She leave the room and find another room on the other side that not bigger than the mistress closet. There she set her belongings. In another room down by the corridor be a trunk and old clothes and horseshoes and other things man put in house when no woman be there to say no. There she find bucket. Half day later, the whole house spotless. Lilith set down her blankets on the kitchen floor and go about with the cooking, killing a chicken from the pen and cooking it down in salt, pepper, thyme, ginger and green pawpaw, a trick she learn from Homer.
It dark before Robert Quinn come home. He look around the house couple time and eat the food hearty, but say nothing. Lilith standing by the wall and quiet. Robert Quinn kick out a chair from under the table and point to it for Lilith to sit. Lilith still until he point again. She move to the chair.
—You’ll need a plate, he say.
Night come heavy and Lilith washing dish in a half barrel with water. She look outside the window and think she see a star dash through the sky. She look again until she feel a cold hand on her shoulder. The hand move down her arm and grab her wrist. Robert Quinn take Lilith into the bedroom. Lilith stop for a little, but he pull her. Outside pitch black save for the little dots of light coming from the slave huts, that look like a bunch of firefly holding still.
Robert Quinn behind her. He pull the lace in the front of the dress and hold on her titties, hard at first but then softer, rubbing them and squeezing them. Lilith frighten but feel woman shouldn’t show fear. Lilith feel the cold air on herself. Woman must come to man like she like it. He pull down the dress first, but then pull it back up. He lift up the dress this time right up to under her arm and Lilith can feel breeze ride up from her leg to her back. She still. She can hear him undressing behind her. He kick away a boot and she jump. Slow-like, he push her on the bed, but grab her by the hips and hoist her arse up. Cold air wet Lilith thighs. This goin’ commence, surely. Lilith set still like woman, like her heart not pounding through her chest. Robert Quinn grab her arse and push himself in her pussy and Lilith yelp. Lilith head in the bed and not knowing what she feeling. Quinn feel rough and thick like him shoulders be and Lilith don’t know if she supposed to feel it hurting a little. She try to imagine the face that making the man sounds she hearing. He grab her hips tighter. Lilith look out the window to watch the lights, but then she feel what Homer call the everlasting tickle. Lilith moan and wonder where the moaning come from. She feel a little shame and she feel a little pain, that a wicked woman mustn’ feel good. But she feel the tickle growing inside her. The two of them making sound like neither could believe it, on and on like stopping would be the wickedest thing. Robert Quinn lean on her back, wetting her dress with him sweat. He wrap him hand round her waist and start to fuck her faster. Him saying things that sound like Irish speak. They moving like a two cog in the mill and Lilith never hear such a sound coming from a white man voice before. Like he weeping or laughing gentle. That be what please her the most, more than even the sexing, and it shame her as it sweet her and she try to hold on to hating Robert Quinn. The sweat rising on her skin make her dress feel cool and loose. She trembling little but not like him, he make more and more noise and he grab her shoulder and start to ram her one, two, three and four times, then he pull out. He moan louder, even though he not in her anymore. Then he still and breathing hot breath into her back. He hold her for a long time. That frighten her more than the fuckin’. She was expecting something different, something with more pain, big pain that punish her for her wickedness. But he didn’t give her pain at all, other than little bit that she try to remember but it gone. Then he break away and climb into the bed. Lilith looking at what just go up inside her and it swing thick and bouncy like it be ’bout it own business and don’t care ’bout nobody. It look like him. Robert Quinn roll over till him back be to her. Lilith stand there for a long time, trying to hold on to hating Robert Quinn. She go back to her room.
Lilith wake up early and leave Quinn’s house, run through the great-house kitchen and upstairs to Miss Isobel room. She grab the man clothes on the floor and take them away before Miss Isobel wake up. She look at Miss Isobel for a little while and wonder if the miss feel the same way when she lay with the massa secret-like, or if she was to expect more. She think to talk to Homer but something about Robert Quinn make it feel wrong to talk about it, or to take it, make joke. Plus, she did like the feeling, is just that Homer and every other nigger make it feel that fuckin’ was like talking to God and hearing an answer. Lilith wake up thinking something would tell her that she be woman now, but that didn’t happen. Something already tell her that she was woman now, something that come to her in the sour smell of a white man yellow hair.
