The Beginning of Us (130 page)

Oct 22
^nd

Stosh didn’t come home last night. I think he found out what I was doing at my new job. I could have sworn I saw his car in the parking lot. He doesn’t understand that I’m just dancing. I’m not a whore.

His drinking is getting out of hand. Most nights, he passes out on the couch. We barely speak. It’s the reason I got the job in the first place. I needed my own money.

I miss him. I just don’t know what to do. How do I save my marriage?

The next couple months were all about her trying to be a perfect wife, so I passed through them with just a glance.

Dec 31
^st

Apparently, the key to my husband’s heart starts in his dick. We rung in the new year in bed and vowed to try harder in our marriage. He finally told me he loved me. I haven’t heard it in so long. He repeated it over and over, saying I was the best he’s ever had. It made me feel whole again. I love that man.

I skipped through them being all happy and in love. It was enough to make me want to puke all over the pages.

April 6
^th

I can’t believe it. How could he do this to me? How could he sleep with that little bitch? He thought I was working. He brought her to our house and fucked her in my bed. I heard him telling her he loved her. He said she was the best he ever had. I wanted to kill them both. I’ve never felt so betrayed. My life is over without him.

She didn’t write in her diary for a whole month.

May7th

I can’t be sure, but Stosh says he ended things with that business associate. He’s been coming home on time every night and attending church with me on Sunday’s. Maybe I’m trying too hard, but it can’t hurt. I just want what we had back. I don’t’ want to lose him.

I skipped through the amazing sex they shared together. That was nothing that I wanted to read about.

Sept 1
^st

I took Stosh’s phone when he was asleep. I found a video of him and that women he’d had the affair with. They were naked in the shower. Doesn’t he realize that I depend on him? I have nothing without him. How can I stay in a marriage if I can’t trust him? I don’t’ know what to do.

Sept 4
^th

I slept with my boss last night. He bought me a necklace and told me he would give me the world if he could. He’d been begging me for months. I only did it to get back at Stosh. When I came home the next morning and told him, he begged me for another chance. Maybe the video on his phone was old?

Now I know how to get him to love me.

I skipped through more pages.

Jan 19
^th

Stosh made me quit my job. He said he would buy me a new car if I stayed home and focused on becoming a mother. I went to the doctor and he told me that I’m never going to be able to carry a baby full term. What am I going to do? How do I tell him that? He’s going to want to leave me. I have nothing to offer.

She never talked about anything for two more months.

March 9
^th

I’ve devised a plan to have a baby with my husband. It’s going to take a couple months to put together, but we’ll have a baby. I’m still not sure of the details, but hopefully things will work out. I’m going to have my happily ever after, no matter what I have to do to get it.

That was the last entry. I’d skipped many other entries, but those weren’t pivotal. My sister was sick. She needed help.

It took a while for me to take in everything I’d read. Stosh was no longer the innocent man that I’d fallen in love with. He was flawed. He’d cheated and had an affair. He’d told lies and lived a secret life.

It was hard to think about.

I had no choice, but to find him and talk about things. We still didn’t know what my sister was up to. I had to know how he felt about her. Was he just with me to get back at her? All these questions filled my mind. I was so confused.

Chapter 9

A large pizza and a slap in the face.

We didn’t get home until dinner time.  I refused to talk to Stosh about the things that I read, until I had time to think about how I felt. Parts of his past hurt worse than others. He was only doing what he felt was right by my sister. I didn’t blame him for having an affair, but I didn’t like that he’d said the same things to both girls. It made me question his feelings for me, even though I felt like he was being sincere.

By the time we pulled up at his place, he couldn’t take my silence anymore. “Last night was the best night of my life, Willow. I’ve waited so long to be with you. I know you’re disappointed in me. I don’t blame you. Please, just don’t shut me out.” He grabbed my hand and waited for me respond.

“I’m a grown woman, not a child. I don’t regret anything we’ve done. Last night was perfect. I just need to know…do you still love Ivy?”

He put his hands on the steering wheel. “I never loved her like I love you. I swear to God!”

“It’s not a competition. Obviously, she’s in love with you. We have no idea what she’s up to. I just want to be prepared.” I felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. They needed therapy and divorce papers.

“I have no idea what she’s up to. I can’t believe you asked me that. Do you really think I’d love someone that lied and cheated and kept me away from you? I tried to be married, to do the right thing. It didn’t work. I slept with that other chick to get caught. I figured it would get me out of my marriage. Instead, it made her try harder.”

“How did you get this diary?” I held it up.

“I paid some kid to break into her car when I took her to the mall. We came out and everything was missing, including her hidden things in the trunk. She has no clue I have it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “What happened to the innocent man I fell in love with?”

“He grew balls. I want out, Will. I need to get away from her. Why do you think I never bought a house? I don’t’ want her name on anything.”

“I read the entries about when you were happy together.”

He looked down, like he felt ashamed. “There was a time, briefly, when I developed strong feelings for her. It’s true. I got to a point where I just wanted to move forward with my life. She loved me and wanted to be with me. It just made sense since we were already married.”

I held up my hand. “You don’t have to explain. I said I got it and I do. I’m sure it hurt to read all the shitty things she wrote about you. I don’t blame you for hating her. As mad as I am, it’s hard to imagine hating my sister. I mean, I’m in shock, but I’m not a fool. I see what she’s capable of. I just feel like when I was reading the parts about her falling in love with you, they seemed real. It just proved that she still has a heart.”

He gave me a strange look. “What are you saying?”

“As much as I want to be with you, I think we should wait. Who knows what she has up her sleeve. Each time she calls, she begs me to do whatever it takes to keep you happy. Why else would she want me to go to extremes?”

