Trust (Chasing Shadows) (7 page)

Just before Nate left, I could have sworn that he said to fight. Fight who? Or what? Nate was here moments earlier, loving me with that mouth that I longed to kiss and his muscled arms around me.

It’s just more confusion for me because now it’s Ethan’s arms that are keeping me warm and Nate isn’t here.

I struggled to make sense of it. I was feeling more like myself and I concentrated hard to put together the correct memories. The wind sounded loudly, but I was protected in a cave with Ethan by my side. Was it Nate I had kissed or Ethan? Certainly Ethan wouldn’t have been so bold to drag kisses up my thigh and I definitely remember something tickling me there.

As I fought to recall the memories, Ethan’s form that I had thought was sleeping, suddenly moaned.

“Ethan? Are you okay?”

When no answer came from him, I lay down next to him so that I could look in his face. He was crumpled on the ground in the fetal position. Wasn’t he holding me just minutes earlier? I suddenly realized what would have caused the shift in his behavior.

His words came rushing back to me as if my mind was now thinking clearly.

A snake.

There had been a threat and both Nate and Ethan tried to save me from it. Sweet Ethan who was always here for me. I needed to be strong for him now.

“Please Ethan, say something. Tell me what to do.”

He didn’t respond, but Nate did. His voice sounded in my ears, telling me something that must have been incredibly hard for him to voice. He told me, “It’s okay to let Ethan into your life.”

All I can think of is that we need to get out of here...now! In the darkness I can’t see whether the snake is still within striking distance. I also have no idea if they bite more than once or how long I have before the poison enters my bloodstream. An hour, maybe a bit longer.

Ella lies next to me and I reach for her.

“You’re okay!” she exclaims and the happiness in her voice warms me. I know that she’s still weak from the cold, but the fear that the snake is still nearby makes me want to move to another location. I grab my pack and ignore the pain in my hand.

“Can you stand?” I ask her. I get to my feet and offer her my good hand.

She accepts it and gets to her feet gingerly. I know from looking at her that she’s dizzy as she takes a sudden step backwards, but then steadies herself. I put an arm around her waist, and we both help each other.

“Can you walk?” I ask.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

We take tentative steps, listening and moving slowly. And as she leans against me, I feel the pain sear up the length of my arm with radiating pain coming from my hand where the fangs dug into my flesh. I put my own problems out of mind, knowing that if I can get Ella moving than I have a better chance of finding help. I have to keep moving. The thought rallies me into action. It’s both propelling me forward and filling me with a fear that irrational thoughts are striking me just as that snake did. But I want to get Ella out of here so I keep my pain a secret and although I’m hurt, I say nothing.

I don’t know what I was thinking. As if that park ranger is still going to be wandering around. It’s the middle of the night for God’s sake. As much as I want to keep going, I can’t. The trail widens and to my relief, I see rocks that form yet another shelter, this one not nearly as deep or as dark as the last.

“Here, let me help you,” she says noticing that I’m struggling to carry my pack with only one good arm. I hadn’t even bothered to try and wear it on my back.

We get the sleeping bag out of my bag and lay it in close to the rock wall. Already, it feels safer and more protected from the elements.

“Can you help lay it out?”

With the sleeping bag folded out, it looks so inviting in our tired state. Normally, neither one of us would ever be so bold to make the suggestion, but we both take one look at the camping bag with its down interior and know what has to be done. We climb inside and hold each other against the cold.

“You feel so good,” she says against me and I realize that she’s finally safe, her body feeling warm against mine. Although my thoughts naturally go to the fact that I can feel the curve of her body next to mine, her breasts pressed against my own chest. But the over-exposure to the elements, not to mention the hypothermia and dehydration, cause drowsiness to overtake her and she closes her eyes again. She quickly falls asleep, her own way of fighting off the events of the day.

I close my eyes as well and fight the pulsating pain. My imagination may be getting the worst of me, but I feel the pain now moving even higher and not only in my arm, but my shoulder as well. My chest feels tighter and I start to feel nauseous.

“Ella, I need ...”

I try to formulate the words to tell her, but I can only close my eyes.

Not good. My hope for getting Ella off this mountain rested with Ethan. I looked at his hand, which was quickly swelling to the size of his forearm and knew that the poison from the rattlesnake was spreading and would continue to do so until it affected his heart.

Ella needed to get herself together and wake up or Ethan never would. I hated to wake her when she was finally in a state of sleep that wasn’t caused by the hypothermia. She needed to rest to regain her strength because this fight wasn’t even close to being over. Although, I had to admit that seeing her sleep in Ethan’s arms was a bit hard to take even though he was in no condition to play the part of the leading man. I had to help him if it meant helping Ella.

