Until You Believe Me (13 page)

Connor insisted on cleaning up dinner with my mother while Ben and I retired to the living room. He sat in the chair across from me.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. It was unlike Ben to hesitate on anything.

"Madison, please don't take this the wrong way, but is this for real?"

I gave him a weird smile and nodded.

"It's just so fast. I mean it was just last week that you were all in a tizzy over running into him and now I feel like you.. care about him."

I gave a shrug. "Ben, I have never had someone who was willing to fulfill my every wish just so they could see me smile and I know that's how Connor feels. Even before the whole Brad mess. I feel like I light up when he's around and more than anything I feel safe. I haven't felt safe since I was twelve years old Ben. You're my best friend and I only care that you and my mother understand. But I have to tell you that regardless of what you think or say, I genuinely adore Connor." I decided that 'love' might be too much for Ben at the moment.

Ben thought for a moment and then looked at me. "There is only one reason I am going to believe that you have no lost your mind and that is because he makes you feel safe. I want you happy Maddy, I do. I'm just so scared to see you fall apart again. I can't let someone break you. Not only for your sake, but selfishly I don't know if I'm going to be able to pick up the pieces again. It killed me everyday to see you as a zombie. You love life and you love making it your bitch. You lost that for a long time. I can't see it again."

I remembered those days. I spent at least a year after everything with Brad struggling to keep my head above water. I lost my enjoyment for progress and movement and getting things right. It was then that I developed a need for routine. Routine did not allow for strange things to happen. I had to schedule trouble or heartbreak in my day and that was something I did not do therefore I felt it could not happen. The difference here was the excitement and joy of Connor was I didn't think he had a bad bone in his body. He was so gentle with me, like I was made of glass.

"I love you for that Ben. You are my best friend and you've gone above and beyond what best friends do. I think I'm making the right choice though. I don't know if I've spoken these words before, at least not in the last five years but this change? This change makes me happy."

"Not that you need it, but you have my blessing. I do have a question though." He stopped and waited for me to get him to continue. "Are you still going to try for the promotion?"

That was a subject I hadn't necessarily thought about since this whirlwind of Connor had come into my life. I had about 3 weeks until the application was due.

"Yes, I still want that. I think I just now have somewhere else to share that drive with."

The conversation ended when my mom and Connor walked in, smiling and laughing.

"Andrea, it's been a pleasure but I do believe I need to get your daughter safely on the road so she has plenty of time to get some rest before work tomorrow. I do apologize for the worry you've been put through. And Ben thank you for holding down the fort. Madison is blessed to have you care so much for her." Connor was shaking Ben's hand and smiling at my mother. His eyes finally landed on mine and his hand went down to help me up. "Sweetheart are you ready to go?" He pulled me up and held me close to him. My knees felt quite wobbly just thinking of how charming he was.

I said my goodbyes and we got into his truck. Connor put the key in the ignition and got the engine started.

"Is there anyone you can't charm the pants off Mr. Matthews?"

He smiled my favorite smile and I could see the twinkle in his eye even in the darkness of the car.

"I haven't met anyone yet, baby." He said as we drove away from the house.

Chapter 16

We pulled up in front of Connor's house and he shut off the car. It was now fully dark and the motion sensor came on when Connor got out. He ran around to my door and opened it. He took my hand and helped me out. We walked up the walkway and into the house hand in hand.

Connor unlocked the front door and let me go first but stopped me before I entered the house.

"Madison, I am absolutely in love with you, I just want you to know that. I was so scared that I was too late yesterday, that he had already hurt you."

My heart started breaking, looking into his eyes. To see the hurt and fear up close and for real broke my heart. I leaned in and kissed him. "You saved the day Prince Charming, it's all thanks to you." I smiled at him and started for the house.

"I hate that tomorrow is Monday. It's so much easier to just live in this only each other world without work getting in the way."

"Stay here tomorrow, don't go to work. We'll play sick."

I laughed at his childish grin. "Some of us have to work for a living. Not all of us are master of the construction universe."

"You don't, you could be mistress of the construction universe. If it meant coming home to you every night, I'd take care of you Madison."His face was serious and his eyes were bright. I had jumped over many hurtles this weekend, but this was too much.

"I will always want to work. I like working. It keeps me busy and progressing." I had walked down the hallway to the bedroom and was starting to pack up my bags.

Connor put his hand on top of mine. "What are you doing?" His face was set into a slight frown.

"Packing up, tomorrow is Monday. I need to get home and get ready to work tomorrow." My heart pulled at the look on his face.

He shook his head a little and wrapped his arms around me. With my head against his chest I listened to his heart beat. He was amazingly good-looking, he was successful, but it was that, that beat that I realized I loved the most.

"I'll drive you to work, come back with me for dinner and you can leave tomorrow night." His voice was low and vibrating in his chest. The thought of staying with Connor was exciting and extremely nice to think about. The thought of rushing, with dirty clothes, not following my normal schedule gave me a little bit of heartburn.

I sighed. "I wish I could say no to you." I reached up and kissed him on the lips. He smiled at me.

"I'm so glad you can't. Go on and get comfortable. I have a couple phone calls I need to make for tomorrow, and then we'll do whatever you want." He kissed the top of my head before he left.

