The Beginning of Us (52 page)

Garrett

Chapter 15

I want to erase all these tears off this girl’s face, so I gently kiss them away. It wrecks me to see her cry. I would give anything in the world to kiss them away permanently. I’m not sure if these are the good kind of tears or the bad ones, but the amount of stress it causes me to figure it out is huge. I want to get rid of them quickly.

“Baby, I’m not sure I like tears on your beautiful face. Good kind or bad kind, they both worry me. Tell me what you’re thinking ‘cause I’m a little scared I hurt you.”

She shakes her head. “I’m perfect, Garrett. Don’t worry.”

Rubbing her cheek with a sense of amazement I declare, “You are, sweetheart! You’re perfect, even when you cry.”

She shakes her head. “You’re eye’s aren’t working, ace. I need to shower… Care to join me? Looks like you need one, as well,” she observes with a decidedly satisfied smirk.

I pick her up and carry her to the large bathroom with an open shower. We don’t speak as I place her on her feet on the ground next to the shower. I turn on the water and wait a minute, massaging her neck as the water warms up. We step into the shower, I put her directly under the water stream, and then I begin to wash her with the soap and sponge.

Making love to her wasn’t what I expected tonight. I really wasn’t sure what to expect two hours ago. I thought for sure she was about to send me out the door, along with everyone else tonight.

“Lex, I need to tell you. What just happened, I feel pretty confident, has changed the course of my life. Baby, I’m not sure it gets much better than that!”

She looks up at me and laughs...hallelujah…she is smiling again!

“So, it wasn’t just me? It was pretty good, right?” she asks with a hint of uncertainty.

“Babe, that was fucking fantastic…not pretty good! It wasn’t just you, sweetheart. But I can’t wait to do it again with just you.”

We both rinse off and exit the shower. “Garrett, I don’t really know what we are. I’m afraid to put a label on it, but will you please not do what you just did with me, with anyone else while we’re together?”

What the hell is wrong with this girl? “Lex, are you shitting me right now? Do you really think that’s the kind of guy I am? Babe, ONLY YOU! Got it? I want just you!” I’m kind of pissed she asked me that. She really has no clue about my life these days. I realize I haven’t been forthcoming with information about my work and life, but seriously, I’ve clearly been consumed with her since that first night at the beach. 

I hate the damn girls that flock toward the musicians on the road. Those chicks just want to say they banged a rock star. They really don’t care who it is. They’re nasty, and I’ve never had any interest in them. I guess it’s something she wouldn’t know, or understand, unless she’d been on the road with us. Maybe she needs to come to a couple shows and see how things roll. She needs to meet the rest of the guys, too. I’ll have to work on that.

Right now, I need to work on getting her back into bed. I wrap her in a big fluffy towel I found rolled up in a basket by the shower. I wrap another around my waist. She goes to the wardrobe and dresses in a skimpy pair of orange panties and a plain white tank top. Growling, I declare, “Lady, you better climb your hot little ass into that bed and cover up quick, before I make you dirty all over again.”

She runs to the bed and climbs in fast pulling the covers up to her chin, “I feel like Little Red Riding Hood.”

“You should, babe, because right now I feel like the Big Bad Wolf.” She slides all the way over, making room for me in her bed. I start putting my clothes on.

“Garrett, are you leaving?” Her voices quivers on the last syllable.

It wouldn’t be my first choice, but I’m not exactly sure climbing in bed with her is the best decision either. “What would you like me to do, sweetheart?” I ask.

“I would like you to hold me. I’ll set the alarm on my phone, so we can wake up before Sierra. Will you stay?”

I reach to the nightstand for her phone and look to her, “What time, sweetheart?”
After I set the alarm for five o’clock, I climb in bed to hold her, all night, if that’s what she wants. 

When the phone chime wakes us up the next morning, we’re knotted together with arms and legs wrapped around each other. Sleeping with someone’s head on my chest and legs intertwined with mine has never felt as good as it does with Alexis. I’ve never slept the whole night with a woman. There hasn’t ever been a woman that made me want this type of set up. Now that there is, I’m not sure how I can make that happen with Alexis, since her life is a little more complicated than the average woman, and mine is complex as well.

