Who I Am (6 page)

“Yeah, going to church doesn't hurt anything. But believe me it's not the fix-all for everything either. I mean, despite church, we've all had our problems–and then some. To be perfectly honest, I think we'd all be in a
great big mess if it wasn't for God.” Then I stopped myself. “But Anna, I really don't want to preach at you, and the truth is Beanie and Jenny sometimes accuse me of getting all preachy. And I'm really trying to break that habit.”

Anna laughed. “It's okay. I probably need to hear a sermon or two.”

I decided to change the subject anyway. “But it's funny that you should mention being jealous because I've really been struggling with that lately.”

“You?” I could hear the skepticism in her voice.

I nodded. “Yep. I hadn't really planned on telling this to anyone. I mean, it's kind of embarrassing. But you see Beanie's been my best friend for years, and then I became friends with Jenny. And now the two of them are such good friends that I'm feeling pretty left out.” I forced a laugh. “Pretty juvenile, huh?”

“So, is that why you invited me to come with you tonight?” Again I could hear a trace of something slightly skeptical or suspicious.

I shrugged. “Well, maybe to start with. I mean, I probably never would've thought of inviting anybody to come with me if Beanie and Jenny hadn't left me out in the cold. To be honest, I've never really been that outgoing with new friends. Although that's been changing lately.”

Anna nodded. “Yeah, I've known you for a long time, and you always seem kind of quiet and shy. But you've always been nice to me.”

I smiled. “Well, I think it's cool I'm getting a chance to
know you now. And if it wasn't for Beanie and Jenny being all buddy-buddy, it might not have happened. And I really hope you get that job too. Hey, you never told me how the interview went.”

Anna didn't seem too sure. And I could tell that she doesn't have the most self-confidence, but then I can relate because I don't usually either.

Anyway, we had a good time at the game and stopped and got burgers afterward. And I asked her what her friend Jewel was doing tonight.

“You probably haven't heard, but Jewel has managed to snatch Jamal from Natala,” Anna told me in a conspiratorial tone.

“You're kidding. I'll bet Natala is furious. I mean, she's pretty territorial, isn't she?”

Anna nodded. “Yeah, she's threatening to beat Jewel up. You know Natala hates Hispanics almost as much as whites.”

I made a face. “Poor Jewel. She'd better watch her backside.”

“I warned Jewel it was a totally stupid move. But she just wouldn't listen.”

“Yeah, I'm finding it doesn't really do much good to tell your friends what to do.” I laughed. “So, I should probably warn you that I've been accused of getting too involved with my friends' lives.”

Anna smiled. “That's okay. I'm not worried.”

And so I'm thinking this could be the beginning of a good friendship. And I'm really praying that Anna gets
the job. I told her if she does, she can ride with me if she wants, and she seemed pretty hopeful. And I've decided to put in a good word for her with my dad. He's not at the top of the food chain there, but he does have a little clout and might be able to pull a few strings. But better than that, I can ask God–I know He can do anything!

Well, I did put in a good word about Anna with my dad (as well as my heavenly Father). An she called from school this afternoon to find out she'd been scheduled for another interview. (She'd made the first cut!) So once again, she rode over to work with me, and I could tell she was getting real hopeful. But she also seemed really nervous.

“Do you think I look okay?”

“Yeah, Anna.” I glanced over at her. “You look way better than me. I mean, you always look pretty professional, like you should be working in some big, fancy office building downtown.”

She laughed nervously. “Yeah, Jewel always gives me a bad time about the way I dress. She thinks it's way
too conservative. But it's what I feel comfortable in. I figure people can take it or leave it.”

I smiled. “It reminds me of Beanie. But she went the opposite direction. She liked to dress kind of crazy-like, just to see what people would do. But she got most of her clothes secondhand, and so I suppose she was just making the best of it.”

Anna smoothed her hand over her navy wool skirt. “I shop at thrift shops too.”

“Wow, you'd never guess. I mean, you always look really nice. I wasn't trying to say that was a bad thing–”

“It's okay, Caitlin. I know what you mean. But Jewel makes fun of me sometimes, so I figured I'd just get it out of the way.”

I laughed. “I think it's cool you can find such good stuff secondhand.” Then I got an idea for the Mexico kids, but we were already at work and I decided to keep it until later.

But here's the really great news–Anna got the job! oh, man, was she ever happy. She stayed around until I got off again, and then we went for coffee to celebrate. And honestly, she seemed almost like a different girl. Her face was just glowing with excitement.

“Caitlin, I can't believe it,” she said. “I really didn't think I had a chance. And I'm so grateful to you–for everything. This is so great!”

With our coffee mugs we said a toast to our new friendship and a long working relationship. And then Anna
smiled and said she'd like to come to church with me next Sunday!

I'm a little worried about Mom today. She hasn't been feeling very well this week (or maybe even longer although she hadn't said anything), and today she actually missed work and went to the doctor (and I can't ever remember her doing anything like that before). When she came home from the doctor, she just went to bed without saying anything.

I tried to make myself helpful by fixing dinner, but it seemed weird not having Mom around. Dad said not to worry, that she'd probably just been working too hard, but then he turned in early too. And I could hear their voices talking steadily and quietly and something about it all seemed serious. But maybe I'm just imagining things. I hope so.

Rita (at work) was telling me how her sister had been recently diagnosed with breast cancer and was scheduled for surgery today–and I promised to pray for her (which I've been doing). But suddenly I'm thinking, what if something like that happened to Mom? What would I do? And suddenly I'm realizing just how much I love her. I'd like to go in and tell her, but then that's probably dumb. And it might worry her more. Besides, I'm sure nothing is wrong. She's probably just tired. Just the same, I'll be helping out a lot more around the house.

