Zombie Lover (29 page)

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* We're not looking for splashes," Dor said
  
"We're looking for

winged merfolk "

"Now there's nothing they can do, that we can't do just as well."

Ash said, inhaling
 
"Except fly "

Dor indicated the mermaid balancing beside him
 
"This is Aurora She is new to Xanth, and needs to find her own kind Can you help

us>"

They considered
 
"Well, there's Erica," Cedar said
 
"She hangs

out around Mount Rushmost with the other winged monsters." "That's where 1 saw her," Dolph agreed "She has a portable pool table for her tail," Mahogany said "That sounds ideal," Dor said They turned away from the pool "Are you sure one of you wouldn't like a trial splash7" Ash called

after them

"Almost sure," Dor called back "Thank you for the information " A surly-looking man approached
  
"Hey, want something nice9"

he inquired

"Go away, BB'" Cedar cried
 
"They don't want what you give "

Dor paused
  
"What does he give9"

"He has the talent of bad breath," Cedar said
 
"If he breathes on you, your own breath gets stinky awful " Dor quickly turned away from BB Then Dolph changed, and they boarded, and flew up "Well, no wonder'" Cedar exclaimed
  
"Look how he's holding

her "

"But we can do that too," Mahogany said "Just as bouncily too " "We don't exactly have brass ears," Ash agreed Then the distance became too great, and their following words were lost Dor was relieved And glad that his father and son couldn't see how he had to hold Aurora He couldn't risk letting her fall

But what did brass ears have to do with anything9 Dor couldn't

figure it out

"You look perplexed," Aurora murmured

"I didn't quite hear what they said
 
It sounded like 'brass ears,'

but—"

She laughed, which really bounced her attributes
 
"Not brass ears Brassieres
 
Clothed girls use them, it they need to
 
At least they do on Cone "

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"Oh " Dor felt himself trying to blush

"Conic bosoms are popular in some circles," she continued
 
"But we merfolk haven't telt the need "

"There is no need," Dolph agreed fervently Aurora remained curious about Xanth
 
"I see some boys dancing ' she said
 
"What is the dance and why are they so ragged7'

Dor looked down "They are poor boys, so they are doing the Oliver Twist, the poor boys' dance "

"Oh Is there a version for poor girls9 I might try that" She bobbed in place, banging his arm some more

"Maybe Erica will know " It was all he could think of to say, lame as it seemed Aurora was a most distracting armful

They came to Mount Rushmost This was a mountain with almost vertical sides and a broad plateau on top Dor almost thought he could see huge faces in the rock but concluded it was imagination or illusion

There was a small gathering of winged monsters on the plateau They were all female Three were winged centaur fillies, another was a girl with reptilian wings, and another was—yes1—a winged mermaid The group of them stood beside a living room that retreated as it saw the strange group descending Living rooms were comfortable, but more nervous than inanimate rooms The ladies were holding sun glasses, and those cups of light really brightened the premises

The dragon landed at the edge beside a patch of flowers Dor recognized the larger ones as maxi mums, and the small ones as mini mums They would make those who sniffed them correspondingly large or small So, like most of Xanth's plants, they were best left alone unless a person really understood their nature

Dor changed, and they approached the winged monsters "Hey, what are you men doing here7" the centaur demanded "This meeting is limited to maidenly winged monsters "

"Oh, you're in for it now " the ground said "You ha\e trespassed on a private gathering "

The centaur glanced down, startled It seemed she wasn't used to hearing the inanimate speak

"Our apologies." Dor said "We'll leave as soon as we can That's my talent making the ground speak, ignore it But we have a maidenly winged monster with us who needs help " He indicated Aurora

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The girls looked. "Oh," the centaur said. "Well, in that case we'll let you go with minor penalties/' "Penalties?"

"Now you're really going to get it!" the ground said zestfully. "You're not supposed to be here, considering your maleness and lack of wings. Do you deny it?"

The three men found themselves unable to deny either their male-ness or their lack of wings.

The centaur nodded, having won her point. "I'm Karla Centaur. I was transformed from a regular centaur. This is Serena." She indicated the girl with reptile wings. "She's of mixed parentage. Love spring, you know."

"Love spring?" Aurora asked.

' 'The water makes any male and female fall instantly into ferocious romantic love," Dor explained. "Except if one is a child; then the love is parental."

"Oh. Like the shoreline of Cone, the conic section, where the land folk meet the sea folk for love. That's nice."

