The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (43 page)

Illustration 21. Dildos and Harnesses

Dildos are sold by diameter and length. For strap-on sex, you’ll want a dildo at least an inch or two longer than one you’d use by hand, since the harness and your body will absorb some length. You can “measure” your vagina with a zucchini or cucumber. Experiment with vegetables of varying length and girth; when you find one of a thickness that suits you, cut it lengthwise in half. You can now measure the diameter. Dildo length is measured from the base to the tip. Even if you shop organically, remember to slip a condom over that cucumber.

You can also experiment with dildos by purchasing inexpensive rubber models. When you find the length, girth, shape, and style you like, you can then invest in a high-quality silicone dildo. Remember that you
must
use condoms on rubber dildos, since they’re more porous than silicone and will absorb dirt very easily. (See chapter 12, Vaginal Penetration.)

Do You Like G-Spot Stimulation?

Any curved, firm insertive toy is a candidate for G-spot stimulation. Of course, whether or not it hits the spot will vary from woman to woman. Some women get the best results from G-spot attachments designed to fit over the head of an electric vibrator, such as the G-Spotter for the Hitachi Magic Wand. Others prefer insertable vibrators with rotating shafts, or dildos with ridges or a prominent, cocklike head. The all-time classic G-spot toy is the Crystal Wand, which Toys in Babeland describes as “10 inches of clear acrylic hand molded into a shallow
S
-shape.”
¹⁰
(See chapter 3, Anatomy and Sexual Response, and chapter 4, Orgasm, for more on your G-spot.)

Do You Like Anal Penetration?

I have a fairly small silicone butt plug. I like how it warms to my body and is flexible so that it doesn’t tear or otherwise brutalize me. It’s great for added zing during almost any sexual activity.

Butt plugs are popular toys for anal penetration. Butt plugs aren’t intended for thrusting. They’re designed to be held inside your rectum by your sphincter muscles. Like dildos, butt plugs come in all shapes and sizes—from the miniature Flirt (which is hardly bigger than your index finger) to the great big Triple Ripple plugs (which dwarf your fist)—and in a variety of materials. Again, if you’re not sure what size or style you’ll like, buy a cheap rubber plug before graduating to higher-quality silicone. Don’t forget that what may seem rather diminutive when placed on the counter at your local toy store may seem humongous when placed inside your butt at home.

Illustration 22. Anal Toys

Once you’ve sat on a few starter plugs, anal advisor Tristan Taormino will steer you toward an advanced model. Taormino’s website offers silicone, vinyl, glass, steel, and granite butt toys, like clear acrylic Nova (whose magnifying property gives a peek into the wearer’s butt) and the Cherry (which is actually for the advanced user; it earns its name because Taormino recommends it as a warm-up for first-time anal fisting). She’s also designed her own butt plugs for Vixen Creations, the Tristan I and Tristan II—these plugs are designed to go in and stay in.

Jelly dildos are a great choice for anal penetration, since the soft rubber won’t abrade delicate rectal tissues. At Grand Opening! in Brookline, Massachusetts, a popular vibrating anal toy is the Butt Buzzer, which combines flexible jelly rubber with an egg vibrator embedded in its shaft.
¹¹
Of course, women are very individual in their choice of materials for anal toys—you might prefer a heavy chrome butt plug to a jelly dildo.

Don’t overlook anal beads, vibrating butt plugs, flexible anal probes, and other toys specifically designed for butt play. (See chapter 13, Anal Penetration.)

The rules for anal toys bear repeating here:

• The toy must have a flared base to prevent it from slipping inside your rectum and working its way into the colon. Similarly, anal beads must be securely fastened to their string and have a ring on the end to hold onto.

• The toy must have a smooth surface—no sharp edges or breakable parts.

• You must be able to clean the toy with antibacterial soap and hot water.

• If you intend to use the toy to penetrate your partner deeply, it must be flexible enough to maneuver the curves of the rectum.

• Use lots of lube! Since the rectum isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina, make sure you coat your toy thoroughly with lube.

Do You Want to Strap On Your Dildo?

I definitely like the ability to strap it on. It leaves both of my hands free to use on other parts of her body. There is no better feeling in the world, for me, than to wrap my arms around her while I am penetrating her as she reaches orgasms.

Dildo harnesses come in several styles and materials. They can strap onto your hips, your thigh, a chair—or even your face. Choose your harness to fit both the dildo you wish to use with it and the style of sex play you prefer.

•
What size dildo do you want to use?
Any dildo with a flared base can be worn with a harness—if it’s not too thick to fit through the cock ring or opening in the harness. The key is selecting the right harness. Many come with interchangeable rubber cock rings that snap into place. Theoretically, you could swap these for any size cock ring and thus any dildo with a flared base—even the 2-inch-diameter Prince. Other harnesses have a fixed cock ring or a reinforced hole through which the dildo protrudes. Your choice of dildo is limited by the diameter of the hole. If you intend to wear your harness with a variety of dildos, you’d do well to select a harness with a detachable cock ring.

•
What kind of material do you like?
You can find well-constructed harnesses in leather, vinyl, rubber, and nylon webbing. Nylon is less expensive than leather, of course, and quite sturdy.

•
What’s your aesthetic?
Hard-studded black leather, velvet-swirl corset harness with lace-up back and satin garters, spandex shorts with cod piece, or a comfortable packing harness which fits under boxers or briefs for all-day wear—take your pick.

