Who I Am
Authors: Melody Carlson
RAISE FOR
M
ELODY
C
ARLSON'S
Diary of a Teenage Girl, Caitlin Book 2:
It's My Life
“Melody Carlson creates a cast of characters who are real and engaging. It made me want to read the first book in the series and hope that there will be more!”
NANCY RUE, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF
HERE'S LILY
! AND
LILY THE REBEL
“Melody has done it again! Teens won't be able to resist Caitlin's latest diary. Teens will identify and laugh with Caitlin and gain spiritual insight from this fresh glimpse into the heart of a very real teenage girl.”
HEATHER KOPP, AUTHOR OF
LOVE STORIES GOD TOLD
AND
I STOLE GOD FROM GOODY TWO-SHOES
“This book inspired me to persevere through all my hardships and struggles, but it also brought me to the reality that even through my flaws, God can make Himself known in a powerful, life-changing way.”
MEGHAN MCAULAY, FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD REVIEWER
“I definitely recommend the book
It's My Life
to teens. Even if you haven't read the first book, it's very easy to pick up what's going on. I was surprised at how easily I could relate my own life to Caitlin's. I really got involved with the book. I could hardly put it down!”
HEATHER SCHWARZBURG, SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD REVIEWER
“What an awesome way to convey what teenagers are faced with in today's world.
It's My Life
captures the expressions and feelings every teenager may face and the struggle they battle within themselves trying to find a solution. A must-read for not only the teens but adults too.”
KORINA MOYER, YOUTH STAFF VOLUNTEER
Diary of a Teenage Girl, Caitlin Book 1:
Becoming Me
“As I read through
Diary of a Teenage Girl
, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't reading my own diary! It captures the thoughts and issues of a teenager's struggles to follow God's pathway.”
RACHAEL LAMPA, TEEN RECORDING ARTIST
“From the first page,
Diary
captured me. I couldn't stop reading! This is a brilliant, well-crafted imaginary journey to the heart of a sixteen-year-old. I can't wait for the sequel!”
ROBIN JONES GUNN, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE GLENBROOKE SERIES, THE CHRISTY MILLER SERIES, AND THE SIERRA JENSEN SERIES
“As I read
Diary
…I felt as if I had been given a gift–a ‘backstage pass’ into the life and heart of Caitlin O'Conner. It is a wonderful and mysterious ride as we are allowed a rare chance to travel alongside a teenage girl as she lives in the real world. This is a unique and refreshing read–fun and entertaining, while at the same time moving and insightful. Read and learn.”
GEOFF MOORE, CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN RECORDING ARTIST
“Creative and impactful!
Diary
drew me in as my concern for Caitlin and her friends grew stronger each page I turned. It gave me the inside story to issues I see in my own life–and among my friends and peers. I recommend this book to every teenage girl going through the struggles of peer pressure, dating, and other temptations we face in life.”
D'ANAE JACOBSON, AUTHOR OF
THINGS I'VE LEARNED LATELY
“Melody Carlson writes with the clear, crisp voice of today's adolescent.
Diary of a Teenage Girl
is sure to please any teenager who is struggling with peer pressure, identity, and a desire to know and understand God's will. A moving, tender story that will be remembered…and loved.”
ANGELA ELWELL HUNT, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE NOTE AND MY LIFE AS A MIDDLE SCHOOL MOM
“Melody Carlson captures the voice of teens today in a character we can all relate to. The unique peer perspective makes it very effective. Integrating the crucial message of the gospel, it forces us to weigh issues and causes us to look at a young person–in reality, ourselves–objectively. It challenges, convicts, and leaves us with hope for the future. I highly recommend this book.”
ANGELA ALCORN, COLLEGE STUDENT, CO-AUTHOR OF
THE ISHBANE CONSPIRACY
“Carlson succeeds in weaving Christian beliefs into the plot with a light hand–and it's a darn good read!”
NAPRA REVIEW SERVICE
Books by Melody Carlson:
Piercing Proverbs
DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL SERIES
Caitlin O'Conner:
Becoming Me
It's My Life
Who I Am
On My Own
I Do!
Chloe Miller:
My Name Is Chloe
Sold Out
Road Trip
Face the Music
Kim Peterson:
Just Ask
Meant to Be
(October 2005)
TRUE COLOR SERIES
Dark Blue
, color me lonely
Deep Green
, color me jealous
Torch Red
, color me torn
Pitch Black
, color me lost
Burnt Orange
, color me wasted
Fool's Gold
, color me consumed
Tuesday (after the missions conference)
It's a brand-new year
, and it seems appropriate that I should begin a new diary today. And yet, to be perfectly honest, I don't feel much like writing. I know that seems crazy since so much has happened in the last few days–like I should be blabbering on for pages and pages. But I guess I'm feeling a little bummed right now or maybe just confused. And even that doesn't make sense, because I've had such an unbelievably awesome time here at Urbana. I mean, I've heard and seen more about worldwide missions than I'd ever imagined possible. And it almost blows your mind to see how many organizations exist! Still, that doesn't exactly explain this weird mix of emotions I'm having. To start with, I feel pretty small and insignificant at the moment (and I realize how self-centered that sounds). But it's the truth, and I guess it's because I'm just one among thousands of young people
who God might be calling to some sort of missions opportunity somewhere around the globe.
