The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life (4 page)

Improved Sense of Smell

After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center, improving one’s sense of smell.

Weight Loss, Overall Fitness

One of the most compelling benefits of sex comes from studies of aerobic fitness. It has been estimated that the act of intercourse burns about two hundred calories, the equivalent of running vigorously for thirty minutes. Most couples average about twenty-four minutes for lovemaking. During orgasm, both heart rate and blood pressure typically double, all under the influence
of oxytocin. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck, and thorax.
Men’s Health Magazine
has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.

The Key to Health and Longevity

Regular sexual contact, especially with a committed partner, helps to keep your body and brain healthy. Do not use excuses such as you are too tired or too busy for physical affection. Also, try to avoid spending too much time at work at the exclusion of social endeavors. A lack of relationships sets up humans to be depressed or to seek pleasure through solitary sexual activities, such as using the Internet, drugs or alcohol, gambling, or other addictions, which are not good for the brain. Men and women need touching, eye contact, and sexual connection to stay healthy. When you feel loved, nurtured, cared for, supported, and intimate, you are much more likely to be happier and healthier. You have a much lower risk of getting sick and, if you do, a much greater chance of surviving.

Happiness

There is happy news for people who have more activity in the bedroom than in their bank accounts. After evaluating the levels of sexual activity and happiness in sixteen thousand people, Dartmouth College economist David Blachflower and University of Warwick in England professor Andrew Oswald found that sex so positively influenced happiness that they estimated increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American. In addition, they also reported, that despite what most people think, people who make more money do not necessarily have more sex. There was no difference, in their study, between sexual frequency and income levels. The happiest people in the
study were married people who had, on average, 30 percent more sex than single folks. The economists estimated that a lasting marriage equated to the happiness generated by an extra $100,000 annually, while divorce depleted an estimated $66,000 annually worth of happiness. Taking care of your marriage can save you lots of money.

Table 1: Summary of Some of the Health Benefits of Regular Sexual Contact

For women, in research studies, regular sex with a partner has been associated with:

• more regular menstrual cycles
  

• more fertile menstrual cycles
  

• lighter periods
  

• better moods
  

• better memories
  

• pain relief
  

• better bladder control
  

• fewer colds and flu
  

• reduced stress
  

• staying in shape
  

• increase in the youth-promoting hormone DHEA
  

• increased testosterone and estrogen
  

• better weight control—sex burns about 200 calories per half hour, yoga 114, dancing (rock) 129, walking (3 mph) 153, weight training 153.
  

For men, regular sex with a partner has been associated with:

• increased heart rate variability (a sign of heart health and a calmer mind)
  

• improved heart cardiovascular function (three times a week decreased risk of heart attack or stroke by half) higher testosterone levels (stronger bones and muscles)
  

• improved prostate function
  

• improved sleep.
  

Lesson #1: Remember Methuselah’s secret—frequent sexual activity is good for your health
.

NO FORETHOUGHT
EQUALS NO FOREPLAY

Understanding and Optimizing the Brain Systems of Sex

“The great sins of the world take place in the brain: but it is in the brain that everything takes place. … It is in the brain that the poppy is red, that the apple is odorous, that the skylark sings.”

—OSCAR WILDE

A
re you:

Impulsive or thoughtful?

Rigid or flexible?

Anxious or confident?

Negative or hopeful?

Short-tempered or patient?

Able to admit problems or in denial?

Coordinated or prone to bumping into walls?

Attached or afraid?

Faithful or a wanderer?

The inner workings of the brain influence all we do sexually. Once thought of as a black box too complex to understand, the
brain is now being studied and understood like never before. We know that within the brain there are systems that work together to produce our personality, cares, dreams, aspirations, and sexual competencies. In my work as a neuroscientist, I have found it useful to think about five different brain systems that relate to human behavior: prefrontal cortex, anterior cingulate gyrus, deep limbic system, basal ganglia, and temporal lobes. Each of these systems interacts with other areas of the brain to produce the effective or not-so-effective human behavior.

The brain is divided into four main lobes or regions: frontal (forethought and judgment), temporal (memory and mood stability), parietal (sensory processing and direction sense), and occipital lobes (visual processing). There are also important structures deep in the brain, such as the anterior cingulate gyrus (gear shifter), basal ganglia (anxiety and pleasure center), and deep limbic system (emotional center). A useful generalization about how the brain functions is that the back half—the parietal, occipital, and back part of the temporal lobes—takes in and perceives the world, and determines what is sexy to us. The front half of the brain integrates this information, analyzes it, decides what to do, then plans and executes the decision, such as “Shall I go on a date with him if he asks?”

