The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (26 page)

‘Are you still going to Damascus?' Ali asks me.

‘Of course, are you?'

‘I don't know, I like it here.'

We walk in and see Amira breathing really hard and sweating. Her face is see-through. You can see her veins and the blood pumping under her skin.

‘Pray Amira, pray, don't give up!' Yasmine is holding her hand. Khalid is blowing onto her face.

‘Adam please get me water from the sink,' Yasmine asks. I am soaking wet but she doesn't say anything. Did she not notice or does she not care any more? I fill a cup with water and give it to her. She puts her hand inside and sprinkles the water on Amira's forehead. She looks up at me and tells me to take my shirt off.

‘Why do you want my shirt Yasmine?'

‘For Amira.'

I take my shirt off and Yasmine squeezes it and puts it on Amira's forehead. Amira is still bleeding. I don't know how long it's been but that's a huge loss of blood.

‘Can I go to sleep Yasmine?'

Yasmine doesn't look at me so I just go to the other side of the boat, take my trousers off and hang them to dry. I hide and wear a towel around my waist and go under the covers. This feels so good. I can hear a lot of noises so I cover my ears with the pillow and think of running around in a park. I want to run until I can't breathe any more. I run in my thoughts until I fall asleep.

*

I wake up to no noise from outside or from inside. No one is awake. I open the door into the other room and see everyone sleeping on the floor. Why are they sleeping all together? I lean down over each of them to make sure they're breathing. I start with Yasmine first. Amira is in the middle of them with her hands on her stomach and a bloody cloth on her stomach. Is she feeling better now? I try to notice her breathing patterns but I see her chest move up and down once and that's all. As I was about to touch her to try to wake her up Ali's eyes open and he jumps up.

‘You scared me!'

‘Sorry, I wanted to see if everyone is alive.'

‘We all are!'

‘I can't see Amira breathing…'

Ali looks down at Amira and puts his hand on her heart.

‘I can feel something but I don't know if it's good.'

‘What shall we do?'

‘Amira… Amira…' Ali whispers into her ears. I slowly poke her three times and feel my fingers start to twitch so move away from her. I can't see her breathing at all.

‘Do you think she is dead Ali?'

‘I don't know.' His face looks sad.

‘I don't understand how she is here but she is not at the same time.'

‘Death is weird…'

‘Maybe if we shake her we can wake her up?'

Ali and I both start shaking her and calling her name. Her hands slide to the side and there's a darker circle of blood on the cloth where her hands were. It doesn't look nice. I can imagine maggots coming out of her stomach and eating away at the blood. I close my eyes and shake my head.

‘What is it Adam?'

I don't reply and keep shaking my head till the thought leaves my mind. I bite down really hard and grind my teeth together. The sound annoys Ali but I can't stop. Everyone else starts getting up and I move back to sit in the corner. I don't want anyone to touch me.

‘Adam?' Yasmine's voice sounds like she swallowed a frog.

I slightly smile at her then close my eyes and rock myself. Mama used to put a lot of scents and candles around me so I could relax. I wish I could do that again. It helped me forget the bullies at school. I think it would also help me forget how many people have died in front of me. I want to delete every memory from the war. I want to start again. I don't even know what day or year we are in. How long has it been? Years? Months? Days? I don't even know any more. My mind thinks of all these things really fast and then everything stops midway and there's a beautiful image in my mind of Amira's face when she first came to visit us. She looked like a princess. I want to paint her. I start in my mind because I have no paper. Or maybe I can paint on one of the rocks outside in the harbour. I get up and run outside. I can hear them shouting my name but I don't reply. I collect some rocks and come back. Everyone is sitting around a white cloth and praying. Apart from Amira… Is that Amira? Khalid is praying loudly and everybody else's lips are moving but I hear no sound from them. I feel my body start shaking and I start screaming Isa's name and cry. My body starts collapsing on me and my screams gets louder. I can't see or hear anyone any more. I am alone in a white box because I don't want to see any more. I want to be blind.