I know it doesn't make sense. (I should be glad that so many kids really want to serve God.) Maybe I'm just tired and ready to go home. Or maybe I'm feeling a little slighted that Josh Miller has been so obsessed with the conference that he acts as if I don't even exist. Now how's that for shallow? (On my part, I mean.) Not to mention painfully honest! Okay, I know, I've made this big commitment not to date, and I'm trying really hard to stick to it, but, sheesh, how does it make a girl feel when someone like Josh won't even give her the time of day? Wasn't it just a year ago that Josh (my number-one hottee) was first getting interested in me–little Miss Nobody? And look at us now. It's almost funny. And yet…
Thankfully, we're about to hit the road! But before I sign off on New Year's Day sounding so gloomy, I must admit I do feel somewhat hopeful too. And I did get the chance to talk with several missions groups who focus on helping the most impoverished children, kind of like the kids at the dump in Mexico. As it turns out (sad as it seems) children who live at garbage dumps aren't all that uncommon (especially in Latin America). And so, I gathered up all these brochures and e-mail addresses and stuff, and I'll be communicating with the missions groups for more information and advice (not to mention praying that God will lead me!). And that all seems pretty worthwhile.
And if it wasn't for that, I'd probably be feeling pretty discouraged right now. There were times when I
actually wondered why I'd come to this conference. Because almost every missions person I spoke with kept saying, “You need to go to college before you seriously consider going to work in Mexico or anywhere else.” One old guy practically read me the riot act, he said it was “inexperienced people like me that gave missionaries a bad name,” thank you very much! well, let me tell you, that really made my day.
Still, one nice woman suggested I might invest my summer vacation down in Mexico and continue my college studies throughout the rest of the year. That was a little encouraging. But for the most part, I just sat there in the stands, a face in the crowd, looking out upon all these thousands of kids (most of them partway or even finished with college). And the embarrassing truth is I now feel like this teeny, tiny droplet in a great, big ocean. And I wonder what possible difference little old me can have on anything? But then again, I'm probably just tired, and I do have a cold that's making me feel kind a down too. So, I suppose it's times like this that I need to remember my verse about trusting God with all my heart.
I must admit, I'm looking forward to seeing Josh and the other guys during our trip back home. Naturally, they stayed in one of the men's dorms. (I was in the women's.) And like I said Josh mostly ignored me–okay, he completely ignored me. But I suppose that was a good thing. It did allow me to focus my attention on missions without being distracted by his great Matt Damon good looks, although I did notice a few other girls looking as well as what
appeared to me to be flirting! Okay, okay, I'm not jealous. Well, not exactly. I think I'm mostly just tired and need to go home. Man, I can't wait to sleep in my own bed!
Sheesh, I thought we'd never get home. A nasty snowstorm blew up shortly after we took off, and we had to go painfully slow and be careful. We took turns driving around the clock for two and a half days. Thankfully, Josh had a cell phone so we remained in touch with our families. But everyone got so tired and grumpy that I was afraid we might slide right off the road and get stuck in a snowdrift and end up just like the Donner party! Well, I doubt we actually would've turned into cannibals, but we might've killed each other off. Suffice it to say, I am quite glad to see the old homestead again. And it makes me wonder just how serious I really am about going down to Mexico to live. I mean, that's a long ways from home. Something to think about, I guess. But maybe I'll think about it tomorrow…after I've slept for about, say, nineteen or twenty hours! By the way, I don't think Josh and I exchanged more than a few sentences the entire time. Oh, well, I guess I should be thankful.
Even though I was kind of exhausted, it was something of a relief to be back at school today and back around
kids my own age, who are just doing ordinary things like complaining about the basketball team's latest losing streak or soggy french fries in the cafeteria. Although, at the same time, it did seem slightly odd that no one here talked about saving the lost or feeding the hungry or getting Bibles to some third world tribe. And I suppose it all seems just a mite shallow in contrast to where I was only a week ago. But naturally I kept these thoughts to myself.
At least my best friends Jenny and Beanie seemed really glad to see me. And I think they were actually relieved to hear that I wasn't planning on dropping out of school my senior year and hitchhiking down to Mexico to save the world or something equally absurd. I wouldn't be surprised if they both thought I was about to go off the deep end and do something totally weird and fanatical.
But speaking of weird, here's what's got me scratching my head today. It seems that Beanie has this new “romantic interest” in her life (Joel Johnson). And this has got me a little concerned. Not so much because I thought she and Zach Streeter would ever get back together or anything, because I know they're only “just friends” now, and Josh even told me that Zach probably has a girlfriend at college. (Although I don't think Beanie knows this–or maybe she does!) But the thing is, it's been only about six months since Beanie promised God she would abstain from sex, and I suppose I sort of thought that meant she wasn't going to date either. And she hasn't. Well, until now, that is. And, of course, it's her life–and
it's her decision–and I have absolutely no right to judge her. But, sheesh, this guy isn't even a Christian. And quite frankly I just don't get it!