Authors: Delia Delaney
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise to keep me from totally humiliating myself.
“You’re in space right now,” Harlan said.
I focused my attention on him as I continued to stir the gravy. He came toward me with a smile and turned the stove off. Then he took the whisk out of my hands and set it in the sink. “I think five thousand stirs about did the trick.”
“Oh…”
He chuckled. “What were you thinking about? You know, you were quite beautiful standing there in a stupor, but I wasn’t sure how far into the night it would take us.”
“I’m sorry,” I smiled.
“It’s fine,” he shrugged. “Anything in particular on your mind?” He took my hands and placed them around his neck, and I smiled when he pulled me closer to him. “Are
there
worries that I need to kiss away?” he asked, kissing me first on the cheek and then on the neck.
“Maybe,” I replied coyly.
“Maybe? You mean there
are
worries, or you just want me to kiss you?”
“I just want you to kiss me.”
So he did
, and I specifically used the time to assess how I really felt about him
.
I loved being with Harlan, but if I could have been with Tyse instead, would that have been better? I hated thinking about it that way, and I didn’t think it was fair to Harlan (or myself) to be so mixed up about it.
Later on, just as Harlan was about to leave for the night, my phone rang. It was Tyse, and Harlan even saw his name on my screen as he stood from the couch.
“I’ll see you
tomorrow,” was all he said.
He kissed me goodnight and left me alone to answer the call. As soon as the front door shut, I snatched the phone off the coffee table.
“Tyse?” I said immediately.
“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, Ellie.”
“Oh, my gosh! It’s so good to hear from you!”
“Yeah, it’s been… It’s been
a
crazy few weeks,” he
chuckled
.
“Yeah, I mean… Jeez, I d
on’t even know where to start. Well f
irst of all
, w
hatever my sister sa
id to you,
I am so sorry. I had no idea she would do something like that and—”
“Ellie, don’t worry about it. Nate said he told you, which wasn’t something I wanted him to tell you—”
“Why, Tyse? That was definitely something you should have told me. I mean…I’m really pissed off about it. A lot of things would have made sense to me if I had know that’s what happened. You should have talked to me about it. I’ve been out of my mind because you didn’t call. I thought you hated me.”
“What? I would never hate you. Not for anything.”
“But it all just freaked me out—your last minute voicemail, and then not talking to you for almost four weeks. I barely got out of Nate that you took a job!”
“I’m sorry, Ellie. It all happened so fast, and if I didn’t go with Xavier right that morning, we wouldn’t have made it. We barely got there in time for the job. And stupid me…
t
hey said our phones would be useless so we shouldn’t bother bringing them
.
I lost mine the
first
morning out.”
“So I left fifty voicemails for Moby Dick?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled.
“So… Everything worked out then? The job? Everything went okay?”
“Yeah, I got paid if that’s what you mean. But man, it wasn’t easy…”
He spent about twenty minutes answering my questions, a
nd it was nice to finally get an idea
of what he’d been up to for three weeks. But I guess I was kind of glad I
didn’t
know what the job consisted of. I’m sure I would have worried even more—if that were possible.
He didn’t want to talk about the fishing boat anymore, so he asked me how work was going. He didn’t know any of the new changes, so I explained the entire Belinda Martin story, and then how my new job was going. He said he was really proud of me, and that now he needed to find a way to listen to our station online in the mornings.
“You just focus on school,” I said. “Is all of that squared away?”
“Yeah, I spent most of yesterday and this morning trying to catch up with what I missed. It hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve
already got a couple of tests coming up on Friday. I’ve
really got to push myself so I’m ready for baseball next month.”
“You guys start that soon?”
“Yeah, we start practicing and getting in shape.
Hopefully my body can recover by then. I’ve never been so sore in
all
my life. I’m hoping it doesn’t affect my swing.”
“Your swing? Oh, yeah,” I lightly laughed. “I only picture you pitching, you know. It’s going to be a little different to see you bat and play infield.”
He paused for a few seconds. “You still plan on coming?” he asked.
He sounded totally surprised, and it caused me to have a quick little panic fest. Did he not want me to come? Did I still want
to go? Oh
wait
,
what about England?
But
Califor
nia
…
What was I supposed to do?
“Ellie? I mean I know you have vacation time, but if you’re too busy, don’t worry about it. I don’t want to take you away from anything going on in your life…”
“Uh, about that… Did
n’t
Nate clear up that whole issue? You know I’m not getting married or anything, right?”
“Uh, yeah, he mentioned that.”
“So…did you really think Harlan and I were getting married?”
“Yeah. I mean that’s what Dawn said. She told me you guys were pretty serious, and that…and that I was kind of interfering with the relationship or whatever.”
I sighed. “Tyse, I’m so sorry. That absolutely isn’t true.”
“Well if you’re in a relationship, I don’t want to get in the way, Ellie. You know how I feel about that. You know, with Gage and everything it was kind of a problem, and I just didn’t want to do that to you again.”
I took a few seconds to ga
ther my thoughts. Was I really g
oing to do this? Was I really going to tell him how I felt about him?
No, I decided to be a chicken about it.