I’ve never had a desire to change a woman's name. I thought I wasn’t the marrying type. After one night with this beautiful girl, I want to give her everything! Actually, I think I’ve always wanted to give her everything, and anything.

“Good morning, sweetheart! I like starting the day kissing you,” I say, as I kiss her forehead.

“I like starting my day snuggling you. Don’t get up, yet. We have a few minutes before she wakes,” she says with a sleepy smile, as she settles herself against me with her head lying on my chest. We lay like this for several minutes before it’s time to move, and time for me to scurry off, so these girls can get ready for their day. I wish I could be here to eat breakfast with them, but Alexis isn’t ready to explain me sleeping over to Sierra yet.

This sleeping ritual becomes a bit of a routine over the course of the next few weeks. I come over to Alexis’s house every night and spend time playing and hanging out with the girls together. Then after Sierra is down for the night, I play with Alexis. I sleep over every night and hurry out the door early the next morning, before the sun comes up, so Alexis can start the day with Sierra. It’s getting harder and harder to walk out the door in those early morning hours. I’m becoming somewhat desperate for more time with them. I don’t want to push Alexis too far, though. She’s given so much over the past couple weeks.

Sierra is adorable. I’m as attached to her as I am to her mama. Falling head over heels for that blond haired, blue eyed little girl so quickly was unexpected. I haven't ever thought about kids in that way. I’ve always liked kids well enough, but Sierra is the sweetest little girl I’ve ever met. Her smile is as wide as the sky. Putting that smile on her face has recently become one of my life’s missions. I would move mountains to see her smile light up! She’s so much like her mama. They both glow when they’re happy.

I have a benefit concert in Nashville in a couple days. I’m heading up there tomorrow for a few nights. I’m hoping Court will pop that kid out while I’m there, so I can kill two birds with one stone, and get back here to my girls. I’ve been trying to convince Alexis to come with me, but she is apprehensive about taking Sierra. I think it’s more her issue, but she won’t admit that. I’ll continue to beg her until the minute I have to leave. I’m scheduled to fly out tomorrow night on the label’s jet. I have just over twenty-four hours to convince her.

I take out my phone to send her a text. I know she has a busy day and she’s having lunch with her best friend, Whitney, today. I usually don’t hear from her much during the day. For some reason she won’t ever text or call me first. It makes me feel like a stalker when I’m always the one calling and texting. It does make me feel like the ‘Big Bad Wolf” as Alexis calls me.

Me: Hi, having a good day? I just wanted to talk to you about all the things we could take Sierra to see and do in Nashville. I think you girls would have a really great time. Can we please talk about it? Sierra can come to the concert with us. I think she’ll like it. (on knees begging)….can’t imagine the next few days without you.

No answer…I check my phone every thirty-six seconds, and she doesn’t reply.

Alexis

Chapter 16

Today, I’m having lunch with Whitney. When she called this morning I was having a complete meltdown. Garrett overwhelms me. His lifestyle overwhelms me. What we have overwhelms me. The fact that he wants Sierra and I to go with him to his show in Nashville overwhelms me. I can’t seem to make him understand. This is happening so quickly. I have had very little of the time and space that I asked for when this started to wrap my head around it.

“Whit, I just can’t seem to get the space and time to really make sure this is what I want and need. But it’s not him, it’s me. I can’t stay away. I spend my day consumed with thoughts of him. And when I’m not thinking about him, I’m listening to his voice on my iPod. It’s effecting Sierra, too. She waits for him every afternoon to come over and have dinner with us.”

Whitney’s looking at me, shaking her head in disbelief. “Alexis, look at me, sweetie. I’m not really understanding the negative here. You like him. That’s okay. He’s great with Sierra, he likes your friends and family, and he obviously loves you. I’ve seen him watching you. You’re falling for him, and that’s really awesome. Choose to be happy, and stop looking for reasons this can’t work!” 

“Two things: First, HE DOESN’T LOVE ME.” Then, lowering my voice, I continue, “He likes me and the sex is good. Second, you don’t quite understand, Whit. I’m not famous. I can’t pick up and leave to travel the country with him. I don’t fit into his huge world and I can’t expect him to shrink to fit into mine. He needs someone without such a set-in-stone life. I can’t continue to believe that this life with me and Sierra will be enough for him. This is only temporary for him. I’m temporary. He’s back on tour in just a few weeks. Then we’ll just be friends…maybe?” Let the lecture begin. I can see the frustration all over her face. She’s getting sick of talking me off the cliff, but I can’t seem to stop climbing up there.

