The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (47 page)

Yeast Infections

According to the Lesbian-Bisexual Women’s Health Study, it’s unknown whether yeast infections can be transmitted sexually from woman to woman.
³⁰
They certainly are common. Yeast infections are caused by an imbalance in normal yeast found in the vagina. It is thought that the condition can be aggravated by high sugar intake—and some woman are finding that this includes exposure to lubricants containing glycerin—by stress, or by moisture from wearing wet clothing. Symptoms include a white, clumpy vaginal discharge, and itching and burning in the vagina. Yeast infections are treated with antifungal medication. Recurrent or difficult-to-treat yeast infections may be symptomatic of diabetes, HIV, or herpes.

What If Your Partner Won’t Use Barriers?

You have a right to employ safer-sex techniques—regardless of whether your partner believes STDs can or can’t be transmitted through woman-to-woman sex.

Safer Sex Is More Than Latex

The women of the Northwest Network of Bisexual,Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse are quick to point out that safer sex requires more than latex—your emotional and physical safety needs must be met as well. How do you determine whether a sexual relationship is abusive? Here are some questions to ponder:

• Do you ever have sex to “keep the peace”? Or because you were tired of resisting?

• Has your partner forced you to have sex against your will?

• Has your partner refused to practice safer sex, or refused to discuss safer sex?

• Does your partner make fun of your sexuality?

• Does your partner expect you to report to her about masturbating? Does she tell you you shouldn’t masturbate because it’s “cheating”?

• Does your partner demand that you tell her your fantasies? Does she shame you because of your sexual desires or fantasies?

• Does your partner accuse you of having affairs? Does your partner threaten to have affairs when you both have agreed to be monogamous?

• Has your partner accused you of not being a “real” lesbian?

If you feel your relationship is abusive, get help. You can call your local (or regional) domestic violence or sexual assault hotline. Some hotlines are staffed by lesbian-friendly and transgender-friendly volunteers—after all, lesbians and bisexual women have volunteered countless hours for many local feminist antiviolence resources (and in some cases even founded them). However, be aware that not all domestic violence hotline volunteers will understand or even sympathize with the needs of lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered clients. Contact the Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse to find supportive resources in your area. (See the resources chapter.)

Discussing safer sex is part of sexual negotiation. As with other aspects of sexual communication, you have to know what you want to tell your partner. What are your safer-sex standards? Dams for rimming? Gloves for fisting? Tell your partner.

If a woman refuses to use a barrier for oral sex, or to wear gloves for penetration, or to put a condom on her dildo, or to use lube, you don’t have to have sex with her. Many women out there would love to be sexual with you
and
be respectful of your health concerns.

What If You Have an STD?

Sometimes I feel dirty, like nobody would want me. And when my girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me, I immediately assume it’s about my hepatitis, even though it’s really about her, like she’s told me a million times before. Even so, if I think about it too long I wind up beating myself up for having hep C.

In addition to gynecological care, make sure you get emotional support, too. Acquiring an STD can wreck havoc with your self-esteem. You may feel untouchable or ashamed. Because even progressive communities at times treat STDs as moral rather than health issues, you may be left feeling as if you have no right to a sex life at all. You deserve as much pleasure now as you ever did—but you do have a responsibility not to transmit the STD to your partners. Practicing safer sex will prevent you from acquiring a new sexually transmitted condition, too.

Here are some things to think about and do:

•
Get treated.
Don’t attempt to self-diagnose and treat your STD.

•
Follow up
on gynecological care.

•
Notify your recent sex partners,
so that they can get tested, too.

•
Care for yourself
as you would when facing any other illness. Avoid stress, eat well, get eight hours’ sleep each night.

•
Don’t beat yourself up.
Sexually transmitted diseases are caused by bacteria and viruses—not weak morals.

•
Take responsibility.
Don’t pass the STD along to your partners. Follow recommended safer-sex guidelines.

•
Tell new partners about your STD.
They’re responsible for their sexual health just as you are for yours. Your full disclosure enables your partners to make decisions regarding safer sex.

• In some communities, you can
find support groups
for women with herpes and other chronic conditions. Or seek help from members of Internet support groups. It helps to have someone to talk to.

Remember: You’re entitled to a fulfilling, healthy sex life. You’re no less deserving of sexual pleasure because you’ve acquired an STD.
Play safe!

