Authors: Z. Elizabeth
He has filed the stick with love. Pure and simple. Tears begin to form and I let out a half laugh, half sob, running my fingers under my eyes to stop the salty water from running down my face.
“I can't believe he did this,” Craig chuckles, flicking from picture to picture. I wrap an arm around Craig's and lean my head on it, watching the pictures changed every couple of seconds. “I was certain it would be filled with porn.”
I let out a watery laugh, my eyes fixated on the flashing of photographs. University photographs of Craig and Matt pop up, then they change to Kelsie and I, then everyone at the wedding. It's basically a time line of our lives separately and together. Although most of these pictures are on our Facebook, the school ones aren't nor the wedding ones, seeing as we didn't have a photographer. It seems that our boy had been snapping pictures throughout the day. I sniff back the tears and get up to grab my phone. I need to call him, let him know how grateful I am for this present. It wasn't mine, but dear God, I'm a part of this too.
I ring him whilst I walk back into the living room. Craig is smiling up at me and pats the space next to him. I sniff back my tears and put the phone on speaker phone. When the call is connected the first thing Matt says to me is “I knew you wouldn't let me down, I’ll be there in five. We'll be happy together, Nic, don't you worry.” I let out of strangled laugh, not expecting him to say that and I look up at Craig who rolls his eyes at the phone.
“I'm sorry buddy, but this one is mine, go find your own to run away with.” is Craig's response. He leans down to give my head a kiss and I snuggle closer into his body, phone resting on my palm so we can both speak to Matt. I hear a dramatic sigh at the other end and smile.
“My heart has been broken into smithereens now. I'll just have to find someone else to kiss it all better. If you know what I mean.” I can just picture him wiggling his eyebrows up and down with a smirk planted firmly on his face. Now that I have seen a different side to Matt, which I am pretty sure not many people have, his defence breaks me. I need to spend more time alone with Matt. He just needs a platonic girl friend who has no interest in sleeping with him. That girl is going to me. I'm going to make it my mission to make him see how great he is.
“That won't be hard seeing as they literally queue up outside your flat, playboy.”
“What can I say, I know my way around a woman's body enough to keep them wanting more. Hey, Nic, when you're done with Craig, you know where I am if you want to be taken to heaven and back.” I snort and bite my lip to keep the giggle inside.
“I'll be around in five, Matt.” When I say that, Craig lifts an eyebrow and pins me to the sofa, his hard body lying between my spread legs, all the best parts touching one another. Yeaaaah, I'm beginning to feel the sexual tension heat up between us again, especially with his eyes turning darker by the second. “But I just wanted to ring up and say I love you.”
Craig growls at my confession to Matthew, but when I say that, I look into Craig's eyes, baring my feelings to him. I'm not sure if he knows I just said that to him, but each day I am trying to draw these feelings from Craig and I am certain he is in love with me. I did say when I got some sort of love from him I would tell him about that night when I sobbed myself to sleep. Maybe it's the Christmas cheer or the wine I've been drinking all day but five months have passed and my heart has been Craig's since I was sixteen. Fuck it, fuck it all. I WANT to tell him I love him. Okay, so if he doesn't love me, I have seven months to kind of avoid him, but just like Kelsie said, he told Rob he loves me and Rob never lies to Kelsie, she would kill him....
I take a deep breath and keep my eyes on Craig's. His one hand is twisted in my hair and his other is drawing patterns on my stomach. I smile up at Craig and vow to finish this phone call asap. “I also rang to say thank you for the present to Craig. That was the best thing anyone has ever given us and we both love you for the effort you put into it, to find all those photos and put it together. You don't know much they mean to us.”