This chapter will give a detailed look at the five brain systems of behavior, including a discussion of the functions, problems, and treatments of each system, especially as they relate to sexual relationships. In addition, I’ll include a section on common things partners say when these systems are out of whack. This section will help readers more clearly identify individual vulnerabilities and problems. For each of the brain systems discussed, I will add an “at a glance” summary chart highlighting the major functions, problems, and treatments. See my book
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
for more information on each system. Appendix A is a self-test to help readers evaluate these systems for themselves. Obviously, any medication recommendations need to be discussed with your doctor.

Prefrontal Cortex (PFC): No Forethought
Equals No Foreplay

The frontal lobes (the front half of the brain) are divided into three areas: the motor cortex, which controls the body’s motor movements, such as walking, chewing, and moving your fingers and toes; the premotor area, which is involved in planning motor movements; and the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the front third of the brain, which is involved with executive functions such as planning, forethought, judgment, organizing, impulse control, and learning from past mistakes.

The PFC is the most evolved part of the human brain, representing 30 percent of the cortex, compared to the chimpanzee, our closest primate cousin, whose PFC occupies only 11 percent; a dog’s PFC, only 7 percent; or a cat’s PFC, only 3.5 percent. This explains my cat Annabelle, who has no forethought or judgment. She lives totally in the moment and will drink out of the toilet, no matter how many times she has been told “No.”

The prefrontal cortex houses our ability to guide our behavior over time to reach our goals. When the PFC works as it should, we are thoughtful, empathic, expressive, organized, and goal oriented. The PFC is often called the executive part of the brain, like the boss at work. When it is low in activity, it is as if the boss is gone, so there is little to no supervision and nothing gets done. When the PFC works too hard, it is as if the boss is micromanaging everyone, and people are left with anxiety and worry. I call the PFC the Jiminy Cricket part of the brain. It houses our conscience and our ability to stay on track toward our goals. It is the part of the brain that, as Jiminy Cricket says in the movie
Pinocchio
, “is the still, small voice that helps you decide between right and wrong.” In the dating, relationship, and sex world, the PFC helps us be patient, thoughtful, goal driven, and empathetic toward our partner.

Problems with the PFC result in a “Jiminy Cricket Deficiency Syndrome”: a diminished conscience, poor judgment, impulsivity, desire to seek excitement, short attention span, disorganization, trouble learning from experience, poor time management, and lack of empathy. It has been associated with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), antisocial personality disorder, sexual addictions, brain injuries, and some forms of dementia. Low activity in this part of the brain is often due to a deficiency in the neurotransmitter dopamine; increasing it through supplements or medications is often helpful.

Healthy activity in the PFC is associated with conscientiousness; abnormal PFC activity is associated with inconsistency and troubled decisions. In reviewing 194 studies, Drs. T. Boggs and B. W. Roberts
from the Department of Psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that increased death rates were associated with poor PFC activity due to impulsive behaviors (a lack of conscientiousness)—tobacco use, diet and activity patterns, excessive alcohol use, drug use, violence, risky sexual behavior, risky driving, and suicide. You need a good PFC to live long and be happy!

PFC in Relationships

When the PFC functions properly, people are able to engage in goal-directed behavior and effectively supervise their words and deeds. They are able to think before they say things and they tend to say things that effect their goals in a positive way. They also tend to think before they do things and learn from mistakes. In addition, they are able to focus and attend to conversations, follow through on commitments and chores, and organize their actions and spaces. They are also able to be settled and sit still. They are able to express what they feel. And they tend not to like conflict, tension, and turmoil.

When the PFC is underactive, people tend to be impulsive in what they say or do, often causing serious problems in relationships (such as saying hurtful things without forethought). They tend to live in the moment and have trouble delaying gratification (I want it now). They also have trouble listening in relationships and tend to be easily distracted. There is often difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings; partners often complain of a lack of talking in the relationship. They tend to be restless and fidgety. In addition, they tend to be sensitive to noise and touch. Organization of time and space is difficult and they have trouble staying on task and finishing projects, commitments, and chores. There is also a tendency to be late. In addition, many people with PFC problems have an unconscious tendency to be conflict seeking or to look for problems when none exist. I call this tendency “the game of let’s have a problem.” They also tend to seek stimulation or do high-risk activities that upset or frighten their partners
(such as driving too fast, skydiving, getting in the middle of a fight between strangers). Also, many people with PFC problems cannot filter out noise, smells, or light and tend to be overly sensitive to their environments, thus easily distracted.