Who I Am (22 page)

“Well, you know, for someone who acts like she really loves kids, I'd think you'd want a job just like mine.”

I suppose it was the way she said the word
acts
(like I've just been pretending to be committed to these kids all along) that made me start being a little smug. “No, that's okay. I mean, I wouldn't want to give up my cushy office job where I just sit in a comfy chair all day with air-conditioning and a Starbucks right next door.”

“Yeah, that's what I figured,” she said. “You're getting soft, Caitlin.”

I laughed. “Hey, what am I supposed to do? Run down to Parks and Recreation and see if I can steal your job?”

Suddenly her eyes lit up. “Nooo,” she said slowly, and it looked as if those mischievous wheels were turning round in her head. “But maybe if you're really serious about those Mexican kids and you really want to get some good experience with kids–then just maybe you and I shouldn't see if we could switch jobs.”

“Switch jobs?” I eyed her curiously. “What are you saying, Beanie?”

“Well, I've had enough business classes to do your job, and you've had as much experience as me to get my job. Maybe we should go talk to our bosses and see if we can just switch.”

“Beanie,” I began, “excuse me for saying so, but that sounds totally nuts!”

She pointed her finger at me. “Oh, really? Well, maybe it's just because you're not really willing to spend time with kids. I mean, you talk like you want to spend the rest of your life working with poor orphans, but are you really willing to roll up your pretty little sleeves and get some real hands-on experience in the trenches?”

Now, it didn't help matters that several kids at our table actually cheered when she said this. But as I've said before, Beanie is gifted in the dramatic department. And this audience was playing right into her hands.

“It just sounds so impossible,” I said weakly.

“Nothing's impossible with God.” She smiled smugly.

But suddenly, her words seemed to kick in. I hated to admit it, especially in front of all my peers, but I suspected Beanie was right on. “You know, you might be onto something. But really, I don't know about a job switch. I mean, we'd both have to do interviews and–”

“So are you willing to give it a try then?”

“Maybe. But I'd still like to think about it a little.”

And so I did think about it. And I prayed about it. And today at work I told Rita about the whole crazy idea and she seemed to think it made sense too.

“As much as I'd hate to lose you, I think your friend might be right. If you're really serious about working with underprivileged kids, then I'd think you'd want some opportunities to get some real-life experience first.”

“But do you think Beanie would have a very good chance at getting my job?”

“As good as anyone. And maybe even better if you recommend her.”

And so it's settled. Beanie and I are going to give this crazy idea a shot. She still has to talk to the day care people. But we figure we've got nothing to lose (except my pride…). Because first of all, I might not get the job, and then I have to admit that the idea of working with little kids all summer has got me feeling fairly nervous. I mean, what if Beanie is right? What if I AM all talk? And what if I end up looking like an absolute fool? Still, I'll never know if I don't give this thing a try. And so I'm actually praying that God will open the door and let me see what I'm made of,… Gulp.

Well, believe it or not, we're trying. I went in to interview
for Beanie's job and she interviewed for mine. We won't know the results until Monday, but we're both feeling fairly positive. (Actually I think she's feeling more positive than I am.) But surprisingly when the woman who interviewed me heard why we were doing this, she was really nice and supportive (she didn't even treat me or Beanie like total nutcases!). And the really surprising thing was how much I liked it at the day care center. I mean, I just felt right at home. I even stayed a while and played with the kids after nap time. And suddenly I'm really hoping (and praying hard) that this thing happens. Pretty weird, huh? One day you think you're going to be doing one thing all summer and the next day everything just changes. But I think I'm starting to handle changes better. I mean, I used to really get uptight when things started changing. I guess by nature I'm kind of a control freak. But I really don't want to be. I'd like to be more free and loose (trusting God to take care of things). And while I'm sure I've come a long way, I know I have a long, long way to go.

But the possibility of doing this job switch with Beanie gave me another idea. Suddenly I'm thinking maybe I should invite Beanie to come to Mexico with me. I mean, I had already saved up enough money and how the church has decided to send me,…And I know having Beanie along would probably make my parents feel better. plus she really got into helping those kids last summer. So, anyway, I'm going to pray about it. And I'll ask my parents (and maybe Tony and Steph) and see what they
think. But I'm thinking it could be pretty cool for the two of us to go down there together for a week (or maybe two!).

Well, tomorrow's the big night (prom!). Tee-hee. To be perfectly honest, I feel kind of like a prom crasher, but the three of us bought our tickets so it's not like we're sneaking in or anything–it's totally legit. And we decided if we don't have fun or someone gives us a bad time, then we'll just hightail in outta there and go see a movie or something. We haven't told anyone at school what we're up to, but it was hard not to snicker today when others were talking about the prom and looking at us with pity in their eyes.

I did tell Josh (via e-mail) about our intended caper. And he wrote back saying that he wished he could see us and to make sure we get a photo and scan it so I can send it to him. It's funny; now that I know we're going to be at different colleges next year, I'm feeling really comfortable chatting with him via e-mail. For a little while I was getting kind of uptight, like I didn't want to seem too friendly (like I was coming on to him), which I know is silly, but it's true. And now I'm feeling all relaxed and easy–it's like we're better friends now than ever.

And he's so appreciative of the time I'm spending with Chloe. Apparently he called her last week, and she told him about visiting Jewel and how I've been encouraging her to take her music seriously and how she likes spending time with me. That meant a lot to me since it's sometimes hard to read that girl. I mean, I really like and
admire her and she seems way older than fourteen sometimes. But she's so protective of her feelings and stuff that I sometimes wonder if she just wishes she could blow me off. But maybe not.