•
Do you want to strap on additional penetrative toys?
If you want to use a cuff to hold a butt plug or dildo inside the wearer, select a harness with a center strap.

•
What’s your hip size?
The Crown harness works well for women of substantial size. Since the harness rides high on the wearer’s hips, her belly won’t get in the way of deep penetration. The Crown comes in hip sizes up to 60 inches. Aslan Leather makes harnesses that accommodate hip sizes up to 38 inches, but they’ll customize their designs to fit larger women. Stormy Leather’s Texas Two-Strap and Terra Firma harnesses fit hips up to 46 inches. (D-ring models can be expanded up to 56 inches.)

•
Are you curious about other ways to strap on a dildo?
In addition to harnesses you wear around your hip, you can also try a thigh harness, a harness you strap onto a chair, and even a face harness, which lets a dildo protrude from your mouth or forehead (in a
69
position, you can penetrate your partner vaginally while performing cunnilingus). You can even try a dildo harness that doubles as a chastity belt.

Do You Want to Explore Gender Play?

My favorite is a Cyberskin dildo. He’s almost 8 inches long and made of very realistic material, complete with balls that are actually two balls inside a scrotum. Unfortunately, he’s not rigid enough to be used for serious fucking, but I love him just the same.

If you want a dildo you can wear as a cock, check out these models:

•
Want a realistic feel?
Cyberskin now comes in several models—the basic realistic dildo, a vibrating version, and a stretchy sleeve you can pull over any dildo or cylindrical vibe.

•
Want a realistic look?
Realistic dildos feature detailed glans, veins, and balls. You can emulate Jeff Stryker with a dildo modeled after the porn star himself. Or try the Johnny—7½ inches long and almost 2 inches in diameter. Why would a lesbian buy a dildo with balls? Aside from the realistic look and feel, the balls provide extra stimulation for the receptive partner—when thrusting in a rear-entry position, they slap against her vulva.

•
Do you pack?
You’ll find packing dildos to create a realistic bulge in your pants in silicone and Cyberskin. Some are intended for penetration as well. Many Cyberskin dildos bend easily enough to tuck into your briefs. You’ll find a variety of dildos made from soft “fleshy” material—comfortable enough to wear under clothing, plus you won’t look like you’ve got a baseball bat in your pants. Aslan Leather sells what might be the most realistic soft cock you’ll ever find. Mr. Right is made from silicone with detailed balls and lifelike shaft and head. They also sell a packing strap (fits up to 50-inch hip size) to go with it.

Packing somehow completes me. It makes me feel real.

Do You Want to Explore BDSM?

You’ll find discussion of a number of BDSM toys and devices in chapter 15, Play Nice! (…or Else). Make sure your toys are well made and come from reputable sources. Many makers of whips and other S/M toys are truly artisans; their passion for the erotic exchange of power translates into their products. Some of the mail-order and retail outlets listed in the resources section have fabulous websites with photos of toys (and gorgeous models). Others offer print catalogs. Blowfish, JT’s Stockroom, Extreme Restraints, and Purple Passion, among others, carry a full line of bondage and S/M toys. Some websites offer helpful information on toy care and safety as well.

Sex and Disability: Toy Accessibility

“Toys are imperfect,” write the authors of
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
, “and the best approach to take is that you can make them your own, sometimes by the things you do with them, sometimes by the things you do to them.” Here’s their advice:

Make your sex toys your own—
be inventive in adapting and playing with your toys. If you want help adapting your toys, consult an occupational therapist. Although some occupational therapists may not share your sexual politics (and may even blush at your request to build up the handle on your vibrator), they do have the training and materials to help you make your sex toys more functional.

Consider the weight, size, and shape of the toy.
If you can’t hold a toy in your hand, try a vibrator that fits in a pouch, such as the Leather Butterfly. The straps fit around your waist and between your legs. You may also be able to use a larger electric vibrator by positioning yourself beside it. Be careful not to lie directly on top of a vibrator, as this will cut off the ventilation for the motor and can be dangerous. Use pillows to position yourself for play.

If you’re able to hold a toy, but tire easily, choose something lightweight. Consider the fact that, all things considered, you may be distracted while holding the toy. Try a vibrator that you can fit on your hand or, like the Fukuoku, on your finger. The same company also makes the Five Finger Fantasy, which is a waterproof glove that has five tiny vibrators in the tips of the fingers. You can also slip an egg-shaped vibe inside a glove.The only thing more annoying than your batteries dying at exactly the wrong time is dropping the toy!

Consider the material of the toy.
If you have allergies, environmental sensitivities, or a reduced immune system, stay away from products with heavy scents. Many people have allergies to latex. A lot of toys are made primarily of nonlatex rubber products. However, even “nonlatex” products may contain some latex. If you have a very sensitive latex allergy, stick with hard plastic or silicone toys.

Consider the switch on an electric or battery-operated toy.
This is often the most aggravating part of buying toys. Manufacturers tend not to think about accessibility, and it shows in their switches. Some toys are easy to turn on and off, and others are not. If you find a toy you love with a difficult switch, you may be able to find someone to rig an accessible switch.

Choose a toy with a long reach,
such as the Flex-O-Pleaser or an extra-long dildo.

Vibrating cock rings
fit snugly on the fingers. The jelly rubber rings are especially nice; the rubber extension provides a little extra support as you press the vibrator against your body.