When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (10 page)
Read When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood Online
Authors: Sophia Fraioli,Lauren Kaelin
Bagels
ME
: Dad, going to get bagels. Want anything?
DAD
: Yes thank you.
ME
: Eggs?
DAD
: Eggs over easy onion bagel.
(one hour later)
DAD
: Are you fucking serious?
Fast Food
MOM
: Mexican stackup in 10 min. Snooz ya lose.
ME
: I lost.
Sandwiches for Dinner
ME
: Whats for dinner
DAD
: sandwiches
(five minutes later)
DAD
: who is this?
HAY
MOM
: How was the kegger?!?
ME
: it was good, now out to breakfast with some friends
MOM
: hangover food HAYYYY
Breasts and Milk
DAD
: Please bring home some (o)(o) & milk.
ME
: ?
DAD
: Doughnuts. : )
Invite
DAD
: Do u want to come for dinner it just me and ham potatosalad
A1 for Waffles
MOM
: Do you want waffles or muffins for breakfast? Just text “A1” for waffles or “B1” for muffins.
ME
: Why did you go through all that trouble? Why can’t I just text “waffles” or “muffins”?
MOM
: We are texting in code! ;););) :)
ME
: Waffles
MOM
: A1 or B1?
ME
: WAFFLES
MOM
: Sooo…A1?
ME
: Mom. Yes.
MOM
: I think I would rather have muffins. I’m making muffins
Dumplings
MOM
: Eating your leftover dumps and thinking of you! xoxo
ME
: ….?
MOM
: Remember how you ordered chinese food the other night? Well im finishing up the dumps.
Dinner Date
ME
: Wanna do dinner or something this week? Monday maybe?
DAD
: !!!! Ab so lu tely! Daddy love love love. Daddy love.
Secret Sandwich
DAD
: can u bring me my sandwich into my room? Dont tell anyone i asked you this.
DAD
: please, dont tell any one. please dont tell. Please dont say anything.
On Domino’s Delivery Tracking
DAD
: Jaun has double checked our order for perfection at 8:08pm! Good job Jaun! He sounds like a nice guy. The internet is a fascinating place.
Egg Salad
ME
: what did you have for lunch?
DAD
: Egg Salad. It smelled like a fart which was good. Afterwards I farted and it smelled like egg salad which was bad. Go Figure.
Twins
MOM
: I just saw a heavy set older man in a velor track suit similar to mine @ cracker barrel. LOL!
OoOoOoOoO
DAD
: Im making popcorn
ME
: cool…save some for me!
DAD
: nope
ME
: ..why?
DAD
: i already ate it. make your own popcorn. OoOoOoOoO
ME
: wow thanks. and what are all those “o’s” for?
DAD
: their big and little popcorns. i bet no ones made that before!
Bagle n’ Dirt
MOM
: got u a bagle n’ dirt cokr xo
ME
: translation, mom? you got me a beagle and dirt?
MOM
: sorry i was trying to text while driving. got u a bagel and a diet coke xo
Sushi for Dinner
ME
: Sushi tonight?
DAD
: Definitely
DAD
: just you and me
DAD
: ?
ME
: K
DAD
: You and me or the family.. or bring it home?
DAD
: Make a decision…we can be together and talk
DAD
: I would like that
DAD
: Or we can go as a family which is good too.
DAD
: You decide :-) there is no bad choice
ME
: Stop texting me.
Growing up, neither of us had real pets in our household. Lauren had a bunny named Slipper, and Sophia had a goldfish named Skully. For this reason alone, we may never understand why almost 25 percent of our website is dedicated to the delicate relationship between parents and pets. Perhaps they are fillers for an empty nest, or maybe they’ve always been the family favorite. Either way, parents love to text about them, and we love reading the results.
Family Photo
MOM
: can you be available about 1 PM on sunday for a family photo?
ME
: Sure. Should I wear anything specific?
MOM
: black, so the dog’s colors will show best.
FWD
MOM
: FWD: MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
Opposable Thumbs
DAD
: The cat texted me, he wants to come in!! He’s freezing in the bushes
Catnip
MOM
: Hi Sweetie I’m getting Patches wasted
ME
: How so?
MOM
: Catnip. It’s like pot
Goldie the Cat
MOM
: Hi…it’s goldie. i figured out how to use dad’s phone. just wanted you to know i miss you. i was having a really good day with dad until i puked (i knew i shouldn’t have eaten those plant leaves…) anyway, dad’s kinda mad at me so i am hiding. can’t wait to see you. your favorite cat, goldie
Trip to the Vet
MOM
: it was a bite to the muscle, he’s got a fever too, they took his virginity and butt temperatured him.
ME
: wow mom, wow
Hail Mary
MOM
: Pray for me. I am throwing up in the bathroom. Yuk! I need your prayers.
MOM
: Surrounded by cats they don’t know what to think.
Family
MOM
: You will add the dog as your facebook friend RIGHT NOW!!
ME
: mom he’s a dog….
MOM
: He is FAMILY, add him or you are grounded!!!!
Tinsel
MOM
: Kitten just sneezed and i swore i heard a strange sound when i checked him ov i discovered tinsel in his nose when i pulled on it 12 inches came out-
Dog Days
MOM
: the dog is in a mood today. ugh
MOM
: Literally sniffing every blade of grass so gingerly. Been out here 20 minutes.
MOM
: And now the dog is giving me the cold shoulder.
MOM
: I love you!
Latest Accessory
MOM
: Hey boo it’s so cold i’m wearing the cats!
The Lord Giveth
MOM
: big fish died today
ME
: oh no! poor fish
MOM
: the lord giveth and the lord taketh away, we now have 9 birds.
Monkey
DAD
: Hi Monkey there is fleas in my house love dad
ME
: What!? Seriously? Ah those stupid dogs shouldn’t have gone inside.
DAD
: Monkey yes I am agreeing I am upset going to panera love dad
Benadryl
ME
: We’re going to Jons
MOM
: Hooray
MOM
: The dog is so itchy. I gave him a benadryl
ME
: what? why would you give a dog benadryl?
MOM
: He’s fucked up.
Patches
DAD
: Can not make phils game tonite it is in san fran. I guess i will be watching at home with the only one who loves me. Thank you patches. By the way do u hv patches cell ph number or does he just use momas ph.