Stare Me Down (Stare Down) (36 page)

But then she groaned, “Don’t stop.” And he nearly fell to his knees with the overwhelming urge to get into her.

Everything went in slow motion then. He had one hand under her ass while his other peeled the black lace off her. First her bra and then the thong. The feel of her, warm and naked in his arms while he was still completely dressed, was empowering. Humbling. But if she didn’t stop flexing and grinding on him he’d never have the strength to walk them into the bedroom where he kept his latex.

Jaxx wasn’t letting up. Every nerve ending in her body was connected right to her heart. A heart that he wanted to own. She wedged a hand between them and traveled south. He was hard. Hot. And the way he was kissing her was as if he was staking claim and she loved it. She wanted him to. No, she wanted him period. Now.

“Easy there, tiger. You keep that up and we may have a situation on our hands.”

“Fuck me,” she panted into his ear. “Fuck me now.”

“I need—” He sucked in a breath when she wrapped her hand wrapped around his cock and lifted it out of his pants.

“Oh…‌oh, yeah.” She moaned as she shifted and worked the tip of him against her clit. Warm wetness flowed, making a nice, easy glide that she loved. She bit her lip and worked his velvet flesh against hers, harder. Panting and sighing. Groaning. “Oh, God. It would be so easy for you to slide right into me. Do it.” She sank her free hand in his hair and tugged. “Fuck me right now.”

“We can’t—”

“It’s okay. I’m on the pill if that’s the only reason you—”

She didn’t get to finish with that sentence as he walked them to the wall. He used his weight to pin her there until… “Mmm.” The feel of him. The skin to skin contact as he penetrated her and went deep was toe curling deliciousness. “I love the feel of your hot cock inside me.”

That was the last coherent thing she said as she clung to him. Relishing the feel of this kind of invasion. Taking it in and surrendering to it.

“Jesus, babe. I can’t get enough of you.”

This was perfectly fine with her. She buried her face against his chest and with one hand clutching his shoulder and her other wrapped around his red tie, she rode his cock. Shaking and trembling as the tingles came to life inside her. Faster and faster she flexed and pumped. Chasing the titillating waves. Breathing hard until she panted. Groaned. Moaned. God, the sensations were too much to bear. And when the suspended squeeze came? It stole her breath away.

“Breathe, honey. It feels even better when you breathe.”

His gravely whisper pushed her right over the edge and then she did as he told her. She took a breath and the light came in, as she cried, “Aries.”

“So fucking warm…‌and wet.”

“Aries…” She wound her arms around his neck and hugged him close. Welcoming him. Encouraging him to find his own release. And when a few minutes later he did, by giving one final thrust and whispering her name, she smiled. Even as she acknowledged that if this was the way he was always going to win when they argued she figured she could live with it.

“I owe you a dress.”

After all the whispering this deadpan pronouncement sounded like Hannibal Lecter saying “Hello Clarice”. It struck her funny-bone and she laughed.

He pulled back and shook his head. “You are the oddest woman.”

“Then we make a good pair.”

Although she was joking his eyes darkened and his expression turned intense. “I know. And about that? There are a few things I need to tell.”

“What?”

“You’ll see.”

By the time Aries had her wrapped in his robe, sitting on the bed waiting for him, he was ready himself. He’d changed into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and he knew exactly where he wanted to start the conversation.

“You’re lucky I don’t put you over my knee.”

“For?”

He brushed her bangs aside and said, “For being foolish enough to think I’d be so callous as to have orchestrated an exchange without discussing it with you first. And a vanilla arm-candy plan to execute?” He shook his head. “Ridiculous.”

“You can’t blame me there. Wild Shar, remember?”

“Do you honest think I would go through all of the planning and putting up with your less-than-stellar‌—‌on more than one occasion‌—‌behavior for just a date? Ludicrous. Shar lives in a bubble. I love her—”

“That’s it, she’s a dead person.” She nearly came off the bed.

He held up a hand and chuckled, “Whoa. Relax and put away the claws.” When she settled he grinned. “I love Shar as a friend. Only a friend. She’s great at business, but she sucks at the personal stuff. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know it. I try to keep her out of mine as much as I can, so I tend to agree with her assumptions as long as those assumptions keep her off my back and out of my shit.”

