Zombie Lover (27 page)

"Even I. despite my age and loss of rnanform "

"Except that you didn't try to sneak. You offered to return to your tree."

"Yes But I did not insist on departing, when you generously let me stay for the occasion '

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"Well, I thought of you as a tree."

"/ am a tree with the spirit of a man "

Ralph, discovering that the spot he spied on was empty, and that he had been had, quickly returned to his stone.

"Actually, I do need to do it," she said.

"/ will depart to—"

"No, we've already been through that. Just don't comment. I'll pretend I'm alone." She found a place and squatted. "Anyway, you see through my eyes. If I don't look, you don't see. right?"

"That is correct However, you did stand before the mirror, when— '

"I was showing off. That's different."

He was silent. She quickly did her business, then returned to recover the hat, and walked back to the stone where Ralph sat as if he had never moved.

She decided not to make an issue. "Thanks," she said dryly as they resumed walking. And to Justin: "You proved your point. I was naive. This guy's a turd."

"So he is. Fortunately your racket and some common sense precautions will protect you "

"I must admit, I am coming to see some use in the Adult Conspiracy. It protects innocents like me from characters like him. At least it's supposed to."

"Few things are entirely good or entirely evil," he agreed diplomatically.

"Maybe it didn't protect me because I renounced it. I guess I couldn't blame it for that."

"You must do what you deem proper Sometimes that incurs a penalty, but it remains your proper course "

"So maybe I'll go easy on abolishing it entirely, until I know what parts of it ought to be saved. Reform rather than abolition."

"That seems sensible "

"You're awful agreeable. How come you never tell me I'm being a foolish child?"

"/ wouldn't think of saying that1"

"Come on, Justin. You have to have been tempted. What holds you back?"

"All my life, as a man and as a tree, I have been a sensible, principled individual That has turned out to be supremely dull You in

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contrast, proceed from one fascinating dilemma to another As an adventure, it is marveious "

"And you wanted adventure," she concluded, seeing it. "My crazy ideas and mistakes make my life interesting. Got it."

"Integrity requires me to make one additional confession "

"Why Justin, you must be blushing, because I feel the heat on my face. What arc you talking about?"

"/ am discovering that despite the extreme difference in our situations, and the likelihood that in due course we will separate and never again associate, I feel a certain appealing pleasure in that association, and I prefer not to jeopardize it "

"Why Justin—are you saying you like me?"

"/ was trying to avoid saying that "

"And your tree bark was getting shrunk into knots," she said, remembering her session with the embarrassing challenge questions.

'Yes "

She laughed aloud, causing Ralph to glance warily at her. So she made sure her next statement was silent. "And I like you too, Justin. Even though you're nothing like any companion I would have chosen for myself."

'Sometimes odd associations occur"

"For sure." Pleased, she let it be.

By morning they were near the west coast of Xanth, because the enchanted path facilitated travel. Breanna had never seen the sea before, and was amazed. "So much water!"

"This is as far as I need to take you," Ralph said. "The Isle of Women is one of the occasional islands off the coast. It interfaces with Xanth one hour a day, so you must watch for it and cross over to it then."

"How do I get to it? I wouldn't care to try to swim out there."

He sneered. "True. The sea monsters would gobble your delicate dark flesh in a moment. You have to take the boat. It is there by the paradox."

"The what?"

"The paradox. I don't know why it's called that. When you sec the isle, go down to that dock you see there and get in the boat. It will take you across."

"That's all there is to it?"

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"That's all there is to getting there. That's not why it won't help you escape the zombie prince."

"And you're not going to tell me why."

"Not unless you care to purchase my favor with a little favor of your own."

"Meaning you want to get your hands on my black panties, and have me not fight."

"Precisely. Are you interested?"

"No."

"Then I am through with you." He turned and walked away.

"I'm glad to be rid of him," she confided to Justin. "But he did get to me on that business about why the isle won't help me. I was almost tempted to let him touch me, and hope that the protection racket stopped him from going too far. But I wasn't sure it would protect me. if I wasn't fighting—you know."

"/ admit there could be doubt, if you were indicating that you liked his attention I believe that was the warning the Gorgon was obliquely rendering I think it was best not to risk it, because if the racket did prevent him from completing his vile design, he probably would renege on giving you the information."

"Yeah, you're right for sure. But it still bugs me."

