Authors: Delia Delaney
“I don’t have to. I think that you are and you’re just too stubborn to see it.”
I
shook my head at her
audacity
. “Why does everything have to end up
according to
your
schedule?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why do you have to force things to work out according to when
you
want them to work out? Sometimes it doesn’t happen that way. You wanted to marry Wyatt a month after you met him. You had this perfect little plan to make him love you. Well guess what? He didn’t at first. It took a while. Does that mean he loves you any less? No. But it was just according to his own schedule, not yours. And with Gage… You so badly wanted us to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It doesn’t work that way. Just because you
want
it to work that way doesn’t mean it
can
.
Stop forcing me in a direction I want to take slowly and cautiously.
”
“Gage did love you,” she stated. I was surprised that was the only thing she replied with.
“No, Gage thought he loved me. Gage loved being with me. Gage was very fond of me. But I really don’t believe he was in love with me.”
“I think you’re wrong. There are so many different ways to love people.”
“Okay, a
nd I agree with that.”
“But just because Gage decided to change your relationship, that means he didn’t love you?”
I sighed. “I have no idea. Maybe he did. But it wasn’t deep enough to be the love that you seem to
think will bind people together for the rest of their lives.
I thought Gage and I had something good together. Turns out I was wrong. Those kind of mistakes are hard for me to
accept
.
”
“
It wasn’t a mistake, Ellie. He was just a person that was supposed to be in your life at that time.
So Gage didn’t have th
at forever kind of love for you;
I understand that. But why are we talking about him and not Harlan?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because you don’t want to admit how you really feel about Harlan?”
“I don’t
even
know how I feel about Harlan.”
“That seems really weird to me. You either care about him or you don’t.”
This particular conversation was really difficult to have. Not only because it was with my stubborn, opinionated sister,
but
because I couldn’t talk to her about the other half of it. I couldn’t talk to her about Tyse.
“Of course I
care about
him
,
”
I replied.
“But you don’t love him?”
“Again…different levels of love?”
She shrugged. “Okay. So on what level do you love Harlan?”
I couldn’t even answer that. Coul
d I? “Love” seemed like such a misused
word. How could it cover so many different varieties? It was like trees. A tree was a tree, but each kind had its own name to set them apart from the rest.
“Do you actually have ‘levels’ that you can define for me?
Let’s s
ee, would there be fondness? Uh…
affection? And then would you have first love, and true love… Oh, and if you’re ‘fond’ of someone, does that mean as a friend, or that you just think they’re cute and likeable but—
”
“Sheesh, Ellie. You’re a handful.”
“
I don’t have to answer
for you
. And if you ever speak to Harlan about any of this, I will never forgive you.”
She gave me a funny smile.
“I’m serious, Dawn. This is very private. I mean I talk to Harlan about pretty much anything, and we’ll talk about this if it comes up, but on my time, okay? Not yours.”
“Okay, okay, b
ut only because it’s your birthday. And all this frustration is only going to give you wrinkles earlier
in life
. You need to relax.”
“Then don’t ever tell me that a man is in love with me.”
“Fine,” she smiled.
“But he is.”
I groaned and she laughed.
“Dawn, let me set this straight. Harlan isn’t even my boyfriend. I mean we don’t even use that status.”
“Which is absolutely ridiculous to me. I don’t even understand that. You spend time
together,
call each other all the time… Are you guys free to see other people? I mean what’s going on?”
It was one of those times that I had to answer carefully because I didn’t want to get into a conversation about Tyse. So I just went with, “Yes, we’re kind of on those terms. I didn’t want to commit myself to an exclusive relationship so soon, and Harlan understood that.
We’ve agreed to see other people.
”
“But I know he’s definitely not interested in seeing other people, Ellie. So that just leaves you. It’s just like what Gage did to
you
. That hurt, so why would you do that to Harlan?”
Why would I do that to Harlan…why would I do that to Harlan…
? –B
ecause I was foolishly waiting for another man? I had my entire future dependent on a guy that I barely got to see—didn’t even
talk
to anymore—and I put everything aside with the hope that he returned my feelings.
“Dawn,
I gave those terms to Harlan up front. It’s totally differently than what Gage did to me. But
this isn’t a subject that we can talk about, so I’m just choosing to end it, okay? Let’s talk about the baby instead. What did Wyatt say about the names you came up with?”
She looked at me for several seconds, and I could tell I had a 50/50 chance of her actually agreeing with me. She was thinking it over carefully.
“He hated the name Larissa,” she finally said. “He liked Violet, Ashlyn, Courtney…names that are a little trendier I guess. He doesn’t like the ones that are
different—
Nyah
,
Lyla
, or
McK
all
—but I think we could compromise and throw one of those in as a middle name.”
I nodded. “Cool. I like all those names. But I agree about Larissa… I don’t really care for it.”
“Ah, I think it’s pretty.”
“I
t
makes me think of…
licorice and…
lasso.”
She laughed. “Wyatt might like that better. He suggested ‘Colt’ for a boy.”
