The Beginning of Us (133 page)

It’s funny, I used to think that about you. Now I know better.

There’s nothing you can do to hurt me. I have everything that I’ve ever wanted.

Not everything! You don’t have a baby. In fact, you’re never going to be able to have one.

You bitch!

No! You’re a bitch! You took everything from me!

I did and I would do it again. Do you know how long I waited to hear our parents talk bad about you? Do you know how good it feels to be the favorite?

It was never a competition!
I never saw our life the way she had.

Maybe not to you, but it was for me.

Did you ever love me, Ivy?

Love is about respect and I lost that by the time we turned ten.

I feel sorry for you. You’ll never know what it feels like to have someone love you. I feel sorry for you. You’ll die alone, you know that right?

Screw you!

She hung up before I could say anything else. I’d made the first step at getting her upset. I wasn’t going to stop until I had everything she’d taken from me. This was war and I wasn’t about to lose.

I didn’t care about her feelings, and after what she’d done, I didn’t even feel bad about it.

While still in a piss poor mood, I grabbed my keys and headed for my car. When I got out to the road it started to pour down rain. I was so distraught, that I dropped my keys twice, trying to find the right one and unlock my door. The kicker was that I had power locks, but the battery on my keypad got wet and I had yet to replace it.

While standing there flipping through keys, someone approached me with an umbrella. Figuring it was just one of my neighbors, I continued to unlock and open my car door. I turned around to say thank you and saw Stosh standing there. It was pouring all around us. “I thought I told you to leave.”

“You’re an intelligent woman, but I don’t have to listen to you.”

“I feel like you raped me. You may as well have. The end result was just the same.” I had my hands on my hips, as if it made me look more serious.

“That hurts.”

“Well, it’s the truth! Now you tell me that my sister had some scheme to get me pregnant and you were in on it the whole time? You’re sick!”

“I wanted you and you wanted me too. So what if I lied about what brought us together. What we shared was mutual and you know it. I would never do…” He was so damn adamant, but all I wanted to do was wipe the smile off of his face.

“You would never what? Let it happen? You’re a day late and a dollar short for that comment. I wish it never happened! I wish I never went back to town and we were never together.” I climbed into my car, leaving him standing there. When he never moved, I rolled down the window. He looked like he was going to cry. His eyes were serious and full of pain. “You don’t mean that.”

“Move out of the way. I have to go.”

He just stood there, holding his umbrella, like he hadn’t heard me.

“Stosh, please, just go home. Live your life and stop worrying about me. You know if Ivy catches you here she’s going to go all ape-shit. I can’t take anymore of her antics. I just want to live my life, without all of this bullshit! I want to forget any of it happened.”

A single tear fell down his face. “Please…Don’t make me leave, Will.”

“Goodbye, Stosh.”

I started pulling the car away from the curb, before he’d even moved. He backed away quickly and watched me drive away from him. I was a sobbing mess, but I kept driving, knowing that he would follow if I didn’t.

When I pulled into the pharmacy, a rush of worry came over me. I didn’t have the money or the resources to raise a child on my own. My sister knew that. She and Stosh were legally married. They had a place to live and parents that could help them. If I was pregnant, there was a good chance she could really win custody. I wasn’t about to let that happen.

That night, alone in my house, I sat there staring at the box of tests. I was upset with myself for putting myself in this exact predicament. Surely, we should have used protection. Had I not been part of some master plan, maybe I could have prevented all of this.

Still, there I was, sitting on the floor of my empty place, in fear of what would be the result. I took them all just to make sure they all came out the same.

There it was, right in front of me.

I think I was in shock; unable to believe that it was even possible.

I cried and cried, not that it could change anything.

All my life, I’d never considered having to get an abortion. It went against everything that I’d ever believed in. After taking three tests, I was on the phone with the clinic, scheduling something that I didn’t want to do.

I couldn’t raise a baby.

I couldn’t give it up for adoption, because I knew who would be first in line. She’d get wind of my situation and be there to take away my child.

Once again, my sister was ripping my heart out.

Had she thought about this result?

Had she known that I would suffer either way?

My appointment wasn’t for two weeks and that just made my decision even harder. As the days went by, my heart broke more by the second. I moved into my new apartment, started my new job, and tried to get by. Except, starting a new job, when my heart was elsewhere, made for bad first impressions.

I showed no initiative, because I didn’t care about anything anymore. All of the countless hours I’d spent studying, all of the things that I’d missed out on, had left me with regret. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. If lightening were to strike me, or I’d been hit by a car and die, it would have been a good thing.

Giving up my baby, because it was the only means of protecting it, was the only option.

As the days got closer to my unborn child’s horrible fate, I contemplated ending my own life. The idea of living a life and knowing what I’d done was going to consume me forever.

Now that I was out of school, and out on my own, I couldn’t expect an allowance from my parents. Not that they were even on speaking terms with me. I’d tried to contact them several times, one time even pleading, but they refused to listen. My sister had brainwashed them into thinking that I actually had tried to break up her marriage by having an affair with Stosh.

Since they wouldn’t talk to me by phone, I wrote them letters, in which I assume my sister intercepted. It didn’t even matter. At the end of the day they were going to believe my grieving sister over me, even if her grieving was all a load of bullshit.

On the morning of my appointment I called a cab and threw up three times before the driver arrived. I was shaking profusely and had no idea how I was going to force myself to walk inside of that clinic.

The waiting room was filled with young girls, seeking the same fate as I was. We were all going to regret it, I was sure of that. One day, we would walk by a mother and child and think about what it would have been like to hold our baby, to kiss our baby, to have our baby.

