The Cold Cold Sea (2 page)

He helped the nurse settle her back into bed and then pulled up a chair.

‘Phillip, are you okay, darling? Have you called Jennifer?’

Gran took his hand and Phillip squeezed back. How brave she was, not a word about the illness or the pain she’d been in. He shrugged.

‘I called a few times, but her mobile is switched off and she’s not answering the landline. I left messages. Don’t worry, she’s fine now. She’ll be out with Thea, or maybe Bea’s made up with her and taken her down to Torquay.’

Gran nodded.

‘I hope so. She shouldn’t be alone today.’

Phillip closed his eyes briefly. Life was cruel. No, Jennifer shouldn’t be alone today, she should have been organising a birthday party for an overexcited five-year-old. That wasn’t happening, and he should be with her. His planned couple of weeks in the States had been stretched when Gran had twisted her ankle, and then yesterday she’d been admitted here with terrible stomach cramps. Phillip wasn’t hopeful that he’d be able to return to England at the weekend as he’d intended. He couldn’t leave his Gran now, not when she looked so frail. He owed her so much. She had been there for him when his parents had died, she had given up her life here to look after him in England. Now she was home again and it was his turn to help her.

‘I’ll catch her tomorrow. It’s too late to phone again today, it’s nearly midnight in England now,’ he said, managing a smile to show her that he was alright too.

Gran dozed off and Phillip sat watching her breathe. Was she going to get over this? Go into remission and have a bit more time to enjoy life? And what the hell was he going to do? He couldn’t stay in LA indefinitely with his home and business in England, not to mention Jennifer who was maybe ‘fine’ but it wasn’t a stable fineness. God knows he should be with her today and not sitting here in sunny California. He’d felt bad about leaving her for the two weeks he’d originally planned and now he’d been gone twice as long. Guilt cramped his stomach and the taste of his lunchtime hamburger rose into his throat.

The door opened and Jeff Powell, the head oncologist, beckoned Phillip out to the corridor.

‘It’s bad news, Phillip,’ he said. ‘Two tumours, one on the stomach and one attached to the large bowel. And I’m afraid both are inoperable. We’ll give her radiotherapy to try and shrink them, try and buy her more time. I’m really sorry.’

Phillip swallowed. It wasn’t unexpected, but it was still tough.

‘What about chemo?’ he said, but the doctor shook his head.

‘It’s too advanced for mild chemo, and the strong drugs are an enormous strain on the elderly. She’s eighty-five, we have to think of quality of life. We want her last few months to be comfortable.’

Phillip went back into the room and lowered himself into the chair in the corner. So now Jennifer needed him in England and Gran needed him here, and he couldn’t possibly jump back and forth between them. He would have to persuade Jennifer to overcome her fear of flying and come out here for a few months. It was the only way.

A helicopter swooped down towards the landing spot by the Emergency Room and Phillip went to the window to watch as it landed. Just fifty yards beyond it was the beach. Golden sands. Happy holidaymakers. Summer at Winchester Beach.

Hailey would have been five today and Gran was going to die.

Phillip leaned his head on the cool glass. He made no move to wipe away the tears that were dripping from his jawbone and merging into a salty pool on the window ledge.

She would never forget the moment they’d first realised Olivia was missing. Blind panic had taken possession of her head, her vision blurred and the taste of bile rose into her mouth. It was every parent’s worst nightmare come true.

They were into the second week of their holiday; the children were suntanned and happy, Colin spent his time tanking up fresh Cornish air, and Maggie herself was in her element. Wall to wall sunshine and nothing to do but enjoy it.

They’d been on the beach. It was a real picture postcard place of dark cliffs and golden sands. The sea – beautiful surges of blue and green and white – was creeping over the rocks where the headland jutted into the ocean. It would wash into the two deep caves there and then slowly eat its way up the beach until it was battering against the cliff beneath the cottage. Dozing on her towel within the ring of rocks keeping the stiff breeze at bay, Maggie could hear Joe’s high-pitched little voice getting nearer, chattering non-stop, and Colin’s deep tones answering him. She grinned drowsily - family approaching at speed. Well, that was the peace and quiet over for a bit. Better get ready for the onslaught.

‘Mum! Did we bring the biscuits?’

Joe ran into the ring and flopped down.

