The
extremely loud and intimidating banging startles me once more, causing me to
switch my phone on so I can call somebody. My first thought is to try the police
but then I think of Cole. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would help me and
he would also know what to do. I still don’t understand what’s happening
between us but I trust him and instinctively know he’s the right person to
call.
I
dial his number and press the phone against my ear, desperate for him to pick
up and answer. If Jonathan or any of his friends are trying to break into my
house right now then I need Cole here. He’s the only one who can stop them and
the only one who has ever been able to make me feel safe.
There’s
no answer but I keep on trying, calling him over and over again as the noise
outside increases. It sounds like someone is pounding against the kitchen door
in an attempt to get inside. I remain frozen, paralysed by my fear as I plead
with Cole to answer his phone and help me.
The
banging stops suddenly, drawing my attention towards my bedroom window. I
scramble off the bed and peek out of my bedroom curtains, peering out of them
into the darkness. I can’t see anything for several seconds until my eyes begin
to adjust and that’s when I realise I can vaguely make out someone’s silhouette
outside my back door.
Cole.
It’s
really him. He’s actually outside my bedroom window. This also means that he’s
responsible for frightening me. I have no idea what he’s doing here at this
time of night or why he’s been hammering on my kitchen door for the past few
minutes but I need to find out.
I
storm out of my bedroom and race down the stairs, flinging the back door open
in anger. I try and control the fury which is building up inside of me,
determined to find out the truth.
“Cole,
what the hell are you playing at?! What are you doing here?”
He’s
holding onto the doorframe, trying to support his weight as he sways back and
forth in front of me. It’s obvious he’s been drinking because he can barely
stand up straight and I can smell the alcohol on him. I really don’t want to
let him inside but his strong frame prevents me from being able to close the
door on him.
Cole
is broad and athletic, reminding me that I’m certainly no match for his power
or his strength. He’s glowering at me with so much hatred in his eyes, it
causes me to tremble. I don’t recognise this man. He’s a stranger to me and I
don’t want him here. Not like this.
“I
need to talk to you.” He growls menacingly. “Let me inside right now.”
“What’s
going on? Why are you here?”
“Step
aside, Serena. I mean it.” He demands coldly.
“Or
what?” I challenge him foolishly, instantly regretting it.
“Or
I’ll make you.” He snarls, taking a step closer towards me.
He
shoves me aside and steps indoors, slamming the back door behind him.
“Cole!”
I exclaim loudly, astonished by his rage and the force he used to get by me.
He
stumbles into my living room, holding onto the dining table so he can maintain
his balance. Turning around to face me, his eyes wander up and down my body. I
recognise the desire in them and it makes me feel uncomfortable. It ignites my
own arousal for him and this angers me. I chastise myself for being so weak and
decide to put some distance between us, needing to remain in control and keep
my focus.
“I
can’t take this anymore.” He groans loudly, cradling his head in his hands. “I…
I have to know.”
“You’ve
been drinking.” I state harshly, narrowing my eyes at him in disgust.
“So
what if I have? What’s it got to do with you?”
“What’s
happening to you? Why are you being like this?”
“Don’t
do that.” He warns me. “Don’t act all innocent.”
“I
just want to know what’s going on with you. What have you been doing and where
have you been?”
“You
really want to know?”
“Yes!”
I cry out in desperation.
“I’ve
been all over.” He admits, leaning back against the table behind him. “I’ve
been drinking… fighting… visited to a few strip clubs. I don’t even remember
how many of them I’ve been to.”
“You’ve
been
where
?”
I
ask him to repeat his question as my heartrate increases. An overwhelming
sensation of envy starts to take over my body as my knees buckle. I almost
collide with the floor beneath my feet, incapable of processing the words he
just said to me.
“Strip
clubs.” He confirms boldly, watching me closely. “Does that make you jealous?”
He’s
enjoying this. He’s taunting me with cruelty and is actually getting some sick
sort of thrill out of it.
“Why
are you doing this?! Why are you doing this to me?” I yell, turning my back on
him when I can’t even stand to look at him anymore.
“Because
you
knew
!” He roars in fury, striding across the room towards me.
“Knew
what?”
“About
him!” He shouts fiercely, grabbing hold of my shoulders so he can shake me
roughly.
“Who?”
“Your
fucking father.” He sneers contemptuously.
There’s
a momentary silence as I try to process what he means. None of it makes any
sense and I have no idea what my father has to do with any of this.
“You’re
crazy. Why are you bringing my father into this? You don’t even know him.”
“You’re
right. I don’t.” He replies coolly, maintaining the derisive and disdainful
manner he’s been using since ever since he came inside.
“You’re
not even making any sense.” I snap, shoving him backwards. “You’re drunk and
you need to leave right now. Get the hell out and stay the hell away from me. Close
that door and don’t ever speak to me again. I hate you.”
“You
see, I’ve already tried that. For the past twenty-four hours I’ve tried hating
you, forgetting you, resenting you… and none of it fucking works. It just made
me want you even more. I couldn’t even keep away from you for one fucking day.”
“So
that’s the reason you’ve been watching a load of strippers take their clothes
off for you?” I challenge him, fighting against the sickening jealousy which is
coursing through my veins.
“I
needed to forget.” He explains sadly, lowering his defences for the first time
tonight. “I’ve tried everything to get you out of my damn head since I found
out the truth but nothing fucking works! I thought the strip clubs would help,
I thought the parties and the clubs would help numb the pain but they didn’t.