He folded his arms over his chest when it came to him. “But the voice mail message wasn’t why you left the party.”

“No.” She blushed and looked away.

“Jaxx.”

She looked back and admitted, “I had a panic attack—”

“What?”

“Entirely
your
fault.”

He threw his hands up. “Of course it was. Do tell.”

“You made me open up and now I’m…‌I’m an emotional wimp.”

“That’s why you had a panic attack? Because I got you to open up?”

“No,” she grumbled. “It was just all too familiar. The feeling and the fear. And when I thought you weren’t coming back something happened and I freaked out.”

He scowled down at her and she scowled right back up but didn’t say anything.

“Jaxx, why didn’t you list this on the questions I gave you. At the very least you should have told me you suffer from these kinds of episodes.”

“Why? So you’d know how completely fucked up I am?”

“No, so I’d be aware of this when we did our Scene.”

“Oh.” He was right about that, but then until tonight she hadn’t had one in years. Thinking about that she sighed, “At least now I know why I’m screwed up.”

“I suppose that’s my fault too?”

“Nope that’s Maggie’s fault. But I don’t have the strength to talk about that right now. She and I are working it out. It’s just going to take some time.” She looked up at him. “So I was wrong about you planning to end things?”

He shook his head. “If only you knew. Stand up.” He gave her a hand and held onto her as she kicked the bulk of terrycloth that pooled at her feet aside so she could walk with him to the chair. Sitting down, he pulled her over his lap. “Maybe it’s time you know the truth. We still have to have that talk I mentioned.”

She sank against him. “As long as you’re not going to dump me, I can handle pretty much anything so talk away.”

“I plan to.” When she looked up he tapped her nose. “You were right about me, Jaxx. I never told you, but you were. The Rorschach test? You nailed it. I loved my father and I was always afraid I’d never live up to his expectations, and as you found out tonight I did have problems with my brother. You were even right about the mask. I knew who I had to be to get where I am. I knew and I was comfortable with it. Only now I’ve met this woman, you see…” He took hold of her jaw and rubbed her chin with the pad of his thumb. This was it. Confession time. “She’s perfect for me, I think, but I haven’t taken off the mask for her.”

“I knew it.” Jaxx smacked his shoulder and kicked her feet with glee. She loved being right. “You’re not as kinky as people believe you are.”

“How could you possibly say that after all the shit you and I have done?”

He had a very excellent point. “All right, I’ll keep quiet.”

“You back off too quickly. That’s a terrible flaw for a therapist.”

“So I’m right about the kink?”

“To some extent. I may not want to spend lots of time at a local sex club, or mine even—”

She threw her arms up in the air. “I knew it.”

“But—” He grabbed hold of her hands, which got her attention, “—I do want other things from you.”

“Like?”

Unbelievable. His gaze dropped. It actually dropped for a split second, but that second was long enough for her to gauge how serious he was before he looked back up. “I’m taking that mask off now. This is my reality, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I want you. I want to own you. I want you to know that you’re mine. Completely and utterly, so there’s no question and no room for doubt between us. Ever.”

Her heart raced at those words. Hell, even her toes curled in unadulterated pleasure. “I’d like that too.”

“You would?”

When he drew back she didn’t know why he was shocked. “Yes.” She put a hand on his cheek and tried to keep her voice steady. Low so it didn’t crack. “I’ve spent my whole life waiting for someone to want me. I’m glad it’s you.”

He held her gaze and his was so intense she was almost mesmerized when he whispered, “I want you to wear my collar.”

She waited for him to say more and when he didn’t she frowned. “I already did. Friday night, remember?”

“No, not that collar.” He reached down and pulled a flat box out from between the upholstery and chair cushion. With a snap he opened it right in front of her. “This one.”

The tri-colored necklace looked like delicate lace. “It’s beautiful.” The gold, copper and silver threads were so intricately woven it was hard to tell where one ended and another started. She traced the outline with her finger while she thought about what he was really asking.

