You're Always in the Last Place You Look (6 page)

I wrestled what I saw was the truck key from the lock as Zane climbed the two steps. I’d never really looked at his rear before, but it was impossible not to when it was right in front of my face. He had a nice ass—not honky like mine—sleek and firm like a guy’s butt should be. Of course you couldn’t fit anything else in those jeans of his, so maybe it was illusion. Even so, my fingers twitched, and what do you know, my dick did too. I found myself surprised at how inspired that made me. In the back of my mind I knew I should be terrified at the implications of being gay, but I just couldn’t seem to get past the amazinglyness of it all.
Is that even a word
? I didn’t care. It fit.

“Yours is nicer than Chuck’s,” Zane commented when I flipped on the light.

I laughed. “Everything I have is bigger and better than Chuck’s.”

He turned, smiling crookedly at me. “I don’t doubt that, cowboy.” He pulled me against him, his hands sliding down the small of my back, and, to, my,
oh God
. I couldn’t breathe—but that was okay since Zane appeared to be breathing enough for us both. His eyes looked troubled, while the corners of his lips drooped down. “Damn,” he muttered, then those thin dusky lips were on mine.

Oh
.
Wow
. His chest was solid beneath my hands, and felt nothing like a girls. Even his mouth was firmer, more sure, more demanding, just
more
. Something else was very firm against my gut too. My insides quivered. The fear I knew had been in me somewhere, made itself known. His tongue teased trying to get invited into my mouth. My stomach flopped over as the terror flew forward like an angry banshee, and I shoved him. Zane landed in a confused pile on the couch.

He scratched his cheek, shaking his head. “All this fresh air must be fucking with my instincts.”

“I...sorry...just...um...” I took a wobbly step towards him, then covered my mouth, and bolted over the counter as my stomach heaved. Everything went muzzy as the contents of my stomach splashed onto the fake marble. In the middle of my retching I felt the tears prickle under my eyelids. I never cried. Yet there I was lying across the counter puking my guts out, my bravery depleted, while fat tears rolled down my cheeks. More than anything I wanted Zane to leave me alone right then. But he didn’t. As my gagging ceased he dragged me back by my jeans, wiping my face off with the kitchen towel before sitting me on the couch.

He sat down, and pulled me against his side. “You were supposed to hold
my
hair, remember?” His lips hovered above my ear. “Cowboy, why do you have to be so damn irresistible?”

I shook my head, devastated over my reaction to his kiss. Hiding my face against his shoulder, I felt more lost than ever.

Chapter Seven

Hissing, I cracked my sticky lids, and immediately regretted doing both. My head screeched as it fumbled around trying to find the merciful darkness again. Unfortunately the muffled announcer’s voice meant that probably wasn’t an option. The rodeo had already started, and I hadn’t even fed AJ yet.
Dang
. I missed church too.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, squinting to read the time.
Thank you
,
God
. It wasn’t quite eight-thirty yet. Team roping wasn’t until after the lunch break today. I pulled the comforter over my head, grimacing over the whiskey-flavored slime coating my mouth.

Suddenly everything came back to me in reverse order, as it tends to do after a night of purely idiotic drinking. I remembered throwing up right after I shoved Zane away because—I buried my face in the pillow.
Why did I do that
?  I’d flirted with him all night, then, when he’d acted, I’d freaked and pushed him away.

At least I hadn’t puked
on
him. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know where I had puked since I couldn’t recall making it to the sink. I rolled over, and peeked at the kitchen. I sort of made it. Zane obviously tried to clean, but there hadn’t been any water since I had forgotten to turn the pump on. A chalky layer remained on the brown faux marble counter.

My eyes hitched on Zane asleep on the pull-out. I wanted to believe he stayed because he was worried about me, but I knew the reality was probably much less romantic. More like he didn’t want to return to Chuck’s trailer so late.

He’d removed his shirt, and the blanket was tangled among his legs leaving his back exposed all the way down to the waistband of his jeans. I shuffled around, and hugged my pillow, resting my chin there so I could see him better. His hair obscured most of his face, leaving only his thin nose, lips, and chin exposed. I’d never noticed how pink his lips were— probably because his piercing was forever distracting me.

Zane was fine boned without being skinny. His hips and shoulder were the same breadth while his waist was only slightly narrower. The way he laid, with his arms haloed over his head, his ribs were faintly noticeable. But there wasn’t anything bony about him. He was lithe like our barn cats, and I already knew he could move with just as much power and grace.

“You’re staring.” Zane stretched, turning his face into the pillow, and I watched unabashed as his muscles pulled tight against his frame before relaxing again. He tugged the blanket up almost to his chin as he rolled onto his back.

“You’re really going to be shy after you tried to grope me last night?”

He nodded slowly. Glancing up, he fingered the curtains above his head, his black and green nails a stark contrast to the drab camel brown. His toes were painted in the same colors, but the stripe of green ran horizontally, rather than vertically.