I cupped Ella’s chin in my hand and gently lifted her face, gently kissing the tip of her nose, just as I did when I would wake her in the mornings.

She looked so beautiful in the morning light with the sun drifting in from the bedside window. I could just watch her lying peacefully for hours, but if I did, I wouldn’t be able to do this.

I wouldn’t be able to wrap my arms around her waist, move in close so that we spooned and then relish in the way she would wake up by turning to face me and throwing her leg over mine so that we were even closer, our hips pressed against each other.

“Good morning,” she mumbled.

“It is a good one,” I agreed.

“Do you want a coffee? I could go to the kitchen and be back in a jiffy.”

I held onto her firmly. “No way. I’m not letting you get away, even for coffee.”

“Really? On a scale where coffee is a morning necessity, where do I fall?”

“Five times higher,” I would answer.

She tried to wiggle out of my grasp. “Only five times? That doesn’t really seem good enough to postpone a cup of joe.”

“Make it ten times,” I said, squeezing my leg around hers so that she couldn’t escape.

“Only ten?”

“Ella...”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a million times better,” I answered quite seriously and kissed the tip of her nose.

Then, a kiss on her nose was quickly abandoned for running my lips down her neck and then some. But right now, I couldn’t be selfish and I also knew that in order for Ella to survive, Ethan had to as well.

“Ella, Ella,” I called until she stirred awake. She needed to help him. Now.

There was something different about Nate’s tone. Normally, I woke up to his sexy voice, a low huskiness that spoke of desire. But this was different. He sounded nervous and slightly impatient as if he had been trying to wake me to no avail.

“I’m here. What’s wrong?”

“Are you okay? You’re not too cold?”

“Well, it’s cold out there, but I’m okay here,” I said embarrassed, realizing that Nate was here watching me and I was wrapped inside Ethan’s sleeping bag.

“Nothing happened, Nate.”

“That’s not what’s bothering me. Besides, that isn’t my place, not anymore.” I raised my head to look at him and took in his furrowed brow. Gorgeous as ever with his green eyes that were lined with dark lashes, but there was something else in those eyes. A sadness, but also hope. They drunk me in and I wished with all my heart that things were the way they used to be.

“Don’t say that, Nate. I never want to hurt you.”

“You never could. It would hurt me more to think of you wasting away your life. Ethan needs you right now...”

“What?!” I was not going to have this sort of conversation.

“Ella! Not like that. Look at him.”

That’s when I noted that Ethan’s breathing was uneven and ragged. Panicked, I turned to Ethan and realized that he was burning up.

“How could I not have realized?”

“You were still out of it from everything you’ve been through.”

“His body feels like it’s on fire. What’s wrong with him?”

“Snake bite. You need to get the venom out of his hand before it spreads further into his bloodstream.”

I gently lifted Ethan’s injured hand and my eyes opened wide at the sight of its extreme swelling. I gently touched my hand to his brow.

“Do it now, Ella. There’s no time to waste.”

“What are you suggesting?”

Nate indicated Ethan’s pack. “He has a scout knife in there. It’s not the sharpest, but it’ll work.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. I can’t hurt him!”

“Ella, you’re going to save him.”

I took a deep breath and nodded, more to myself than Nate. I needed to get my head in the game. Ethan had already done so much for me. He came back after I left him here. He braved the cold and ensured that I didn’t die of hypothermia. He risked his life for me. And now, his life was in jeopardy.

“Ready,” I said, waiting for Nate to give me further instructions.

He pointed to the place where two fang marks were visible between Ethan’s thumb and index finger. “Make one incision there.”

I held the knife in my hand and gingerly felt the sharp tip with my index finger. This was going to hurt.

“You’re doing this to help him, like he helped you. Do it now. There isn’t time to waste.”

I placed the knife against one fang mark and lightly traced to the other, preparing where to cut, but I shook my head. “I can’t cut him with this. I just can’t.”

“Ella, you have to or he won’t make it,” Nate said firmly.

I could make out the sound of Ella talking to someone she imagined to be close by. A feeling of total despair hit me. I was too weak to do anything to help her and she was obviously hallucinating again. I must have been able to warm her only so much, and the hypothermia had gotten a foothold in her body again, making her unable to help me much less herself.

We were going to die on this mountain. My hand was throbbing and pulsating, the pain from where the snake had bit not only burning my hand, but up my arm as well. Making matters worse was the fact that my head and face felt hotter than a California sunburn, and through it all, my mind kept nagging me not to give up.