“It, urm, it was nothing. I'm glad you liked them. Thank you for today, it was fun but I have to go now.” And with that Matt hangs up. Yupp, he's not good with people expressing their feelings, nor is he either. That is going to change, I will make sure of it. I end the call and drop the phone to the floor. I rest one hand on Craig's cheek and lean up to kiss him. He pushes me back down and meshes his lips back to mine. This kiss is sweet, it's slow and sensual. We are taking our time exploring the confines of each other, and I know I am pouring my soul into it. Craig's hand is resting on my stomach, and the fingers in my hair are lightly massaging my skull. I run my thumb back and forth on stubble, moaning at the feel. My other hand is grabbing the back of his neck, gently playing with the curls. When we pull apart, he rests his forehead on mine and I smile shyly at him.
“I have something to tell you, Craig, about that night where I cried myself to sleep,” I whisper onto his lips and he lifts his head up to look at me. He doesn't say anything because he can see how nervous I am about this, so he waits until I am ready to spill my guts. I take a deep breath, clear my throat and look away for a second before resting my eyes back on his. I put my other hand on his cheek, cupping his face. He leans down with his elbows resting either side of my face and I wrap my legs around his back. If this is the last time I get to hold him, I may as well hold him tightly, bask in his body and the way he feels before everything is blown to shit.
“That night I thought about running away, away from you.” I admit, and I can feel his body tense but I don't look away. Pain flashes through his eyes and I know he wants to ask me why but I shake my head. “It got too much. The pain, my feelings, everything got on top of one another and I couldn't take it any more. You got too much for me that I needed to get away for a while. But then you came out and held me all night and I saw a different side to you, one that wasn't cocky or predatory and one that I liked and didn't too. But I can't do this any more...” Before I can continue, tears form in Craig's eyes and he blinks them away. He grasps my face and kisses every inch of it. I pull him back and hold him close to my face, eyes to eyes, lips to lips. It kills me to think he was about to shed tears. Shit, he looks so upset and little right now, I need to make this right.
“I can't do this fake marriage any more because I need it to be real.” I whisper. “I love you, Craig. I have since I was sixteen.”
And that's it, my confession has been delivered. I watch him process everything I have just spilled to him, awaiting his reaction. It takes a few seconds but he takes me by surprise when he smashes his lips to mine and darts his tongue straight into mine when I gasp his shock. He kisses me with everything, every ounce he can muster. He is showing me how much my confession means to him. His lips bruise mine and when he pulls back he nestles his face in my neck, kissing up and along my jawline. He wraps his arms around my waists and hoists us up into a sitting position, with me straddling his body. He runs his hands through my hair, pushing it from my face and lightly bites my lower lip. Forehead to forehead, he says the words I have been dying to hear from him for years.
“I love you too, Nic.”
Chapter
Eighteen
Craig
God, when she told me she couldn't do this any more, I thought I was going to die. My life was over for those few seconds and I knew I had to do whatever I could to make Nic see that this can't be over. Even tears rocked up and I couldn't let her see how much her words cut me. I had to kiss her face, had to touch her because if that was the last time, I needed to engrave her into my memory. Her scent, the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair, her curves. Dammit, I needed to remember it all. How can one person consume another so deeply that they become their everything? That should scare the shit out of me, but it doesn't. I've wanted her as long as she has wanted me. Yes, she spilled to me that she loved me several days ago, but that means nothing if she didn’t remember, if she had no plans of telling me at all. But now she has. Now we can finally be together for real.
But my heart breaks at her confession of wanting to run away all those months ago. That I was the reason for those tears, for her crying herself to sleep. Yeah, that breaks me apart a little and I know I have to make it up to her somehow. Apologise for the 'cocky' Craig side of me. The only reason I acted like an utter dick to her was because I felt so strongly towards her that it was the only way I could keep her attention on me; to bait her into having an argument and then sex. Not now. No. We are going to start this marriage properly beginning on the chime of midnight on New Years Eve. New year, new beginnings.
