I looked at her in disbelief. By the look in my eyes, she could tell how devastated I was. She knew how much I loved her, but there appeared to be no desire for reconciliation on her part. Without saying another word, I got up and walked out.
I drove like a bat out of hell, trying to get to Felicia. I called her cell phone, and when she answered, I asked where she was. When she told me she was at home, all I did was hang up on her. I swerved in and out of traffic to get to her as fast as I could. How dare she play me like she did. She didn't waste no time stabbing me in my back, and for her to make up more lies to Scorpio really had my blood boiling. No word in the English dictionary described how I felt. As I thought about what Scorpio said to me, I couldn't stop shaking my head. When I thought about the messed up impression I left with her family, I almost slammed into the back of a slow-driving car in front of me. I hit the brakes, and to avoid hitting the car, I had to swerve into another lane. Not giving a damn, I continued on with my reckless driving all the way to Felicia's house.
As soon as I got out of my car, I squatted and reached for the gun underneath my seat. I placed it down inside my pants and hurried to her front door. I banged hard, and as soon as she opened the door, I reached for the back of her hair and stepped inside. I slammed the door shut with my foot and gripped her braids even tighter. She placed her hand over mine.
“What in the hell are you doing?” she yelled. “You're hurting me, Shane.”
“That's good to know,” I said, shoving her inside the living room and onto the couch. I pulled the gun from my pants and aimed it at her. “Go and get your motherfuckin' clothes on so you can go with me.”
“Go with you where!” she yelled.
“You're going to tell Scorpio the facts and apologize to her for humiliating her yesterday. Then you gon' take your ass to Jay's and apologize to the ladies in there as well.”
“This bitch's pussy must be awfully good if it got you tripping out like this! Put the gun downâ”
I cocked the gun and dared Felicia to say one more word.
“I swear I will unload on your ass and blame it on Stephonâeasily! Now, get your ass up and go get dressed! If not, I'll drag you outside in your bra and panties.”
Felicia seriously thought I was bullshitting with her. She got up, moving like a turtle. And as for opening her mouth again, she did. She told me to put the gun away. That touched a nerve with me, so I snatched her by her braids again and pushed her toward the door. Her white socks caused her to slip around on the hardwood floors, but I continued pushing her toward the door. Now she knew I wasn't playing, and had the nerve to start crying. By then it was too late. We tussled outside and she started yelling and screaming like somebody was killing her. I shoved her inside of my car and intentionally elbowed her in the jaw so she'd shut the hell up.
“I can't believe you're doing this to me,” she said while holding her lip. I slammed the back door to my car and promised her I'd fuck her up again if she opened the door. She seemed to be listening now, so I opened the front door to my car. As soon as I got ready to sit inside, I heard someone call my name. When I looked, there was a black Cadillac with tinted windows parked right in front of Felicia's house. Immediately, I knew what time it was. It was time to shake, rattle, and roll. The window lowered and out came a sawed-off, double-barreled shotgun. I dived into the front seat of the car, but by then, it was too late. I felt the pressure in my side and then in my legs. I heard several more shots and a whole lot of screaming. After a few more seconds, my blurred vision allowed me to look up and see Felicia. Tears streamed down her face, and she was trying to pull me out of the front seat. My blood covered her half-naked body.
“Shaaaaane!” she yelled. “Don't you ...”
Her voice faded. After that, there was darkness.
SCORPIO
28
This had truly been one hell of a day. After Shane left, I was miserable. I'd planned on officially introducing him as my boyfriend to Mackenzie and the rest of my family, but so much for that. Mackenzie couldn't stop asking me if I'd been hurt by him, and li'l James kept talking about how he should have punched him in his nuts. I knew Shane wasn't a bad person, but he simply should've left when I told him to. I couldn't believe how upset he was, and the look in his eyes said that he was one hurt man. Honestly, though, he had no one to blame but himself. Damn him for letting Felicia come between us as he did! All of this could've been prevented if he had just learned how to tell that hoochie no. It was as if he still had feelings for her or something, and if he expected me to believe that mess about her creeping on him while he was asleep, then he was crazy. Actually, I could see her doing something that devious, but I knew that if Shane woke up in the middle of her humping on him, he continued. There was no way in hell he pulled out of her.
Besides, he made it seem that that was their only time together. What kind of fool did he take me for? If Felicia got him to screw her once, she was manipulative enough to get him again and again. Just the thought of it made me want to cry. I seriously thought Shane and I would be together for a very long time. Even though he had his flaws, deep down, I knew he loved me. At times, I knew he was set in his little selfish ways, but I also knew he'd eventually come around. Maybe space for him was required, but being as tight as we were, a phone call a day wasn't going to hurt nobody. I'd been willing to overlook those things, but his disrespecting me in front of Jaylin, and his ongoing relationship with Felicia, was my breaking point. I wished like hell things could've worked out, but I'd have to chalk this one up as a loss, just as I'd done with many of my relationships in the past.