“Why?” I asked, watching his face as he thought about it.

He met my eyes. “If you recall, things didn’t exactly go well. But...I don’t know that I was wrong. I think, maybe, you’re just not ready for me yet.”

I scraped my scruff across the pillow, hiding my smile. “Yet?” I peered over the edge. “Does that mean you like me?”

Zane sucked on his lip ring, trying not to smile, but it was too late. His eyes softened and warmed. I bit my pillow as my heart pattered against my ribcage. He finally let his lower lip go.

“Yeah, I like you.” The smile broke free transforming his whole face. I’d seen him laugh on several occasions, however his eyes usually chose to remain distant, and often time’s cold. As he looked at me, the ice had completely melted into a sea of mesmerizing cerulean blue.

“Why me?”
Did I really just ask that
? I felt my face warm. But I didn’t hide. Instead I waited tensely for his response.

He fingered the curtains again. “I don’t know.” His eyebrows pulled together as a small frown tugged on his lips. “I haven’t figured that out yet.” He batted the curtains, hitting the blind in the process. It flew up, snapping loudly as the end hit the roll. Zane spooked like a colt, and fell off the bed, landing flat on his back. I started laughing at his wide-eyed expression.

He pinned me with a glare. “It’s not funny. It kinda fuckin’ hurt.” Sitting up, he rubbed his elbow while rotating his shoulder. Then he started to chuckle. “Ow. Damn your floor’s hard.”

I was still laughing at him, although my eyes had been drawn to the wings—which looked remarkably like an angel’s—sprawled across his chest. It was a huge tattoo, the tips curling almost to the top of his shoulders. It had to have hurt like a sonofabitch when he got it. And here he was whining over falling two feet off the pull-out. I sat up, careful not to hit my head on the roof as I swung my legs over the side of the bunk.

I grinned down at him. “Do I need to come kiss your boo-boos better?”

He smirked, then pouted playfully. “Maybe...”

I slid off the bunk, wincing as my feet hit the floor. The headache wasn’t horrid. It was just sitting there nagging like a chiding parent. The fact my stomach was miraculously steady made the headache about bearable.

Zane stared at me apprehensively. “I wasn’t serious.”

I made a show of running my gaze over him sitting on the floor. “I was. But whatever...” Shrugging, I stepped around him, and headed to the bathroom, flicking on the water pump as I went. Once the door clicked shut, I leaned back against it unbuttoning my jeans. Mentally I might not be ready for all things gay, yet every inch of my physical self said differently. It was as if I had opened a door and found all my missing pieces.

After washing my face, brushing my teeth, and several minutes thinking about everything
but
Zane half-naked in my trailer, I managed to pee before exiting the bathroom. I grabbed a t-shirt from the wardrobe, and slipped it over my head. I hollowed my cheeks, pulling my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing when I saw Zane.

“How long have you had those?” I asked of the shiny black cowboy boots he was tugging on. Somehow I had missed them last night, but then I hadn’t been looking at his footwear.

“Awhile.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Why?”

“Mmm. They’re, ah, awfully
clean
.” My cheeks were getting sore from holding in my laughter. The stitching was pink—
pink
. I couldn’t stand it, I had to help him. I crouched down in front of where he sat on the pull-out. “This...” I yanked his pants leg free of his boot. “Guys don’t do this, only girls, and usually only the sluttier ones.” I worked his jeans over the top of his boots then stood up.

“Are you calling me a slut?” he asked with the most serious of expressions.

I snorted, unable to hold in my amusement any longer. “No!” I shook my head emphatically.

He sat up, slipping his hands behind my thighs. “Then you don’t know me very well.”

I sucked in a breath as he buried his face in my crotch.
Oh God
. Okay, maybe God didn’t belong here right now. I swallowed when his hands ran up the back of my legs. My fingers somehow ended up in his hair as he nuzzled against me.

“You’re, ah...” I blew out a breath, and tried again. “You’re getting awfully intimate with my crotch considering we haven’t even had a proper kiss yet.” I looked down at him as I desperately tried to keep my trembling knees locked.

He lifted his head, rolling his eyes up to meet mine. My chest tightened as I took in his flushed cheeks and hazy eyes. The feeling was similar to the adrenaline spike I felt when AJ broke from the box, only this—this was more intense. He licked his lips slowly, and my hands hit his chest, shoving him onto his back. He grunted when my knee landed on his thigh.

I quickly moved my leg, remembering his cuts. “Sorry...” I hesitated, the small break in momentum allowing my brain to catch up.
Could I really do this
? Zane’s hands clutched my waist, and I was sure he was about to push me off. His fingers tightened, and he propelled me the rest of the way down on top of him. I tensed. Zane’s breath hitched, and his lips parted when my weight settled on him. I caught sight of his tongue stud, and felt a small thrill run through me. Glancing up into his eyes, I didn’t realize I was seeking permission until he nodded. My body relaxed against his with a sigh, as if it had been waiting all this time and had finally found that which it sought. My fingers fumbled until they found the side of his ribcage. I lowered my head, feeling his shallow breath against my lips—the expectation exhilarating.

