“Say it in Spanish.”
He says he’s trying to learn Spanish, actually, I think he just likes hearing me speak it. I never hear him utter a word of it, but he always get this goofy grin on his face whenever I do.
Giggling, I roll my eyes. “Te extraño.”
Sighing sharply, I know he’s smiling back. My fingers twitch, wishing he was here right now so I could just grab him and kiss him. It’s dangerous these feelings he brings out in me, makes me feel almost violent sometimes.
“Alex and some chick are going to an open mic later, he wanted to know if you and I wanted to tag along. If not, we could do a movie tonight, or just chill. Whatever.”
Drumming my fingers on the table, I nod. “Let me ask, okay.”
Covering the mouthpiece I don’t even get a chance to ask before Mama waves her hand and Ade nods.
“I’ve got nowhere to be tonight, I’ll be more than happy to watch Javi.” Ade takes a sip of her tea.
Tossing them a grateful smile, I say, “Okay, what time?”
“Well, it’s at six I think, but I can’t wait that long to see you. I’ve got another hour before I’m done, maybe after that I’ll stop by? Take you and Javier to the park for lunch or something?”
Blowing him a kiss, I agree.
***
Javi’s cranky today.
Sitting under a large oak tree, we have our blanket spread on the grass. The lake in the park glints with flecks of silver, almost too bright to look at this time of day.
A hot breeze stirs and I keep having to slap at red fire ants trying to crawl inside our basket of sandwiches and watermelon.
He’d refused to eat, just nibbled on a section of melon, before tossing it to the ground with a hard grunt.
Probably my fault.
The second I’d hung up with Ryan I’d gone and woken him up. Past ten in the morning at that point, but during the summer Javi likes to sleep in and when he doesn’t get to, he makes me pay.
I sigh and Ryan pats my knee.
“It’s okay.” His blue eyes hold mine. I kiss his knuckles and his lashes flutter before he rolls onto his back, crossing his arms behind his head he stares up at the tree. “It’s nice just to relax.”
“You sore?” I rub his arm.
“Mmhmm.” He nods. “Noah thought it would be fun to right kick my left thigh all morning.”
“Oh, poor baby,” I stroke his jean covered thigh, “Want Mama to kiss it better?”
“One of these days, I’m going to take you up on that offer.” He winks and my heart slides into my toes.
Javi stands, the comic rolled into his back jean shorts are wrinkled and torn at the edges. It’s time to replace the old ones. Brows tight with a glower he walks a few steps away, stopping midway between our blanket and the lake.
I sigh. “He’s mad.”
Rolling to a sitting position, Ryan slips my hair over my shoulder and scooting in behind me, begins to massage.
His fingers are firm but gentle, and I moan as my head tips forward.
“Baby, relax. You can’t always make him happy.”
“Yes, but I should.”
Digging his thumb into the base of my neck, I feel him shake his head. “Why?”
“Because I’m his mom, it’s my… ohh,” I can’t stop the delicious groan that slips out when he finds the tender spot, “job.”
“Yeah, but that’s ridiculous. No one can make everyone happy all the time. That’s not life, Lili.”
Tucking my knees beneath my butt, I twist around, gripping his hand. “You make me happy.”
Framing my face, he kisses the tip of my nose. “I’m glad, but it might not always be the case. I’m just saying, don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself.” He nods, waiting for me to nod back.
Blowing out a breath, I do. “You’re really annoying when you’re right, you know that?”
“That’s what Alex tells me.” He cocks his head and I pat the thick strand of dark hair that’d slid into his eye back into place. “But that’s not all that’s bothering you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lily, don’t lie to me. You’ve been quiet today, chewing on your thumb nail. I know that means you’re worried about something. What’s going on?”
For so long these burdens had been my own. I’m learning to share them, but it isn’t easy.
“My mom is dying, Ryan. You saw her last week. Today. It’s happening so fast. Yesterday she looked at me and it was like for a second she couldn’t even remember who I was.”
I swipe at the tears trying to leak out the corners of my eyes.
His thumb grabs the ones I hadn’t, his look so understanding. “I’m sorry.”
Hand waving, I take a stutter breath. “It’s… yeah, just…”
Turning my hand over in his, he kisses each fingertip before finally saying, “It’s awful, but it’s a sad part of life. She doesn’t want you to think about it, she loves you.”
“Yeah, but I feel guilty. I’m here with you, and I love it, but…”
“Stop.” Shaking his head with a serious look, he clenches his jaw, “Don’t you dare do that to yourself. You’re not going anywhere and neither am I, we’ll deal with this. But don’t you think I’m going to just let you walk away. Besides,” he grins, “she loves me too. So there’s no cutting me out of your life now, baby, you’re stuck with me.”
Ryan could always cut through my crap, could always help me see the positive in the ugly. Truth is, it’s getting hard to remember my life before him and I’m terrified of ever going back to it. I need Ryan the same way I need to breathe. He’s my air and the reason why I got out of bed wearing a smile in the middle of the hell my life is becoming.
