Stripping Asjiah II (14 page)

If I could breathe my life into your lungs I would.
I‟d leave thisworld and trade withyou if that meant I could escape all the insanity around me. Selfless as it may seem I would be robbing you of your peace just so I could runaway and take refuge amongst the Angels.
I thought all the drama from last summer was over. I though that the only task before me was packing up my life and moving to Atlanta. I thought by now I would be miles and miles away from this shit. It seems like no matter how fast I run; my past is always right there with me waiting for me to get winded and stop so it could be the water that quenches my thirst. Regardless of how far I drive away, its there, taunting me in the rearview mirror reminding me that it‟s a lot closer than it appears.

If I had any doubts before, they were all put to rest after talking to Keyshia and Danielle.
I‟m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Cash was responsible for her being in the hospital.
He almost killed her.
Was her mother right?
Was I to be held accountable for what happened?
No. I refused to allow myself to be burdened with that kind of guilt. I already carried around enough. I blamed myself for not being able to save you, for not being able to fight off Cash, for not protecting Angel all those nights he was beat. I couldn‟t add Keyshia to all of that. My shoulders weren‟t strong enough especially when so much was weighing me down already. There was no way Cash knew Keyshia and I were acquainted; he never saw us together and she was never at Marie‟s house when he was. Their encounter had to be some kind of freakish coincidence. I thought I would be afraid if and when I found out he was alive but I‟mnot. Afterseeing so much as a child, afterbeing put through so many tribulations, complacency replaces what should be fear. As sick as it may sound, I felt his presence. Some nights I would close my eyes and feel him breathing on me, the stench of Bacardi on his tongue as he licked my face.
What was he waiting for? Why didn‟t he stay in my room instead of running? What was he planning?
I couldn‟t let myself get thrown off or caught up in his thoughts. I didn‟t have time to entertain the “what if‟s” I refused to live constantly looking over my shoulders waiting for him to strike. If he wanted me, one way or another he would come get me.
Angel isn‟t around to protect me and I can‟t count on Caleb to come to my rescue when and if something does happen. Angel was all I had and now he‟s in prison for the next three years. The realization that all I have isme, well, that‟s kind of scary.

Last summer changed me. Granted my perception of life hasn‟t been the same since your absence but I feel like I have to fight so much harder now. I feel like I‟ve been robbed of so many things over the past ten years and I don‟t know what to do to get them back or if I can.
My thoughts are different, the naiveté that comes with being a child, a teenager, all of that has escaped me. I feel like I‟m growing up too fast. Iwish these eighteen yearswould‟ve been recorded;that I could rewind, and delete when necessary. Iwouldn‟t have any use for the fast forward button, I don‟t want to see what lies ahead of me before it happens and I wouldn‟t voluntarily choose to live in the fast lane but unfortunately that‟s where I‟ve ended up. A road filled with green lights, an occasional yield sign, and red lights scattered few and far between.
But I don‟t have time for weakness, no room for frailties, I have to be strong even in times when I don‟t want to and hope that the gluttons of the world don‟t eat me alive.
I told Keyshia and Danielle about Baby Jai. It was nice to get it out and actually be able to feel happy about my pregnancy verses arguing with CJ. Of course now they want to be all cutesy and throw me a baby shower. I wanted to tell them no but Keyshia needs a distraction so I gave them the go ahead to do whatever their little hearts desired.
All I want is to be with you. To go out shopping for baby stuff and ask you all my weird soon to be mommy questions. To look at you with complete admiration as I listen to you laugh while I complain about getting fat and all my weird cravings. But Ican‟t. Instead I smiled and appeared to be interested as they rambled excitedly about decorations, where we could have it, and who they would invite. I zoned out somewhere between toilet tissue and some other game involving the contents of our purse.
I was back in my bathroom at Grandma-me‟s house staring at my reflection, entranced by my eyes, his eyes. I find myself hypnotized by the darkness I saw looking back at me dancing wickedly in seas of blue. The coldness that chills my skin also warms my heart. It‟s in that instant that I realize I‟m happy Cash has resurrected, glad that he has decided to make his presence known, only so I can have the pleasure of killing him again.

I brushed the debris that had fallen from the tree off my jeans and did the same to my blanket before folding it. The Chrysanthemum‟s I had chosen blended perfectly with the colors of fall.

