night, his stomach wasn’t churning anymore and he actually had an appetite.
He hadn’t eaten much that week and his jeans were getting loose. So he ordered a
pizza, built a fire in the living room, and sat down to check his e-mail. He hadn’t looked
at his laptop in more than a week and he knew his inbox had to be full. He ate two slices
of pizza and read e-mails that could have been deleted. But when he reached for a third
slice of pizza and saw Lance’s e-mail address, he stopped moving and stared at his laptop.
He sat back in the chair and thought for a moment. He hadn’t expected to hear from
Lance this soon. He pressed his lips together and bit the inside of his mouth, hoping that
maybe Lance had changed his mind and that he was writing to say he couldn’t live
without him. Rush wanted to read that Lance was just as lost as he was. He wanted to
know that Lance couldn’t eat or sleep or concentrate. All Lance had to do was say the
word, and Rush would have run back to him without thinking twice.
He bit his bottom lip and clicked “read.” Then he sat back and took a deep breath.
Dear Rush, When I left you at the train station, I just felt terrible. The thought of causing you
any pain or harm makes me physically sick. I didn’t want to hurt you. I honestly thought
you knew me and you knew I wasn’t interested in having a full-time life partner. I’m
happy with my life as it is, and I can’t apologize for that. If I’d known you were
expecting more from me, I would have set things straight. I’m sorry if I wasn’t giving you
the right signals. I do love you in a very special way. Please believe this.
You are the most unique individual I’ve ever known. And knowing you has made
my life much richer. Whether you know it or not, it’s thanks to you that I’m actually
moving to Hollywood and that I’ll be working on my songwriting. You’ve inspired me in
ways I can’t even count, and I’m hoping I can get a song published and have Cody turn it
into a hit.
You’re a wonderful guy, and I know that somewhere there is a man who will fall
in love with you and offer you all the things I can’t offer.
Until we meet again, take good care of yourself and don’t ever change. You’re
perfect the way you are.
Love,
Lance
Rush took a deep breath and closed the laptop. He tightened his lips and looked
into the fire. There was a tear running down his left cheek; he didn’t feel like eating
anymore. Now Lance had made it clear, in writing, he’d never be ready to settle down
with one partner. And Rush couldn’t help the fact that he was still deeply in love with
him. But Rush knew he didn’t have a choice. He had to figure out a way to pull himself
together and get back to his life. So he went back to New York the following Sunday and tried to pick up where
he’d left off. But without Cody, Anderson, or Lance, it wasn’t the same. Nothing excited
him anymore; the same city that had made his heart race now seemed like nothing more
than a noisy mob of people going around in the same circles day after day. He missed his
mother, too. He missed her phone calls, when he’d tell her all the things that were
happening in his life. The only phone calls he looked forward to now were from his aunt.
Rush figured he’d adjust in time, but after six months he didn’t feel any better. He
went to work each morning with a polite smile on his face. He joked around with Esther
and other people in the office and he pretended he was happy. He looked great, because
he went to the gym and worked out often. But when he went home to his apartment at
night, he sat in bed and stared at the TV. He didn’t watch shows or movies. He’d sit there
staring at the Weather Channel until he drifted off to sleep. The only comfort he found
was going back to New England on weekends. His aunt had returned from Florida and he
looked forward to spending time with her.
Then one warm Tuesday morning in early September, Bart Hasslet called Rush
into his office to take notes. Bart was speaking to a new client that morning, a famous
clothing designer, Carson Blaine, who was mostly famous for mass-producing men’s
exclusive designer underwear. Rush crossed into the office with a notepad and a laptop.
He sat down on a small chair in front of Bart’s desk and pretended he was invisible while
they spoke.
Carson Blaine said, “I need someone different this time, Bart. That’s why I’m
here. I want a new look for this next ad campaign.” Carson was a tall, thin man in his
early fifties, with sexy gray hair, a deep tan, and lines on his face in all the right places. He wore a fitted dark gray suit that morning and a crisp white dress shirt. If a young gay
man was into the “daddy” scene, Carson Blaine was the perfect target.
Bart was sitting at his desk with his hands folded on his round stomach. He wasn’t
that much older than Carson, but he looked like Carson’s grandfather. “I assure you,
Carson,” Bart said. “I will find the perfect model. I already have a few guys in mind.” If
there was one thing Bart Hasslet knew how to do well, it was kiss a client’s ass.
Carson pressed his index finger to his bottom lip and frowned. “That’s what they
all say, Bart.” He paused. “I want someone just like this guy. I want sophistication and
sex combined. I want a guy who looks like he’s great in bed, but goes to church every
Sunday. This ad is going to be the largest ad I’ve ever placed in Times Square, and it has
to be perfect, and I can’t repeat myself.”
Bart nodded. “I’ll start lining male models up right away.”
But Carson ignored him. He moved to where Rush was taking notes and placed
his palm on Rush’s shoulder. “Would you please stand up and turn around, young man?”
Rush lowered his pen and gave Bart a surprised look, then pointed to his chest and
said, “Me?”
“Wait a minute,” Bart said. “Rush is one of my junior lawyers here. He’s not a
model.”
“I can speak for myself, Bart,” Rush snapped. He put the notepad and laptop on
Bart’s desk and stood up. He turned around a few times. He shrugged his shoulders and
said, “Would you like me to do anything else?”
Carson looked him up and down. His finger was still pressed to his lower lip.
“What kind of underwear are you wearing right now?” Rush tipped his head to the side. “White boxer briefs,” he said.