And I'll get on Ben's case too. He could be a little more helpful.

Now this just totally
takes the cake! Tonight at dinnertime, Mom says she has an announcement to make, and I'm freaking, thinking she's going to tell us she has cancer or something. But no, that's not it. Instead she sits there and calmly tells us she's going to have a baby–
my mom is pregnant!
Now, I'm sitting there thinking this is pretty absurd. I mean, my mom isn't ancient or anything, and I'll admit she looks pretty good for her age, but good grief, the woman is forty-two years old. Of course I don't want to say this, and to my utter amazement she is smiling and seems almost happy about the whole thing. But I do ask one little question.

“Uh, aren't you a little old to be having a baby?”

Well, I can tell by the look on her face that that's not the right thing to say. But first she forces a little laugh. Then she gets more serious. “Caitlin, I know this must seem really strange to you kids.” Ben's just sitting there wide-eyed
saying nothing, but he looks like someone swiped his Game Boy or something. Then Mom continues, “But you know a lot of women my age are having babies nowadays. It's not that unusual.”

I nod as if I understand, but the truth is, I don't! I mean, I don't get it at all. Did they plan this thing? And if so, what were they thinking? But even my dad seems kind of stunned. (Although I suspect he's already heard the news by now.) So I decide I better just play it cool, and I paste a little smile onto my face and say, “Hey, that's great, Mom. It'll be fun having a little brother or sister. When is the baby due?”

“I'm not completely sure, but probably late summer.”

“So will you go back to work in the fall then?”

Mom glances at Dad with some uncertainty. “We haven't figured all that out yet. Everything's still so new.”

I nod again, trying to act like this is all just the greatest news when I'm really thinking, Hey, what about me? I mean, just when I've decided to go to college for sure, my mom gets herself pregnant. And I'm thinking how there's this big billboard by our high school saying how much it costs to have and raise a baby–and let me tell you, it's pretty scary! And I happen to know that my college savings aren't very big. (Dad explained this to me recently when he suggested I apply for any scholarships available.)

So now I'm feeling a little bit like that old boat that's been cut loose and is drifting out to sea–like bon voyage, baby, and have a good trip. Okay, okay, I know that's probably an overreaction on my part. But, sheesh, this
feels kind of tough. I think about calling Beanie, but then I'm not totally sure how she'd react, and I wouldn't be all that surprised if she was in my mom's court on this. (I mean, it wasn't all that long ago that Beanie was wanting to be a mommy too–in fact, her baby probably would've been being born around now.) So I decide that's not a good idea. And I can't call over there and only talk to Jenny.…I consider Anna, but we're not quite that close yet. And so I decide to call Aunt Steph. She's usually pretty dependable with stuff like this. But guess what? I no sooner spring the news on Steph when she's beside herself with laughter. Now I'm thinking, I really don't see the humor in this. And when she finally gets control, she says, “I gotta go, Catie, but I'll be right over.” So now I'm thinking, great–I wonder what I've started here. I'm not even sure my mom wanted anyone else to know about this, and here I've gone and spilled the beans.

So Steph comes over and grabs my mom and starts gushing. And as it turns out, Steph thinks she may be pregnant too! Oh, man, this is just too much for me. So I kind of smile and nod and wish them both well, then go slinking up to my room (saying I've got homework). So there you have it: Mom and Steph are going to be pregnant together. I suppose it's kind of cute in a weird way. And I think it's cool that Oliver will have a younger sibling. In fact, I suppose it might even be fun having a couple of little babies around to snuggle with. Especially since I'll (hopefully) be off to college about the time they're desperately looking for baby-sitters. Poor Ben!

We had another get-together at the church tonight. Everything was pretty much like before, but Greg sort of took the lead this time (since Joel seemed to be feeling down–maybe because they lost their game last night). But as a result it seemed like things got a little more serious, which I think was probably good. Unfortunately Beanie and Jenny both had to work tonight, so they missed out. But after Greg explained how life gets lonely sometimes and how we all need a friend like Jesus in our lives, he invited anyone who wanted to know more about it to talk to him privately. And I noticed that he and Joel slipped away for a little while. Now I'm wondering if Joel might've actually made a commitment. But I didn't want to act like a snoop and ask him, and I sure couldn't ask Greg. (I think that's privileged information.) So, I'll just have to wait and see if Beanie mentions it. In the meantime, I'll be praying for Joel.

Anna came too (I picked her up). And tomorrow I'll pick her up for church too. I'd be glad to pick up Jenny and Beanie too, but they haven't asked me yet. And so I
decided to wait and see if they call. It's not like I'm trying to be mean or anything, but I'm thinking I've been pretty pushy with them lately, and maybe I just need to back off and chill a little.

Anna and I hung out together and it was cool. I think our friendship is starting to really gel. And I'm finding out she's pretty interesting too. In fact, we have a lot in common. We've read and really like the same books. And she keeps a journal too. She's worked on the school paper and yearbook and thinks she wants to major in journalism in college, although she's worried about tuition since her mom can't afford to help her. I told her she wasn't the only one worried. Then under the cloak of confidence, I explained about my mom's little surprise, but I asked Anna not to tell anyone since both Mom and Steph are keeping their news quiet for a while. Actually, Steph admitted she hasn't even done a pregnancy test yet but has a strong feeling. But Anna said I can trust her and that she's used to keeping secrets. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. But anyway, she starts work on Monday and is so excited you'd think she'd won the lottery.