Her heart felt as if it was about to
burst out of her chest. “Get together?”
He laughed easily. “It’s what people do
when they want to get to know one another.”
Her own laugh was nervous and hesitant.
“Yes, well, of course I know that, and yes, that’s good, yes.”
Dr Bruck’s pager bleeped, and he began to
walk away briskly. “I must go to the ER; we’ll make a plan soon.”
Great timing beeper, she thought with
disgust as she watched Dr Bruck turn the corner. But she felt a burst of pleasure,
as if a flock of birds were let out in the center of her chest taking flight
all at once. She leaned against the nearest wall and gathered her wits. Of
course I’m wonderful, so why wouldn’t he want to see me again? Get a grip
Penny, she told herself. You have patients to see and you can’t afford another
panic attack.
“Hope the wall is doing a good job
holding you up,” Reins stated smoothly as she passed Penny in the hallway.
Standing almost to attention, she
answered quickly, “No, no, I don’t need the wall. I’m fine, just a little
headache is all.” She strode purposely down the hall and started her rounds.
Around the corner, she practically began
to skip toward the front desk. It’s a new life and a new day, she told herself,
giddy with happiness. If her insides could smile, her whole being would be
wearing a grin from ear to ear.
At 1:30 sharp, she bustled toward to the cafeteria to
meet her brand new friend Alyssa. She raked through the topics she might bring
up. She wanted to appear as interesting as possible. I was a school nurse for
twenty-some odd years and I lived the most boring life possible, she thought
with a chuckle. Yeah, that will really spark her interest.
Alyssa was sitting by herself at the far
end of the cafeteria. Her head and shoulders were slumped and she was tearing
off small pieces of Styrofoam from the top of her cup of coffee. This doesn’t
look good, Penny surmised. She rattled her own coffee from the dispenser and
settled in the chair opposite.
Alyssa looked up and then slumped down
again. She took a sip from her semi-demolished cup.
Penny began to feel uncomfortable. She
realized this was not going to be a fun, let’s get to know one another coffee
klatch, as she had thought. She did the only thing she could think of: she
touched Alyssa’s hand gently and asked, “What’s going on? Maybe you need to
talk about it.”
Tears formed in her eyes. “I did a really
stupid thing and I should have known better.”
“What did you do?”
“I don’t know if I can trust you.”
“You can trust me, and besides, I don’t
know anyone around here anyway.”
Alyssa smiled a bit at that disclosure,
then looked away. “I’m ashamed to admit it.”
She hated to admit to herself that her
curiosity was getting the better of her. “Come on,” she cajoled, “sometimes it
just feels better to let it out in the air.”
“I’ve been sleeping with Bradley Munson
and he’s dumped me like a bag of garbage.”
“You mean that little x-ray technician
guy who wears the big black glasses?” she asked in astonishment.
“Don’t let his appearance fool you,” she
said passionately, leaning forward. “He’s an unbelievable lover. So many women
don’t know that about him.” She waved her hands in the air. “I can’t even tell
you.”
Penny thought about his pale face, high
voice, and skinny body. She was pretty surprised with Alyssa’s disclosure, but
kept her opinion to herself.
“Now mind you, I didn’t say I’m having a
relationship with that whore of a man, because Bradley does not do relationships.
His quest in life is to play video games, hang out with his buddies and surf
the Internet. I can’t believe I fell for him but I really thought that he felt
differently about me and we had something special.” She smacked her forehead. “I
can’t believe how stupid I am. You think I would have learned. I mean, someone
like Bruck, a woman knows to stay away from.”
“Bruck? What about Bruck?”
Alyssa’s eyes widened and she put a hand
to her mouth, “He got to you already? Don’t get involved with him Penny, you’ll
be so sorry.”
“What? What did you say?”
She looked around then whispered
conspiratorially, “He’s the biggest womanizer I’ve ever met: goes after every
lady in this hospital. He doesn’t care a hoot about anyone but himself. I kid
you not.” She held up her hand as if asking for peace. “And that is the
absolute scoop on him. If I hadn’t been warned, I would have went off with him
in a second. Damn, but he’s a good looking son of a bitch. You can’t take that
away from him, but he’s broken so many hearts.”
“I… thought he was one of the good guys.”
She nodded. “Who would have thought? He
acts so nice, but he’s as down to earth as a space rocket. Look, I can already
tell you’re really into him, but I did you a favor giving you the heads-up on
that man.” Lowering her voice Alyssa continued the scoop on Dr Bruck, “From
what I hear, a nurse on the maternity ward had a nervous breakdown when he
broke up with her.” Looking around to make sure no-one was listening, she
added, “She didn’t come to work for over a month and that I can vouch for.”
“Maybe none of the talk is true,” Penny
practically pleaded. “He could be a great guy and there may be more to him than
that.” She thought of her own mantra that she repeated to herself over and
over:
I am worth so much more than that
. Maybe, she decided, Dr Bruck
was too. Perhaps gossip, hearsay, had created assumptions about the man. She
knew she had to find that out all on her own.
Putting a hand on top of Penny’s, her new
friend quickly interrupted, “Maybe so, but Frannie Felder tells me she had
slept with Bruck like three times and just like that, for no reason, he never
called again, doesn’t give her the time of day. Now come on Penny, that’s
rude.”
“That is pretty rude.”
Sighing loudly she added, “She did say he
is unbelievable in the sack. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he still
tries to hit on any woman he can get his hands on. He’s bad news Penny, plain
and simple.” Her face turned sad. “But I thought Bradley was different. I
really thought we had something and he’s dumped me like an old sack of potatoes.”
Penny conjured up a picture of Bradley
Munson and again all she could see was his puny little face and skinny white
body. She knew she should never judge a book by its cover, but she had never
thought someone like Alyssa could fall for someone like Bradley.