It was getting late. Bernie called and said Jay's was getting more crowded, and since I wasn't there, things were getting out of control. Even though I didn't want to, I put on some clothes and headed out. On my drive there, I couldn't stop seeing Shane's face. My heart ached so badly for him, but I knew I couldn't be with him after he'd been with Felicia. Knowing so, I pulled my car over to the side of the road to gather myself. All the disappointment I'd felt from constantly failing in my relationships caused me serious pain. It certainly didn't matter how beautiful I was, how much money I had, or how well maintained my body was. I wasn't exempt from any of the bullshit, and shame on me for ever thinking I was.
By the time I reached Jay's, I had to sit in the car for a moment to get myself together again. I didn't want to go inside feeling as unstable as I did, because I knew everybody would question me about being so upset. When I was able to, I got out of the car and went inside. Just by looking at me, Bernie could tell how upset I was. She stopped styling her customer's hair, walked up to me, and squeezed my hand.
“Are you going to be okay?” she whispered.
I nodded.
“Would you like to go talk about it?”
“Later,” I said softly.
Bernie released my hand, and no sooner had she walked back over to her customer than a loud voice came roaring through the door. I quickly turned, only to see Felicia storming through the door, looking a complete mess. Tears were flowing from her eyes, mascara was running down her cheeks, and her braids were scattered all over her head. I looked closer; she appeared to have bloodstains on her clothes. My heart raced, as the thought of Shane doing something to her had never crossed my mind. She staggered up to me, falling all over me.
“Shaaaane,” she cried. She was breathing heavily, unable to get words to come out of her mouth. “He ... he's gone.”
I got angry and shoved her off me. “Fool, what are you talking about! Don't come to me with any more mess about Shane. I'm sick of it!”
She reached her arms around me and held me tight. “He died, Scorpio! He was taken to the hospital, and he died!”
I heard her words, but then again, I didn't. I pushed her back again. “Don't come in here playing with me like this, Felicia! That is nothing to joke about!”
She yelled at me. “Do I look like I'm joking? I wish like hell I was!”
“Don't you yell at me! Shane is not dead!” Just saying those words caused me to start losing it. “I just saw him a few hours ago!”
Bernie and Jamaica walked up and held me. Slow tears fell from both of their eyes. “What happened?” Bernie softly asked Felicia.
She sniffled and gasped before answering. “He ... he got shot.”
I was in a daze and turned to Bernie. “Do you believe her? Don't believe nothing she says,” I cried while moving my head from side to side. Then I thought about all that had happened. “Felicia, you didn't hurt him, did you? Please tell me that you didn't hurt him! You did, didn't you?”
“I didn't. Stephon diâ”
Before I knew it, I lunged at her. I tried to break her fucking neck, but Bernie and Jamaica held me back.
“Get out!” I yelled at her and dropped to the floor. “Please ... get out!”
Felicia turned to walk away.
“What hospital was Shane taken to?” Bernie asked.
“Barnes-Jewish Hospital on Kingshighway Boulevard,” Felicia sobbed. She slowly turned and then walked out.
I told Bernie and Jamaica that I had to see Shane. They agreed to take me to the hospital, and Deidra said she'd close up Jay's. When we got to the hospital, I rushed through the emergency doors and called out his name loudly. Two nurses came around their desks to calm me, and so did Jamaica and Bernie. I felt a serious loss. This couldn't be happening, not when I'd just seen him a few hours ago.
“Can you tell me the status of Shane Alexander?” Bernie asked one of the nurses. “I know he was brought in here, but I'm not sure how long ago it was.”
“Are you family?”
“Yes, we're his sisters.”
“Your mother is back with him now. Once she comes out, she'll be able to speak with you.”
I tearfully held my forehead. “I want to see him. I want to see him now.”
“Ma'am, sorry. Only one person can go back at a time.”
I didn't want to cause no scene, so I started to walk to the waiting area. I stopped in my tracks, and then walked back to the nurses' desks. “If you wouldn't mind telling me, what time did he pass away?”
“He didn't. He just got out of surgery about a half an hour ago,” said one of the nurses.
I was in shock and wiped my tears. “What did you say?”
“I said he just got out of surgery. I don't know how it went, but you have to talk to the doctors.”
I let out a deep sigh and reached out for Bernie. She held and squeezed me tightly.