Tearing the entry out of my notebook, I rolled it up and placed it in the vase with the flowers. I knew that it would eventually blow away or disintegrate when it rained but I chose to believe that once I left God would grant her a brief amount of time to come down and retrieve it.

If I said that out loud to a shrink I would be committed for sure. It wasn‟t that I couldn‟t distinguish between what was real and what wasn‟t, in some cases I just chose not to.

Looking around the cafeteria sized visiting area; he quietly studied all the inmates. He watched as this country looking white boy kissed his girlfriend wondering what he had done to land him in prison. He looked like one of those wholesome farm kids that tended to the barn animals, went to church daily, and chewed straw while he helped his daddy throw hay onto the back of some old pick up truck.

He probably played high school sports, baseball most likely; and was guaranteed a full ride to some Ivy League school until he fucked it up. His guess was that during training camp, all the jocks threw a little party and some chic decided at the last minute that letting the entire team hit home runs wasn‟t such a good idea. The situation turned ugly, she got raped, and now he was in jail. What he really wanted to know was if his girl knew that her boyfriend was now his cellmates bat boy.

Money‟s eyes wandered to another couple; this time an elderly white male in his mid forties who was sitting across from some woman he presumed to be his wife. This one was easy. Clean shaven, blue collar, upper class white man; he had embezzlement or money laundering written all over him. He looked like he could‟ve been a lawyer, the sleazy type, like that grease ball off of Carlito‟s Way.

He most likely washed money and created off shore accounts for his big name clientele but somewhere along the way, he probably got greedy, started getting sloppy and forgot to cover his tracks.

He began to analyze the bi-racial boy to his far right when someone interrupted his thoughts.
“I‟m thinking he used to be that nigga on the outside, dope boy of course, probably had all the girls on him since he got that pretty boy thing going on. My guess is murder.”