I
CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING
and I don't know where I am. I try to open my eyes but can only see the strong sun shining. I feel like I am riding on a camel's hump. I can't see what is happening. I move my hand around and feel hair. I move my hand quickly and try to move away. I don't know what I am doing.

‘Yasmine!'

‘Shh calm down!' I don't recognise the voice. Am I kidnapped? No God, please!

‘Yasmine! Help me!' I shout.

‘I'm here Adam, what's the matter?'

‘I can't see Yasmine, I can't see, where am I?'

I feel someone put me down on the ground, put their hands around my head and pull something off and I can see again. I look around and feel good again. I'm alive! I haven't been kidnapped!

‘Did you not recognise my voice Adam?' Khalid laughs.

I look at him. Now I recognise his voice but before I couldn't. I don't know why.

‘Where was I?

‘We are walking, Khalid was carrying you on his back.'

I didn't know Khalid could carry me, I thought he couldn't do anything without his hands. Tariq usually carries me.

‘Where's Tariq?' I look around and only see Ali, Yasmine and Khalid.

‘Where's Tariq?' I ask again.

‘He's coming, we just went ahead of him, he met some friends.'

I look back and don't see anyone, we are on an empty street.

‘He's not behind us,' I say.

‘I just told you he's coming, we are near Damascus,' Yasmine says. I listen to her and don't say anything. I look back once more and hope to see Tariq walking up to us, but he isn't.

‘Come on, let's walk.'

I have a good feeling bubbling inside me. We are near Damascus and we are going to be safe again. I might even see mama again because Aunt Suha is mama's twin and everybody says she looks like mama but I don't think so but maybe now she does. The skin on my feet is hard and cracked. It looks like mama's before she left. I asked mama why her feet were like that and she said it was because she worked hard. I prayed that her feet would get better, I can't remember if they did because I didn't take notice before she left us. She was too sick and her feet were covered with blankets. Mama left all of a sudden one day, I was at school and I came back and Yasmine told me she left. I didn't believe her and started breaking and kicking things because I was angry and I had a black hole in my chest. I wanted to break my ribcage and fill the black hole. It hurt a lot and I didn't know what to do with it. Why can't I see mama again? But now I've buried the black hole and I don't let it come back. I didn't know how close the cities were in Syria until we walked all this way. I can tell people I had an adventure and had to walk all the way from Aleppo to Damascus. I don't think they would believe me but it's true. We enter a city that says ‘Welcome' and I smile at the sign. It is a kind sign.

‘Yasmine are we really close?'

‘Really close…'

‘Yes! I am happy Yasmine.'

Yasmine smiles but it doesn't spread across her face. I don't want to rest in this town, I want to go straight to Damascus, I am really excited.

‘Are we going to stop again?'

‘Not in this town, the next one.'

‘Do we have to stop? Can we go to Damascus straightaway?'

‘Everyone will be tired by the time we get there.'

‘Did you hear that Ali?' I run to him ‘We are going to be in Damascus tomorrow!'

‘I can't wait!'

‘Neither can I! Do you think we can stay there forever and never see the war again?'

‘I don't know, I hope so.'

Ali doesn't speak like 16 any more. He used to laugh and run around at school and everybody used to want to speak to him. People used to call him cool. I don't know how that makes sense. Cool means he was icy but I didn't see him as icy, I saw him as fun and I wanted to be his friend. I put my hand in my pocket and feel the ear in there. I want to pull it out and speak to it about how excited I am but I am scared that someone will see it and take it off me. I don't know whose ear it is but imagine if they can actually hear everything I am telling them but they don't know where the voice is coming from? I laugh to myself then look around to see if anyone noticed. I hear beeping coming from a car behind us. We move out of the way but the car doesn't stop beeping.

‘Want a ride?' a man shouts sticking his head out of the window. The car looks small. I don't know how we are all going to fit in there.