Not when you’re the only one I could see, the only girl I want to touch and the
only woman I need.”
“Cole,
you need to tell me the truth. Tell me what you found out.” I instruct him, speaking
sternly.
I
need him to realise how serious I am and that this is his final chance to
confide in me. This is his one and only opportunity to make me understand
what’s going on inside his head.
“You
don’t know what you’re asking of me, Serena.” He whispers, stroking my hair
back from my face. “Once you learn this... there’s no going back. It will never
be the same again,
we
will never be the same.”
“
Why
?”
I ask him once again. “What do you know?”
“It’s
your father.” He murmurs softly, closing his eyes so he no longer has to look
at me. “He’s… I mean… he’s mine too.”
I
freeze as my whole world stops turning and my brain battles against the horrifying
revelation I just heard. Observing him closely, I start to wonder if all of
this is some sort of twisted joke or a hideous prank in an attempt to destroy
me. It has to be. The alternative is far worse.
“W-what
are you talking about?” I ask weakly.
“The
guy we saw outside your house yesterday… he’s your dad, right?”
“Yes.
I already told you that.” I reply despondently, feeling desolate and numb.
“Well,
he’s mine too.”
“But…
but he can’t be. How do you know that?”
“I
know my own parent, Serena. I’m not saying that he’s played a huge part in my
life but I know him. I only saw him a few months ago.”
“But
he’s never mentioned you. I’m his only child and I always have been.” I argue,
paralysed by the actual thought of my new reality if this is really true.
“You
don’t think I thought the exact same thing?” Cole asks, sobering up before my
very eyes. “He never told me anything about having another kid.”
“Look,
this is ridiculous. This whole conversation is just wrong. You’re mistaken. You
just have to be.” I proclaim defiantly, holdings my hands when he walks towards
me, needing to keep him far away from me at all costs.
“Serena,
I’ve been through this a thousand times and I’m not wrong. He’s your dad and
he’s also mine. He walked out on my mum when I was just a baby, only choosing
to get in contact when it was my birthday or at Christmas. I didn’t ask about
his life or know anything about him. I didn’t care to find out… until now.”
“And
how can you be certain?”
“I
phoned him this morning.”
“You
did
what
?”
“I
had to know for sure.”
“And
what did you say to him?”
“I
asked him outright. I said I needed to know if he had fathered anymore kids
when I was younger. I told him I couldn’t explain the reason why I needed to
know and he accepted that. His silence spoke volumes and that’s when I knew. He
came out with it eventually and told me all about you, he even told me your damn
name. He forgot to mention the fact that he’s in town to see you because the bastard
knows he’s never made any effort to see me. He doesn’t even know I’m living in
the same place as you with my mum. He knows nothing.”
I
try to even out my breathing, turning my back on him as I now cradle my own
head in my hands. The silence between us is deafening, heightening the
intensity between us as we both make an attempt to deal with this in our own
way.
“My
God.” I whimper. “My God, this can’t be happening. Why is this happening?”
“I
don’t know why but it is.” He responds coldheartedly, sustaining his cold
façade.
“What
do we… what do we do?” I ask him, pleading with him to give me answers.
“How
the fuck do you expect me to know?” He snarls bitterly, glowering at me in
contempt. “You think I have a solution to this because I found out about it
before you did?”
“I
don’t know. I just… God… the things we’ve done. It’s sick! It’s disgusting.
It’s illegal!” I cry hysterically, tugging on my hair in torment.
“I
know
! I know all of that but we didn’t know about this at the time!
Neither one of us did.” He yells, taking hold of my small wrists in his hands
so I don’t hurt myself.
“W-who
do we tell? Do we go to the police? Do we tell dad?” I ask him, imploring him
with my broken eyes and heart to tell me what to do.
I
need him to save me. I want him to rescue me and make it all go away. He has to
heal my pain like he has done before. If he doesn’t… who will?
“Hell
no.” He concludes decidedly. “We don’t tell
anyone
about this and I mean
that. Not your mum, not Lisa, not our fucking useless, piece of shit father and
certainly not the damn police, ok?”
“But
why? Why can’t we tell anyone what we’ve found out? You’re right when you said
that we didn’t know, we haven’t done anything wrong.”
“How
naive are you, Serena? You really think that other people are going to see it
like that? You know how miserable they made your life at school for sending one
photo. Can you imagine how they’re going to react if they find out you’ve been
in a sexual relationship with your half-brother?”
He’s
right. Of course he is. However, that doesn’t mean I want to hear it. The
devastation that his last statement causes me is nothing short of
soul-destroying. It makes me want to crumple to my knees and sob for an
eternity.
“Cole,
don’t say it. Please.” I beg, shaking my head at him.
“What?
You don’t want me to say that we’re related?” He taunts, forcing me back
against the wall behind me.
“No!”
“Why
not?”
“Because…
because it makes me feel ill. It makes me feel cheap, nasty and dirty.
Everything I don’t want to feel when I think of you.”
“And
why is that? Is it because you still want it? Because you still want
me
?”
“Of
course not.” I claim vehemently. “How could I?”
“Because
you still remember.” He whispers, brushing his lips against my ear. “You
remember how I made you feel, you remember how incredible it was between us and
you know you could have it all again.”
“You’re
crazy! You’re sick. How the hell can we still have it?! It’s against the law!”
I scream, shoving my hands against his solid chest.