I turned to him and slammed my hand on the table. It made the silverware jump and my plate move a bit.
“Your son needs guidance, he does not need Ryan Endless.”
Ryan stared at me and shook his head.
“I have not been called that in a very long time.”
“Endless?” August asked and I looked at him and felt the venom rising.
“Your father, it was his nickname. You see he was a whore, that is how he got his money.”
“What?” August asked and Ryan stood up and started to mumble as he walked back and forth. I continued on.
“Yes, he fucked anything he could for money. Then I met him and he fucked me for the same reason.”
Ryan stopped and slammed his fists on the table and screamed as I jumped in my seat and so did August. He stood there, his head low and breathing hard as I tried to control my breathing. August stood up and knocked his drink over as he left us alone in the large dining room. I started to push my chair back and Ryan raised his hand and pointed at me as I stood up and did not waver.
“Why Beth? Why would you say that to my son?”
“Because I thought we were having a moment of truth, Ryan. I mean is it full truth or just what you pick and choose to share with him?”
“I fucking love you, Beth.”
I blinked as his words worked their way through me. He stepped out form the table and I shook my head at him.
“You don’t know what love is Ryan, you never knew.”
He started to walk towards me and I turned as he ran past me and closed the doors. He leaned against them and looked me over as I stood there in front of him.
“There was a time that I was everything to you, Beth.”
I looked down and then back up at him. I then stepped up to him, leaning into his ear as he closed his eyes.
“You wasted it,” I said to him as I backed up and touched his face softly. He let his face lower a bit and then as I took my hand from him he grabbed my wrist and kissed the inside of my palm. I jerked it from him as he watched me.
“Does he make you come like I did?” he asked me.
I hesitated and then grinned.
“Who said you ever made me come, Ryan.” I pushed past him and left him alone to a fate worse than death for a man with his ego. I would allow him to wonder if I ever enjoyed him at all or if I did it to please him. I was sure it would haunt him worse than the bones of Miko in the garden.
Chapter Nine
River of Stars
I sat at my vanity and brushed my hair with an unsteady hand. My words had left my lips with the will of Satan himself as I tried my best to hurt Ryan and I knew that I had. I knew loneliness all too well and I had willfully invited Ryan into my world. It takes someone just like you to handle the sorrow this home possesses. Ryan was certainly built to manage it but as I sit here and stare at myself there is no satisfaction in what I just did. He brings out the ugliest parts of myself and absorbs them almost like a sheep to slaughter. I know this and I have used him for years in that way. Perhaps he was more of a blessing. Preventing me from the same revelation my Mother had come to understand. We live and die here, us Bittermends. We build a wall around our hearts too high to climb and too thick to penetrate. I knew it in school, I knew it out of school and I definitely knew it when I allowed myself to falsely love Ryan. The hatred is solid and justified, but it still does not ease the sting of enjoying it.
I stood up and my ring fell to the floor. I was not surprised by it. I had not eaten correctly in weeks and my frame was smaller. My finger had shrunk and the ring that bound me to Ryan was starting to truly not fit any longer. I leaned down and then I saw it, a small sealed letter under my vanity. It looked old but I narrowed my eyes and reached under, pulling it out and blowing off the dust. I coughed and it aggravated me. We pay people very well to keep this house clean and to have this nonsense under my vanity would not be allowed to go on. I mean I am not ignorant. I know that half of the staff is only here to please Ryan and his carnal needs but if they cannot keep the dust from the floor they can leave.
I then turned the letter over and saw my name scribbled on the front of it. I sat down and grabbed my silver letter opener and cut it open. I then pulled the paper out, just one, folded nicely and smelling of flowers. I opened it up and started to read it.
Bethany,
I know that someday you will forgive me but to hate me now is something you will simply have to do. Know that I love you, I have always loved you and that my decision to leave this world had nothing to do with you my darling.
If I can leave you with anything it is this. Know your worth and never allow anyone to diminish it.
