Stare Me Down (Stare Down) (33 page)

Later, after he’d tucked the sheets in tightly around her and stood by the side of the bed her heart raced at double time. She refused to open her eyes, afraid she’d see the truth. He was letting go of something here, she could feel it.

She held her breath as he brushed the hair from her forehead and chastely kissed her there. “I’ll pick you up at six tomorrow night. It’s cocktail attire. I’ll be wearing a red tie.”

She nodded.

“Jaxx?”

She opened one eye. “Yes?”

“After I meet with Gabe, we have some talking to do.”

Her stomach did a flip without the flop. No, wait there it was. “Okay.” She thought about Maggie and all she had to tell him in that regard. “Aries?”

He turned.

“I—” she sat up and pulled the duvet around her. To cover how nervous or maybe unsure she was, she scooped up the marker and fiddled with it. “I have a few things I want to talk to you about too.” He stared at the marker in her hands, but didn’t say anything. He just curtly nodded and then he was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jaxx put on a brave face, determined to make the best of the night. It certainly helped that Aries had practically lit up when he saw her poured into her little black dress. She’d accessorized her outfit with red, to go with his tie and he’d commented on that too. He still seemed distracted though, but she put that down nerves over the evening ahead. He’d already explained that he had a proposal for his brother to take a look at. And although she thought it was a strange time to be doing that, during a party, Aries had assured her he had his reasons and because of those, this was the only opportunity he’d have to present his plan.

She tried asking him about it, but he’d brushed her off saying they’d talk about it once there was something to tell her. So when they reached the high double front doors she’d let the matter go. Seeing their reflection in the huge panes of glass her heart swelled with pride. He looked like a million bucks in his Armani. But then in a flash the image was gone when both doors opened and an attendant greeted them.

“Aries. It’s so good to see you.”

Aries smiled at the older man and tightened his arm around Jaxx. “Thanks, Steven, glad to see Gabe hasn’t fired your ass. This is—”

“Dr. Gavin. It’s a pleasure.” Steven stepped forward and took her hand. “I assure you, Aries brother was happy to see your name arrive on the RSVP list last week, I can tell you. He loves your column, as do I.”

Her smile froze on her face. Last week? Aries only asked her two days ago. “Please, just call me Jaxx.”

“Word to the wise,” Aries leaned forward and spoke to Steven. “She doesn’t like being called a doctor. Such a prestigious title, I’m hopeful she’ll claim it one of these days.”

Steven nodded. “I have my PhD in business and I still flirt with the idea of having people call me doctor. But then, you’re a talented writer as well.”

Jaxx’s shook her head. “Truthfully, I had no idea my small advice column for the elderly was so popular.”

“Why wouldn’t it be? There isn’t a person on earth getting any younger.”

“You see? It’s observations like this that had us calling Steven, The Philosopher. He was the strangest house-manager my family ever hired.”

“Aries.” She playfully swatted him on the chest. “That’s not nice.”

The two men stared at one another while Aries said, “Out of the list of other nickname options we used to have for him, I’m thinking it was the nicest.”

“Prestigious?” She scowled. “Is that what my title is to you?”

“Oh yeah.” He nodded to Steven before he led them away. “You should be bragging about it to everyone. I do.”

She wanted to respond but then she spotted the ballroom. “I had no idea there’d be so many people.” Her head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts. Looking down at the hand he had wrapped around her, she wondered. Why all of a sudden was he getting close to her? Being pleasant? Actually he seemed relieved. And why had he RSVP’d with her name before he’d even asked her to go? That’s what she wanted to know.

“You okay?” He gave her an encouraging squeeze. “Let’s find our table.”

Once they were seated, Aries explained that although this was called a reception, it was no more than a glorified year-end back scratch for the higher-ups in his family’s company. A company that his brother had run and, judging by the people and surroundings, he was doing a good job. She had just finished talking to a woman named Isabel, beside her when Aries caught her attention.

“I think it’s time. I need to go track down my brother. You don’t mind, do you? You’ll be okay for a bit while I’m gone?”

“Sure.”

“Great. But hey, if I’m not back in fifteen send out a search party.”