I only sat there for several minutes before I had to make a mad dash for the ladies room. There, I splashed water on my face and told myself this was the only way. The pain was just too new for me to be able to move on.

When they called my name to go back, I had to meet with a counselor. It was good they had them there, for the girls who were unsure of what they wanted. They wanted all options to be weighed before we took that final step.

Several hours later, I was calling a cab and heading home. I’d made my bed, now I was going to have to lay in it.

I was keeping my baby.

Determined to turn my life around, I decided not to tell Stoshua the truth. If he really loved me, he would want to be with me even if there was no baby.

It took me three days to conjure up the nerve to call him. I don’t know why I had to talk to him, but something told me that I just had to know if his feelings were real. I had to know if he was going to destroy my sister.

I called when he was at work, knowing my sister wouldn’t be anywhere near him. As far as I knew, they weren’t together, but I’d been lied to before, so I had to make sure I was protecting myself.

Willow? Are you alright? I’m surprised to hear from you. I thought you’d written me off.

Not yet.

I started to cry immediately. I don’t get why, because talking to him wasn’t exactly difficult for me. I guess I just wanted a place to belong. I felt so alone, like there was nobody that could heal my heart. The longer it had been sincehearing from Stosh, the more I realized that I couldn’t just get over him. I hated him, but I loved him just as much. Still, I needed to do this. I had to go on with my life and this was the only way to make that happen.

What’s wrong, babe? Are you pregnant?

Not anymore.

What does that mean? Did you miscarry?

No!

Tell me you didn’t, Will. Please say you didn’t do it?

I had no choice!

The line went quiet and then I heard sniffling.

I started to cry harder.
Say something.

It hurts. I don’t know what to say. I just thought…

You thought what? Did you think we could just run off into the sunset and raise our child? Did you think that we could get away from her and her mind games?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Well, you’re wrong, Stosh. Life doesn’t work that way. My parents would help her. She has a vendetta and she won’t stop until we both have nothing.

She can take away everything I have, but she could never take away my love for you, Willow. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. She kept us apart for too long. What’s done is done, but I still want to be with you. I only want to be with you.

He was more serious, while I was still a crying mess.
You don’t know how badly I want to believe that. I miss my parents. They won’t talk to me. She’s got them believing all of her lies. I’m so alone.

Text me your new address.

Why?

Because, I’m coming there. I’m tired of this bullshit. She wants to play games, I’ll play my own. If she wants everyone believing that we’re together, I say we give them a show.

Stosh, you can’t!

I’ll see you soon, Will. I love you so much.

I didn’t get a chance to say it back, and I wasn’t sure I was even ready to. He knew how I felt and now I just had to figure out what that meant for us.

I text him my address, but he never text back.

A knock on my door sent me running toward it. Stosh stood there with a suitcase in one hand and a smile on his face.

Chapter 13

Don’t stop, won’t stop, can’t stop.

I don’t know how fast it takes the hormones to start working, but I found myself running into his arms. All I wanted to feel was support and understanding. I needed to know that someone still loved me.

I needed him.

“I didn’t expect that.” He smiled and pulled away far enough to look at me. “I missed you.”

I smiled, but remembered that this was a test. “Prove it.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Willow, I’ve spent the last two months kicking myself for what I did to you. I’ll prove it to you, I promise.”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him into my new apartment. It wasn’t extravagant, but I could afford it on my salary. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom. Since I lived by myself, I didn’t need a master bathroom to make me happy. The kitchen was galley style with bars on the opposite side, which happened to be in the same space as the living room. It was mine and that was what was important.

Stosh looked around the place. He led me back to my bedroom and sat me down on my bed. He picked up my hands and brought them to his lips. I watched him close his eyes and run one of my hands over his cheek. “I think about the way your skin feels.”

I couldn’t admit to him that I’d practically memorized everything about him. Instead, I closed my eyes and imagined the way it felt when he kissed me. I felt something touching my mouth and realized it was his fingers.

We were alone, the door locked behind us. Stosh came there to be with me. I know I was supposed to be testing him, but I couldn’t hold back my need to touch him. I ran my hands over his shirt, across his chest. Our eyes were on each other and I don’t even know if I was blinking. Everything in the room began to spin, when his hands went from my hips to my waist. I felt his fingers sliding under my shirt. Right away, I lifted my arms, giving him the permission to remove it.

Every inch gave me chills, knowing what it was leading to. A moan escaped from his throat and it intensified the situation.

Our mouths met for the first time. Each stroke of his tongue was like I was waking up. I could feel it down to my bones and the magnificent sensations overwhelmed me, just like our first time. We both had so much pent up animosity that it was hard to breathe. Our kisses were ravenous and the room filled with our pure lust for one another. It was impossible to think about anything else except for what was happening between us. I was under his tantric spell and it was intensifying by the second.

His lips were wet as he drug them against mine. Our teeth collided as he climbed on the bed on top of me. I loved feeling his strong body pressed into mine. I reached my hands up his shirt, tugging it off the same way he’d done mine. I wasted no time finding his belt and unhooking it, so I could reach my hand down his pants and touched what I craved to have inside of me again. While I explored, he lifted my legs up, positioning me like he was ready to enter me.

I cried out into the room, feeling his desire matching mine. My mission was to feel his love, but his need was enough to appease me for the moment. The rest of our clothes came off and were thrown all over the room. I didn’t care about the mess or finding them later. All I wanted to do was be naked with this man.