Zombie Lover (30 page)

"That's right!" Dolph agreed. "So we forgot where it was."

"An amusing yet harmless loss," Bink said ruefully. "But perhaps we can get around it by flying high and looking around. We should know home when we see it, and we can see all of Xanth from high enough."

"Good notion," Dor agreed. "If that fails, we might gel some reverse wood, and use it with another drink of lethe. Then the water would serve as a memory enhancer."

"Or it might reverse the liquid properties of the water, and dry us out," Bink said. "Reverse wood can be treacherous stuff."

Dor nodded. "We had better stick to our search, so as not to complicate our situation more than it is."

Dolph looked around. "I wonder where this river goes? I don't remember any lethe water on the surface."

"It's not the kind of thing a person remembers," Bink pointed out.

"To the Forest of Forgetfulness," a nearby stone said. "Nobody who goes there remembers the experience, so word doesn't get around."

Dor was intrigued. "There could be really interesting things there."

"But we don't want to go there," Bink said. "We have already complicated our situation enough."

So Dolph transformed into the roc bird, and they got on his feet, and he flew up. He spiraled high in the sky, so that they all could look around. All of Xanth was laid out below them. But Dor still had no idea which part of it was his home.

"There's the Gap Chasm," Bink remarked. "I remember the first time I encountered that, just after I met Chameleon. I had to go down and cross on the bottom, where the Gap Dragon roamed. I met Donald the Shade, and kissed his wife and told her where the silver oak was."

"I'm glad you met Chameleon," Dor said. She was after all his mother. "But do you remember where home is?"

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"Then it was the North Village, but 1 don't think that's where we were about to go " He peered farther "There's Castle Roogna Oh, didn't we have adventures there'"

"Yes, of course," Dor agreed, becoming impatient "But right now we need to find home '

"Wherever it is," Bmk agreed He peered again "There's the Isle of View, where Dolph was married "

"Squawk1" Dolph agreed

"He says it was some wedding night," a metal button translated "Neither he nor Electra knew how to summon the stork "

"Well, I suspect they finally figured it out," Dor said "They have a fine set of daughters in Dawn & Eve " For a moment he pictured them as they were at eighteen, on Planet Ptero Would Xanth be ready for them at that age 7

They circled around Xanth, noting the familiar landmarks, but found no sign of home That memory had been cleanly erased

"Maybe we can ask someone," Bmk suggested "There should be some person in Xanth who knows where we live now ' *

' T agree ''

So Dolph flew downward, and found a landing spot near the west coast He settled beside a large envelope—which suddenly sprouted antlers and feet and bounded away

"I guess it was really an antelope," Bmk remarked "There are some odd animals in the backwoods''

Dolph changed back to manform, and they looked around Nearby was a man reading a book, so they approached him "Hello," Dor

said

The man looked up
 
"Who are you9"

"I am King Dor I wonder if—"

"Sure, and I'm a dragon ass," the man said sourly "Go away and let me practice "

"Practice what7" Dolph asked

"My talent, dummy I can bring characters and items out of these scenes in books See7" He reached into the page of the books he held, and brought out a scarlet pimpernel flower "I'm trying to find something useful "

"Good luck." Dor said, and they moved on He appreciated the man's frustration, useless talents abounded in Xanth

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They saw a young woman dancing She seemed to repeat the same motions over and over "Doesn't that get dull7" Dolph inquired

She never paused "It's supposed to repeat, idiot," she replied withenngly "It's a re-done-dance "

They went on They came to a man concentrating on a rock "Hello," Dor said, somewhat wanly "I'm King Dor"

The man looked up
 
"Oh, really9"

"Yes, really, you jerk," the stone he held said

That seemed to be persuasive "And I am your lowly rebellious subject, Phil Istme," the man replied "What do you want from me7"

"Some information, if you please Can you tell me where 1 live9"

Phil stared at him
 
"You don't know9"

"It seems I drank some lethe water, and forgot where home is," Dor said, embarrassed "But surely you know where it is "

"Surely I do," Phil agreed "And I'll tell you, for a return favor "

Dor was wary ot such things, but had to ask
  
"What favor7"

"Well, you see my talent is molding things into other things, like this " Phil moved his hands over the rock, and it became a loaf ot bread He bit a chunk from it and chewed, showing it was real

"Hey, watch who you're chewing on'" the loaf protested

Phil passed his hands over it again, and it became a model house "But my girlfriend isn't impressed So now I need a new girlfriend, and all the others around here are taken Except the ones on the Isle of Women So why don't you go and fetch me one of those, and I'll tell you where your home is ''

Dor's mistrust of this continued "Why don't you fetch her yourself9"

"Because only women and royal men can go to that island I'm not royal But you are, so you could go There must be a woman there who would like my talent

"It's a good talent," Dor agreed "Where is this Isle of Women9'

"Just olfshore But there's a problem It's one of several Isles ot WO, and it's hard to tell them apart "

"Well, we can ask,'
 
 
Dolph said

"And they only interface with Xanth an hour a day So if you get the wrong one you have to leave it and try for another "

"I think we can do that," Bmk said

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PIERS ANTHONY

"Okay. Fetch me that woman, and I'll tell you where to go home."