“
One
,” she stresses, “you are insane, Lex, if you don’t believe that man loves you. And
two
if he wanted what the other women had to offer, he wouldn’t still be here. That’s a man thing, sweetie. They don’t do anything they don’t want to do for very long. You need to talk to him. Does he even know you are freaking out?”

“No. What do I say?
‘Garrett, I’m malfunctioning, sorry. I’m totally freaking out, because I like you and don’t know if you like me?’
Don’t be ridiculous, Whit! This is the real world where stories don’t end with Happily Ever After. I think it’s about time to get real with myself.”

“Okay, Lex, Let’s ‘get real’ as you say. Your compulsive self-destruction knows no bounds. I, for one, think you’re making a monumental mistake throwing this away. I don’t support what you’re doing. I think that in the process of trying to guard your heart from loving someone again, you’ll be breaking it on your own, and then you’ll totally miss your Happily Ever After.”

Could she be right? Am I hurting myself? Of course I am. I do love him.

Garrett texted this morning and begged me to reconsider Nashville. There’s just no way I can take part in that. I haven’t been able to think of anything else since this morning. Last night I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up all night considering what was happening between Garrett and me, and realized this wasn’t what we need in our lives. What we are to each other is lovely, but it’s the wrong time. We’re at such different points in our lives. Neither of us can be expected to give up what it will take to make this relationship work.

“Whit, I’m not what he needs. I realize it, even though, he may not yet, but he will soon! He needs the freedom to be ‘
The Garrett Freaking McKenna’
he was born to be, not my Garrett. Trying to mold him into my established life is unfair. Believe me, it will break my heart to watch him walk out the door, but it’s time,” I say, pleading that for once she’ll see this my way. I need her to understand, and not keep pushing me toward Garrett. If my feelings for Garrett get any deeper, and things ended badly, I’ll never recover. I’m not sure I’ll recover now, but I’ll be able to move on without having to pick up the pieces of my life. I’m not sure that will be the case for much longer. On top of that, I can’t let Sierra fall anymore in love with him. She already expects him every night for dinner, for playtime, and for bedtime stories.

He’ll be leaving for Nashville tomorrow. If I tell him today, then maybe he’ll stay in Nashville. That would probably be best for now. Seeing him again will be far too hard for me at this point. But I can’t ask him to stay away, he’s done nothing wrong, except make me crave him in ways I didn’t expect and wasn’t ready for.

My phone rings, breaking the uncomfortable silence and the glare of my best friend. I’m desperate to answer it and talk about anything other than Garrett McKenna. I look at the caller ID and it’s a call from Sierra’s school. “SHIT… got to get this. It’s the school,” I explain. I answer the call. It’s from Sierra’s teacher. She assures me that Sierra is fine and tells me she’d like to see me as soon as possible to discuss some things she is witnessing. I tell her I’ll be there in twenty minutes and disconnect the call.

The one thing Whitney understands and tolerates is me dropping everything to be there for Sierra. She’d never ask me to continue our conversation, even though, I know I’m not completely off the hook. I kiss her cheek and tell her I’ll call her over the weekend.

She smiles a tentative smile and says, “Remember I’m here for you, even if you’re totally screwing up. But please, Dear God, DO NOT let this be the thing to send you back into hiding. Text me and let me know what’s up with Sierra.” I nod.

I arrive at the school and am ushered into the early childhood office. The teachers here are very nice and have been supportive of Sierra and me, even though, Sierra wasn’t in school when her daddy died. They know the history, and they are careful when handling situations where dads are part of the classroom or when there are activities involving crafts for dads.

“Hi, Mrs. Phillips. Thanks so much for coming in on such short notice,” Sierra’s teacher says when she enters the class. She’s a wonderful grandmotherly type. I know her well, since I’ve had numerous conversations with her regarding Sierra’s behavior. Usually, I don’t have to come into the school right away. I’m hoping whatever has happened this time isn’t too serious.