I used that time to change into pajamas, brush my teeth and wash my face. I felt much fresher when I was finished. I walked out to the living room and Connor was in the kitchen on the phone. I sat on the couch and hit the switch for the fireplace. Immediately I felt warm and cozy. I could only hear bits and pieces of Connor's conversation but the tone of his voice told me he was not happy. A few minutes later he walked in the room and ran a hand over his face.

"Can we please just stay in our little weekend bubble?" Connor laid down on the couch and put his head in my lap.

"Tough day at the office honey?" I said patronizingly.

"Funny. Chantel had sent me a text that I had to go look at the install tomorrow. She's not happy. I don't understand how it doesn't work out. These people do this for a living, they have to get it right at some point. Just do it right." He sighed again and closed his eyes. "I hate being the bad guy."

"Boss is synonymous with bad guy. You haven't built up this company by letting people screw up. You get paid by the work you do and it has to be good. You shouldn't feel bad about that."

He took my hand and kissed it "You're amazing."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the company.

"I want to talk about last night." Connor abruptly said as he sat up and sat with his body turned towards me. I suddenly felt fidgety and nervous.

"I know it's a lot to take in and I now understand to the best of my ability. But the deal is I cannot hurt you. It would kill me to do that. So when it comes to sex I'm going to be taking my lead from you because I felt like I pushed you last night and I don't want to do that. I want everything to be 50/50. I want you to depend on me as much as I depend on you."

"I want to make you happy. I don't want you to have to pay for someone's mistakes. I don't know if that is always going to happen but I trust you. I've trusted you since I got to know you and that's saying something. I don't want to take the lead, I want you to, but that's going to involve more times of trying to get used to it."

"I don't want to be the reason you hurt or cry or frown or anything bad."

"You're not, you're just having to deal with the aftermath of someone else who wasn't quite so thoughtful."

It wasn't long before we made our way to the bedroom. It would be an early morning and I was feeling anxious about making it through our morning routine.

***

The alarm clock jolted me out of a sound sleep. I waited for Connor to turn off the alarm and got annoyed when it was still going after a few seconds. I woke to see the clock blinking 6:30 and the bed was empty. I was shocked that Connor was already up and a little worried. I quickly walked into the sitting room and then into the kitchen. No sign of him. Nothing looked out of place or moved. A piece of paper on the table caught my eye.

Madison,

Ran to have coffee with my dad, Be home soon. You're amazing baby.

Love,

Connor

I felt relieved that nothing had happened and quickly showered and dressed. I heard Connor banging around in the kitchen.

I kissed him on the cheek as I walked by him pouring himself a cup of coffee. "You're up and gone early."

"Yes ma'am, I figured I'd give you some space to get ready and move freely. What time do you want to leave?"

"7:30 is fine by me if that's ok with you." He agreed and sipped his coffee. He had on his faded jeans and work T-Shirt. I packed my car for later that night and grabbed my stuff for work and we drove together, making small talk and joking. It felt so natural and normal to be here, with him, going to work together.

I'd reached the office, and walked in and dropped my things. I had left  bit of a mess on Friday and quickly tidied up before I left for class.

I smiled big as I saw a note pinned to my door.

Madison,

Things are much calmer, or at least I am when I wake up to you. Moving your floor in tomorrow. Will send someone over to pack for you. I miss our weekend bubble.

Connor

The problem Connor had talked about last night must not have been a big deal if we were starting to move tomorrow. I guess when you have a lot of money, work can get done pretty quickly.

The day passed by quickly but I felt my lighthearted mood slip away the more I thought about everything. Connor was great, but since we had spent so much time together, even the workday seemed to suck since we were both doing other things. That was the downside to how he made me feel. He made me feel like the most amazing person, the only one who mattered, and when I was left to my own devices in reality, it was hard.

I spoke to Ben for a few minutes and headed out the door around 4:30. I figured I'd be waiting for Connor for awhile but decided to head down anyway.

I gave a small knock and peeked my head in. Connor was sitting at his desk looking at paperwork. His face lit up when he saw me and he came over and scooped me up into a big hug. "Thank goodness. I don't know about you but I honestly thought today would never end and I'd never get to see you." He gave me a small kiss and sat on the edge of his desk. "I have got to go make sure that everything is good for tomorrow and then we'll go home." I nodded and he left the trailer.

We drove home, talking about our day and work. It still seemed like everything as it should be, it felt utterly normal with Connor.

We had an early dinner, prepared by Connor. I knew that after dinner I would have to start heading home and the thought of feeling like I felt all day was a little unnerving.

As if reading my thoughts Connor came up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm not going to make this worse than it is, I just want to tell you I loved having you to myself all weekend. Despite wanting to kick some ass I loved every moment of it and I feel like I lose a part of me when you leave. On the other hand I hope that this will continue to be a routine." With that he kissed the top of my head and let me go.

"I really don't want to leave either. I felt the same way today as you did. It's hard being away from you when I spent two and a half days straight tied to your side. I think a repeat next weekend sounds great. Minus the whole ruckus on Saturday." I gave him a small kiss and grabbed my bags.

"I love you Madison." My heart and knees melted from the earnestness in his voice. I smiled over my shoulder at him.

"I love you too." I walked from the door to my car.