Forever my love…Mother
I dropped the letter and held my hand to my chest as the tears flowed. If I had ever truly hated my Father it was completely justified now as the haunting words of my Mother reached back and captured me. She was right, I should know my worth, I should accept that I am better than all of this. I always have been and I always will be.
****
August stood in the garden until he heard his name called out, half whisper, half yell. He turned and saw Zoey standing in the thick bushes and he grinned. He started to walk towards her until he saw Jami behind her. It made him excited, more so than he intended it to. He continued to walk, happy to see both of them.
“Did you bring it?” August asked and Zoey nodded as they all sat down in the soft grass and Jami pulled out a joint. He licked the tip of it and August watched his mouth until Zoey grabbed his hand and nodded to him.
“So they are fighting again?” Zoey asked him.
“When are they not fucking fighting?” August asked as if he was sick of talking about it. He then watched Jami light the joint up and the smell was thick and sweet in the air.
“Thank you for picking it up,” August said.
“This is the like the gateway drug to hell huh?” Jami asked as he coughed and passed it to Zoey. He held the smoke in as long as he could until the cough made him spit it out. Zoey shook her head and took a drag and held it up to August. He took it as he watched Jami lean back and lay down in grass. In this little light he really did favor Zane more than he realized during their initial encounter. He took a long drag and held the smoke in, closing his eyes and a flash of memory consumed his mind not unlike they had been doing all along.
****
He felt the sun on his face, warm and inviting. Then he felt a hand on his leg, it rose slowly, taking time to grip and apply pressure where it was needed. He sighed and placed his hand on his flat stomach as the hand lifted and pushed under his hand, then under his shirt and finally connecting with skin. He tensed up; it was a natural reaction to being aroused. He then felt lips on his abdomen, soft and yet hungry for him, always hungry and ever so willing to give him pleasure. He then looked down and he heard a small laugh, the head rose and he screamed as it was Zane but he looked to be decaying, dead or dying, who knows. He dropped the joint and both Zoey and Jami looked at him in disbelief.
“Maybe you should lay off the fucking drugs,” Jami said as Zoey touched his face and stared at him with much concern.
“I can handle my shit,” August said as Jami relaxed and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head and looking up at the night sky.
“Are you okay?” Zoey asked him as August tried to accept her sudden caring nature. She was as fucked up as anyone else he knew. She could easily pretend to be soft. He knew this as he knew her. Since Zane had died she went from hot to cold and back again. Her emotions even more of a jumbled mess than before everything happened. He moved slightly to break her touch to his face. She sighed and decided to lay on her back too, she leaned against Jami as he glanced at August who stood up and leaned his head back, staring at the vast amount of stars above them.
“Fucking crazy, huh?” Jami asked as August looked at him and shook his head.
“I have had better.”
Jami laughed and looked back to the stars.
“I meant the stars, you dick.”
August laughed and looked at him as Zoey closed her eyes against Jami’s shoulder. It reminded him so much of when Zane was alive and Zoey would always fall asleep against him when they had nights like this. He paused and then looked back towards the stars.
“I didn’t mean.”
“Don’t worry about it, Zoey told me about you.”
August looked back at him and waited for Jami to expand on exactly what he meant.
Jami smiled and looked back to the stars.
“Told you what?” August asked as Jami grinned, happy that he was finally able to spark his interest.
“You are like Orion.”
“Orion?” August asked him.
“Yep, always chasing and getting fucked. I get it.”
“I am familiar with Orion and I am not like that.”
Jami turned his head and looked at Zoey who was now sleeping.
“She is a lightweight.”
“Not always,” August said as Jami stood up and left her lying there in the soft grass. He stepped up to August and then looked up at the sky. August watched him closely as the moonlight looked beautiful on his skin. His features familiar and yet just foreign enough to cause a feeling of comfort and interest deep inside of him. Jami looked at him and noticed he was staring.
“How long have you been gay?” Jami asked him and August was taken back.
“I’m not.”