Thankfully he winked, but there was a distinctive edge to the comment. Like maybe his brother would toss him out or something.

When he got up she grabbed his hand. “Aries? Why did you send that invitation back before you’d even asked me to come?”

“Invitation?”

She was sorry she’d asked. She could tell his head was someplace else. Suddenly they were back to the same disconnect she’d had from him over the last two days. “Yes, the RSVP to this.”

He blinked. “Oh, I didn’t send it, Shar did. Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone?”

I told you I didn’t want to invite her.

She nodded and watched him walk off even as she wondered if she would be all right. So far she’d gotten a handle on her doubts, but jealously was the one thing she had no control over. Why was Shar always in the background? Always…

Just then a picture of Walter’s engineer flashed before her eyes. That woman had sent an invitation too. One Walter knew nothing about. She’d been the one who instructed Jaxx to wait on the stadium lawn when she knew Walter wouldn’t be showing up. Yes, that woman had always been in the background just like Shar.

Jaxx shifted in her seat and tried to put those thoughts aside, but the longer she sat and listened to the drone of chatter, taking in the sight of a crowd of unfamiliar faces, the more she recalled those hours while she’d waited on that stadium lawn. Surrounded by people she didn’t know. Listening.

“
No
.”

“Did you say something?” Isobel asked.

“No. Would you like more wine?” Jaxx got up. She needed some air or something. She hadn’t had a full-blown panic attack in years, but she recognized the unmistakable signs. She’d been so tightly sprung over the Maggie situation and Aries not to mention all her emotions in a jumble…‌what if he didn’t come back?
Breathe.
Damn, if she didn’t take some precautions she was going to have a meltdown. Now. Lovely.

That kind of release is exactly what I was hoping for before I…

Before he what?

She kept telling herself that she wasn’t the thing that Aries was letting go of. He wasn’t going to dump her like Walter had. She kept reminding herself that Shar was only a friend. And by the time she got to the entrance that led out to the front lobby she was almost a believer.

She was nearly to the exit when she bumped into a woman. “Sorry,” she murmured and went to walk past, but then she heard the woman whisper to her friend, “That’s her. She’s Ramsey Taylor’s date. A far cry from the last one that got him banned.”

She took a step and then heard the other woman chime in, “I never thought Gabriel would relent. I heard this one’s a doctor so I guess he had to.”

Had to?
Jaxx didn’t want to believe it. Was this her part of the exchange? Getting him through the door tonight? Spotting Steven who was escorting an older lady through the crowd, she waited until he was free before she went to him. She didn’t mince her words, she just pointblank asked, “Did you let Aries in tonight because of me?”

Although Steven was very polite when he said, “That’s a topic you should be discussing with him, not me.” The ruddy-red color that came to his cheeks gave her a different answer.

In a rush, all the texts, the mysterious business on holidays…‌leaving to see Shar those times? She tried to steady her breathing and get a grip, but by his own admission, Aries said he needed to see his brother and to do that he needed to get through the doors.

Steven excused himself and Jaxx nodded. At least she thought she did. It was true what Maggie had told her after all. Aries had needed her to bring respectable to the table. And now that she had and he got what he wanted?
If I’m not back in fifteen
… Oh no, she was feeling as if she were outside herself again. Only this time it was shock that carried her to the exit as somewhere in the back of her mind she kept telling herself she could handle this. She’d be okay with a little air and a moment to think things through.

But then she was waving down one of the company limos. Suddenly she was sitting inside it giving the driver her address. It wasn’t until they drove around the fountain and headed down the long drive she examined why she was leaving without a word to him. The answer was obscenely simple. She wasn’t going to be that girl waiting on the stadium lawn for a guy who had no more use for her. This time around she would carry home the pieces of her broken heart so no one else would see them.

Staring out at the darkened landscape the idea came to her that maybe she was just like her mother…

*****

Aries thought he’d be anxious, yet he wasn’t. Not with Jaxx here with him. For the past two weeks he’d felt alive, needed and wanted. That was the best part. And now that he had all the arrangements made with the club? He’d make sure she’d know it. But first things first. He’d already decided even if Gabe wasn’t willing to listen, he’d move forward with the build-out. It would just be smaller than he planned. Not the best scenario, but if Gabe was still on the warpath, it would be the only one he had open to him.