“I don’t want the special to end.” She looked up at him. “This will be for you and me. No one else. The rest of the world goes on as they do, but you and I will have this secret between us. A commitment that’s deeper and more meaningful than most couples ever share in a lifetime.”

She knew what he meant now and she also knew she wanted it. “I think…‌I think I’d like that.”

“There’s something else.” He put the box beside her and grabbed both of her hands again. She’d never forget the look in his eyes. If she lived to be a hundred she’d always remember it. Hopeful and wary at the same time. “The marker? I want to make it permanent. I want my name, tattooed on you. Low on your back where only I can see it. I can’t tell you why I have this need for tangible proof that you’re mine. Especially when no one else will see it. I just do and I know this is a hard limit for you. But I want to be honest with you because I won’t stop asking. I’ll always be hopeful that you’ll change your mind one day, but until you do, I’m positive we’re going to go through a lot of markers.”

“And cleaning bills. Those letters leave black smudges on all my clothes.”

“Oh.”

He looked so crestfallen she couldn’t keep him dangling on the hook any longer. “So I think I’d prefer to make it permanent too…‌on one condition.”

His gaze burned her up when he swore “Anything. If it’s in my power to give it, I will.”

“I want you to get one for me. I want my name on you.”

Huh. There was another expression of his she’d never forget. But then he hauled her in for a bear hug.

“Absolutely. Where? Below the belt or above it somewhere?”

He seemed so pleased that she smiled against his chest. Happy for no other reason than he was. “You know those barbwire ones that people wear around their biceps?”

“Yes.” He rubbed a hand up and down her back and it warmed her.

“Well I was thinking we could have an artist design one like that only it would be a stylized version of my name in a repeat pattern as you’ve got a lot of bulging muscle to cover.”

His hand stopped moving. “That’s a phenomenal idea, babe. Did you just come up with it on the fly?”

She took a deep breath and purred, “No, I’ve been thinking about this since last Friday.” This was the truth. He had great biceps and her name would look stunning strangling one of them.

He held her off him and scowled. “But I thought you hated tattoos?”

“Hate is a strong word. I just think they mess with a woman’s fashion when they’re plastered all over the place. Roses and vines up against plaid? Drives me nuts.”

His scowl deepened and so did his voice. “But you struck a line through the word on your limits list and added exclamation points even.”

“I did?”

“Jaxx.”

She tried to fight back the cheeky grin, but failed as she finally admitted, “Oh all right. I knew this was one of your weaknesses, so I forced you to have deal with it. At least I got you thinking about it, right?”

“Now you’re just messing with me aren’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s fun.”

“Well, I hope you’ll still think it’s fun when we get to the point in our relationship that I put down some rules and create some rituals. Oh, and I’ll still surprise you whenever I want, only instead of using your key I’ll be coming home to you to do it. I want you, Jaxx. All to myself. I’m selfish like that. No sharing and you don’t get to leave me. You’ll be all mine. My woman, my love, my wife.”

Her heart nearly beat out of her chest. “Are you…‌are you asking?”

He didn’t blink. “No.”

Right.
“I accept.” She threw her arms around his neck and ignored his exaggerated grunt as she whispered, “I hear it.”

He gave her a squeeze. “What?”

“The song for my soul. It’s you.”

“God, I love you.”

She buried her face against his shoulder and said, “What a wimp I am. You’re going to make me cry.”

“Well, before you do, could you say it back so I’m not left hanging here?”

It was such an off-the-cuff question that she laughed. “God, I love you back.”

“You really are quite the parrot when you want to be.”

She was quiet for a minute thinking about all that they’d been through. Where they started and how far they’d come. That’s when she remembered something. “Hey,” she sat up and pushed her hair back off her face. “I think I need to offer you my condolences.”

He took her chin between his forefinger and thumb and rubbed. “For?”

“Losing?”

He frowned. “I didn’t lose. I got you, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” She fit her cheek in his palm and pressed in. “But at a pretty hefty price,” she murmured. “Your bachelorhood. So, if I’m not mistaken I do believe my magical vagina just TKO’d your magnificent balls.”

She waited for him to process that and when he did, he grinned. “If I had to lose to someone, I’m glad it was you.”