Authors: Delia Delaney
P.S.- The bracelet was actually your Christmas present. I failed to mail it to you
after I canceled the trip
and I’m sorry. The box is for your birthday; I think I mailed it soon enough, so I hope you get it in time.
Happy 21
st
, Ellie.
I miss you.
I read the letter about six times
,
just to understand what I was reading. It felt like he had positive feelings about me, but it also seemed like he was ending our friendship. I was very confused about what new changes in my life he was talking about. I didn’t th
ink he was talking about my job—how would he know I got a promotion?
–
so
the only thing I could think of, the only thing that made me panic, was that he thought I was in a serious relationship with Harlan.
Tyse
did know of Harlan, that he was a friend of mine, but I didn’t understand what else he
could be
thinking. I hadn’t talked to Tyse for
almost four weeks
, so how would he know that I’d been casually
dating Harlan
?
But I guess I couldn’t doubt the fact that things like that somehow got around, so I could only assume that was the case.
I hated not knowing things, and I hated not being able to talk to Tyse. I was really struggling with the fact that my life felt so out of control. I hardly had to make a decision about whether or not I wanted to go to England with Harlan. I knew that I wanted to. And because I’d heard absolutely nothing from Tyse since his voicemail before Christmas, it was hard for me to justify my reluctance anymore. And what was the deal with timing in my life? I had planned on telling Harlan that my answer was yes, and then I finally hear from Tyse that very same day. I just felt like everything was working against me, or the very least, I was incapable of figuring out
my
next move
.
The bottom line was that I needed to talk to Tyse. I h
ad to find out what “new change
” he
thought was going to keep me from remaining friends with him. I tried his phone again but I got the same message as the last dozen times I’d called:
This box is full; try again later.
Nate was never available either, or he was probably avoiding my calls, too. Tyse just had to be home by now; it was January 16
th
and I was worried that he’d be missing too much school. After leaving another message on his home answering machine, I tried the auto shop. It was after three, so if he
were
back in town
following his regular schedule, he would most likely be there. I had zero hope that he was though, because if he were back in town, I was sure that he would have called me.
“Uh, hang on
,
lemme find him,” the guy that answered the phone replied.
My heart began racing in my chest. He was there? He was back? I waited for what seemed like ten minutes even though it was barely one, and when the guy came back and said, “No, I guess he’s not here right now,” I completely deflated.
“But he is back in town, right? I mean you’ve seen him today?”
“Uh, yeah he was here an hour ago… Uh, who is this? Maybe you should just leave a message.”
“T
his is Ellie. I’m a friend of his and it’s so important that you have him—”
“Yeah, I remember you. You’ve called before, right?”
“Yes, I have,” I replied, feeling a little annoyed. “Did you actually pass along the messages?”
“Uh, yeah I did,” he said, seeming to repeat my tone. “And I’ll give it to him again, but I can’t promise he’ll call you back.”
“Is Nate in?”
He paused for several seconds. “Yes, just a second, please.”
Hmm, maybe he thought I was going to complain to the boss or something since it was the first time I’d ever heard him say please.
“Yeah, hey
Ellie,” Nate said a few seconds later. He didn’t seem too thrilled to speak to me either, and I was getting really frustrated with everyone.
“So Tyse is back?” was the first thing I asked.
“Yeah, he’s back. Ellie, give him some space, okay?”
“Space? I haven’t spoken to him for three-and-a-half weeks, Nate! What the hell is going on?”
He sighed. “You’re gonna have to get answers from him. I’m done with this; I’m staying out of it.”
“Well that sounds swell if he would actually call me back! How long has he been home?”
“Uh…” I wasn’t sure if he was going to make something up, but I was just about to accuse him of covering for Tyse when he answered, “He got home two days ago.”
“What
?!
And he didn’t let me know?”
“Ellie,
this is way over my head, okay? I don’t even know what to say to you anymore.”
“That’s no surprise because you don’t tell me anything in the first place.”
“Yeah, I know that. It’s what Tyse wants, so I gotta respect my buddy’s wishes, okay?”
I was about to argue, or say something mean, or…
something
,
because I was so frustrated. But maybe I just needed to tell Nate what was going on. Maybe that was the only way to get through to Tyse.
“Look, Nate,” I said quietly. “I don’t know what’s going on with Tyse. I got this letter from him and it didn’t really make sense to me. He said something about changes in my life, and not having to keep in touch anymore… I really didn’t understand it. Tyse is my best friend and there is no way I want to lose him. I don’t know what he assumes is in my life, but there’s nothing that’s going to push him out of it.
There’s nothing more important than him.
I was so excited for him to come for Christmas, and then everything…everything just seemed to fall apart for me
when he left that message and—”
“Wait, back up for a second. There’s not another guy in your life right now?”
I kind of scoffed. “Yeah, about that… Why would he assume that? I mean yeah I have a friend that I spend time with, but Tyse knows him and—”
“Yeah,
some English guy
, right?”
“Yes. Are you telling me that Tyse thinks I’m in a serious relationship with Harlan?”
“Well I would think if you’re engaged, then yeah
,
it’s kind of serious.”
