The Clue of the Linoleum Lederhosen (15 page)

On the mountain the temperature dropped. Wind came in from the north. The woods rattled with it.

A storm was brewing.

Eddie Wax stared in shock at Lily, who was curled up in his entertainment center.

She looked him in the eye. She said, “You didn't do it, did you?”

He didn't know what to say. He was flabbergasted. He stared for a minute; then he started laughing. He said, “If it ain't Lily Gefelty, audiovisual component.”

She swung her cramped arms out and began to unfold. She held on to the shelf and tried to crawl out. He gave her a hand. Her leg was stuck. He had to shove her back into the cabinet first and then help lift her out.

She stood up in front of him. “You didn't kidnap the Quints, did you?”

“Course I didn't kidnap the Quints,” he said.

“You didn't steal the necklace, either.”

“Lily, I thought we was friends.”

“You've been stealing the stuffed animal heads from the lobby, though, haven't you?”

“The word is ‘liberating.' I been freeing them to run in the wild and snarf their own food.”

Lily looked at him sadly. “You're really upset about Stumpy, aren't you? You've never gotten over her.”

“What's to get over?” he said defiantly. And then he stopped and sat down on the bed. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees; his head slumped. “People say she's gone, but I feel her all the time with me. At night my heart races along, going faster and faster, and it's also her heart, and even though I'm lying in bed, our heart is galloping. It's us going flying over the beaches, and there's wild grasses under her hoofs, and I can feel the lather all over me. Or during the day, sometimes I'm in town and it's all cars and gas stations and the
music in the Piggly Wiggly and the Burger King, but all I can hear is the sound of her flying across the cliffs. We're charting unexplored countries. We're finding gold.” Tears were running down his face. “We're having our series. We're having adventure after adventure, and nothing ever changes. We're always together.”

Lily went over and sat next to him and put her hand on his arm.

She knew it was a good time not to say anything. Sometimes sadness is beyond words, because it is not an idea but a sensation, like hunger or pain.

And Eddie Wax, unspeaking, cried for all he wished were true.

It appears that people have somewhat forgotten about the Quints, with everything else that has been happening.

Don't think that the Quints didn't realize this.

“Um,” said La. “Isn't someone supposed to come and check on us?”

“It would be really nice if we had a lamp or a bonfire.”

“I'd like a mailbox,” said one, “so I could keep getting postcards.”

They waited for something to happen.

Katie, Jasper, and the gagged bat specialist made their way down toward the lodge. The wind was howling in the crags now. The trees shrugged and waved their arms.

Katie and Jasper, on either side of the duct-taped professor, exchanged glances in the bobbing glare from the flashlight. It was good to be back together again. They almost smiled.

They knew that now that they were reunited, nothing could stand in their way. They had encountered some awful things in their time— and yes, by awful things I mean tentacled things, sweating chloroform and hungry for subway cars—but nothing had ever defeated them; nothing, as Jasper saw it, had ever stood for long in the way of justice, truth, and kindness.

Go then, Jasper and Katie, back to your friend Lily, who awaits you. Steel your courage. Prepare to fight evil and injustice. Rush down the mountain while the storm gathers—and I wish you luck. We need more like you.

Though Dr. Schmeltzer, whose mouth has been duct-taped, would not necessarily agree.

Lily and Eddie Wax went down to the game room. The game-room walls were spiky with antlers. Antlers came out of the stone chimney and the window frames and the doors. People were playing cards there and billiards, sitting delicately to avoid getting poked.

Lily was worried. She said, “I wonder whether Katie and Dr. Schmeltzer found Jasper yet. Maybe we should go out after them.”

They looked around the room.

The Manley Boys were shaking the billiard table as if they thought it was a pinball machine. They picked it up and rocked it.

While they played, they narrated tales of their success.

One said, “The Manley Boys—stout, fearless
sons of ace detective Bark Manley—were good at all kinds of sports and games.”

“They were playing billiards at the Moose Tongue Lodge one night,” said Fud, shaking the billiard table. “‘Fud,' said Jank, ‘we are the springy, up-to-the-minute sons of ace detective Bark Manley' “

“‘Yes, Jank,' said Fud, the more wicker of the two,” said Jank. “‘I wonder if there is a mystery here that we can solve with our powers of mystery. Solving.'”

“‘What about those missing Hooper Quints?' said Fud,” said Jank. “‘That is surely a swell mystery that is equal to us, the standing, beaded, personal sons of ace detective Bark Manley.' His more attractive brother Jank agreed.”

“His more attractive brother Jank did not agree. Jank was stupid.”

“Fud Manley, other son of ace detective Bark Manley, was stupider.”

They put down the billiard table. Growling, they faced each other.

Their confusing argument went on for a
while—“Jank was stupider”; “No, um, Fud was stupider”—until they started wrestling, a big thumping mess of cardigan sweaters and gray flannel trousers.

“Lily,” said a woman Lily had never seen before, standing right next to her. “Good to see you!”

Lily looked at her suspiciously. “Hi…,” said Lily uncertainly.

“It's me,” said the woman.

She was about forty-five, with long red hair. Lily had never seen her before in her life. “It's me,” the woman repeated.

When Lily didn't say anything, the woman said, “They can make bamboo into anything these days. Check out this wristwatch!” She held out her wrist. It had a bamboo band. “That's pure bamboo!”

Lily was starting to feel like the earth had dropped away beneath her feet and she was someplace else.

“Why are you looking at me like a fish?” said the woman. “It's me, Lily.”

Lily said, “I'm … I forgot your name.”

The woman chucked Lily on the shoulder. “Remember my extrasensory perception? Most people do! You and me were always in the same search party!” She smiled wide. “And there's little Eddie Wax!”

Eddie looked at their new friend suspiciously.

Lily backed away, inspecting the woman through her bangs. “I don't remember you,” said Lily.

The woman laughed and shrugged. “It's Rick,” she said. “Rick. Remember? Oh, I got my green poplin jumpsuit all dirty.”

Rick had worn a green poplin jumpsuit. The woman was wearing a red striped jacket. She did not look anything like Rick.

“I've got to go,” said Lily. “I think I need some fresh air.”

“Good to see you, Lily,” said the woman. “I hope that everything turns out to be a wonderful success.”

Lily walked quickly for the exit, feeling as
though she was going to throw up. Eddie ran along behind her.

They stepped outside onto one of the porches. The wind blew up from the chasms below them and hissed across the parking lot.

“That made no sense,” said Lily. “I feel like I have a fever”

“Don't worry, Lily,” said Eddie Wax. “We'll get to the bottom of this.”

And I certainly hope he's right.

Eddie Wax and Lily stared, tense with confusion, into the dark night. Guests walked by lit windows. The trees
whooshed
in the chilly winds.

By the service entrance, a truck unloaded crates of red herrings for the kitchen.

There were about ninety-five pounds in all.