He’d seen his brother head through the second arch toward the back of the house and knew where he was going. Gabe liked his rituals, and tonight was no different. He’d head down to the wine cellar, open a bottle of Australian white and toast himself on another year’s success. After a time, he’d come back up and play the gallant host until the last invitee was gone. Of course there were some out-of-towners who would be staying over, but his brother always managed to make everyone feel welcome.

Everyone but you.

That reminder got the old angst churning. Aries was almost second-guessing his decision to come, but then he walked through the line of wine casks and smelled the familiar aromatic scent and calmed down. Because there used to be a time he’d be here, waiting for Gabe. Ready to toast. Happy to share in the success, no matter how much of a prick his older brother was. But his dad was alive then. His father always made things better between his sons while he was capable.

Aries paused, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He straightened his cuffs and stepped around the last barrel.

“Gabe?”

“Ram?”

Gabe was the only one who called him that, and he’d always thought he hated it until he stopped hearing it. God, despite the brewing battle possibly to come, it was good to hear.

They stood several paces apart just staring at one another. It could have been seconds or even a minute, yet the silence was okay. Comfortable even, but then his brother cleared his throat.

“I’m glad you came.” He turned and pulled a chilled bottle of white out of the bar fridge. Pouring two glasses, he scooped one up and held it out. “Should we toast the occasion?”

“No, thanks. I don’t drink anymore.”

“No?”

“That was the first thing on the list of ‘have to goes’ when I cleaned up my act. And about that acting, I want to apologize.”

Gabe put his glass down and looked at him. The solemn expression on his face reminded Aries of their dad. Gabe had his eyes that were currently drilling into him, as he asked. “Why do you hate me?”

Clearly there’d be no beating around the bush tonight. Aries was very glad about that. “I don’t hate you.”

“You did and I want to know why.”

This was something Aries had never considered. His brother was always sullen and silent, but now looking at him through the eyes of the man he’d become he realized he was just a person surviving like everyone else on the planet.

“I never hated you. I hated myself and unfortunately, you’re the one who got caught in that shit-storm.”

“All those fights? The drunken binges? The women?”

Aries had plenty of time to think things through. It had taken him years to understand what drove him back then and he wasn’t sure he could explain it well enough for Gabe to understand it now, but he was willing to try.

“I have no excuse for how I behaved. I do have reasons, but with those came choices and I continually made the wrong ones for a while. Maybe I did hate you a bit. If I did, it was because I thought you were the lucky one.”

Gabe snorted.

“It’s true. You were. Oh, yeah, we both lost Dad, but what I discovered, and this is something no grief handbook will tell you, is that a primary caregiver loses everything they built the day the person in their care dies. For me, I lost Dad, but I also lost the insulated life I’d been building around him for years.” Aries blinked away the sting this words brought to his eyes and continued.

“That morning, the day in the cemetery after Dad was lowered into the ground, you walked away with all your friends, your coworkers and the people you’d kept in touch with who had known him. Do you know what I did? I stayed there because that’s where my best friend, my only friend was. I stood there and looked around at the emptiness and that’s when I knew what I’d sacrificed in caring for him. As his world had gotten small and less complicated out of necessity, so had mine. Until there was only the two of us, but then he was gone.”

“Jesus, I never knew. It never occurred to me.”

Aries took a deep breath and let it out. He wasn’t finished. If there was ever going to be forgiveness between them, he needed to say it all.

“I had no friends and no life. I went from being on high alert 24/7 to nothing. It was as if I hit a brick wall that crumbled when I discovered we’d acquired the club. I know you were only trying to get me to focus and I also know you probably regret the hell out of ever sending me there to run it, but in hindsight? It was the best thing you could have ever done for me. It gave me a chance to do the living I’d missed out on for so long. Hell.” He walked over to the counter and picked up a coaster, turning it around in his hands. “It might have taken me a year to get myself back, but eventually I did. I’m just sorry that things between us have been bad.”