“I hate you.”
“We both know that’s not true, but whatever makes you smile, Angel.” Smirking, he kisses my lips and I lean into him. The contract is brief, but it tightens things and makes me shiver with longing.
He’s so right, I don’t think I could ever hate him.
His gaze flicks over my shoulder with a small frown. “I’ll go talk to him, okay.”
Words I hadn’t yet spoken lay thick and so heavy on the tip of my tongue. But before I have a chance to say them, he stands and walks away.
***
Ryan
I kneel beside Javier clamping down on my tongue as my quad stretches, a fiery rush of pain shoots through it. I hadn’t lied when I’d told Lili it hurt. It’s gonna hurt for days. But maybe I’ll get lucky and figure out some way to get her to kiss it better, I smile.
Plucking a stem of grass from in front of me, I twirl it through my fingers. “What are you doing, Javi?”
The boy blinks.
In the past few months I’d learned that he was actually hearing me, he may not talk, but he understands what’s being asked of him.
“You’re breaking your Mom’s heart running off. Don’t you like the picnic?”
His lips purse.
Putting on my thinking cap, I try to remember the things that used to bother me at his age.
“Are you sad because school starts soon?”
No response.
“Hmm.” I rub my bristled jaw. “Not that. Okay. Did you lose a comic?”
He turns his face aside.
“No? Am I getting close?”
His feet begin to fidget.
“Did it happen at home?”
Puffing out his cheeks, he picks at a loose string on the hem of his Superman shirt.
I’m close.
There was only one thing that ever pissed me off at his age and that was waking up before I was ready.
“Did your mom wake you up too early?”
His breathing flutters.
I smile. “Yup. That’s mean all right. How dare she?”
Javi’s brows drop.
“But you know…” I lean in a little, making sure not to touch him, I’d already experienced one of his rages and they’re definitely not pretty, or something I want to put Lili through in a park full of parents and kids playing around. “If she hadn’t done that, then you wouldn’t have gotten to come hang out with me, or…” reaching into my pocket I pull out a five, “gotten a chance to get an ice cream cone.”
A hint of a smile plays around his rosebud lips.
I slap my knees. “You know what, Javi, you’re an all right little dude, you know that. And I’m gonna share a secret with you.”
It wasn’t my imagination that he leaned in ever so slightly.
“I don’t care that you don’t talk. I think I like you anyway. Sometimes I think we speak louder without words.”
What surprised me most was that I’d meant every word I’d said.
Lili’s eyes are huge as we walk back. I can see their shimmer and know she’s fighting the tears. Pretending not to notice, I jerk my jaw toward the ice cream shop across the street.
“Javi, tell your mom why you were angry.”
He hangs his head and I grin.
“No? Fine, I will…” Lily laughs and my heart soars, “because you didn’t get him an ice cream cone, that’s why.”
“Oh, how dare I?” She pats her chest and hops up.
Quickly, we gather up the blanket and basket, stuffing them away. Holding my hand across the street, her lush body leans into mine as her warm breath fans the shell of my ear.
“You are so damn sexy right now.”
I want this woman, want her under me, want to hear her crying my name softly in my ear, I want her in my life forever and someway, somehow… I’m going to figure out how to do that.
***
Later that night, we’re sitting in the farthest booth to the back of the cramped coffee shop. A mic and amp are the only instruments set up. Anyone who wants to play has to bring their own guitars.
I’d tried to get Liliana to bring hers, but she’d laughed and kissed my cheek and firmly told me no.
Alex drums his fingers on the table. The blonde beside him is the typical cheerleader type, tanned, toned, and perky as hell.
It’s definitely annoying.
“This music blows,” Alex drolls, glancing at me.
“Then go play something.” I gesture toward the stage.
Alex isn’t bad. He’s been playing since middle school. He isn’t great either.
So far everything has either been bluegrass or really shitty ‘I’m can’t play to save my life, but I’m here with a girl and she’ll think I’m cool if I try’ music. Lili settles back against my chest, I drop my arm across her shoulder, casually resting my fingers right against the beginning swell of her left breast.
I can’t stop thinking about the day she’d let me grab them, mold them against my palms. I want this woman, so bad I’m sweating and my palms tingle. We’ve only been dating a few months, but the waiting’s killing me and I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend that it’s not bothering me.
She laughs. “It is pretty awful.”
I whisper into her hair. “You should play. You’re amazing, ten times better than anyone here.”
Rolling her eyes, she toys with my fingers.
“You play?” Alex’s blond asks.
I can’t remember her name. Stacy.
Shannon
. Stacia? Who knows.
“A little.” Lili shakes her head.
“I call bullshit,” I nip her ear. “She plays amazing.”
“Please.”
“Hey,” Stacyshannonstacia pipes up, straightening her spine and shoving her tits right under Alex’s nose, drawing his eye like one of Pavlov’s dogs. “I have an idea. Why don’t you two play together.”
Alex snorts. “Nah. I think I’m just gonna chill.”