Taken (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

             
I can feel the sun on my face but can't force my eyes to open. My head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and my stomach twists in discomfort. But still I can't move. I slowly pry one eye open and immediately shoot straight up. The second I do, the earth shifts and for a moment I think I'm going to pass out but then the feeling passes and I am able to get a grip on myself.

             
I know where I am immediately. I push the covers back and crawl from Liam's bed. I have no recollection as to how I got here but as my stomach twists again, I don't have much time to really think about it. I throw myself from the bed and sprint towards the bathroom. I feel like I am going to throw up a stomach full but nothing comes up. I dry heave over and over again before my body finally accepts that there's nothing there.

             
Suddenly yesterday comes flooding back. Liam refusing to see me. The bar, all the shots. I remember making it to the bathroom. I remember being sick. I remember crying and feeling like it would never stop. Then I remember Liam's arms around me as he carried me from the bar.

             
But that's where the broken memories stop. I don't know what happened after that, though I have a pretty good idea that I wasn't even conscious after that point. I'm still dressed in what I wore to work yesterday and my mouth feels disgusting. I peel myself from the floor and splash some water on my face before taking a shot of mouthwash and swishing it around for a good two minutes.

             
On wobbly legs, I make my way back into Liam's room. My shoes are next to the bed. My purse and cell phone on the bedside table. I reach for my phone and catch sight of the clock. It's a little after seven and I have to be a work in less than an hour. I know I should head home and get ready but I can't bring myself to leave just yet. If Liam is still here then I have to see him. I have to talk to him.

             
I grab my things and make my way downstairs. The lights are off and there is an eery silence in the air but I push forward. I refuse to leave until I am certain that he is not here. I make my way down the hall and push open the door to his study. I really don't expect him to be here so I jump a little at the sight of him.

             
He's sitting behind his desk, going through some type of file when I enter. He looks up at me and as much as I want to fight it, my body lights up immediately. No matter how much I'm hurting right now and despite my confusion, my body still recognizes that this is where I belong.

             
He eyes are worn and his hair is messier than normal. His white button down shirt is only half buttoned and wrinkled. It doesn't take a genius to see that he probably hasn't slept all night. I take a couple of steps into the room. My face locked in determination. For a moment, I swear I see sadness in his eyes but then just like that, it's gone. Replaced by the cold darkness that I saw the last time we were together.

             
He's still shutting me out and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. My legs feel weak and my head feels like it's been run over by a Mac truck. I don't have the strength to fight. I collapse in one of the leather chairs that sits in front of his desk. A loud sigh escaping my lips as I do.

             
He looks at me for a moment. His eyes feel like they are burning holes in my face but I don't look away. He tosses the file he's looking at on his desk and pushes himself forward. I try to say something, anything but my words are caught in my throat and nothing will come out.

             
“You're going to be late for work.” The coldness in his voice is like being doused in a bucket of ice water. A tremor runs through my entire body.

             
“Seriously? You haven't spoken to me in days and all you're worried about is that I'm going to be late for work?” My words come out broken and I know he can hear the hurt in my voice but his expression remains blank.

             
“You should probably get going.” He says, his eyes leaving mine to stare at his hands that are resting in front of him on his desk.

             
“No.” The word comes out harsh and resolute.

             
“No?” His eyebrows lift in question.

             
“No.” I say again. “I am not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on right now.” I spit, all the glue that has been holding my emotions in, melts away and my words come out like acid.

             
He runs his hand through his hair again, something I have picked up on that is a nervous habit of his. “I'm sorry Addison. You should leave.” He says, his voice emotionless.

             
“I have already told you that I am not leaving until I get some damn answers. So either you start talking or you will just have to have Dave carry me out kicking and screaming. Your choice.” I try to keep my tone even but I can feel my chin quiver with each word. The look in Liam's eyes says he can see it too and for a moment I see the mask slip.

             
“Addison, I'm not good for you.” He says, his eyes fixed firmly on mine. “I will always disappoint you, always let you down. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you.” My heart constricts at his words.

             
“What are saying? That you're not good enough for me or that I'm not good enough for you?” I ask the real question that has been lingering heavily on my heart for days. Deep down that has always been my fear. That one day he would wake up and realize that he can do so much better than me.

             
“God no Addison, it's not you.” Suddenly everything melts away. I am no longer sitting in Liam's study but I am back in my old apartment, all my things packed up.

             
“It's me.” I finish his sentence. Never in a million years did I think that I would have to go through this again. It's like reliving the same nightmare over and over again. One where I am used and discarded when that person no longer wants me.

             
The tears break free and I am no longer in control of my emotions. My mind is all over the place and I am grasping, doing anything I can to not give into the darkness threatening to take me over.