‘When did I ever come to the beach with all you vultures and no biscuits?’ said Maggie, smiling and handing him the packet. ‘How were your rock pools?’

Joe bit into a ginger snap, kneeling beside her.

‘We saw
eight
crabs! And we rescued two baby jellyfish that’d got stuck on the sand. We carried them down to the water on my spade and they just swam away.’

Maggie listened, nodding seriously and loving him for his enthusiasm. He was such a good boy, he cared so much about his pools and the creatures that lived there.

She poured coffee from the flask and handed a beaker to Colin. The beach was deserted. Now that the hotel further along was closed, the only people who used this beach were those staying in the five cottages on the clifftop. Today, they were the only ones down here. Maggie looked across to the sea, now lapping into Smuggler’s Cave, and saw that Borrower’s was almost completely under water too. How long had she been asleep?

‘Where’s Livvy?’ said Colin, looking around.

Maggie stared. For a split second she froze, then relaxed. It was a joke, of course.

‘Gone to visit the Leprechauns, maybe?’ she suggested in a loud voice. ‘Come on, Livvy-lovey! Come and get a biscuit!’

There was silence for a moment, apart from the gulls and the waves crashing on the rocks further down the beach. Maggie sipped her coffee, then glanced up to see Colin gaping at her. He jumped to his feet and looked around the rocks.

‘She’s not here,’ he said, his voice urgent.

‘Well, she was with
you
,’ said Maggie. ‘Where did she go when you came back?’

Colin was glaring at her now and Maggie saw that his lips had gone white round the edges. That was the moment, the split in time when she’d realised that something was terribly wrong. In less than half a second her life changed into something more like a crappy sensationalist TV film on a channel with more ads than programmes.

‘What are you
talking
about? You know she wasn’t with us, she hates the rock pools,’ said Colin, his voice rising. ‘She was with
you
.’

Maggie’s stomach lurched painfully.

‘But she went across to you about twenty minutes ago, maybe. Or less, I don’t know. We built a sandcastle and then she didn’t want to play here anymore, and I said she could go and join you! Oh my God!’

She struggled to her feet, staring around wildly, legs buckling after sitting so long. The beach was still devoid of people. There was nobody here to distract Olivia or take her to play behind some rock. Nothing was moving over at the rock pools; no pink and white t-shirt was running around between the rocks.

‘You let her go by herself?’

Colin’s tone was accusing, and Maggie snapped back.

‘Well the beach was bloody deserted, wasn’t it? She couldn’t have got lost... ’

‘Mum?’

Joe’s voice was small and afraid, and Maggie hugged him to her side. Colin leapt out of the ring.

‘She must have gone back to the cottage. I’ll go up. You search down here.’

He raced off towards the cliff path and Maggie stood still for a moment, forcing back the panic. This was her fault. What had she been thinking, sending Livvy across the beach by herself? She’d been annoyed, that was what, miffed because a three-year-old had wanted to join her father and brother instead of making sand pies with her mum. Christ, how pathetic.

Maggie pressed her lips together. There would be time to worry about her own inadequacies later, right now they had to find Livvy.
Had
she gone back up the cliff path? It didn’t sound likely, but there was nowhere else...

Except... Livvy
wouldn’t
have gone into the water, they could be sure of that. She wasn’t a fan of the breakers that crashed up the beach. But the waves weren’t big today, the sea looked relatively calm. Yet back up the path seemed equally unlikely. The steps zigzagging steeply through a crevice in the cliff face were hard work for three-year-old legs. What on earth could have tempted Livvy to go back up all by herself?

Frantically, Maggie looked from left to right along the beach, horror swirling into her head when she saw that both caves were filled with water now. If Olivia had gone into one of them...

Swallowing her panic, Maggie tried to focus her thoughts, forcing herself to think clearly. When Olivia left she had been sitting in the ring drinking coffee, facing in that direction. She
would
have seen her if she’d run down to the caves. So she
must
have gone the other way, towards the cliff path and the rock pools. Or had she gone further along the beach? Maggie stood on tiptoe. The rocks and their pools were the remains of what had once been another headland, a couple of centuries ago. Beyond was another beach, part of it belonging to the old hotel, the rest stretching back towards town.

