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At three-thirty in the morning we were released from Keisha's apartment. We weren't allowed to park in front just in case some chapter advisor or someone that we knew came by. There could not be anything that appeared to connect us with Keisha. So we dashed around the back of her place to the two cars the sixteen of us had to pile into.
However, before we opened either car door, all kinds of emotions started coming from our group. Girls were screaming from pain, crying because they were scared, shouts of anger rang out. It was chaos.
Sharon keeled over, held her stomach and said, “I got to quit right now. I can't take any more of this.”
Two or three girls stood behind her and nodded their heads in agreement. We all looked tore up, with bloody noses, and ripped up clothes. Who could blame anyone not wanting to keep the madness going.
Trisha got up in their faces and said, “What are y'all talkin' about quitting? What y'all think this was? See, that is why I don't understand why they put folks on the line who didn't go through any pre-underground stuff. Obviously these folks ain't tested. They can't take it. This is crap, the line might get dropped because of weakness.”
Bea stood behind her and nodded. I understood her argument, but she was tripping. I knew there were no limits to hazing, but I just never fathomed that girls who would soon be my sisters could be so cruel.
“Look, if you think I signed up to be beaten up, or to fight with y'all, then you can have this crazy, stupid sorority,” Sharon ranted.
Audria, visibly shaken, agreed. “This is supposed to be a Christian organization and God doesn't like brutality. They are doing this all wrong. Obviously, with what just happened tonight, we can't stop them. Us hitting on each other was their entertainment for the night. God isn't pleased with none of what took place.”
“Stop with the God stuff,” Trisha said to her.
Bea said, “God gives us free will to choose, okay. But you heard Keisha. We could be paper if we don't go through a little something.”
Dena came over and said, “Excuse me, excuse me, if I could just say one thing.”
Everybody looked at her expectantly, but when she had all sixteen of us ready to listen she froze. It took a minute, but Dena was finally able to speak her piece, “Well, if we could all stick together, I think we could get them to not go to the extreme on everything. Ultimately, they don't want to lose the line.”
After all that wait, no one listened to her. Trisha and Bea started arguing with Sharon and Audria. I just felt so overwhelmed.
“Guys, we don't need to listen to this. We don't need to stand here and fuss,” Sharon said, as she appealed to the majority. “Look at us, blood dripping, arms bruised. I don't know about you guys, but my ribs are hurting. Come on, let's go back to the house and tell them we quit.”
Bea stood between them all. “I wish y'all would. But you can't, if you gonna drop line, you need to turn in an official letter to the advisor. We signed a document stating that. You are not going back to that house. You are not going to make it worse on the rest of us.”
Sharon said, “I can't believe you gonna stand there and tell me what I can and cannot do. I put up with this for far too long from them girls up there thinking they can push me around. You might be triple my size, Bea, and I might have had to carry you on my back all night long, but I am not gonna take any more junk from you.”
Bea started taking off her earrings. “I know she didn't talk about my size. It's on now, whatever, come on, Sharon.”
“Trisha, get your friend,” Sharon said.
“I'm not getting her at all,” Trish replied, almost wanting another fight to take place. “Bea's got a pointâI don't want you all messing it up for the rest of us. We tried to tell you. They put the wrong girls on line. Most of the ones who had the heart to endure it all were part of the pre-underground ...” Trisha said, turning to everyone.
“Yeah, we know. See, we always have to hear that from y'all,” Sharon said, with watery eyes. “Thinking that you guys are the only ones who deserve to be Betas, just because you can take a punch or two, you're better than us. We have morals. We have standards and we are not going to take it anymore.
We
are actually true Beta material. You signed some form saying you wouldn't participate in hazing, yet you been involved in being hazed all along. All we got to do is turn you guys in and we could be Betas without you all anyway. At least we were actually on an official line recognized by headquarters before we participated in any of these activities.”
I never even thought of that. They had a point, but I still didn't want them to mess it up for me. This was extreme what we were going through. There might have been lines that have had it worse, but we had true blood, sweat, and tears to prove that what they were doing to us was wrong.
“Come on, y'all,” Sharon said to all the other girls. “Let's go tell them we aren't taking this anymore.”
Trisha hit me on the arm. “Do something.”
I just stood there. What could I do?
Bea went around and got in Sharon's face one last time. She yanked Sharon's sore arm. “I'ma tell you right now, you go up those stairs, it's gonna be on. I promise.”
7
BLESSED
T
hinking from the depths of my soul, I ran in between Bea and Sharon and just started praying aloud. “Lord, this is crazy. We are at each others' throats when we should be coming together. It's going to take everything we have to make this line. Help us to say the right words to each other. Help us to put You first. Deep down I know we all wanted this so we can give back. Though our actions and attitudes right now aren't reflecting that, I know if we give all this to Youâall of the craziness, the madness, the anger, the hurt, and the painâYou and only You can make it better. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.”
