid. I know she misses you and you miss them too.”

“That would be nice, I do miss them. I just adore that little boy.”

“When I get back maybe we can work on one of our own.” He grinned as he parked the car.

“You just want to practice.” I teased as he pulled his bags from the back.

“You got me there, Ginger.” We walked over together to where Adam was getting ready. I watched him go through the routine of checking and tagging, things that we had done just a few months before.

“I’ve had the best two weeks.” I closed my arms around his waist, holding onto him until he was called to formation.

“Me too, baby.” Atlas kissed the top of my head. “I’m going to miss you Mrs. Ryker.”

“I love hearing you say that. I’m going to miss you too, I already do.”

“I have to go.”

“I know,” I sighed, holding back the tears once again. “I love you, Atlas.”

“I love you, Ellie, always.” He dipped his head down, kissing me long and hard until they yelled at him to come on.

“Be careful, please.” I yelled after him as he jogged away from me. “Please...” I whispered, my hand clutching the tags around my neck.

“I love you, Ellie Ryker!” He smiled at me before he ducked into a sea of bodies, disappearing from sight.

“I love you, always.” I watched as they walked away, leaving me and the others standing on our own once again. Walking slowly away after he was well out of sight I returned to the car, driving away with the radio drowning out my broken heart.

Darcy was waiting at the apartment for me looking just as sad as I was. “Three more months of this?” She asked as I walked up the stairs.

“I know, right? I figured you would have been at drop off.” I opened the door to the quiet. I forgot how quiet it was with the guys not here. I was overwhelmed with the need to destroy everything in sight. My heart ached and I just wanted to feel as bad on the outside as I did on the inside.

“He told me not to go, said he didn’t want to see me cry. So I came here to cry with you.” She sat down on the couch, clutching one of the throw pillows.

“I’m just... I want to cry and sling everything off the shelves. I thought I hated this before but now? No, now it’s different. That’s my husband.” I sighed sitting down next to her.

“Ninety days, twelve weeks, three months.” Darcy closed her eyes, beating the back of her head on the couch.

“We just made it through five months we’ll make it through another ninety days.” I grabbed her hand, holding it in mine. “We’ve got each other. You’re going to help me look for a house, you will start a better job, we can make care packages, it’ll go by fast, just wait and see.”

“You’re right, it just sucks.”

“I know. Let’s pout today and get on with the whole being a living, breathing, part of society tomorrow.”

“You read my mind. Take out, ice cream, and movies?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll go get the menus.” I went into the kitchen, digging the menus out of the junk drawer. The envelope on the table with my name scrawled on it caught my eye. I sat the menus down and opened the letter.

My beautiful wife Ellie,
                                                       

June 13, 2014