Lilith go down to the brook and wash Miss Isobel man clothes. She hang up the blouson and breeches and head to the kitchen, but then she think about what she doing. She live in other house now, with other master. She taking care of new man now. Taking care of new man. How wicked man must be to enter a woman like a thief and rob her womanness away from her. She know she must hold on to hating Robert Quinn. Only worthless nigger make a fuck turn her into fool. But plenty womens get fooled, even Homer one time. Lilith think of her back and she think of him and how the night before he couldn’t even look at the scars he cause. And yet plenty man, white and black, do worse to her than Robert Quinn. And when him hand did touch her pussy bush she think ’bout him being her master forever even if that be only while they was rutting. No, fucking. No, rutting like animal, like the animal all white man think black woman be. But he say something when he coming and he hold on to her so weak like she be the master and is all he can do to hold on. He call her lovey. Lovey. Lilith run back to the overseer house. She break some eggs in the pan and fry them up. She take some corned pork out of a barrel and wash the salt off. That she throw in a pot too. In another pot, she brewing comfrey tea, which she learn from Homer that he like. Robert Quinn groan and step into the room. He see Lilith and stun for a minute, like he don’t know why she there. Then he look down and see that he naked. He turn quick to go back to the bedroom, but then stop and turn, and raise him chin, but don’t look at her. Lilith lookin’ at him.—Tea, he say and Lilith hand him a mug full with comfrey tea and drop two thick spoonful of molasses in it.
—How did you kn—
—Homer, Lilith say.
—Aye, Robert Quinn say.
Robert Quinn walk over to the window. Lilith look at the man who was inside her the night before. He shorter than Massa Humphrey but thicker and hairier. Him shoulder wide and broader with him shirt off and black hair rest on him back. Him legs thick with hair also and him arse that he scratching tight like he do plenty hard work. An Irishman don’t look like a Englishman, not even Massa Humphrey, who look more strapping than she suppose an Englishman would be.
But he didn’t take off her clothes even though he was naked. Lilith think of her back and the big scars left from whipping. She feel sorry for him but hate him same time since he be the cause. He be the one that drag her out to get whip, and who stand there while slave-driver and Johnny-jumper whip her, and who count each lash till it be enough. But that hate always threaten to pass, quicker than she wish. When he turn around and him Irishman dangle up and down like it have other plans, she laugh. Maybe Homer right, she think, maybe a cock just be the second version of a man that he keep in him breeches. Robert Quinn cock be like Robert Quinn. Thick and stocky and maybe mighty, judging from the way barmaid and field niggerwoman both used yell out from behind him room door. But Lilith didn’t scream out or bawl out, just moan little, then a lot, and the thought of that make her back itch. She go back to watching it flop and bounce all over the sitting room and chuckle so much that she had to remind herself that she hate him. He throw himself down in the armchair and Lilith watch it flop up and down on him belly like a dog resting on him master. She look up and see him grinning at her. She remind herself that she supposed to hate him. She wish she could see her back in a looking glass. Anything.
Lilith didn’t know that is so often man want it. She also didn’t know that the time come to pass when she want it too. That surprise her in a way that she couldn’t tell Homer. So Homer fish it out of her.
—So how you like woman things? Homer say couple day later when Lilith in the kitchen helping her make lunch.
—Me was woman before whatever you talking ’bout, Lilith say.
—No. You did have darkness but not womanness. You still have that darkness, though, Homer say.
—I don’t have no darkness ’bout me, me sick of people thinking me carrying wickedness, Lilith say.
—Well, throw stone in pigpen and who bawl out is who it lick, Homer say.
—You go on with you double talk, Lilith say.
—Twice and thrice, Homer say. So, Robert Quinn fuck you good?
—Homer!
—Lawdy to clawdy, is shyness set ’pon you now?
—I don’t have nothing to say ’bout Robert Quinn.
—Raas! So him fuck you sweet, then.
—Me think me like you more before you mouth and you pussy turn friend.