Grabbing Joe’s hand, Maggie ran as fast as she could in the irritating, sliding sand. Past the cliff path, around the rocks. More than half of them were under water now, and Maggie shaded her eyes, straining to see anything that might be a pink and white t-shirt amongst the waves.

Nothing. Thank God.

Keeping a tight hold of Joe, she ran on, searching round crevices in the cliff.

Nothing. The beach was shrinking rapidly, waves licking round the sandcastle she and Olivia had built.

‘Look, Mummy! Isn’t it beautiful? We’ll put shells round the top and that can be the princess’ tower. I’m the princess and you’re my servant girl. Joe can be boot boy and Daddy’s the king, of course.’

Maggie swallowed painfully. At the time she’d been hurt. It was one of those ridiculous little knife-thrusts that kids attack their parents with so expertly. Daddy was the king and she herself was a servant girl. It had taken a moment before she’d been able to smile; she could remember thinking that it might have been worse, she could have been the wicked witch. And now Olivia could be lying unconscious among the rocks. She could have fallen and banged her head. And the tide was creeping up and up...

Quickly, Maggie climbed up a rock and gazed over to the hotel beach, where a row of brightly painted beach huts stood at the edge of the sands. Was it even remotely possible that her daughter had clambered all the way over there?

But if Livvy had been there Colin would have noticed her as he went back up. It was only the section of beach right underneath the cliff that you couldn’t see from the path and she’d just run all the way along it. So Livvy
must
have gone up to the cottage.

Still dragging Joe behind her, Maggie ran back towards the cliff path, her heart thumping painfully at the unaccustomed exertion.

‘My legs won’t go any more,’ said Joe, tears tracking through sand on his face.

Maggie stopped. There was no use rushing, Colin was up there already. And there was simply no other place that Livvy could be. She made herself slow down and helped Joe along the path, her mind screaming in frustration that he couldn’t go faster.

Back on the clifftop she saw immediately that no-one was there. The car was gone.

Her breath ragged, Maggie ran down Cliff Road. Some of the neighbours would help them search. Three of the other cottages were occupied this week, but today no-one was at home. Maggie stood still for a moment, her legs shaking helplessly. What could she do? What was there left to do?

Maybe Colin had tried to phone her. Maggie ran inside and grabbed her mobile, charging in the kitchen. No new messages. So their daughter was lost and Colin was driving around searching for her. Her darling, infuriating, wonderful Olivia was missing.

At that moment their pale green Opel bounced along the uneven track and into the parking space beside the cottage. Maggie ran out to meet it.

Colin almost fell out, hope illuminating his face when he saw her, then disappearing to make way for blank fear when he realised that she and Joe were alone.

‘She’s not on the beach,’ whispered Maggie. ‘The tide’s coming in... ’

‘I went as far as the crossroads,’ said Colin. ‘She wouldn’t have got any further.’

They stared at each other, and Maggie felt the tightness in her middle expand as it shifted, burning its way up. She turned behind a nearby hydrangea bush and vomited.

‘Mummy, Mummy!’

Joe was crying now, but all Maggie could do was hold her middle and retch. Painful sobs rose from her throat as Colin, his face expressionless now, reached for his mobile and dialled 999.

At the time it seemed as if the police took forever to get to Cove Cottage, but in reality they arrived just ten minutes after Colin’s call, blue lights flashing as they turned into Cliff Road. Two uniformed officers got out and walked towards them. Maggie stared. Only two policemen?

She had spent the last ten minutes hunched on a rock at the top of the cliff path, staring down at the waves rushing up the beach. Colin had binoculars trained round the cove, the sands, the cliffs. Maggie shivered. Livvy wouldn’t go into the sea, she couldn’t swim, she didn’t even enjoy the cold, salty water.

A terrible train of thought started in Maggie’s head. Maybe Livvy
had
gone down to the water. Maybe she’d wanted to wash the scratchy sand from her feet before joining Colin. One of those Cornish breakers might have wrapped itself round Livvy’s three foot one inch frame and swept her out to sea. A picture flashed into Maggie’s head, Olivia sprawled on anonymous rocks; waterlogged, sightless eyes empty and staring. This normal, happy-family day had turned into the biggest nightmare imaginable, the kind you tried so hard to wake up from but somehow you never could. For the first time since Livvy had existed, Maggie didn’t know where her daughter was.