‘We're fine thanks,' Yasmine says as she waves her hand and walks on. Why is she saying no? I want to get into the car.

‘Why Yasmine?'

‘We can't get into a stranger's car!'

Yasmine's right but I hate walking now. It's so boring and no one is talking.

‘When is Tariq coming back?'

‘Soon…' Yasmine doesn't even look at me. How does she know he's coming back soon?

The car beeps again and comes closer this time. I notice Yasmine's shoulders sloping and her neck looks like it is about to break off. It's like she is holding an invisible heavy child on her shoulders. Baba used to carry me on his shoulders when I was four years old. I remember that clearly, I was flapping my hands up and down and I wanted to speak but I couldn't.

‘Get in the car, we are heading down.'

‘No thank you,' I tell them.

‘I said get in!'

Khalid turns around and tells them to leave us alone. They laugh at Khalid and stop the car. Two men come out and smile while walking towards us. What do they want? I have no money to give them like in the movies.

‘You don't want to get in?'

None of us answer.

‘Oh come on! We're joking, we're not going to fight!' They start laughing and slapping their hands together in a high five. Their chests suddenly sink in and they look skinny. They don't look scary any more. What do they want?

‘Come on! Did you not recognise me Khalid? I recognised you just from your walk from behind.'

‘Do I know you?'

‘Seriously? You haven't changed! Apart from… Anyway it's Walid!' The man speaking looks down at Khalid's hands and this makes me angry. I don't want them to bully my brother the way people bullied me at school. I'm not going to use my anger on them because mama said I should never fight.

‘Walid? Seriously?' Khalid has a huge smile on his face now.

‘Yes!' Walid comes towards Khalid and gives him a hug. I hear their chests slap together. It is a big hug.

‘How have you been man?'

‘Come, I'll tell you in the car.'

Khalid tells us to all get into the car even though I don't see much space.

‘Give me that box, I'll put it in the back,' one of Khalid's friends says. I don't want to give him my paintings. I look at Khalid and try to send him messages without saying anything.

‘Come on Adam…'

‘Can I hold it?'

‘There's no space.'

I hold tighter onto my box and stomp my feet, I don't want to give it to them.

‘How about you put it in the back yourself?' Khalid asks me.

I can do that because then I'll know where I put it and can take it out later.

I walk to the boot and put my box in the right corner.

Yasmine, Ali and Khalid and I are squashed in the back of the car. Liquorice is with us too. I feel like they're stealing the air I'm breathing. I breathe in and out deeply so I don't suffocate.

‘Stop doing that,' Yasmine whispers to me and pinches my leg.

‘I can't breathe.'

‘Yes you can.'

I want to tell her again that I can't breathe but she'll just get angry.

The two men start talking to Khalid about things I don't understand.

‘We've been having meetings without you, we were wondering where you had gone.'

‘Our house got bombed…'

‘I'm sorry to hear that. We are brothers, you could have come to us.'

Khalid doesn't say anything.

‘Where are you headed then?'

‘Damascus,' Khalid replies.

‘Ah of course, everyone is trying to get there.'

‘You going there?'

‘No, but we won't drop you too far from there. We can't go there with all this ammunition.

‘What does ammunition mean?' I ask Yasmine. She elbows me on the side of my stomach and tells me to stay quiet.

One of the men looks back at me after I ask the question and smiles. I don't like him. He looks like he is hiding something behind his eyes.

It feels like the car is going to break down any minute. We have been driving down a straight road for so long I didn't even know if we were really moving any more until I felt the bumps on the road. Every now and then it sounds like the bottom of the car is scratching the ground. It makes a horrible sound, which makes my teeth feel sensitive. I hate it. One of the guys puts the radio on and there's a song on that I love. I always want to clap my hands and jump up and down whenever I hear it. I start smiling and clapping my hands. I can't jump up and down in here though because there's no space.

‘Turn it down, I'm trying to sleep,' the other guy says.

I can hardly hear anything anyway so I stop clapping. I continue the song in my mind though.