He took the keys out of the ignition and looked around, before opening his driver’s side door. “Let’s finish this inside.”

I carried in my own bag and sat it down by the door, while I watched him head into the bedroom. The sound of the shower running let me know what he was doing. I thought about joining him and feeling his warm body made me forget everything again.

I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

While Stosh showered, I ordered us a pizza. I knew he’d be done before the delivery man showed up, but I sat in the living room anyway, just in case he drove at the speed of light.

Stosh came out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and nothing else. He still had a couple drops of water on his chest. “We should order a pizza or something.”

“I already did.”

He liked the way I was looking at him. He looked down at his chest and then back up to me. “See something you like?”

“I do.”

He sat down beside me and played with the collar to my shirt. “You should have joined me in the shower.” His lips were cold and wet and I could taste the water from his shower. I pulled away before I lost control. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to chill out until I can figure out what she’s up to. She asked me here for a reason. What was your schedule like before you knew I was here?”

He shrugged. “I play cards with the guys and I always go out of town for work the next morning. Why?”

“She said that, but when she called and found out you stayed, she changed things. She told me to do whatever I had to do to keep you happy. She told me to sleep with you if I had to.”

He leaned in and kissed me again. “That can be arranged.”

I pulled away again. “Please stop. I’m worried.”

He stood up and walked over to the windows, closing all of the mini-blinds. “Is that better?”

“She has a key to the house. Even though she gave me her set, I’m sure she can get in. She probably hid a spare somewhere.”

He approached me, breaking the distance between us. I didn’t have time to think before his lips were on mine. I didn’t fight him, instead, I kissed him back, letting him know that my feelings hadn’t changed. It was so hard knowing that they’d made love in this very house. I thought about him whispering sweet nothings to her. I wondered how she responded. Did he ever think of me when he was with her? Did he imagine she was me?

He leaned his forehead against mine. “Let’s just leave. We can pack our bags and get out of this town.”

“I don’t even live in this town. If you weren’t married to my sister that might work. I just got a good job where I live. If I work hard I can earn promotions. I can’t leave. I start in a week.”

“I can come there.”

“She’ll follow us.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t want to be involved in it. I have a good life.”

“What about us?” He looked upset.

“There can’t be an us, until you’re free of her. You know that.”

He sat down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. “I didn’t expect this to be so difficult. Do you even want a future with me?”

I reached over and grabbed his arm. “Of course I do. It’s just, too much to handle right now. I just learned that my sister sabotaged my life. She’s got a vendetta against me and my parents. I can’t worry about my love life until I know what I’m dealing with. Had you not married her, we wouldn’t be dealing with this right now.”

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed us both a beer. “I’m a victim in all of this, too, Will. You act like I wanted this to happen.”

A knock at the door caught us off guard. “It must be the pizza guy.” I went for my purse, but Stosh grabbed his wallet and met the guy at the door. He sat the pizza box on the kitchen table. “Pineapple and ham?”

I smiled and met him at the table. “You know it. I never eat a pizza without it.”

He opened up the box and grabbed us each a slice. “It’s good to know that some things don’t change.”

I sighed and thought about being with him. Truthfully, it was all I ever wanted. There had to be a way for us to be together. I couldn’t give up when my heart wouldn’t let me. “If I could stay here with you, I would.”

He sat down his pizza and reached over the table. “When is she coming back?”

“As early as tomorrow.” It hurt me to say it out loud.

“Then spend the night in my arms, where you belong. She’s kept us apart for too long. I’m not willing to let you go yet.”

Me leaving was inevitable. We still didn’t even know what my sister was doing. She was up to something. I had to know what it was. Stoshua may have wanted to get out of his marriage, but I wanted to figure out how I was involved. Maybe we could both win, if we were patient enough. “I’d love to stay with you tonight, Stoshua, because Joshua was taken.”

He shook his head and laughed. “You remember that?”

“I remember everything when it comes to you. I always will.”

He got quiet for a second, like he dazed away. “I don’t want to have to wait long to be with you everyday. I can work from home. We can live wherever your new job is. Just tell me you’ll consider it. Tell me we have a chance.”

I picked at my pizza. “I hope we do.”

“You don’t sound convinced that it could happen.” I hated to see him look confused. I can’t imagine what the last couple months had been like for him. I understood why he hated her so much. There was just pieces to the puzzle that made no sense.

“Baby steps, Stosh.”

We dropped the topic of being together, probably because I was just so unsure. He was sick of hearing me say the wrong things. He didn’t understand that my heart has always belonged to him. Something was just off. I needed to figure out what it was.

A little later, after the sun went down, we cuddled up on the couch. He had his arms around me and held me tight. I kissed him with passion and let my lips linger over his. “Make love to me.”

He grabbed my face with both of his hands and held them there as he kissed me slowly. “My pleasure.”

We took our time, removing one article of clothing at a time. He carried me into the bedroom and laid me down on his bed. I tried not to think about what he’d done with my sister there. It was hard not to picture it. Of course, it only made me want to try harder. I had this idea that I needed to be the best. I wanted to be unforgettable, so that he never had regrets. I teased him with my tongue, sliding it all the way down to his stiff erection. My palm massaged his balls, while I took his girth into my mouth. He closed his eyes and held onto my head as I used my mouth to pleasure him. My other hand jerked the bottom of his shaft. I got a rhythm going between my hand and my mouth. He started moving his hips as he got closer to exploding. I bobbed my head up and down harder and faster. The more I worked, the louder he moaned. He held my hair and pulled it as he held my head still. I tasted his release on my tongue and swallowed his whole load, before licking my lips and looking into his eyes. I kissed the tip and smiled.