“Would you be willing to take off your clothes right now so I can see your entire
body?” Carson asked.
“
Everything
?” Rush asked.
Carson reached into his briefcase and pulled out a skimpy white thong. He handed
it to Rush and said, “I’d like to see how you look in this. This will be the actual
underwear you would be wearing in the Times Square billboard. You may as well try it
on for size. They have never been worn before by anyone, and you can keep them.”
Rush raised his eyebrows and looked at Bart. He felt uncomfortable about
removing his clothes in front of his boss, and he wanted support.
Bart raised his hands in surrender. “This is highly unusual. But it’s fine with me.
After all, Carson knows his business better than I do, and if he sees potential in you, I’m
not going to stand in the way. Go for it.” He made a gesture toward his private bathroom.
“You can go in there and change.”
Rush took the thong from Carson’s hand. He smiled and said, “I promise I won’t
be disappointed if you don’t like what you see, Mr. Blaine. After all, I’m not a
professional model.” Then he went into the bathroom to put on the thong.
A few minutes later, he stepped out of Bart’s bathroom and walked to the middle
of the office wearing nothing but the white thong. He’d even removed his shoes and
socks. He’d seen Carson Blaine’s underwear ads, especially the large ones in Times
Square, and he knew the models never wore socks. Bart closed his eyes and rubbed his
jaw; clearly he’d never seen one of his employees in a thong. Rush’s ass was bare and his
genitals were bulging through the skimpy fabric. But Carson looked him up and down and said, “Could you please stand on top of the coffee table so I can get a better look?.”
Then he looked at Bart and said, “I know what I’m doing. I didn’t create an empire by
being an idiot.”
Rush climbed up on the coffee table. As he turned toward the office door, Esther
pounded into the office with a tray of coffee. When she saw Rush standing on the coffee
table practically naked, she gasped and almost dropped the tray all over Bart’s carpet. Her
knees knocked together. Her eyes opened wide, her mouth fell open, and the tray she was
holding shook.
Bart frowned. “Rush is auditioning for Mr. Blaine, Esther,” he said. “Mr. Blaine
is seriously interested in using Rush as his next underwear model.”
Esther slowly crossed to Bart’s desk, still staring at Rush’s body, and said, “I
see.” She put the tray down on Bart’s desk, staring at Rush’s smooth ass.
Bart shook his head. “That will be all, Esther.”
“Yes, Bart,” she said, backing out of the office, her eyes still on Rush’s body.
When she was gone, Bart said, “I’m sorry about Esther. But she’s never seen a
naked man in the office before. And certainly not one of our junior attorneys.”
Carson laughed. “She probably hasn’t seen a naked young man in years. But don’t
be sorry,” he added. “Her reaction was exactly what I wanted to see: spontaneous. She
almost dropped the coffee all over the floor. And it was completely unplanned.” He
moved to the coffee table and stared at Rush’s crotch. “I like the way the extra support
ring lifts and pushes you forward. It makes you look very large. It’s been around for a
while, but this is the first time I’m marketing something like it to the mainstream. But is the support ring comfortable to wear? The concept for this thong is both sexy and
practical. It’s not hurting you or annoying you, is it?”
Rush looked down at him with a confused expression. He looked at Bart and
shrugged. “I’m not sure I know what you mean, Mr. Blaine,” he said.
Carson looked just as confused. “I’m talking about the built-in support ring. It’s
attached to the fabric, inside the jock. It’s supposed to enhance the normal size of a man’s
genitals, but still be comfortable at the same time.”
Bart Hasslet blushed and stared down at his desk.
“Ah well, that’s what that is,” Rush said. “I wasn’t sure what it was, so I just
pushed it back and put the thong on without using it. I’m sorry. I’ve never seen a pair of
underwear with a support ring.” He’d thought it was some kind of defect, or a
manufacturing device that hadn’t been removed yet. He felt like kicking himself for being
such an idiot.
Carson glared at the mound between Rush’s legs. Rush’s penis, without the
support ring, was vividly outlined beneath the sheer fabric. “You’re not wearing the
support ring?”
Rush shrugged and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that’s what it was.” Then he
turned in the opposite direction so his back would be toward them, facing the window,
and said, “I’ll put it on right now.” He was eager to get this job. All his friends were
becoming famous and he was still working the same dull job as a junior lawyer. This
would be his one chance to be seen all over the world. He could be just as famous and
rich as his friends. So he pulled out his genitals, slipped the soft white support ring over
them, and packed himself back into the thong. When he turned around again, the bulge between his legs was even larger. Carson
pressed his palm to his throat and said, “You are absolutely perfect. You have the
innocence, the sex appeal, and the physical attributes I’ve been hoping I’d find.” Then he
turned to Bart and said, “Let’s get contracts written up and work out a deal. We start
shooting the campaign next week.”
Bart shrugged his shoulders and said, “If this is what you want, Carson, I’m fine
with it.” Then he asked Rush, “And you’re okay with this? There aren’t many lawyers
posing in thongs.”
Rush nodded. His heart was actually racing, but he didn’t want them to know he
was that excited. He loved Bart for worrying about his feelings. But Bart didn’t know this
offer had come at just the right time in his life. He’d actually been thinking of moving
back to New England and getting his old job back at his former law firm. “I’m fine with
it, Bart,” Rush said in a slow, even voice. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
Chapter Twelve
Anderson continued to work on his modeling career, but with much less
enthusiasm than the way he focused on his relationship with Joey. He took modeling jobs
here and there, and most of the money he made he sent home to his mother in New Jersey.