Karla indicated another winged centaur. "This is Chea Centaur. She was rescued from a tangle tree by Che Centaur. Her folks were from the gourd realm, so she gave him a gourd-style apology for taking his time, and he turned bright red and flew away. It seemed he misconstrued her intentions." And one more winged centaur. "This is Sharon Centaur, transformed from human to help shore up the new species, but she's still learning the nuances of centaurism." And the winged mermaid. "This is Erica, one of the few of her kind. We are here visiting the virgini tree and discussing ways to avoid it in the future. We think maybe the lips plants will help." "Lips plants?" Dor asked blankly. "Loose lips sink slips," the ground said.

Karla indicated a patch of plants in pretty colors. "I'll show you." She picked a flower. It looked like a bright red pair of lips. She touched it to his face, and the lips kissed him. "This is a two-lips plant. The others are more potent: the three-lips, four-lips, or five-lips. We have to take good care of them, because when a lips plant dies, it becomes a zombie plant which sucks the soul from unwary travelers, called lip-o-suction."

"That sounds almost as bad as the banana cream pie tree, which

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creams anyone who picks its pies," Dolph remarked. "Not all plants are friendly."

"Now for your penalty for intruding here," Karla said. "Each of you men must be kissed by one of us." "That doesn't sound so bad," Dolph said.

"Just wait," Karla said with an obscure smile as several of them applied red balm to their lips. Then Serena the winged girl flew up to kiss Dolph, and Sharon Centaur approached Bink, and Karla herself leaned down to kiss Dor.

Her lips touched his—and his head seemed to explode. As the dust cleared he found himself sitting on the ground, heart-shaped clouds dissipating around him, and ebbing waves of delight spreading across his face. He was unhurt; in fact it had been a remarkably pleasant experience. He looked around, and saw Bink and Dolph sitting similarly, and looking similarly dazed.

"Lip bomb," Karla explained. "Do you think it will free us from maidenly bondage to the virgini tree?"

"Surely it will, in due course," Dor agreed, getting up. Meanwhile Aurora and the other winged mermaid, Erica, were talking as they dipped their tails in a table whose surface appeared to be water. Then Aurora turned to Dor. "Yes, she will help me get established here," she said. "Thank you so much."

"Then I think we can get on home now," Dor said. "We trust that you ladies will treat Aurora with consideration. You will find the story of her origin to be quite interesting."

"Oh, Cone is dull," Aurora protested. "It's just land and sea. It's this odd Land of Xanth that is interesting." "That's what yoooou think," the ground said. "All right," Karla said. "If you are sure you wouldn't like another kiss. We do have more lip bomb."

The three men backed away. "Thank you, once was enough," Dor said politely. He tripped over a couch potato he hadn't seen, and landed flat on the couch. At least its pillows were better than the hard ground.

Dolph transformed to the dragon, and they quickly boarded. He flew off the brink and was immediately high in the air. But his flight seemed somewhat unsteady, and that made Dor nervous. That lip bomb hadn't worn all the way off yet; his mouth felt outsize. "Maybe

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we should pause for a drink of water before flying home," Dor suggested.

Dolph flew down to the nearest little stream and landed with a jar. Yes, he was definitely unsteady. Dor kicked the jar aside and stood up. Dolph resumed manform. Then they went to the stream and drank. The water was deeply refreshing.

A cute little fire-breathing puppy came bounding along the bank. Every time it barked, another little puff of fire and smoke came out. Then a catfish lifted its head from the river and hissed. Dor nodded; he loved seeing natural creatures playing.

Dolph seemed to be steadier. The water had washed out the lingering effect of the bomb, so that he could focus on something other than a passionate kiss. There should be no further danger of crashing

in flight.

Now they were ready to go home and report that the zombie problem would probably abate by the wedding day. But Dolph paused before changing form. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Home," Dor said.

"Uh, yes. But where is home?"

Dor opened his mouth to answer, but then paused himself. ' 'Why, I seem to have forgotten. That bomb must have blown it away." He looked at Bink.

"I don't remember either," Bink said. "It should be a harmless lapse, because—" He broke off, shrugging.

Because he could not be harmed by magic, Dor suddenly realized. That was the explanation for all the weird coincidences. He could be harmed by nonmagical things, or embarrassed by magic, but not harmed by magic. That was why they didn't have to worry much about magical dangers. But something magical must have happened, because all three of them should not have suddenly forgotten where

home was.

"I don't think it was the bomb," Dolph said. "Because 1 remembered where home was, until just now."

A dark suspicion enveloped Dor. Suspicions cruised around like invisible blobs, and when they caught a person, they were awful to get rid of. "This stream—where does it flow from?" For it occurred to him that the riredog and catfish might not have been playing. They might have been trying to warn folk away from the river, too late.

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They traced it back, and discovered that it issued from a forgotten crevice in the mountain. "The River Lethe flows deep underground," Dor said. "This could be a tributary stream. The way that water works, whatever you speak of just before drinking it, you forget. They sometimes use it to cure children who have somehow learned forbidden words. And I spoke of going home."