“He's alive, Bernie. Did you hear her say he's alive?”
“Yeah, she did,” Bernie said. “Now, let's go sit down and wait until his mother comes out. We'll talk to her when she does.”
I was happy but, at the same time, furious with Felicia and praying my butt off. My eyes stayed closed, and I begged and pleaded for God to let Shane make it through.
Several minutes went by, and I was anxious to see Shane. His mother was taking forever to come out, but when I saw Felicia coming through the door, it took everything I had not to get up and knock her the hell out for lying.
She slowly dragged herself in, looking dazed. Jamaica jumped up and approached her.
“Why would you lie about something so serious?”
“Get out of my face. For the last time,” she yelled. “I wasn't the one who killed Shane!”
“Who told you Shane was dead?” I asked. “He's not dead, and the nurse over there confirmed it. I don't know where you got your information, but you were wrong. Dead wrong!”
She snapped, “I followed the ambulance to the hospital. When they took him out, the paramedic said that he wasn't going to make it. I called his mother, and out of respect, I came and told you! So y'all need to cool the hell out!”
As we continued to go back and forth, Shane's mother walked out. I'd never met her before, but he had many of her features. She looked worried, and when the nurse told her that her daughters were over there waiting, and pointed to us, I was embarrassed. She walked over to us with a scrunched-up look on her face.
“Felicia,” she yelled, “why are you in this hospital, carrying on like this? My son is back there fighting for his life, and you and these women are out here acting like damn fools. Don't be telling these folks y'all any children of mine, because I raised my kids to be respectful. If you don't know how to act, especially at a time like this, then you all need to get your grown asses out of here. ”
“I apologize, Ms. Alexander,” Felicia said. “There just seems to have been some kind of mistake, that's all.”
“You're darn right there was. I rushed to this hospital, thinking that my son was gone. I was relieved when they told me he was in surgery.”
“How's he doing, Ms. Alexander? My name is Scorpio. Scorpio Valentino. Shane and I have been datingâ”
She cut me off. “Nice to meet you. He's mentioned you before, but I don't know if my baby gon' make it. All we can do is pray and keep the faith that God allows him to stay with us. Instead of arguing out here with each other, why don't y'all go to the chapel and pray. We need for God to hear us, and with all these loudmouths, I know he'll hear us.”
I smiled and agreed. But before I went to the chapel, I wanted to see Shane. “Ms. Alexander, do you mind if I go in and see him?” I asked.
She held my hand. “Go right ahead. He's asleep, but you do what you can do to wake him up.”
They all left to go to the chapel, and I made my way back to Shane's room in ICU. When I asked the nurse where I could find him, she pointed to a room that wasn't too far from the nurses' station. I saw his name on a clipboard and walked over to it. After I slid the curtain over, I stepped inside. As handsome as my man was, the person in the bed didn't even look like him. He had a tube in his mouth, bandages on his neck, and his body looked as if it had swelled. I walked up to him and kissed his cheek.
“Baby, if you can hear me, I wanted to let you know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere until you wake up, so hurry it up, please.”
I knew he couldn't hear me, because he looked as if he was in a deep sleep. His breathing seemed irregular and the beeps on the machine made me nervous. I took his right hand and squeezed it tightly in mine.
“Hey, sleepyhead, I forgot to tell you how much I love you. You already know I do, and ... and even though I forgot to tell you earlier, I ho ... I hope it's not too late for me to tell you now.” I took a hard and hurtful swallow. “Please get better so I can tell you how much you mean to me, okay?”
I stayed with Shane for a few more minutes and then went back into the waiting area. Before going to the chapel, I pulled out my cell phone to call Jaylin. If I couldn't bring Shane out of it, I knew Jaylin could. I wasn't sure if he'd be willing to come back to St. Louis, but it sure as hell was worth a try.
On my first attempt, the phone went straight to voice mail. When I called back, Jaylin picked up.
“Speak,” he said with attitude, as he must have seen my name on the caller ID.
“Jaylin, this is Scorpio.”
“I know who it is, and this call better be good.”
“I wouldn't call you unless it was important.”
“Well, what's important to you might not be important to me. I knew that if you had my number, you would use it at your leisure.”
At a time like this, I was forced to ignore his arrogance. “Jaylin, Shane's in the hospital. He's been shot. I don't know if he's going to make it or not, but I was hoping that you'd ...” I paused and couldn't get the words to come out.
“I knew some stupid shit was gon' go down! Damn! What hospital is he at?”
“Barnes-Jewish Hospital. ICU.”
Jaylin hung up, and since I figured he was on his way, I headed for the chapel.