Well, we three chicks caused quite a sensation at the prom last night (and ended up staying for pretty much the whole thing). But here's an unexpected twist. Last night before we left, Trent called Jenny and they had a long heart-to-heart. And then Jenny called me and Beanie and asked if we could invite Trent to join us as our escort. She said he was feeling better about things but pretty blue that he was going to miss out on the prom. Beanie and I agreed after making Jenny promise that there was absolutely nothing romantic going on between the two of them. It's one thing to have Trent escort the three of us, but something altogether different if they think it's a double date (Trent and Jenny, and we and Beanie!). But Trent was totally diplomatic and traded off dances equally between the three of us (if anything he neglected Jenny).

Then a couple times we all four went out and danced together holding hands. Trent had on this really great tangerine orange tux that he and Beanie had somehow unearthed today. It was straight out of the seventies with bell-bottoms and big ruffles on the shirt and shiny white platform shoes! Too much.

The whole evening was just crazy and fun (and we got lots of photos!). We even got nominated as the “Three Headed Prom Queen and King Lucky Strike.” (I think someone was trying to undermine Jessica Taylor, or Miss Snooty Pants, as Beanie used to call her in junior high.) But as it turned out Jessica and her latest bean (Carl Fitzgerald) won. (Although there were accusations that Jessica had paid friends to stuff the ballot box.)

The totally cool thing was how Anna and Joel came in second (prince and princess). And I have never seen Anna look so completely jazzed (not to mention gorgeous!). We'd all voted for them and then cheered loudly when their names were announced. It was like a real Cinderella story, and I was totally thrilled for Anna. Still, at the same time, I couldn't help but think about Jewel (stuck in her hospital bed and trying to learn how to eat with a spoon again). I don't think anyone was surprised not to see Jamal at the prom (although Natala had invited him to be her date). But I heard rumors that he was spending the evening with Jewel at the hospital. I hope it's true.

Toward the end of the evening, Trent had invited me onto the floor for a slow dance, and while we were dancing he thanked me for recommending Tony to him.

“He's a pretty cool guy,” Trent admitted.

“Yeah, I couldn't believe how lucky I got when my aunt married him and I got to have him for my uncle.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know that he's really helping me to sort through everything.”

“That's cool.”

“Yeah, I was pretty confused. But it's starting to feel like the fog's lifting.”

I leaned back and looked into Trent's face. “I'm really glad for you. I hated seeing you so miserable.”

“Well, as much as I hated it when Jenny broke up with me, sometimes it's good to work through these things; like you come out stronger in the end.”

I nodded. “yeah, I suppose you're right.”

And so now I'm sitting here thinking about how Trent is probably right. I mean, I suppose if I had my way I'd like to help everyone just avoid all kinds of pain related to dating–by eliminating it completely. But then these things aren't really up to me (as my friends have made totally clear on more than one occasion). And anyway, I'm thinking about how Beanie got involved with Joel. And as a result of their friendship, Joel came to church with her, became a Christian, and now seems to be doing really great. And then Jenny was dating Trent and even though it nearly destroyed him when she broke up with him, he's now looking for help in all the right places. Oh, sure, he still claims to be an atheist and all, but like Jenny says, she was too just a year ago. And I am not giving up on Trent! So, go figure, Caitlin O'Conner! Of course, I am NOT saying that dating is a good way to get guys to come to church. But I guess it's not my place to tell others what to do either. And besides, I've seen firsthand how God really can work in amazing ways.

Well, it's official.
I'll be working with the rug rats and Beanie will be answering phones. And while I know Beanie thinks she's getting the best end of the deal, I am totally excited about this switcheroo. And today Rita suggested that I start training Beanie tomorrow. That way she and I can share shifts this week (allowing us both some extra time off right before graduation). Plus this is senior skip week so we have a little extra time anyway. How great to just hang out or sleep in or whatever. Pretty nice.

Beanie and I went out for burritos tonight to celebrate our job situation, and I decided to ask her about Mexico (after getting encouragement from both Tony and my parents). At first she was a little worried about missing out on work (and she hasn't even started yet!), but then she stopped herself.

“I guess if I'm really trusting God, I should trust that
He'll take care of everything whether I miss a week of work or not. Right?”

I nodded. “Makes sense to me. Let's not forget how God wants to bless us with what we need. And just the way He's provided for Mexico is a huge encouragement for me.”

“But are you sure you want to use your travel money for me?”

“Oh, Beanie, I would so totally love it if you could come.”

“I'd really like to.”

“Then just say yes.”

“How about if I pray about it?”

“Great.”

After that we stopped by to visit Jewel. Anna said that her visitors have really dwindled lately–probably with graduation so near–plus it's not that easy to go and spend time with her. Believe me, I know. It seems like her progress is so slow. And yet she's actually saying short sentences now. And she remembers our names when we come. So that's something. But perhaps the best part is how much she likes to talk about and hear about Jesus. I mean, she's just like a little kid the way her eyes light up whenever she hears that name.

I suppose in some ways it's even challenging to us to be more like her–in that sweet, childlike way. It's like she's just totally in love with Jesus. And if you'd known Jewel before the accident and then saw her now, you would never believe it was the same person. It almost seems like, although her physical and mental body have
been handicapped, her spirit has been completely released. It doesn't quite make sense, but it's pretty cool to see.

Still, I don't think most of her friends quite get that. I know that Shonda and Natala have become increasingly more uncomfortable with each visit. Shonda confessed to me last week that she feels really guilty for not going over there more, but that she gets so depressed afterward that it doesn't seem worth it. And I don't quite get that because I don't ever feel depressed after visiting. In fact, it's almost the opposite. But to be honest, I still have a hard time going at first, it's like I have to climb over this big obstacle, kind of like a roadblock. But once that's done I'm okay. Beanie said she feels the same way.