Until You Believe Me (14 page)

Chapter 17

That night my sleep was filled with bad dreams. I seemed to be woken up and turned to look at the clock every hour.

I finally pulled myself out of bed, completely unrested around five. I showered, made some coffee and cleaned up my poor neglected house. The past week had been spent spending as much time with Connor as possible and I had taken that time away from my house. I worked until seven, when I usually left and set off for work. I noticed Connor's car was not in the parking lot and I thought that weird.

I came to my office and felt the same way I had in the house. It had been neglected and needed to be picked up. I started cleaning and checked my phone every few minutes. I was irrationally concerned about Connor, knowing he was usually here before me.

My class went slowly but well. I came back to my office and was shocked to see that it was full of men who were buzzing about with dollys and boxes. Ben was standing there with a mug of coffee watching the men work.

"We're moving on up Maddy girl, people are doing our dirty work and we are moving to the newest building on campus. I feel like a king." I laughed at Ben's melodramatic tone.

"Uh, Miss. Branson. Mr. Matthews would like to see you when you have some time." A small man came up to me and said.

That meant he was here and I felt the unease leave my body. Ben gave a small smile and nodded as I left for the trailer.

I walked in and my nerves immediately returned when I saw Connor. He was seated with his head in his hand and I swear I heard sniffling.

"Connor, what is it?" My heart was beating fast in my chest

When he looked up at me he looked absolutely miserable. His face was drawn and there were lines all aroudn his forehead and eyes. The lines around his eyes faded into the dark circles that had camped out there. He looked like he had aged 10 years in just twelve hours.

"My dad, he had another stroke last night. They took him to the hospital and he had another. They don't know the damage yet. They have him in a medically induced coma. They're going to be transporting him out towards Orlando later today. Madison, I am so scared that this is it. Then I'll have nobody, no parents, a brother who barely exists. I don't want to be alone in this. I know you can't come with me but I am so scared." He took a deep breath to steady himself. His voice was low and soft and filled with anguish.

I knew now wasn't the time to be sensitive but it hurt a little to hear he had nobody. I knew what he meant but it still felt like a little stab. I went and knelt in front of him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Connor. I don't know what to say or do. I just pray that he is ok, and I know he will be because he came out of it on the winning side last time. I will come with you if you want. I can do that." I knew the university wouldn't like it, but the look on Connor's face hurt me more than that.

"No, you have responsibilities here. I get that. I am going to go there though and stay until he needs me to. Things will be fine here." Connor got up and started grabbing some things to take with him. I watched him walk around and my heart tugged at seeing him so defeated and upset.

Lastly, he came over and hugged me. "I'm sorry Connor. If I can do anything, let me know. Keep me updated."

"I will, keep your phone close by. When you go to the new building be careful. They should have cleaned everything up but watch for loose nails. I'll talk to you soon." He gave me a soft kiss and walked out.

I felt close to useless. I couldn't do anything to make him feel better and that killed me. I walked back to the office and saw that most of our stuff was gone, so I grabbed my things and headed over. Despite the grayness the day had taken I felt a little jolt of excitement at my new office.

You would have thought it was Christmas. All of the professors were walking around, excited and talking. The building was truly beautiful. The colors that Chantel had gone over with me looked incredible. I went down the hallway and saw my office. I walked in to see most of my stuff already there for me to arrange. I spent the afternoon doing just that. It was nice to feel some control. I felt control over rearranging and organizing my amazing new office. I was warmed by the fact that Ben was still right next door. Connor had made sure of it. His voice was booming and excited.

Ben peeked his head in to check on me shortly after five. I had just about finished organizing and decided to stay and work on my application that was due in a week.

Ben said goodnight and I head the door to the stairwell close behind him. It wasn't rare that I worked late. Well, until recently at least. I never had much to do after work so rather than taking it home, I preferred to finish it here. The application was relatively ordinary. Luckily being an internal applicant I had to submit a lot less paperwork as they already had it all on file.

My focus was taken from the application when I heard a noise. I would have sworn it sounded like a door being closed. I held my breath, trying to listen and heard nothing. I continued writing, still keeping one ear alert for any troubling sounds.

I jumped at the sound of my text message alert. I had to take a few breaths to steady my heart.

At the hospital, miss you. Call me when you can, I need to hear your voice.

I smiled at the text and called him. His voice was soft but slightly stronger than earlier.

"Hey baby, how are you?" His voice was smooth as ever and it gave me goosebumps to hear.

"I'm good now that I can hear you're better. What's the word on him now?"

"Still not much news. They want to try to wake him up tomorrow, depending on what his results look like. I guess we just wait and see."

"Well let me know as soon as you do. I'm still sitting in my office and I love it." His small chuckle on the end of the line was the most beautiful sound.

"Well I'm glad you approve. I had to chew some tail to make sure it all came out perfectly."

There are moments when things just hit you, when you're overcome with some emotion or idea or thought. I became overcome with the fact that I missed Connor. In such a short time I had grow so used to him, and how he made me feel. I felt empty not being able to see his smile and the sparkle in his eyes.

"I miss you Connor."

"I miss you too Madison."

"I miss you Connor." Came a high pitched, mocking voice. Leaning against my doorframe, arms folded across his chest was Brad. He sauntered into my office and my phone hit the floor with a loud thunk. I could hear Connor calling for me from the phone, but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed with fear. Brad reached down and picked up my phone.