“Oh really?” Jami reached down and grabbed his dick and August coughed and stepped back from him but not before his dick hardened a bit and Jami smiled.
“It would be much easier if you just fucking admitted it, but that is up to you.”
“I am with Zoey.”
Jami looked at him and laughed.
“Really? If that is what you call it.”
August watched Jami as he looked back towards the sky and smiled.
“I fucking love Orion, what a warrior. I mean he was a badass you know? But I swear, it seems like every fucking thing he wanted would just get all fucked up and taken from him.”
“Stories,” August said as his jaw tightened up a little it. Jami looked down and then over to him.
“So I take it you don’t care for mythology.”
“I know mythology, but it is just that, myth, stories and not truth.” August said as Jami watched him.
“So there is nothing about the stars that you like huh?”
August paused and then looked towards the sky.
“I love the Milky Way, but you can’t see that shit with the naked eye anymore because of cities and smog.”
“What?” Jami asked him and August looked at him and narrowed his eyes.
“The Milky Way.”
Jami laughed. “I know what the fuck it is, I mean what do you like about it.”
August looked up and Jami watched him as he started to speak.
“The Chinese thought of the Milky Way as the River of Heaven, where the mothers of the Sun and Moon bathe their children before they enter the sky.”
Jami looked up and smiled. “So a layover, like at the airport.”
“What?” August asked him and Jami sat back down and tapped the earth beside him. August hesitated as Zoey mumbled something and rolled onto her side. Jami looked back at her and shook his head.
“I am not trying to suck you off, come here,” he said as August decided to walk over and sit down, leaving a couple of feet between them. Jami smiled and then looked up.
“I like the idea of it being a river, pretty sweet.”
August shook his head and then continued on.
“Yeah, I mean the Chinese care about what happens after death, I mean whatever the fuck that is.”
Jami looked at him and then August turned his head. The silence said everything that words could not.
“Do you believe in God?” Jami asked him and August laid back and placed his hands behind his head as he stared up at the night sky.
“I believe in science,” he said and Jami lay back too.
“There is no romance in that.”
August laughed. Jami looked at him and grinned.
“Well I am glad I could make you laugh.”
August stopped and then stared at the stars with more intent.
“According to old Chinese folklore, the Milky-Way is a wide river that separates two star-crossed lovers represented by the stars Altair and Vega. Only once a year can the two reunite, for one night.”
Jami looked up at the night sky and smiled.
“Okay so you do believe in romance.”
August smiled and continued on.
“A young man named Niulang ( which is the star Altair), came across seven fairy sisters bathing in a lake. He stole their clothes and only agreed to give them back if one of the sisters would marry him.”
Jami laughed.
“Sounds like a perv.”
August nodded. “Yeah, sounds like he was desperate.”
“Go on.” Jami said and August smiled and looked back to the stars.
“Well, the youngest and most beautiful of the fairy sisters, Zhinü ( which is the star Vega) agreed to his request for marriage. They lived happily together and had two children. But the Goddess of Heaven found out that Zhinü, a fairy girl, had married a mere mortal. The Goddess was furious and forced the fairy back to her former duty of weaving colorful clouds, a task she had neglected while living on earth with a mortal. On Earth, Niulang was very upset that his wife had disappeared, so he carried his two beloved children off to Heaven to find Zhinü. The Goddess discovered this and was very angry. Taking out her hairpin, the Goddess scratched a wide river in the sky to separate the two lovers forever, forming the Milky Way between Altair and Vega. Zhinü must sit forever on one side of the river, sadly weaving on her loom, while Niulang watches her from afar and takes care of their two children.”
“Well shit,” Jami said as August looked at him.
“Yeah shit.”
“I swear the Gods and Goddesses were a bunch of cunts.”
August laughed and looked at him.
“Anyone with power is a cunt.”
Jami nodded and rolled onto his side as August watched him closely.
“I am not here to be a dividing river between you and Zoey.”
August shook his head as Jami went on.
“I am also not Zane, I never could be.”