             
“It's not that easy Addison. You deserve so much better than me. Can't you see that? There will always be something that stands in our way. I will never be good enough for you, not the other way around.” His words wash over me, drowning me in their weight.

             
“So what then? You're ending it?” I spit, my sobs catching in my throat. “Just like that? You know what don't answer that. You're right. You don't deserve me. But not for the ridiculous reasons you may think. You don't deserve me because unlike you, I love with my whole heart. I commit and I see things through. I have compassion and I would never treat someone the way you are treating me right now.” I stand, my hands are trembling but the tears have stopped.

             
“You may not be willing to fight for us Liam, but I am. Because I love you, because you are worth it to me. You can push me away and give me every lame excuse in the book but I will never give up on you. You may not know what it means to be truly loved and for that I am so very sorry. But I am not like your family. And I am not just some girl interested in getting her hands on you.” I lean forward across his desk so that are faces are just mere inches apart.

             
“You once said that I was it for you. If that was true, if it's still true, then I hope for your sake you realize it before it's too late.” I push off and spin towards the door. Each step I take I hold my breath, hoping that he will stop me but he doesn't. He lets me walk away and for the life of me I can't figure out why. I know he loves me. I know he wants to be with me. But something is holding him back. Something he won't tell me.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

              I call into work, offering some lame excuse about a stomach bug. I can't force myself to function like everything is normal when it simply is not. After soaking in the bathtub for over an hour, I finally make it to my room and mange to get some sleep. Even though I slept for a good twelve hours last night, my body still feels exhausted and I am mentally and emotionally drained.

             
I spend the remainder of the day curled up in my pajamas watching romance movies on the Lifetime channel. They do nothing for my mood and my mind wanders the entire time, not able to really focus on what I'm watching.

             
Kristina gets home a little after six to find me still glued to the couch hours later. She throws her stuff down on the coffee table before sitting a blue and pink cupcake in front of me. I look up at her questionably.

             
“I thought you could use a pick me up.” Kristina says, plopping down in the chair next to the couch.

             
“Why the hell does it have a baby bottle on the top?” I let out a light laugh, wondering if she's trying to tell me something.

             
“Oh no, not me!” She exclaims. “Michelle announced at work today that she's pregnant. Maybe that's why she's been such a raging bitch the last few weeks.”

             
I lay there for a moment motionless. It's like time stops and the moment freezes around me. I look back to Kristina to see her eyes widen as she pieces it together too.

             
“Did she say how far along she is?” I ask, sitting up and dropping my head into my hands. Please don't let it be Liam's, I pray over and over again.

             
“I don't know girl. I didn't think to ask.” Kristina says, her blue eyes studying me, trying to gauge my reaction.

             
“Oh my god.” The words come out in a whisper. I start rocking in place, not able to sit still any longer. I am mentally piecing it all together. Michelle has been throwing me vicious smiles for the last week. Walking around like she knows something I don't know but for whatever reason it never clicked.

             
I never put it together. She's pregnant and Liam is the father. “Oh my god.” I say again, the words catching in my throat.

             
“We can't assume anything.” Kristina tries to reassure me. “She didn't say who the father was. Everyone at work was completely shocked. But of course, no one else knows about her and Liam. I doubt she even knows that I know.”

             
“I have to go.” I say, standing to my feet. Kristina makes a grab for my arm but I jerk it away. Tears are streaming down my face as I make my way into my room and change quickly into jeans and a tank. I don't bother with makeup. Honestly, I don't care how I look.

             
Kristina is still sitting in the chair when I come out but she immediately jumps up trying to intercept me at the door. “Where are you going?” She says, holding her hands up between us. “Addison you need time to process this. You can't go anywhere right now, look at you.” She says, dropping her hands to her sides.

             
“You think I don't know what I look like? Imagine how I feel.” I spit at her. My legs grow weak beneath my weight. “I have to see Liam. I have to know the truth. If this is why he's been pushing me away, I deserve the right to know.”

             
“Let me drive you.” She says, grabbing her keys from the hook next to the door. “If you insist on doing this now, at least let me go with you.” She pleads, her blue eyes pooling with empathy.

             
I nod and push my way past her. She's right of course. I shouldn't be driving right now. Hell, I can barely stand. I feel the weight crashing down on me over and over again. A giant wave that keeps pounding over me, pushing me further and further from the surface.

             
The drive to
Bella Vita
is silent and the air is thick with tension. I sit in the passenger seat of Kristina's car, staring out the window, the city of Las Vegas whipping around us. While I feel like I am stuck, frozen in this moment, the world goes on as if nothing has happened.

             
I watch from the window as people enter and exit buildings. Happy couples walking hand in hand down the sidewalk. Friends making their way down the busy strip talking and laughing. I remember when I used to blend in with them. I remember a time when I was so oblivious to everything around me and life seemed perfect.