—Me and my pussy was never enemy. Just me and stupid woman who think pussy have power. Take power over the cocky. Then you have power.
—You never had to do that.
—Things change, but man don’t. You good to remember that now that you have Robert Quinn right where you want him.
—I don’t know what you chatting ’bout now. He is the massa second man. Plus, me hate the man, him same one make them whip me. Hope pox kill all of them.
—Really, now. You full of fire this morning. Still, though, hate and love be closer cousin than like and dislike.
—Mayhaps you read too much damn book.
—Mayhaps is time you learn how to have power over them kinda man. We meeting tonight. Is like two year pass in the two months you gone.
—Unu still meet? That must be one big book.
—Stop play fool, you know full well what we was meeting ’bout when we come every night to fix you back.
—I don’t know.
—Me not asking twice.
Lilith walking down the hallway with her bosom push up like she proud, thinking ’bout what Homer say about her having power, but when she see Miss Isobel she sink again. Lilith step into the doorway leading to the conservatory and watch her walk past. Miss Isobel look like she falling apart and pulling together at the same time and Lilith think about her own hand with Miss Isobel family blood on it. Days pass, month pass, yet Lilith couldn’t tell if she getting better or worse or what better or worse supposed to look like. Miss Isobel walking to the living room and swinging so hard she stop two time to stand up straight. She almost run into a vase before Massa Humphrey catch her. Massa Humphrey try to take the flask out of her hand, but she hold on to it tight and yell and wouldn’t let go. He pull and she curse and try to slap him with the other hand. Massa yank the flask away but it slip from him and fall to the ground. She run after the flask and scoop it up like a dropped baby.
—What in blazes has taken over you? Massa Humphrey say.
—Judgement, Miss Isobel say. Massa Humphrey try to take the bottle again but Miss Isobel slap him and run halfway up the stairs. She trip and land on the step hard. Massa Humphrey go over to pick her up but she push him away. Massa Humphrey hold her hands but she struggling still. She spit on him and he slap her face.
—Goddamn you! he say and get up.
—Goddamned indeed, she say as she pull herself up and stagger the rest of the way. Then she stop. Massa Humphrey look at her.
—I’ll need to be taken care of, Humphrey Wilson. I’m without a future. You and God have seen to that, Miss Isobel say.
Night time come heavy,
like a woman ready for baby dropping. Lilith watching the moon in Robert Quinn bedroom window. She wait as it sail from east to west. West was when to move. Homer teach her things about being a woman and she teach the Irishman. So after Robert Quinn climb on top of her and fuck her and she say it good so much that she realise that it really good after all, she roll him over like a baby about to get him nappy change. He say what a man say and do what a man do, like he will not stand for perversion and lecherous-ness and decadence and other sort of big word that Lilith don’t care to understand. But she learn what man think he know, when a no mean yes. Man can never tell the difference if they reasoning with they cock, but a woman know. A woman know when a man’s no mean not yet or not now or not in that way, or not until me drunk or not until me too tired to pretend me care. So Robert Quinn noooooo turn into ohhhh as soon as she take him Irishman in her mouth.
—You goin’ own him after that, Homer did promise. He goin’ hate you for taking the power, but he goin’ love you too ’cause giving up power never sweet a man so.
Is like he turn into woman under her. On the bed he moan and moan and spread him legs wider and arch him back. Most time him head so far back that all Lilith see is Adam’s apple and chin. Other time he look at her and Lilith can’t tell if he bawling or laughing or something else. He grab her hair couple time but let go, him hand grabbing the sheet or clutching him head. She scoop up him balls and tug and he take to moaning most unmanly. Lilith picture herself as a mill, something that must do the same thing over and over, to keep her from stopping, for the way Quinn behaving stunning her out of her wits. So she suck everything into her mouth of him and how he taste. He sound like Massa Roget when a cool wash of warm water run down him back. But Quinn do more than oohing. He ahhing and ohhing and holy feckin’ Christing like the devil giving him something he not supposed to get. Lilith feel like there be Robert Quinn, right in her hand middle, and all she need to do is make a fist. But no. A man can breathe and sigh and moan and whimper and take over a woman by making she think she take over him.