I didn't know who was with me or who wasn't, but I felt a peace come over us when I heard fifteen other Amens. This was emotional for us all. We'd been physically and emotionally beat up on. Though we were one line, we were made up of sixteen uniquely strong people. Obviously, we all handled the stress differently. However, at that moment we needed to act as one. We had to come to a unanimous decision. What one did would affect us all.
Audria came up to me and said, “That was awesome. If Bea or Sharon don't have any objection, I think you need to be our line president.”
I was stunned. That was the last thing I was expecting anybody to say to me. I just knew that none of us needed to quit. None of us needed to walk away. This was all-important to each of us for various reasons. And regardless of what anybody thought of my prayer, I had to take a stand because I knew the only One who could fix the drama, and it wasn't those crazy Betas who had been giving us hell.
“Alright, alright,” Bea said, nodding. “I agree. Hayden would make an excellent line president.”
Audria said, “Sharon, you cool with it?”
“I just don't know if I want to stay on this line,” Sharon said, holding her gut. The anguish she felt earlier hadn't gone away yet.
I went over and gave her both my hands. “We don't know each other well and I'm sure you've got a lot of ill thoughts about me, but I do care about everyone.”
“Well, I don't like how you've been talking about me with your friends, like I can't hear you guys. I'm right in front of you and Trisha,” Sharon explained.
“Well, you're right. And I personally owe you an apology for that. But Trisha, Bea, and I went through a lot before you guys came. And though we shouldn't hold that against y'all, it just seemed a little unfair. And now for y'all to be talking about throwing in the towel and turning us in for something we participated inâit's just a lot, and it certainly makes tempers flare,” I said in the calmest voice I could muster.
“You're right. I shouldn't have threatened to just spoil what y'all have going on because I want to be done,” Sharon admitted.
“We've got to find a way to be smarter though. What I admire about you, Sharon, is that you won't take crap from anybody. None of us should have to. I want those three letters so bad, but am I willing to die for them? Not at all, and tonight really got me. I've been listening to you all go back and forth, but truth is, I also need to reevaluate what I'm trying to be a part of. I guess I've been telling myself that once I became a Beta, I could change a lot of the foolishness that goes along with pledging. I mean if the national president had any idea of what was going on ...”
“So we should tell somebody. I mean why are we putting up with this?” Sharon said.
“Because I know I have something to give and I know you do too. You have so much heart, Sharon, yet you're also tough. That's something we don't want to lose. We're all completely different, but it takes us all to be a line.”
Audria chimed in, “Can't we figure out a way to outsmart them?”
“Yeah,” Trisha said, “like when they wanted Sharon to put Bea on her back. It was your brilliant idea, Hayden, for us to kneel down and take some of the pressure off.”
“We just got to keep thinking like that, guys. We can do it. We can't let these girls win. They're about to graduate. Let's change the image and the focus of the Betas from what it is now to what it was when the founders gave their all to start it. We can be the difference together,” I said.
I put out my hand. Then fifteen other hands piled on top of mine. Because we put God in the middle, He helped us find a way to work it out.
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There I stood among my peers, each of them looking toward me for answers. I didn't take the leadership position lightly. I was honored that they wanted me to represent them. Though I knew even the greatest leader probably gets a little apprehensive at times during a crisis, there was no time to falter. I had to be strong, be ready, and willing to stand up for the group.
“You guys go home. I'm gonna go and get Penelope and talk to her,” I uttered.
“You can't talk to her by yourself!” Sharon called out. “You know she is foolish.”
“It's not just her that's crazy,” Trisha said. “All the rest of those Betas are cuckoo too. We're not gonna let you go in there by yourself.”
Though I appreciated their support, I felt strong enough going alone. So I picked up my cell phone and without hesitation I dialed Penelope's number.
I was surprised when on the first ring, she said, “Hello.”
I could hear all the other Betas in the background. At that moment I was intimidated. What was I thinking calling her?
“Hayden, this is your number. Are you there? Is anybody there?” Penelope called out.
Snapping back into reality, I uttered, “Yeah, yeah I'm here. I need to see you alone. It's important.”
“We were just talking about you guys. Is everybody okay?” Penelope said, so low it sounded like she was whispering.
“It's pretty severe. Can you please meet me alone? The status of the line depends on it,” I said, looking around at the bleak faces of my line sisters.
“Okay, okay. I'll be right there,” Penelope said, as we set up the details of where we were going to meet.
“Do you trust her?” Bea said to me.
“I do. Let me handle this, guys. Y'all go home.”
I inhaled as I walked to my car. We'd dogged disaster. We had to keep it that way, so I headed to meet the leader of the line.
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Penelope kept her word and came alone to the designated meeting spot, the nearby Waffle House. I was sitting inside with a cup of hot chocolate.
“Can I get you something?” I said to her when she first sat down.
“No, I want to make this as quick as possible. It's late and you don't need to be out here alone. What's going on?”
“The line is in jeopardy,” I said defiantly.
“I really don't understand. Talk to me, Hayden. What's up?”
There was no need beating around the bush. I just wanted to get it all out and see what she was going to say.