“
Engaged
? What? Where did you hear that?”
“Well…
f
rom Tyse. That’s what he told me. You mean you’re not?”
“No. Why would he think that?”
“Uh, your sister.”
“What?”
“Your sister told him that.”
I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. I had a ton of questions, but I didn’t even know what to ask.
Nate sighed and said, “Look, your sister called him up some time before Christmas—I think it was a couple days before he
canceled the trip
—but she just unloaded all this shit on him about not being good enough for you, for being a bad influence
in
your life
and tearing
your family apart and all that.
She said you had another guy that you
were really serious about—a doctor—t
hat you were
gonna
marry him, and that he was
ten times the guy that Tyse was.
He just took it all, Ellie. Agreed with
every bit of it. You know Tyse;
he’s go
t this thing about him that believes all that crap
.
So you can kind of see why he hasn’t wanted to talk to you.
Ellie, he didn’t even want to come see you
for Christmas
, chica. I mean he wanted to see
you
, but he didn’t want to at the same time.
A
nd then to hear all that… It just kind of
reinforce
d what he already felt.
”
My entire body felt numb except for my heart that was pounding in my chest. I didn’t know if it was pounding for Tyse, or pounding because I hated my sister at that moment. I was so livid with her, and I couldn’t believe that she would do something so hurtful. I not only knew that I had to set things straight with
Tyse
, but I now had my sister to deal with as well.
“Nate,” was all I could say at first. I took a few seconds to take a deep breath. “Uh… I don’t even know what to say right now,” I admitted. I could feel tears forming in my eyes because I could only imagine how Tyse felt when my sister had unloaded all that garbage on him.
“Uh, are you crying?” Nate finally asked.
“Um, yeah, sorry.”
“Well…what’s going on? So
you’re not marrying the doctor
?”
“No, I’m not marrying Harlan. He knows that I’m waiting for someone else.”
“There’s
another
guy? So maybe I got the doctor mixed up with—”
“Yes, there’s someone else, Nate,” I chuckled. “Tyse. You know, the guy that won’t call me back? I’ve been waiting for Tyse.”
There was silence on the other end. “Wait a minute… Okay, I’m either a little slow here, or I’m just totally missing something. Tyse told me you guy were just friends. He said that’s all you two could
ever
be. Am I missing something?”
My heart
dropped
with disappointment. But maybe Tyse had just said that after what Dawn had told him. That made sense. If he thought I was marrying another guy, then of course we could only be friends.
“Well I’m sure he said that because of my sister and her stupidity. She had no right to treat him that way and…and that’s another issue I need to
take care of
.”
“No, he made it clear
way before that
. Even before yo
u came out in November. I got chewed out for even suggesting you guys be
more than friends.
Thanks to you I’m the number
two
best friend.”
I laid myself out on the couch because I literally felt ill. With my eyes closed I
decided
to finish up the phone conversation on a pleasant note. “Well because of my sister, you’re probably back at number one right now. Look Nate, I need to go. Thanks for taking the time to explain a few things to me. At least I feel a little more in the loop. Could you just… Could you tell Tyse that I’m really sorry? You know, about what Dawn did. That was just…” I sighed. “Just get him to call me, okay? Please? I need him back in my life.”
“Yeah, sure. He’s out getting a new phone right now, so maybe he can cal
l you.
Lost his on the boat the
first
day he was out. But I’ll have him call you.”
“Okay, thanks. Bye Nate.”
To say I was disappointed would be a flat out lie. I was crushed. For one, I couldn’t believe what my sister did. Did she honestly th
ink I wouldn’t find out? Well j
eez
, I guess it had been a
month
and I had absolutely no clue. I felt very angry emotions towards her, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
And then there was Tyse… I could only imagine how he felt to hear my sister rip him apart. Nate was right; Tyse already felt like he had a lot to make up for in life. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t really see his point of view on that issue. I thought he was amazing, and even though I did realize that some of his challenges might have a hold on him throughout his life, I didn’t think it took away from who he was as a person.
I thought those were the things that made him stronger.
I made a few phone calls for work and then started dinner. Harlan came over just after five, and I’ll
admit it
felt weird all over again when he greeted me with a kiss and told me how much he’d missed me. So now I was back to the in-between stage again? Where I was spending my time with Harlan, but still waiting for Tyse to call? I realized how that must have felt to Harlan, and for him to be so patient while I tried to figure it all out was pretty admirable. Here I was, having made the decision to tell him about England, and now I couldn’t.
In some ways I felt a little better
, for Harlan’s sake
. After talking to Nate I realized that Tyse really did only view me as a friend. It even made sense to me. He wouldn’t visit me for Thanksgiving, he was totally surprised when I visited him, and then he canceled his flight for Christmas. Had I really not seen the signs all along? Was I really kidding myself? He had never, not once, expressed an interest in me beyond friends
hip
. I’d hoped that he was just good at keeping it to himself like I was, but once I started developing ev
en stronger f
eelings for him
it was too hard to keep to myself. Had he come for Christmas, I would have shared my feelings. Was it better that he hadn’t?