SCORPIO
31
Simply put, I was worn out. I'd been at the hospital for almost two days straight, and Shane hadn't woken up at all. I was more worried than I'd ever been, and with Felicia constantly being around, it certainly added to my frustrations. Jaylin and Nokea didn't help, either, and I got tired of her reaching for his hand, kissing on him, and rubbing his back every time I came around. The shit drove me crazy, and every time I saw him, something inside of me couldn't help but think about what we shared in the past. His presence always brought back memories, and even though Shane was all I needed, Jaylin's spectacular lovemaking could never be forgotten.
When Jaylin stayed with Shane almost half the night, so nobody else could see him, that was it for me. I left the hospital, came home, showered, and hit the bed.
Today was a new day. I got plenty of rest, and after I ate breakfast with Leslie and the kids, I went back to the hospital to see Shane. I had Bernie taking care of everything for me at Jay's, and with her in charge, I really wasn't worried. If anything, I hoped and prayed that when I got to the hospital, nobody was there and I'd have some alone time with Shane.
The waiting area was clear, so I moseyed on back to Shane's room. Surprisingly, when I pulled the curtain over to the side, Jaylin was sitting in a chair next to Shane's bed, and the long tube had been removed from his mouth. His eyes were open, and he stared at me. My heart melted.
“Hi,” I said, walking up to him.
He blinked and nodded.
“Does it hurt for you to talk?”
He nodded again.
“Okay,” I said, taking his hand. “Then you don't have to talk, but I want you to listen, okay?”
He didn't move.
“I am so, so sorry for what happened between us the other day. If there was any way possible for me to take back the things I said, I would do it in a heartbeat. I love you with all of my heart, and I'm never going to let anyone come between usâ”
He slowly lifted his hand, placing a finger on his lips. He then moved his head from side to side, signaling no.
“I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't know of a better time to say it. Do you forgive me for the way I acted? Will you forgive me?”
He nodded and placed his hand on his heart. Tears fell from my eyes, and I quickly wiped them. He held his hand up and motioned with his fingers for me to come closer to him. I did, and he pulled me down close to his chest. I laid my head on it, and he touched the back of my head. He mumbled something, but I couldn't make it out. I lifted my head from his chest.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“He said that he loves you, too,” Jaylin said.
Shane pointed to Jaylin and nodded. All I could do was smile.
Over the next few days, things started to get better and better for Shane. He was moved to a therapy center around the corner, just so he could get his strength back. Whoever had shot him intended for him to die. One bullet hit him in his lower side, and two went into his right leg. I still didn't know all the details about what had happened.
Every time I came into his room, he and Jaylin were up to no good. They'd stop talking, and when they did talk, they spoke in codes. I really didn't care to know what the plan was. I was just happy that Shane was well and alive. Maybe it did take Jaylin coming and being by his side, and I was surprised that he'd hung around this longâhe and Nokea both. She was all over Shane as well. One time I came into his room, and she was sitting next to him, while reading a sports magazine to him. Then, when I came again, she was massaging his legs. Both times, Jaylin wasn't around, but after last night, Nokea was on her way back home.
I had some time alone with Shane, but sharing my time with his mother and Jaylin was, at times, bothersome. I'd redone his twists, and his mother said she didn't like them. I moistened and massaged his feet, and Jaylin walked into the room. I could barely get a kiss from him without the two of them hovering over him. The person who I was surprised hadn't shown back up was Felicia. At first, you couldn't pay her to stay away. But it seemed when Jaylin showed up, she didn't want to be around. I guess it was too hard for her to be around him after she'd fucked him over and swindled him out of his money. Me, I had no problem being in his presence. The first day I saw him and Nokea together was a bit challenging, but once I knew that my baby was going to be okay, things got better and better for me. I couldn't let anyone steal my joy, and I had so much to be thankful for.
As the days passed, I was one busy woman. I'd been running to the hospital, to Jay's, spending time with my family, and spending a lot of time at Shane's place. He'd asked me to make sure everything was cool, so I did. Last night I was too tired to go home, so I stayed the night by myself. I couldn't get much sleep, so I lay in bed and listened to Shane's phone ring off the hook. This Amber chick was working my nerves.
She'd been calling all night long, so I finally reached over and picked up the phone.
“Yes,” I said in a groggy voice.
“Is Shane around?”
“No.”
“Is he still in the hospital?”
“Yes, but how did you know he was in the hospital?”
“Felicia called me. I've been speaking to his mother as well, but I didn't want to keep bothering her.”
“Well, he's not home yet. Hopefully, he'll be home soon, but I must ask why you are so concerned.”
“Look, I know that you're his woman, but Shane and I go way, way back. I have every right to be concerned about him, and I will always be concerned about him.”
“That's good to know, Amber. I'm sure he'll appreciate your concern. I'll definitely have him call you when he's able to.”
“Thank you,” she said and then hung up.
I didn't mind his booty-call lover calling him, but little did she know that those days were over. What bothered me the most, though, was that every other woman seemed to have a relationship with his mother, except for me. I knew it was the wrong time to trip with Shane, but a part of me felt as if something wasn't right.
Before heading to the hospital, I showered and went into the kitchen to whip up a quick breakfast. As my eggs were boiling, I picked up the phone to call Mackenzie. Leslie said she was still asleep, because they'd stayed up late. Before I ended the call, Leslie said that Jaylin had called the house several times, looking for me. I wasn't sure what for, but I told her to tell him to call me at Shane's place.