Suggested Web Links

LESBIANSTD.COM

www.lesbianstd.com

SAFERSEX.ORG

www.safersex.org/women/lesbianss.html

SOURCE OF SIDEBARS:

“
LesbianSTD.com
” is excerpted with permission from
www.lesbianstd.com
.

“Safer Sex Is More Than Just Latex” is adapted, with permission, from a flyer of the Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse.

chapter nineteen

Bibliography

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Journal of Urology
, vol. 159, 1892-97, June 1998.

“Aphrodite’s Appetite: The Ins and Outs of Eating for Great Sex,” by Heather Corinna.
Scarlet Letters: A Journal of Femmerotica
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Between Women: Activists Hope for Answers from the First Federal Study of Lesbian Transmission of HIV,” by Sue Rochman.
Advocate,
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In The Family,
April 1999.
www.GayHealth.com

“Cervical Cancer Risk and Papanicolaou Screening in a Sample of Lesbian and Bisexual Women,” by Elizabeth J. Rankow and Irene Tessaro.
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“Female = Woman, Right? Not Always…”
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“Guidelines for Routine Health Care,” by Dr. Lenore Tietjens-Grillo M.D., FACOG.
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Women and Health,
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“Lady Buggers,” by Jennifer Block,
POZ,
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vol. 93, no. 4, 611-13, April 1999.

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Menopause
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Books

Bisexuality

Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out,
edited by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu (Alyson Publications, 1991).

Bisexual Resource Guide,
edited by Robyn Ochs (Bisexual Resource Center, 2001).

Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture,
by Carol Queen, 2nd edition, (Cleis Press, 2002).

Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life,
by Marjorie B. Garber (Routledge, 2000).

Erotica

As You Desire Me,
by Fiona Cooper (Diva, 2004).

Awakening the Virgin 2,
by Nicole Foster (Alyson Publications, 2003).

Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica,
edited by Cara Bruce (Cleis Press, 2001).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2005,
selected and introduced by Felice Newman. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2005).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2004,
selected and introduced by Michelle Tea. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2004).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2003,
selected and introduced by Cheryl Clarke. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2003).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2002,
selected and introduced by Amber Hollibaugh. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2002).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2001,
selected and introduced by Pat Califia. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2001).

Best Lesbian Erotica 2000,
selected and introduced by Joan Nestle. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2000).

Best Lesbian Erotica 1999,
selected and introduced by Chrystos. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 1999).

Best Lesbian Erotica 1998,
selected and introduced by Jewelle Gomez. Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 1998).

Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica,
Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2000).

Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2,
Tristan Taormino, series editor (Cleis Press, 2005).

Black Feathers: Erotic Dreams,
by Cecilia Tan (HarperCollins, 1998).

Dark Angels: Lesbian Vampire Stories,
edited by Pam Keesey (Cleis Press, 1994).

Daughters of Darkness: Lesbian Vampire Stories,
edited by Pam Keesey (Cleis Press, 1993).

Doc and Fluff: The Dystopian Tale of a Girl and Her Biker,
by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1996).

Doing It for Daddy: Short Sexy Fiction About a Very Forbidden Fantasy,
edited by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1994).

Electric 2: Best Lesbian Erotic Fiction,
edited by Nicole Foster (Alyson Publications, 2003).

The Escort,
by Kay Vale (Diva Books, 2003).

Friday the Rabbi Wore Lace: Jewish Lesbian Erotica,
edited by Karen X. Tulchinsky (Cleis Press, 1998).

Hot and Bothered 4: Short Fiction of Lesbian Desire,
edited by Karen X. Tulchinsky (Arsenal Pulp, 2003).

The Leather Daddy and the Femme: An Erotic Novel,
by Carol Queen (Down There Press, 2003).

Leatherwomen,
edited by Laura Antoniou (Masquerade Books, 1998).

Macho Sluts,
by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1989).

Melting Point,
by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 1996).

No Mercy,
by Pat Califia (Alyson Publications, 2000).

On Our Backs: The Best Erotic Fiction,
Volume 2, edited by Diana Cage (Alyson Publications, 2004).

Peculiar Passions,
by Ruby Vise (Diva Books, 2003).

Pillow Talk II: Lesbian Stories Between the Covers,
edited by Lesléa Newman (Alyson Publications, 2000).

Speaking in Whispers: Lesbian African-American Erotica,
by Kathleen E. Morris (Third Side Press, 1996).

Switch Hitters: Lesbians Write Gay Male Erotica and Gay Men Write Lesbian Erotica,
edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel (Cleis Press, 1997).