After my own confession, I can see the tears welling up in her beautiful green eyes and a sob spills from her lips. I chuckle to myself, watching my girl cry and lean forward to kiss away the tears running down her cheeks before using my thumbs to brush the strays away. When she cries her eyes go brighter. She's not an ugly crier, fuck, I think she might be the most gorgeous crier ever known to mankind. And that is saying a lot. Once she has calmed down I decide it's my turn to tell her when I fell for her, let her know that six long years have gone by where we have both been in love with one another. Sod our families right now, this is me and Nic.I tighten my arms around her waist and press a kiss to her neck. She wraps her arms around my neck and lies her head upon my shoulder, sighing as she does. We're just so content in the knowledge we love one another that nothing is going to top this Christmas evening. The only thing that scares me is when she finds out I went behind her back and spoke to not only my father but hers, too, about the secret. I know I have to tell her, but shit will most definitely hit the fan when I do and in some way, I have only just got her. Got her to open up and admit her feelings to me without being drunk off her face. I'm sure keeping it to myself for a while longer will be okay....I hope. With her relaxed against me, I run a hand up and down her back, and bask in feeling her in my arms. This is heaven. The quietness of the apartment, the Christmas lights flickering against the dim room and just us two, breathing in one another. But now it's my turn to spill my guts, and God, I can't wait to tell her.
“Nic?” I whisper. She goes to lift her head but I lightly push it back down and she resumes her position. “I've loved you since I was sixteen too.” I feel her gasp and then plant a kiss on my neck. I can feel the outline of a smile against my skin and it makes me smile a shit-eating grin that my girl is so happy it's been six years for me too.
“The reason I was such a dickhead to you in school was because I loved you. I acted out and I just wanted your attention on me, even if it was just a look or a scolding from you, I just needed something from you to keep me going throughout the day. I'm not sure when my feelings became so strong for you, maybe it was always there, knowing we weren’t allowed to talk or be around one another but God, Nic, you had me in a tizzy. You had me in a trance and I couldn’t get out of it.” I confess, hoping to God what I am saying isn't going to hurt her. She doesn't say anything, just plays with my hair so I carry on.
“Those years where I slept around, they aren't my finest at all. I regret them so much but I jumped from girl to girl because I wanted you and I knew I couldn't. I knew we would never be allowed to be together and I had to occupy myself somehow, try to get you off my mind but nothing worked. Even at university nothing could falter my feelings for you, even with you in Cardiff and me in Bristol. I tried to stop myself from looking at your Facebook but nothing worked. Not even deactivating my account. I would go on Matt's and stalk you. It broke my heart when I saw how much fun you were having with all the guys in pictures with you and although I loved my uni years, I just wish we were together because every photo I saw of you broke me. “
Her breathe catches in her throat, and I swallow hard, wishing the pain of those three years away. University wasn’t bad for me, along with Matt, I had an awesome time. The intensity of my teaching course, long days on placement, essays, marking homework, making class plans and the extra Rugby training and matches, made sure my life was full on to the max, with little time for any thought other than study. But now, now I wouldn’t change anything because it got me here. I love my job, I love my students and it was worth every single blood, sweat and tear I shed to be where I am right now. I just wish I’d had Nic by my side, sharing her experience too.
Nic, goes to lift her head again and instead of hiding from her I let her lift her face to mine, ready to read the expression and her feelings. Her eyes flicker around my face before settling upon mine. She runs a finger over my bottom lip and gives me a small smile which I return. One small kiss, one that means everything to me and Nic.
She sits back, still staring at me. I watch her, not daring to ruin this moment of ours. “All those photos with those guys, they meant nothing to me. I can't even remember their names because they are just random guys Kels and I met on nights out. I had boyfriends in university, albeit they were brief but you had my heart wrapped in chains so tight that no one could ever find the key to unlock it. No one ever came near to making me feel how I feel for you so believe me when I say that I love you to freaking death. There is no one else for me but you. I've wanted you for so many years. I finally have you and I'm not going to let anything come between us.”
“But what about our families, Nic? I told myself I would do whatever I could to show you just how much I love you and a big FU to our parents, but they are going to hate this so much.” I watch Nic shake her head and smile up at me. Not a small smile but a godforsaken gleaming smile. I'm probably thinking she's changed her mind and doesn't care what they think any more than I do. If that is true, maybe I can tell her what I know...