“Hey, that’s really cute. Colt Brennan. I like it.”
“Yeah, I guess I do too. But we’re dealing with a girl here, so first things first.”
“Well I definitely see a Colt in your future, so maybe you really should plan for a Courtney. Court and Colt,” I chuckled.
“Court and Colt. Jeez, say that a few times fast.”
We actually tried in and started laughing about it.
“Court
ney
and Colt. Just stick with that.”
Harlan called me around four, deeply sorry that he was going to be held up at work because of a pretty bad accident on the freeway. I told him not to worry about me—I was still with Dawn and we could spend more time together—and he said he
’d
call me when he could. I guess I was pretty disappointed, but I understood that sometimes things happen that way. The flowers alone had made my day, and I was happy that I could spend some more time with my sister.
We were at
Gino’s
with a small group of my friends when Harlan met us there around eight. I could tell he was exhausted, but he did a pretty good job mustering up some energy to converse with the rest of us. He asked
if he could
drive me home that night, even though my sister pushed me onto him pretty easily. But I convinced him to let me drive instead, and just by the way
he easily agreed, I knew he was pretty tired. I was expecting the Lexus since that’s what he seemed to drive more often lately, so I was surprised to see the Porsche
again
.
That kind of intimidated me, but I was excited at the same time.
“Uh, Felix needed a bigger car for the night
for a double date
,” Harlan explained when he saw me look over the car
.
“
He says happy birthday, by the way.”
“Oh. Tell him thank you. So you’ll really let me drive your car?”
With a smile he replied, “Why not?”
“Are you sure you want me to?”
“I can drive if you’d rather,” he said, holding his hand out for the keys.
“I want to drive your car,” I grinned.
He chuckled. “If you’re that eager about it, I’m a little scared.”
“Oh, don’t believe the rumors people say about my driving.”
“I haven’t really heard any, so
I’ll keep my ears closed.” He stepped close to me and pressed his lips against my temple to kiss it. “Just remember that there are other people on the road,” he murmured.
“Of course. But all I need to remember is the sexy doctor that’s my passenger. Then I’ll be safe.”
He tilted his head in thought and replied, “Okay, that’ll do.”
The drive home was fun, and yes, I was safe and obeyed the speed limits. I wasn’t usually a crazy driver in the first place, but I did tend to lose track of my speed on occasion.
But I
behaved
for Harlan, and I even told him that I was
being good
so he’d let me drive his car again. He thought that was pretty funny, and then he said, “It’s sad, but I would still let you drive my car even if you had the worst driving record in the world. That’s how big of a sucker I am for you.”
“Well that’s not very reasonable,” I replied with a smile. We’d just
entered
my house and I tossed my
coat
on a chair.
“I know. All of my common sense has left me.”
I saw him notice the monstrous vase of flowers on the table and I had to smile.
“They’re beautiful, Harlan. I can smell them when I walk in the door
, and I love that
. Have I said thank you yet?”
“Well, yes, about five times. But you’re very welcome.”
“A dozen would have been plenty you know.”
“Plenty for whom? Not for
you
.
And not even for me.
I have to come over here and see them. That’s more stunning than a dozen.”
“Yes, I do agree.
And I do love them, so thank you
again
.”
He only smiled and sat down i
n the crook of the L-shaped couch. I turned
the TV on and sat close to him as
he put his arm around me. It was a familiar place for me to be, but this time I felt a bit more affectionate and I laid my face against his chest. To keep it casual I made a comment about what we could watch, and Harlan was fine with what was on. I suspected he might fall asleep soon anyways, so I didn’t think it mattered to him what was on the television.
“So what did you shop for today?” he asked, softly running his fingers along my arm.
“Oh, not much. Mostly baby stuff.”
“What are you going to do with baby items for your birthday?” he teased.
“It’s just fun shopping for things like that.”
“Did you get anything for yourself?”
“Mm, yeah a few things. Ha, I guess it’s still in Dawn’s car. She’ll probably steal my clothes.”
“Uh, would she fit in your clothes?” he kind
of
chuckled.
“Nah, not anymore. But she might take the skirt I bought for my mom. That would fit under her pregnant belly.”
“And what kind of baby items
did
you get? Clothes?”
“Yeah, a few little outfits, some tiny little tights and shoes I couldn’t pass up, and two pairs of pajamas.”
“Wow, you’ll spoil the rotten little thing before she’s even born.”
I laughed and sat up slightly to face him. “She’s my first niece. I finally get a baby to make a fuss over.”
He
barely raised an eyebrow. “That’s not better than having your own, right?”
“My own baby?”
He nodded. “Is that in your plans?”
“Well…yeah. Someday.”
“Someday
meaning
…a year or two? Or someday
meaning
…ten years from now?”
I laughed. “No, ten years from now I’d like to be
done
having kids.”
“Do you know how many you want?”
“Mmm, not really. I’ll have to get through the first one and then maybe I’ll decide if I’m done or not.”