Sleep wanted to take me, but I tried to focus on statistics and random thoughts to keep me alert -- multiplication tables, the order of the states from west to east...California, Nevada, Utah..., but no matter how hard I tried to focus by reciting rote facts, one undeniable truth kept playing over again. One thought. Repeatedly.

I was desperately falling for Ella.

I tried to think of her as my patient, merely considering the best course of treatment, but in truth, she wasn’t like other patients. She didn’t merely listen to my advice and answer with an automatic, “Thank you.” In fact, in the beginning she often did the opposite. And then, she opened up and showed that she wasn’t such a tough cookie. When we hiked she made me laugh. She challenged me. She was drop-dead beautiful and right now, my foggy mind was behaving with total perversion as I imagined her mouth on me.

I took a deep breath and realized that the pain was retreating as I let my mind give into the distinctly inappropriate thoughts of Ella. I allowed myself this small victory. If I were going to die at least my last thoughts would be of her.

During my time in Afghanistan I had experienced the need for triage in the middle of nowhere on more than one occasion. Snipers often attacked with one quick, but short assault just to injure us enough so that we were immobilized and down, left to die in the sweltering heat.

I wouldn’t let some similar fate happen to Ella, nor Ethan. Ella stared at the knife in her hands and I knew what she was thinking. It goes against someone’s nature to cause pain to another human. In the military, it’s only easier because we are fighting for a bigger cause. I had to explain that concept to her and make her believe it.

“Ella, what might hurt him now, will inevitably save him, but only if you do this immediately. You’re running out of time.”

She looked at me and took a deep breath as she nodded her assent.

“One incision,” I instructed. “Use those fang marks as a guide and draw the knife right between them. You only have to go down about a quarter of an inch.”

She held the sharp point of the knife in the place I instructed.

“This has to work,” she said aloud, but I wasn’t sure if the sentiment was meant for my ears or her own peace of mind.

Her beautiful, brown eyes met my own and then just as quickly, she looked back to Ethan, and I swear I saw the fear in her eyes when she noticed his breathing become more erratic.

“You can do this, Ella.”

It was then that I knew she was also falling in love with him.

It was one of the hardest things I had done, but the fear of what would happen if I didn’t was enough motivation. Ethan winced when the knife went in, but only momentarily. I think he was already feeling the effects of the venom too much to really care about more pain.

Before he fell into a semi-conscious sleep, he spoke in chopped sentences. I tried to get him to open his eyes, but he only complained that his vision blurred and his arm tingled. Now, he was too drowsy to talk so I spoke to Nate more freely.

I knew Nate’s idea was the only way to save Ethan, whose breathing was starting to grow ragged and his pulse was weakening. Combined with the swelling at the site of the bite, I knew Nate’s assessment of the situation was correct. Ethan had maybe forty minutes tops before real damage set in.

“If he doesn’t make it, it’s my fault.”

Nate’s voice was calm and patient, the opposite of mine. “That’s not true. You cannot control the future or what happens to another person. You should know that better than anyone.”

“But he came here because of me. And, I don’t know how long he’s been suffering with this bite. If I had woken sooner, I could have gotten on with this sooner.” And with that, I made the cut.

I had no idea how long I was incapacitated due to the hypothermia; I only hoped that I could make up for it now. Nate whispered in my ear, speaking encouraging tones, and telling me to remain calm.

Ethan opened his eyes once and when our eyes met, there was an understanding...an unspoken trust. I would do anything to make up for the mistakes that landed us here...even if those were born out of my love for Nate.

Nate ignored that unspoken dialogue and continued to reassure and instruct me. The situation was more than a bit uncomfortable, but I needed Nate to get me through this. It must have been Ethan’s training in medicine that kept him calm in the face of adversity. He must have known how any other behavior would only serve to increase his heart rate and spread the venomous toxins throughout his body and into his tissues. I let the blood drain from the wound, noting with unease how fast it flowed. But Nate explained that this was normal because of the anticoagulants found in the venom. I prayed that enough of his blood had spilled to release the toxins before applying pressure to the wound to reverse the effects.

I kept my hand in place until Ethan fell back asleep and then noted that the bleeding had slowed dramatically. I sat like that, with my hands on his, for what had to have been another half hour before feeling it was safe to leave for a minute. I searched for some mulberry leaves that contained healing properties and returned to dress the wound. Curling up next to Ethan, I was relieved that his breathing seemed normal as he slept. I surrendered myself to the day’s stress and trauma and fell into slumber as well.