"It bothers me also But perhaps we shall ascertain the information via some other source "

"Well, let's go down and look at that dock. I want to know what's what before I do anything else foolish."

They walked to the dock. It seemed to be an ordinary wooden pier, with a small boat at its end. A pie tree grew beside it.

"There is something missing," Justin said. "There is no paddle "

"Say. that's right! How am I going to paddle it to the island?"

"Could that be what Ralph wasn't telling9 The location of the paddle?"

"Dunno. He acted as if I would have no trouble making it to the island, but then wouldn't find it helped."

"True Perhaps there is a paddle hidden under the dock ' She bent to peer under it, and saw a sheltered spot with several pillows. "Say! Someone slept here."

'It does look like a comfortable spot to take shelter from wet weather,"Justin agreed.

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"And it's dawn, and I'm tired. So why don'l I eat one of those pies and turn in until the island shows? I'll paddle the boat with my hands if I have to, if it's not too far." Then she reconsidered. "Only I might sleep through, if it's only here for an hour."

"/ can wake you each hour, so you can look to see if it is here "

"You can do that? When do you sleep?"

"/ do not require sleep in the same way you do, in my vegetative state "

"Okay. Maybe make it every half hour, so I don't catch the isle at the end, and maybe it vanishes before I can get across to it."

"Agreed "

She harvested a chocolate pie, ate it, and found a nearby milkweed. She disliked eating anything as white as milk, but some sacrifices had to be made. Then she crawled in under the dock, set her hat aside, arranged the pillows, got herself comfortable, and closed her eyes.

"Breanna "

She came awake, startled. "Oh, is it time to look? It seems like only ten minutes."

"It is ten minutes Ralph is stalking you again "

"He is? How can you tell?"

"/ hear him with your ears I have had decades to attune to normal environmental sounds, and can recognize a human footstep amidst background noise "

"Gee. What should I do?"

'Be ready to resist if he grabs you So that your racket is quite clear that you need protection "

"Got it." Breanna feigned continued sleep, but was as tense as a spring. Now that Justin had alerted her, she did hear the faint scuffling of human feet. So that rat was still trying to nab her for underage sex! Well, this time maybe she would bash his nose right out the back of his skull. She had been a bit regretful for hurting him, before, but this was just too much. She was sorry she had lost her dagger.

He came to the dock. He must have been watching her throughout, so as to know exactly where she slept. He figured that if he grabbed her while she was still asleep, he could nail her before she worked up a sufficient protest. Well, he had a surprise coming.

He reached the dock, and paused. She realized that she probably

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should have scrambled out from under before he arrived, because here there was very little room to fight. But it was too late to do it now. Suddenly he caught hold of her feet and pulled her out. No subtlety at all; he was just grabbing and hauling. As her legs came out, her skirt scraped up around her hips. He shifted his grip to her thighs and hauled again, getting her all the way clear. Then he bent over her and put his hands on her chest. He knew exactly where to grasp, damn him!

Breanna did it without even thinking. She brought up one foot and planted it in his belly, while clamping her hands on his hands so that he couldn't move them away. Never mind where his hands were: they would be gone soon enough. Then she shoved hard with that anchored foot. It was an adaptation of the stomach throw, that she had learned as a child in a Mundanian judo class. It was performed when Tori, the thrower, was on his back, and Uki, the throwee, was standing or leaning over. Just like this; it was a perfect defense for a girl on her back. She knew she was showing an awful lot of bare leg, but he wasn't in any position to gawk.

He went flying up over her head, his pinned hands becoming the fulcrum. He did a forced somersault and landed with a hard whomp on the dock. Only then did she release his hands. It had worked!

But as she scrambled to her feet, something weird happened. Ralph went sliding down the dock and landed with a thunk in the boat at the end. Then the boat took off, without paddles, as if it had a hidden motor. It cruised into the water, heading straight out to sea.

"Hey!" Ralph cried. But there was nothing he could do. The boat was taking him wherever it was going, and it wasn't stopping.

"Well, that answers the question of propulsion." Justin remarked. "It's magic, it requires no paddle "

"But where is it going?"

"Surely to the Isle of Women "

"But the isle's not there yet."

'So I see Yet the craft is obviously going somewhere"

"Looks more like nowhere to me."

"Evidently the boat isn't smart enough to realize that its destination is absent It assumes that anyone who enters it is ready to travel There must be another dock on the isle to receive it, when the isle is there "