"I'm sorry but Madison is going to be preoccupied for the next little while. Please don't call back later. Bye now." And he hung up. Brad turned the phone off and also took off the battery for extra measure.

"Sorry to have interrupted such a touching moment between you and the giant, but it's my turn now. You ruined my life Madison. You put me off and put me off and teased me and then when I finally decided to take what was rightfully mine the police came in to ruin the whole thing. I can never recover from the stain that put on my police record. There's not a chance you get to enjoy your life when you took mine away."

"This is about revenge Brad? Revenge for something wrong you did?"

"I thought I had gotten over you, over it. But when I saw you in that restaurant with that guy I suddenly wanted to make you pay. Because of the lies you told the police, I can't get a job, I can't get any woman within 50 feet of me. I blame you."

"You really think I deserved it, don't you? You think you did nothing wrong. Brad, I didn't want you and you forced yourself on me. More so than that you spent most of our relationship exercising your strength over me. I constantly had bruises and marks I had to cover up because you didn't know how to be a strong enough man for a strong woman. That's on you. It has nothing to do with me. You will always be labeled scum because it's the truth. Look at you now, here doing the same thing I'm sure. How did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't. But when you weren't home I decided I'd see if you were working. It was even more exciting to see that your car was one of the few in the parking lot. I decided to take my chances. I could always say I was lost if I was questioned by anyone. Now, that's enough of my time wasted, Lord knows what that oaf your dating is going to do or who he is going to get here so I have to work quick. I don't intend to kill you at all Madison. I just intend to pay you back. I want your life to be as difficult as mine. I want you to struggle and fight to no avail. I just want you to know what it feels like. However, let's not get this twisted. I will kill you if I have to. If you make me, that is. So play fair and you'll get out of this alive."

He came towards me with a look in his eye that could only have been in the eyes of a crazy man. I didn't know what he wanted to do to me, what form his revenge would take but I decided this was way too much. I tried to sprint around the other side of the desk but he grabbed my wrist and nearly pulled my shoulder out of its socket.

"God dammit, don't fight me Madison or I swear to God I'll kill you." He was seething. He managed to get a secure hold to my other hand and used duct tape to tie them over my head. "Now, like I said, to be quick." Brad had thrown me on the floor and was currently sitting on my legs. I screamed as loud as I could the moment I felt his hands at my waist.

The scream must have startled him as he clamped a hand over my mouth and secured it with a handkerchief he pulled out of his pocket and stuffed in my mouth, followed by a piece of duct tape.

"Now you stupid bitch, let me work my magic." He taped my hands that were already tethered together to the leg of my desk. My eyes closed and I had silent tears running down my face. I couldn't handle this again, I couldn't go through it. I closed my eyes and willed my mind to go somewhere else, to go far away from what was going to happen in this room. I felt his hands unbutton my pants  and slid them down my hips. He would have had to get up to slide them any further but he knew better.

"Oh no, You have to stay with me sweetheart. You spent a year of your life with me and never once put out without a fight. This time you're going to enjoy it." I held my eyes closed tighter than ever and cried out when the palm of his hand made contact with my left cheek. "Open your god damned eyes. You're going to enjoy this." I refused to open my eyes until finally I could not take the sound of the palm of his hand any longer. It was not the feeling, no, I had become comfortably numb from my head to my toes. The sound reminded my brain how bad it probably hurt.

I looked anywhere except his eyes. I could feel his shuffling and knew that he was taking off his own pants.

"It should have been magical and beautiful, but instead it had to be rough and difficult. Well I don't mind that sweetheart, trust me. You certainly are not the only one to witness that." My eyes got wide at the thought that I was not the only one. I felt worse for the other woman, or women than I did lying here. Maybe I did deserve this. Maybe I had not supplied him with what he needed and here was my punishment.

The tears silently streamed down my face as I felt my body moving to his psychotic rhythm. It wasn't long and I heard his groan in a foggy place in the back of my mind. It was almost as if I could look down and see myself. I had traveled so far from this room I was almost a bystander.

I felt his lips on the swollen side of my face but could not will my body to turn from him.

"Now that the fun part is over, I get to enjoy a few last moments with you before we make our escape to somewhere more private." In my cloudy fog I thought I understood that he had planned to take me somewhere with him.

I heard the sound of a resistancless tearing in my ears, not necessarily coming from outside but coming from within my body. I felt warmness dripping down my side but did not bother to look. I had no fight in me. He won, and would continue to win despite my best tries to fend him off. So I disappeared again. This place might have been darker than floating above my defiled body.

I saw my mother pleading with a tall man, that he was drunk, that he needed to lie down. He didn't lie down, he came upon her and hit her once in the stomach as she hit the ground he slammed a solid kick into her ribs. Rather than hearing her cries in my mind, I was dizzy with the pain, like I could feel her pain in my own body. I had relieved that moment so many times that I now had assimilated the pain as well.

I heard a loud bang and assumed it was when my rather had finally fell down drunk. It wasn't his fault my mother had said, the drinking disease was in his blood. This loud bang was accompanied by many distant voices, like those of the ghosts of battered women before us. We were a team now, my mother and I. We had too many things in common. I felt coldness at my throat and assumed that a chill had spilled into the room, like the December night that I witnessed him hitting her. I heard three loud noises ring out and felt a warm spray hit my body. It was the spring rains, coming to wash everything away the May that he died. It was cleansing.