It seemed a steep price, but at least it was sure. "Agreed/1 Dor said.

They walked to the shore—and suddenly an island appeared. So Dolph changed to roc form, and they flew across to it.

The trees seemed to be covered by vines. "Those look like bo-vines," Bink remarked. "And I see cow pies on the ground."

"Maybe those are bull pies," Dor said. "There's a bull sleeping nearby."

"A bull dozer," Bink agreed.

A flock of ungainly birds spooked as Dolph landed on the beach. They had the heads of cows. In a moment a swarm of flies with the heads of bulls took off after them.

"Cow birds and bull flies," Dolph remarked as he changed back to manform.

Frogs with the heads of bulls snapped up the flies as they passed. Bullfrogs, obviously.

The commotion woke the sleeping bull. It got to its feet, put down its head, and charged. Its horns dug into the ground, pushing up a mound of sand and dirt. It left a cleared path behind it.

Several men came running down that path. But they had the heads of cows. "And here come the cowboys," Dolph added. "With their bulldogs." Indeed, the dogs were bullheaded.

"This is udder nonsense," Dor said, disgusted.

One of the cowboys stepped into a bully pulpit and lifted a bullhorn to his mouth. "MOOOOO!" it cried. "We have a bulletin."

The three kings retreated. This clearly wasn't the Isle of Women. In fact it wasn't even one of the Isles of WO, because these were all bovines.

A bull whose head was a whip appeared. It snapped its head back and forth, and the whip cracked sharply.

Suddenly they were in a stampede. Water plants with the heads of bulls were charging past them, spooked by the bullwhip. "Bulrushes," Dolph said, identifying them. Then he changed to roc form, and they got quickly off the island.

Already another island was in view, so Dolph veered to intercept it. "Wait!" Dor cried. "How can we be sure it's an Isle of WO, instead of an Isle of BO?"

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Dolph veered again, this time toward shore. He spied something and landed. There was a wooden sign beside a dock with a small boat:

BOARD FOR BO

"Well, it's a board," Bink said. "But I would have trouble figuring out what it means."

"What does it mean?" Dor asked the board.

"It's clear enough, knothead," the board said. "The boat takes the traveler to the Isles of BO. Get aboard when you're bored. What part of that don't you understand?"

"The Isle of Bovines," Dor agreed. "Suppose we want to find the Isle of Women?"

"Go to the sign for WO, mush-brain. Isn't it obvious?"

"In retrospect," Dor agreed without rancor. The inanimate tended to lack social graces, but by a similar token was unable to tell a lie: it was too stupid.

They walked along the beach. Soon they came to another sign: COME FOR CO. "That's not the one," Dolph remarked with two-fifths of a smile. "We've already seen the cows."

The next sign said DOWNLOAD FOR DO. Then ENTER FOR EO, FORGE FOR FO, and GO FOR GO.

"Let's skip some signs," Dolph suggested, and became a six-legged horse. They got on, and he galloped past fifteen signs. They stopped at the sixteenth. Sure enough: WORK FOR wo.

They looked over the sea. There was an island. Dolph quickly assumed winged form and carried them across to it.

This one was heavily wooded with everblue, everyellow, and evergreen trees. A thick forest extended from beach to beach, and there were wood thatched houses nestled under the trees. They landed on the beach, which appeared to be composed of sawdust rather than sand. They approached the nearest house, walking along a wooden boardwalk. Dor knocked on the wooden door.

It opened, and a wooden man stood there. His body was formed of polished planks, the limbs fastened by wooden pegs. Wooden eye-

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PIERS ANTHONY

lets peered at them
 
"What7" he inquired somewhat woodenly
 
His jaw had a wooden hinge

"Is this the Isle of Women9" Dor inquired.

"Of course knot," the man said, and closed the door

They exchanged three thirds of a glance "It occurs to me that there might be more than one Isle of WO, as the man said," Bmk remarked "This may be the Isle of Wood "

"You bet it is, fleshface," the door responded

"I never realized that there were so many isles off Xanth," Dor said as they walked back to the beach