“Okay, okay, I can see that” Money too k a second to give the boy a once over then gave his opinion.
“I‟m thinking he gets locked up, decides to bring out his sweet side, but everybody in here is too scared to say shit about it because of his reputation on the streets.”
Caleb began to laugh ashe shook Money‟s hand and pulled up a chair.
“What‟s been up with you?”
“Shit, the usual. Trying to figure out what‟s going on here.” Money brushed off his Evisu jeans and continued to survey his surroundings.
“How long you been back?”
“A couple days,”
Caleb used the corner of his t-shirt to wipe off the pop can before opening it, “You see yo‟ girl yet?”
Money knew who he was referring to but he didn‟t feel like talking about her.
“And who is that?”
“Oh you fronting now?” Caleb smirked as he took a sip of his soda. “You know who I‟m talking bout dude; Asjiah.”
The sound of her name made his heart flutter. She had been all he thought about on his drive back into Cleveland. He wanted to call her but he didn‟t. He was going to stop by her people‟s house and see her but he was sure she was in Atlanta by now.
“Nah, I haven‟t seen her.”
Caleb was hoping he would say that so he could antagonize him.
“Well I have. And shit…”
“You‟ve seen her?”
“Yeah she didn‟t go to ATL she‟s…”
“…Staying off of Lee Road on Clearview,”
Money and Caleb turned towards the voice then immediately got up to greet their friends. Money hadn‟t seen Angel or Gabriel since last summer and it didn‟t look like prison had changed them at all. Gabe‟s hair had grown into this wild, unruly afro and they both looked like they had been hitting the yard.
He wasn‟t sure if he should be mad at Angel for the gamble he had taken with his life or if he should just chalk it up as it being part of the game. That day could‟ve turned out a lot differently than Angel had anticipated and it could‟ve easily been him and Caleb behind bars. He wasn‟t afraid of being in jail but he would‟ve rather been aware of the odds before he decided to take that trip.
“I guess you‟re wondering why you‟re here.” Angel unwrapped the turkey sandwich and began to dress it with the condiments he had asked for.
“Asjiah has been given the reigns of my operation. As I suspected, she‟s taken the knowledge I dropped on her and flipped it in her own little way. Caleb confirmed my suspicions and from what he‟s told me, she‟s found a way to make twice as much as I was making when I was on the streets.” Angel wiped the corners of his mouth and smiled like a proud father.
“Caleb has been managing things around the way and although he‟s been holding shit down, he has also been asked to keep an eye on my sister. I can‟t expect him to do everything by himself so that‟s where you come in.”
Money kept his eyes focused on Angel and his breathing even. He wasn‟t sure what was going to be asked of him, but he was ready for anything.
“You still got what I gave you right?”
“Yeah,”
“Hold on to it. Asjiah‟s gonna need to re-up eventually and you already have it so that prevents her from having to really put her hands on anything. I also want you to watch her.”
Angel paused for a second so he could read Money‟s body language and facial expression. He was impressed to see that he didn‟t waiver under pressure. “I know you got feelings for my sister and what not, so now I‟m entrusting you with her life. If anything happens to her, I swear to God, I will kill you.”
Money didn‟t flinch or blink an eye. He knew how much Asjiah meant to him just as well as he knew his threat wasn‟t a threat at all but a promise.
“There‟s something else too.” Angel didn‟t want to burden them with any more bad news but they needed to know about Cash in case they ran into him.
“Cash is alive.”
This was the first time Gabe had heard Angel talk about his uncle. He thought they had taken care of everything. He witnessed what had gone down first hand so how was this dude still living? Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Caleb had the same look of bewilderment on his face.
“Who is Cash?” Money looked around the circle curious about who this person was and why everyone suddenly seemed so shook.
“My uncle,” Angel ran his hands across his face and put his head down.
Sensing his frustration, Gabe stepped in before Angel got too upset.
“He raped Asjiah last summer.”
As soon as the words left Gabe‟s lips Money wished he could‟ve taken his question back. Asjiah had been raped? Why didn‟t he know about this? His emotions began to get the best of him and before he could get a grip on his thoughts, he spoke.
“Why the fuck is this nigga still alive? You let this muthafucka rape yo‟ sister and you sitting here telling me this dude is still breathing? What kind of sick shit are you on?”
Caleb grabbed Money by the arm and urged him to calm down. “Chill out.”
“Chill out; man, get yo‟ fucking hands off me!” “Caleb‟s right Money, calm down.” Gabe was in as much shock to hear this news as everyone else was but he wasn‟t expecting Money to react this way.
“Why are we sitting here talking about this shit instead of trying to find him?”
“Because he‟s going to come to us,” Angel lifted his head and to everyone‟s surprise, appeared calm.
“When I found out what he had done to A‟ I handled it, or at least I thought I did. But when Asjiah came to visit a couple of weeks ago, she told me that he had paid her a visit.”
Money interrupted again, this time targeting Caleb. “Where the fuck were you? Aren‟t you supposed to be watching her?”
Angel held his hand up silencing Money. “She didn‟t see him, but he had been in her room. From what she told me, our dog was with her, so had Cash actually tried to confronther, Bear would‟ve eaten him alive.”
Some of the tension seemed to disappear off of Money‟s face now that he knew Asjiah had gotten away unscathed.
“I don‟t know how the fuck he survived, but if either of you run into this nigga, kill him.” Angel‟s eyes bore an expression of pure malevolence as he gave his boys permission to murder his mother‟s brother.
“He‟s about 6‟1” maybe taller, dark-skinned, bald head, and he should have a scar across his neck where A‟ cut him.”
“What did you mean when you said he should come to us?” Caleb could only imagine how pissed Cash had to be given what they had done to him.
“He‟s a dope head; I used to sell to him, so when he finds out my product is still on the streets, I‟m sure he will find you.”
Gabe hated that he couldn‟t be on the other side of these walls in the middle of the action and from the way Angel was seething he could tell he felt the same way.
It seemed like hours passed by as the group of friends remained prisoners of their own thoughts.
“Next time y‟all lil nigga‟s come up in here, bring a bitch with you. I‟m tired of looking at this nigga all day.” Caleb almost choked on his pop from Gabe‟s sudden outburst.
“Dude be in here all oiled up n‟shit posing for prison flicks to send these mail order hoes he be writing.” Gabe flexed his arms and imitated Angel causing the group to burst into more hysterics.
“You just hating cause the ladies love me.” Angel touched his goatee and rubbed his hair as if he was admiring himself in the mirror.
“I‟m not hating I‟m just saying; I‟d prefer to look at some chic with a fat ass rather than my homeboy doing pushups.”
Although they had managed to lighten the mood, laughter wouldn‟t allow Money to ignore the one thing that lays dormant in his mind; Asjiah.