“A lot of the girls want to quit. This has been a lot. We've had bloody noses, bruises, all kinds of stuff. We didn't sign up for this, Penelope. Some are mad because they were on the pre-underground line and felt like they proved themselves and shouldn't have to endure the brutality. Others who didn't go through that, feel like they never let you guys think they would stand for such craziness. We're divided and some want to squeal to the chapter advisor.”
Penelope looked at me with seriousness at that moment. She knew if someone blew the whistle she'd be held responsible. She had to fix this.
“Penelope, I know you tried to stand up against some of the other Betas, but they shot you down cold. I just don't know if we can take it anymore.” I sipped on the hot chocolate and waited for her response.
“So who are you supposed to be?” she said smartly.
I really didn't understand where the hostility was coming from because I came to her from the heart. I thought we were cooler than this, but she quickly let me know that in her mind I was still a pledge. How dare I tell her they needed to change or we'd walk away. But that's what I said and I was waiting for a response.
“Okay, so you're not gonna answer me?” she asked.
“I'm line president,” I told her as my neck happened to roll, further making the point that I could speak for everyone.
“Oh my gosh!” she said excitedly, as she got up and gave me the biggest hug. “They chose you to be the leader? Do you know how hard it is to get girls to agree on one person and they chose you already? Oh wow, this is major! They sent you here to talk to me? I'm loving it. I'm so proud of you, Hayden.”
Okay, I didn't know where all of that was coming from. After she'd been distant, now she was being nice to me. It didn't matter, I was here for one reasonâto get her to call off the wolves.
“You just work your girls. Tell them Edythe and I got this. It's not going to be easy, but we'll certainly get the sisters to back down some. I'm so proud of you. This is a blessing. You're the line president! Alright girl, keep working what you got. But I've got to go, we can't be seen together.” Then Penelope got up and jetted.
I guess I had made her aware that she needed to get her girls to back off. I hoped she could change things. If she didn't, me and my line sisters would take action. Whatever that meant. I sure hoped Penelope could fix things.
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The next two nights, we didn't have any underground activity. It was so awesome for us all to be in the library catching up on our studying. My line sisters were praising me for setting the Betas straight.
“I don't know what you said to them,” Bea said to me as we sat together going over a psychology assignment. “But you did it.”
“She is the girl! She is the woman! She is the queen!” Trisha got up from her seat and started bowing.
“Oh see, now you are tripping. Stop,” I said, laughing.
“Well, we better get over there. We've got a gem ceremony tonight.”
“Yeah, I'm so excited,” Bea said.
“Me too!” I told the two of them. “I guess it's another step. Forget the hazing, this is what the national chapter says we should go through to be in this sorority. If we listen to every word they say to us, really take in the experience, I know we'll come out way better.”
“You all caught up in this ceremony stuff,” Bea said to me.
“Because I really want to be a Beta. I really want to understand what it's all about. How can I use this to make a difference if I don't have the proper training? That's like going into the science test and thinking we're going to get an A without studying! Uh uh! It don't work like that, my sisters,” I said to them.
“Alright, alright. I see what you're saying,” Trisha said.
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We all went our separate ways and met up an hour later at the gem ceremony. It was the first of five sacraments we'd attend to get a deeper understanding of the beliefs and values of the organization. The event was in the same lovely theatre where we became initiates. I was overjoyed to move a step closer to my beloved Beta Gamma Pi.
Edythe was at the mic with the advisor. They started singing the Gamma hymn. It's the song for pledges. As we walked in, Edythe said, “Tonight is the first gem ceremony. You'll be going through a life altering experience. This gem, a ruby, represents leadership. We know that deep inside each Beta is a powerful woman ready to take the world by storm.”
Then the advisor took the mic and said, “A leader never steps back from any adversity in front of her. Leaders stand boldly. Always upholding justice. You speak for those who can't speak for themselves and you also speak for those who depend on your strength.”
Penelope came over and directed us all up to the stage. There were different cards with quotes on them that embodied principles of leadership which we read aloud. At the end, Edythe stood with a sword and said, “With this sword, I deem you a leader of strength.”
Then we read a card that said, “And I accept the honor. I will not let Beta Gamma Pi down. I will be a leader with purpose, vision, and passion.”
Then Edythe knighted us with the sword.
The ceremony was so powerful and impactful. I'd made a pledge to lead my generation to greatness.
After, we each held a red candle symbolizing strength and sang the meaningful Gamma hymn. Then there was a prayer and we exited the ceremony. I always thought being a leader was a part of my duty, but being in this room, with this group, at this time, I felt that leadership was truly in my blood, in my soul, and in my heart.
Anyone can go about their life caring only about themselves, doing their own thing, and standing up for nothing. But a person of substance, quality, and stamina is someone who wants to make the world better through change. Feeling that, knowing that, going through that, made this gem ceremony extra special for me. I didn't know what was next to come, but I knew I was a leader. God called me to stand for Him. Believing that and being empowered by that made me feel blessed.