I finished making breakfast, and as soon as I sat down to eat, the doorbell rang. I had an idea who it was, and sure enough, when I looked out the window, I saw Jaylin's Hummer parked outside. I had on one of Shane's button-down polo shirts, and my hair was a mess. I teased it around with my fingers and headed for the door to open it.
“Good morning,” Jaylin said, coming inside. He had a beige sweat suit on and brand-new white tennis shoes. I closed the door behind him. “Damn, it smells good in here. When did you learn to cook?”
I snickered. “Right after you threw me out of your house and I didn't have anywhere to go. I had to learn some things for myself, didn't I?” I headed off to the kitchen, and he followed.
“Now, you know you wrong for that. When I threw you out of my house, I always let you come back.”
“Yeah, you did,” I said, taking a seat at the table. “But the last time you kicked me out, you kicked me out for good.”
Jaylin sat in a chair next to me. He looked me in the eyes. “I had to kick you out for good. I realized my love for Nokea, and I knew that staying with you would cause both of us much more hurt.”
“Trust me when I say that the pain I endured from losing our relationship was nothing simple. There was no easy way out, and I'm still sad that our relationship ended the way it did. There's not much we can do about it now, and I know you didn't come here to talk about the past.”
“No, but I would like to discuss the future.”
“What about it?”
“I want ... I have some major plans with Shane. I can't go into details, but I believe he's going to make a big mistake if he refuses my offer because of you. I'm not saying the two of you don't have feelings for each other, but I just don't see the relationship lasting much longer.”
“And why not?”
“Because I got a gut feeling that your heart is somewhere else. Shane is filling a major void for you, but it's not enough. Right now, if I told you that I'm ending my marriage to be with you, what would you say?”
“I'd say you were crazy. I truly understand how you can see it that way, and even though I still think deeply about us, Jaylin, my heart belongs to another man. So, whatever offer you're talking about, we'll have to deal with it whenever the time comes.”
“Well, it's coming. And the reason that I'm here is that I don't want to see you hurt again. Shane is not as happy as he pretends to be. He wants, deserves so much more out of life, and I don't want you to continue to hold him back. Youâ”
I dropped my fork and sighed. “Jaylin, stop. This conversation isn't about Shane's well-being. This is about having your way and getting people to do what you want them to do. I guess you'll be offering me some money to get out of his life, and I'm sure that your dealings with him have money written all over them. Let's be honest here, okay? You're jealous. And even though you're living a happy and fulfilled life with Nokea, you can't stand Shane and me being together. Damn it, admit it!”
Jaylin stared at me and rubbed his goatee. “Yes, you and Shane together tears me apart,” he admitted. “Just as it did when you ran to Stephon. Shane is no different. If you moved on with any other man, I don't think it would bother me as much. But that's my nigga, Scorpio. We like brothers, and it's like you kicking it with my brother. I'll admit for the first time ... Okay, I'm jealous. I've been very jealous, but that's understandable. You say I've hurt you, but you've hurt me, too. I have a difficult time being around you, and to this day, sometimes, I don't trust myself. Having Shane as my friend and you as his woman simply isn't working for me. My only hope is that we can all stop playing games with each other. And we do so by you and Shane ending this.”
“That's not going to happen.”
“Let that man go, Scorpio. I've been honest with you, and you don't even have to be honest with me. Just be honest with yourself.”
I sat quietly, and Jaylin stood up. He walked over to the cabinet and removed a glass from inside. Getting a drink, he stood in front of the fridge and let the water flow into the glass.
“Are you thinking about what I said?” he asked. He walked over to the table and set the glass of water in front of me. He bent down over me and pulled one side of my hair back with his fingers. He then placed his lips on my ear and softly spoke. “Just for the hell of it, let's go in the bedroom and make love.”
I sat quietly and didn't move.
“There's nobody here, and no one will ever know but you and me,” he said. “It'll be our secret.”
I took a deep breath and turned to look at him. “Don't play around with me, Jaylin. I don't have time for games.”
He removed his sweat suit jacket and the wife beater underneath. He stood shirtless but kept on his sweatpants. “Feel me,” he said, bending down next to me again. “And then, once you feel how hard I am, you tell me what kind of game I'm playing.”
I looked at his bulge, and it showed one hell of a print. Sadly, I was nervous but considered it. “I ... I, not right now. Maybe, but give me a minute to think about it. This might not be the right time for me.”
“Now is the perfect time. Let's end this. Afterward, you go your way, and I'll continue to go mine.”
“I said, let me think about it, okay? Back away from me and let me think about this.”
Jaylin picked up the water and handed it to me. I took a few sips, and instead of backing away from me, he got on his knees and held my hands together with his.
“See, you considering sex with me says a lot. Your heart beating fast, your palms sweating, and the look in your eyes say it all. You're thinking about having sex with me in the house of the man who you claim to love. You need to face the facts, and once you do, you will feel a whole lot better about your decision.”
I couldn't deny my feelings, and since Jaylin was honest with me, I came clean. “What do you want me to say? Yes, I still love you, and maybe I always will. The thought of having sex with you excites me, and if given the opportunity, maybe I would have sex with you. I'm confused, Jaylin. I know that I can never have you, but I do love Shane. I'm handling this situation as best as I can, and I'm not using him to get back at you. He just happened to be the man who made me love him after all I'd been through with you. In the meantime, it never stopped me from wanting you again. So there! You wanted the truth, and now you have it.”