Authors: Courtney Noel
Destiny walks over to us and sits down. “So Carr had puppies, right?” She sits down and takes a bite of her tamale, waiting for Kade or me to answer.
“Yeah,” I say with a big heartfelt smile. Thinking about Carr and her babies makes me feel so warm and happy.
“The reason I ask is my boyfriend’s niece wants a puppy. What are the names by the way? The day Kade texted me saying Carr was pregnant we started coming up with cute names. Then the day I texted him telling him I was pregnant, we did the same thing for my baby. We were thinking something pretty like Peyton?”
“When did you find out you were pregnant and tell Kade, again?”
“About five months ago,” Destiny says. I look at Kade, pissed beyond belief.
“You have been talking to her this whole time?” I stand up in my chair and Kade’s eyes go wide. He stands up too.
“Becca-” He starts.
“YOU KNEW ALL ALONG THAT YOU COULD CONTACT HER. SHE COULD HAVE COME HOME. CYNTHIA AND REY COULD HAVE COME HOME.” I’m yelling. If he would have told me that he had been talking to Destiny this whole fucking time, Cynthia and Rey could have come back to the United States sooner.
“Becca-”
“YOU KNEW ALL ALONG. How could you Kade?! You knew how hard it was for me to be away from Cynthia! Yet you didn’t do anything about it. You knew where she was THE WHOLE TIME,” I yell. I know the whole party is looking at us. I don’t care. Cynthia could have come home. I could have had my senior year with her. Things didn’t have to be this way, and he wanted to help his sister. When she was the one hurting us all, and hurting me.
“You knew,” I say as I shake my head, turn my back toward him, and start walking out the door.
“Becca the only reason I didn’t tell anyone because if my mom and dad came home, I would of had to move out. I love living with you.” He calls to me. I stop in my path and turn around to face him. Tears are streaming down my face. “I love living with you,” he says again as he starts to walk towards me. He walks up to me and takes my hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cynthia’s face. A tear just slipped from her eye. I pull Kade by the arm and take him outside. We walk to the car in silence. I hop in the driver’s seat as Kade gets in the passenger side. For once, Kade doesn’t question it. I put the keys in the ignition and slide out of the parking spot and drive fast down the street. We pull into the Albertson’s and I instruct him to stay in the car. I run in the store, pick up packaged brownies, cookies, and Mrs. Field’s Mint Brownie ice cream and pay. I run back out, put the groceries in the trunk and drive us home. He doesn’t say anything until I sit him on the bathroom floor with brownies, cookies, and of course, Mrs. Field’s ice cream.
“What’s happening?” He asked. I would be confused, too. But sometimes, confusion is good. It’s the type of safe rush I know he craves.
“I’m telling you the story. And this is where I first met Henry,” I tell him. He just picks up his spoon, opens the tub of ice cream and takes a bite, waiting for me to tell him moment by moment what happened with Henry, why it was such a terrible, traumatic thing, and why it’s taking me forever to recover from it.
Chapter 49
: Healing -->
It was February – the week after Chase and I started dating. Chase was this guy in my P.E. class. He had me wrapped around his finger, that’s for sure. Everyone would tell me he was a dick, but he wasn’t a dick to me, and in my mind, that’s all that mattered. I really liked him, so I followed my heart and decided it was nobody else’s decision but mine, so I got into a relationship with him. I was sitting on the bathroom sink counter, putting on eyeliner before going to a football game with friends when I got a text from a number I did not recognize.
“Hey,” it said.
“Hey! Who is this?” I was one happy girl back then. I was always so hyper and cheerful. Nothing scared me. I wasn’t broken or bruised. All people were good and when they weren’t good, they were always sorry. I didn’t understand that sometimes, people never change. I loved meeting new people back then. It was always an adventure and a fun time. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
“Chase’s friend,” the person on the other end of the phone texted back. In that moment, I asked myself, “What if this friend fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend? That would make a great story.” Now looking back, I guess I could predict the future. Well, at least some of it.
**
We texted twenty four seven. Then we started hanging out at school and outside of school. Henry never thought that Chase was good for me. He said he was an asshole, which I never got because Henry knew Chase even before I did. And they were such good friends.
That lea
ds us to the night it all started.
We all went to the movies. Chase, Chasity, Cassidy, Henry, Cassidy’s boyfriend, and me all went to the movies. It was one of those cartoon ones that I don’t like, but I just wanted to hang out with Chase so I went anyway. I mean, going to the movies with your friends even though you don’t like
the movie. How bad could it be?
It started off great. Henry sat on the end, then Chase, me, then Cassidy’s boyfriend, then Cassidy and last was Chasity. Like I said, it started off great. Chase kept giving me kisses on the cheek and forehead and I was super happy, but being a teenager, I made a stupid decision. Chase went for my boobs and I let him. He kept caressing my boobs and I let him. Henry’s eyes went wide – he was the only one that
saw.
The next day he texted me. I remember clearly what I was doing. I was lying on the trampoline relaxing. It was early in the morning and I was still in my pajamas. It was cloudy and foggy and lo
oked like it was about to rain.
Why’d you let him feel
you up?
I don’t know. It felt right, okay? I didn’t realize I didn’t have to explain myself. It was my private life. Even though I called him my best friend, that didn’t mean I had to tell him every single detail about my life. He would have disagreed with that thought though, anyways, though.
Did you like it?
I guess. I kind of regret it, though. It wasn’t as great as I wanted it to be.
You know what they call girls that do something with a guy and then regret it the next day?
What?
A slut.
That’s where it all started – the name calling and emotional abuse. I never forgave him for what he called me, but I wasn’t mad enough to not be friends anymore. He was my best friend. At that time, I felt like I could never live without him. I guess I was wrong.