“Tyse,
I’m really sorry that she did that to you. M
y sister and I are going to have serious issues—”
“Ellie, don’t do that. I understand where’s she’s coming from. She’s only looking out for you.”
“She had no right to say those things to you! It was absolutely uncalled for. She doesn’t know you like I do, and she’s
gotta
learn that s
he can’t just do crap like that.
She
lied
to you.
”
“Tell me one thing, Ell
ie, a
nd be completely honest with me.”
I paused, not sure if I wanted to be. “Uh, okay…”
“Were you having
problems with your family because of me?”
Jeez, why did he have to ask
that
?
“Ellie, I’m sure it’s true. From what it sounded like, your family was pretty upset after finding out that I’ve served time. You kind of gave me the impression that you’d already told them, so because you didn’t, and they found out on their own, I can see why they were so ticked. T
hat was the last thing I wanted
, so I just think that Dawn is right and you should keep your distance.”
“My family has no say in who I’m friends with, Tyse. I’m not giving in to their opinions. Besides, I had another talk with my parents not too long ago and they’ve softened their outlook. They’re more supportive now, and they realize how harsh they were.”
“Because you explained more of the story?” he asked.
“I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed to, but it was the only way that I was able to…able to…”
“Able to what?”
“Uh, well… It was the only way for them to understand your life a little better. And see what it is about you that I see. I just…I wanted them to know how much I care about you…”
The line was silent, but I hoped he couldn’t hear my heart pounding through the phone. Surely that was enough to get into that topic, right? Maybe it—
“Well thanks Ellie, but I don’t need you to alienate yourself from your family for my benefit. I’m what, a thousand miles away? And it’s not worth the heartache to have struggles with
your family. Trust me on that. Just stick with your doctor friend, and your parents will be thrilled to death,” he chuckled.
I didn’t think that was funny, though. It was such a serious issue to me—I had even lost sleep over it dozens of times—and for him to feel so lighthearted about it made me upset.
“Well I guess we’re just on opposite ends of the street, then,” I said.
“Hmm? What does that mean?”
Should I do it? Should I just lay it all out there? If he rejects me he rejects me, right? There was nothing I could do about that, but I did owe it to myself to take a shot…
“It means that I’ve been going with my heart lately, and I’ve decided that you’re worth the struggle. My parents will get over it Tyse, but I can’t keep doing things to please everyone else. All I know is that you’re important to me, and there’s no way that I’m going to stop needing you.”
There. That was at least a start. Now if we could just progress from there and finally get it all out in the—
“Aw, you’re like my
own personal
advocate. Thanks for the support Ellie, it means a lot to me. I’ll always be here if you need me, but I still don’t feel so good about the situation with your family. I don’t think it’s a good thing to have all that tension between you. And I definitely don’t feel right about being the cause of it. I can’t handle that pressure,
Ellie. I already ruined my own
family; I don’t want to ruin yours.”
“You did not ruin your family,” I argued. “Your parents already decided to fail you when they couldn’t accept you for who you are. But there are other people that can pick up that slack, Tyse. Don’t give up on the rest of us, okay?”
The line was quiet again and it sucked that I couldn’t even get through to him what I wanted to say. Why couldn’t I be bold?
“Ellie, I need to go, okay? My first class is at eight and I still need to get
a lot of
reading done.
I really want to keep talking to you—
”
“No, it’s fine; I completely agree. You need to focus on school.”
“It was really good to finally talk you. I’m happy about your job and everything.”
“Thanks.”
“Okay, bye Ells.”
“Bye. Oh, Tyse?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for the gifts you sent. I was absolutely stunned by them both.”
“Oh, good,” he
lightly laughed
. “You’re so easy to please, you know it? Goodnight, Ellie.”
I may be easy to please, but I was also a spineless idiot.
Chapter Thirty-Two
It was a couple of days before I finally
talked
to my sister
about Tyse
. I had a plan in my head (and it didn’t consist of yelling and screaming because I just didn’t want to go there) but it was always hard to predict what a conversation with Dawn was going to be like. I had originally decided to talk to her in person, but she ended up calling me on Saturday afternoon to see if Harlan and I wanted to go out with her and Wyatt that night. I was actually at Harlan’s house at the time, and I really didn’t want to get into
it
on the phone with her
then
, but I ended up telling her probably not.
“How come? You guys have other plans?”
“Uh, no not really but—”
“W
ell, w
hat are you doing right now?”
“Mm, nothing that you’d get excited over.”
She laughed. “Oh, doing crossword puzzles and stuff. Sitting around reading
Newsweek
articles to each other, or
Medical Digest
.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“I’m just kidding. Sheesh, Ellie.”
Actually we had been reading a little bit. But it was kind of a mix of reading, kissing, cuddling, and watching football on television. Saturdays were nice when neither of us worked, and since Harlan’s schedule had changed, he had more hours off when I did.
“Well come out with us tonight,” Dawn said. “We’re just thinking the
Spaghetti Factory
if that’s okay with you guys.”
“No, I don’t think so.” I was still furious with her about what she’d done to Tyse, and I didn’t even want to talk to her at that moment.