The door latch rattled, then someone knocked insistently on my door. I decided to ignore it, even though it was a bit of a mood breaker.

“Gabe, I know you’re in there. Wake your ass up and open the door. I need some Banamine and Tums, man.”

“Damn it,” I muttered a hairsbreadth from his lips.

Zane’s hands fell from my waist as he sighed. “I agree. God Boy, you don’t have the best of luck do you?”

“Fuck you,” I said, lifting myself off him. Why in the world did the F-word float so effortlessly out of my mouth when Zane was around? But then this was kinda fucked up.

“That was the general idea,” he muttered as he sat up, running his hands through his hair. I stumbled, grabbed the counter, righted myself, and found my keys on that very counter all in one or two flustered seconds. Opening the door a crack, I tossed them to a surprised Tye.

“Here. Take what you need, then leave the keys under the mat in the back.” I went to pull the door shut, and Tye’s hand grabbed the edge.

He frowned at me. “You’re acting weird, and AJ’s digging a trench in his pen. Are you okay?”

I loosened my death grip on the door handle, and Tye dropped his hand. “I’m fine. I just—I kinda drank too much last night.” I ruffled a hand through my twisted hair, gazing mildly over Tye’s shoulder towards the pens, trying to act normal. “I’ll be out to feed AJ in a few minutes.” I squinted towards the arena. “What event are they on?”

“Still on barrels. Some girl’s horse fell, and it took awhile to get through that.” He tossed my keys back and forth, never taking his hawkish gaze off me.

“Do we know her? Is she okay?” I leaned my hip against the counter, and crossed my arms over my chest—something I rarely ever did.

Tye’s eyes narrowed. “She eventually got up, and walked out. I think it just scared her. I overheard she’s down from Lewiston.” He grinned at me unexpectedly. “Do you have a girl in there?” he asked in a low tone.

I laughed. “No, no girl.” I heard a muffled snort behind me, and coughed to cover it up, raising havoc with my head. I pushed a hand against my forehead in an attempt to stop the thumping. “I’m going to take some aspirin, and then I’ll be out. You better go dose Gator before it turns into full-blown colic.” I looked at him skeptically, my hand lowering from my forehead. “It hasn’t, has it?”

“No, just the gassy shit he always gets.” Raising the keys, he added, “Thanks.” Turning, he hesitated, giving me another sly look. “You’re sure you don’t have a girl in there?”

I fought the smile trying hard to explode across my face. “I think I’d know if I had a girl in my trailer.” Leaning forward, I took hold of the door.

Tye gestured loosely behind him. “I’m going that way, I can feed AJ.” His body swayed, trying to see around me. I moved just enough to block the doorway. “I still think you have someone in there.” Twirling my keys on his finger, he winked back at me as he wandered to the storage compartment where the vet supplies were locked up. “No rush, take your time,” he suggested.

Zane gave up, and spluttered behind me. I pulled the door closed and fell into the bucket chair.

“You did call me a slut.” Zane fell over, holding his side as waves of laughter crashed over him.

“I did not!” I said with as much indignation as I could muster, which was barely any considering I was laughing too. “
You
called
yourself
a slut.”

“No I didn’t!” he shot breathlessly.

I gawped at him.

He couldn’t stop laughing. “Yeah, I did.”

I drew in a staggered breath, then blew it out noisily. Zane sat up, biting his lip and wiping his eyes with his palms.

“I should go. You have to get ready, and Chuck’s probably wondering what happened to me.” He stood, stretching his hands above his head. His eyes still glittered with amusement, and his cheeks were tight from laughing—and for a second I was able to forget who he really was, and what he had been through.

“Chuck’s not looking for you. He doesn’t look for anyone.” I sniffed, and scrubbed my face before standing up.

He glanced at me, his eyes beginning to clear. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He turned away, picking up his leather jacket, and when he turned back his eyes had cooled. He opened the door, and stepped out. “I’ll see you around.”

“Hey, did I do or say something wrong?” I asked, but the laidback Zane of only a moment ago was gone.

He stopped to light a smoke, then tipped his head, glancing up at me. His eyes warmed just enough to let me know my Zane hadn’t completely disappeared. “Good luck today.”

“Yeah...thanks,” I said quietly to his retreating back.
Dammit
. I slammed the door and winced.
How stupid could I be
? I fumbled around in the drawer until I found a bottle of Tylenol. Of course he had a crush on fucking jackass Chuck. Everybody did. Well, except me. But then Chuck hated me, and would sooner turn me into hamburger than talk to me. I slammed the drawer shut, hissing and closing my eyes tight. I needed to quit slamming things.