After that, mean things he would say only happened occasionally. He would get mad when I didn’t invite him places. He would get mad when it would take me over five minutes to respond to his text messages – he said he felt like I was “talking to someone better than him” because I wasn’t responding. Sometimes he would get annoyed with me and call me annoying and then would miss me five minutes after we stopped texting. He would call me selfish because I was still dating Chase and not “listening to him.” He said I was selfish and didn’t think of how he or Chasity felt, but Chasity understood that I was going to date the guys I wanted to date because I liked the guy, not because she thought the guy was good for me. So Chase wasn’t the nicest guy; I admit, he could be a dick sometimes, but that doesn’t mean Henry had to get mad at me.
He would ask me to send him nudes. He said he was a guy and “needed” it or else his penis would get infected. He claimed that all guys need to feel “good” at least once a month or their penises would get infected, and if they got infected, they couldn’t produce sperm. Of course, none of this at the time sounded like complete bull shit to me, but I still didn’t send him pictures. He would get mad and tell me I am a terrible friend.
He would always make things into fights. I don’t think “peace” is in that man’s vocabulary.
The worst part about him was how stressed he made me. He would always try to get me to feel sorry for him. His dad lived far away. His mom would always get mad at him. He lived far away from his sister and his brother was a loser. No one at school liked him. He had terrible grades. He was always the victim. Everybody always hurt him. He never hurt anyone else. Everyone just hurt him.
Chase and I broke up after three months. I was happy about it. I was sick and tired of Chase’s immatureness and ego. Some of the things people said about him did end up being true, but I’m glad I learned that on my own. Sometimes, you can warn people as much as you want, but sooner or later you have to back down and let them learn on their own time.
The next school year started, and we were juniors. That’s when the worst thing happened. Henry admitted he was in love with me two days before school started. He kissed me and I kissed him back. It was horrible. Then he whispered he loved me right after kissing me and I told him I loved him back. I was so mad at myself because I didn’t love him back. I was such an idiot. I swore to myself after that day that I would never tell anyone I love them unless I really did. I really hate myself for that day. I totally brought that drama upon myself. It was my fault. It’s all my fault. I trusted the wrong friend. I will never forgive myself for that.
I broke the news to him and told him I didn’t love him. He was pissed beyond pissed to the point that I had to worry about whether he would physically hurt me or not. He turned on me. He told me he hated me.
I met this guy, Travis that year, and I really, really, really liked him. He was funny, sweet, but did drugs. Henry found out I liked Travis and not him. Then Travis and I started dating, so Henry sent me this message:
You know they say history repeats itself. The ONLY reason I’ve been “being nice” to you is to try and win you back. But it looks like that isn’t going to happen. And the reason I’m telling you this is because eventually you and Travis will break up. We could have maybe had a thing. Maybe you would have liked me for a day or two, just like you said you did the day I kissed you. But then you would find someone better than me... So that’s why I am ending this “never ending cycle of shit” right now, and I know something about Travis- I know what his plan is. I would tell you, but you wouldn’t believe me. Instead, I am just going to sit back and watch. When you fuck up? I’m going to be there. Laughing. Because you chose a druggie over me. And there’s no good that would ever come out of that. Why would a
SENIOR go out with a JUNIOR? LOL, I am not even hurt anymore. For once since I met you, I’m happy. You turned into everything you said you’d never be. “No matter what, I will never let him go.” LOL WHAT A JOKE! See? It’s all one big LIE.
Y
ep. My “best friend” said that to me. I was so upset I ended up barfing in the toilet. I showed Travis that message too. It made the big badass Travis Becker cry.
We didn’t talk much after that. Until November 7th. It was a Wednesday. I was doing rehearsals for choir at school. It was around four o’clock.
Fuck you.
He texted me that. In that moment, I left him. I stopped responding to his a million texts saying sorry. I didn’t talk to him again until beginning of senior year. I was so fucking sick and tired of being put down. He completely destroyed me. As a normal teenager girl, we in general have confidence issues, so I didn’t need to deal with more of that. He took my happiness away. For a whole year, I was put down and called names and wasn’t good enough. I will never fully recover from that. I will never fully forgive myself for letting it happen. And I promise, I will never ever forgive him. He sickens me.
He threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t talk to him. He literally said “I will kill myself if you don’t talk to me.” Now, Henry isn’t one to believe. But think about all the kids that say that every day and really do mean it. They feel so dark and abandoned and negative that they really do commit suicide, or try to. So he saying he was going to commit suicide just to get my attention was not going to fly with me. He needed to understand that that isn’t something to just say just because you want someone to talk to. I hate him so fucking much I could never talk to him and I’d never miss him for one minute. I hate him, so I told the school. I got the sheriff and principal involved, and they had a talk with him. He got only a quarter of what he deserved, and I haven’t talked to him since.
That’s what happened. I know right now it doesn’t seem like a lot, but all my hurt feelings and confused emotions built up to the last time I talked to him and I cracked. All the pain, scars and bruises were just too much for a teenager girl to handle. I wasn’t going to let myself suffer anymore. I had already let it gone on for too long. It was time to forgive myself and be my own hero. I couldn’t take his constant negative attitude on top of mine, so I stopped talking to him completely. I let him fall off the face of the Earth, and I am perfectly okay with that.
He kept bothering me, though.
He would send me messages at least one a night, and they were so mean. I blocked him on Facebook, Instagram and Skype. Dad and I couldn’t figure out how to block someone’s number, though, so he could still contact me through text.
After a month, he didn’t stop texting me. Mom and dad texted
him telling him that if he didn’t stop texting me, I would get a restraining order against him. After that he only texted me about once a month.