Disappointment wrapped around her like a
dark, damp, blanket and it made her chest feel heavy. She thought: How can I be
this upset over a bit of gossip concerning a man I barely know? Well okay, Dr
Bruck had been her beacon of light when she began the painful process of
progression in her life. She had appointed him to be the fantasy man, her ideal
male, her anchor in turbulent waters.
Looking down at her hands, she confessed,
“Alyssa, I am really attracted to him. Ironically, just a few moments ago, he
asked me to get together with him and I floated to the cafeteria on a cloud.”
She laughed out loud. “Now I feel like a deflated balloon. I can’t believe I’m
telling you this… you must think I’m the biggest idiot…”
It was Alyssa’s turn to laugh. “He’s
beautiful and charming, so who could blame you? But you will thank me for
filling you in. If you think you feel let down now, just think how you’d have
felt if you spent the night with him and then he never called. I just saved you
a lot of pain my friend. Besides, I’m the idiot. Who’s the asshole that slept
with Bradley? Listen, keep this a secret. If this gets around the hospital I’ll
be the laughing stock.”
“I promise I won’t tell a soul. You made
a mistake, some men can just get to you. Dr Bruck would have had me before
cocktails given the chance.” Penny added softly, “When it comes to guys I don’t
have the best judgment and I certainly haven’t been around the block… in fact
I’ve barely been off the curb.” She laughed, shocked that she would disclose
this to a near stranger; but for some reason it felt good to share this with
another woman. Especially a woman who appeared genuinely interested. “As sad as
this is to admit, I would not have thought twice about being with Dr Bruck in
any capacity he would have had me.”
“He doesn’t have the sense to stay true
to someone as nice as you. He’s always looking for another conquest. Who would
want to put up with that?”
Penny grinned. “Damn, back to the drawing
board! I guess I’ll find someone else to have a crush on, but that could take a
while.”
Smacking the table Alyssa laughed
gleefully. “You’re funny, a real hoot you know. I feel better already. So what
if Bradley dumped me? Who cares? He was a tiger in bed, I’ll give him that, but
I should just take it for what it was. We had a fun fling and I was the one who
tried to make it into something more. Both of us should move on. I’ll get over
it, I’m a free spirit by nature.” She lowered her voice. “I still can’t believe
I shared all this with you, but I have a feeling you can be trusted.” She added
another Styrofoam shard to the growing pile around the decimated cup. “You and
me? We’re going to be good friends.”
Penny felt the same, and a spark of
happiness zipped through her tummy. “I feel comfortable with you too,” she declared
warmly. Her disappointment over Dr Bruck eased ever so slightly.
Alyssa mussed the Styrofoam pieces around
with her fingertips. “Let me give you some advice, my new bud, if you want to
have a great time and feel fabulous, be my guest and do Bruck. You’re really
pretty, so of course he’s all over you already. Just know that he’s a louse,
and you won’t be able to keep him.” She slapped her hands together. “Use him up
and then toss him away.” Looking up at the wall clock Alyssa gasped. “We’re
late, Reins is going to have a shit-fit. We better go.”
Scrambling to her feet with a warm blush
upon her face from Alyssa’s compliment, Penny quipped, “We certainly don’t want
that now do we?”
Alyssa laughed again as if Penny were the
funniest person in the world. “You are such a blast. Let’s meet up tomorrow—same
time, same place.”
As Alyssa ran down the corridor, she
still felt a pang of sadness. Dr Bruck could no longer be her dream man. She’d
have to find somebody else to fantasize about late at night when she was
feeling lonely. She had the whole
Pretty Woman
thing going on, with Dr
Bruck scared of heights but still clambering bravely up the fire escape. But
this time, she thought with firm resolve, the man I think about won’t be a
dream. My man will be real and he will love me and I will matter to him. No
more imaginary lovers, because I deserve better. I want a relationship, not an
illusion to hold onto, because I am worth so much more than that.
Wiping a small stain of coffee off her
uniform, she once again noticed how loosely it fit her now. She remembered how
the angles in her face had changed when she looked in the mirror. She touched
her hair; it was longer too. She had really nice hair when she tended to it. So
that can only mean… it’s time to go shopping… time to nurture the outside to
help out the inside just a bit.
Her next patient was seventy five year old Mrs Steller.
Penny found her in a wheelchair in front of the window, peeling an orange.
Yesterday afternoon she was told she was ready to go home. Luckily, Mrs Steller
had been given a good prognosis for the future. A small tumor had been removed
from her breast, and the good news was it had not spread to any lymph nodes.
She only needed to go through a brief series of chemotherapy sessions to follow
up on the surgery. Penny looked down at her and smiled.
Mrs Steller held up a slice of orange.
“Want a piece?”
“No thank-you,” she replied, placing a
blanket around her shoulders.
“I insist!”
“I’m really not all that big on oranges,”
she protested.
Not to be daunted, the old dear continued
to hold up the slice of fruit.
Penny finally took the segment out of her
hand, “I wouldn’t want to offend you.”
Mrs Steller smiled. “Nothing you could do
or say would offend me. I’m too happy.”
Penny laughed. “You must be thrilled to
be going home after all you’ve been through.”
“I want to sit on my couch with my
husband and our cat Sophie, watch a Lifetime women’s movie and eat popcorn.
That’s all, that’s it, boring as it sounds,”
“It doesn’t sound boring at all. What
could be better than watching a movie with a man who loves you, eating a big
bowl of popcorn? That’s as delicious as it gets as far as I’m concerned.”
She looked up at Penny in surprise. “Who
said anything about love? I can’t stand the very sight of Harry. I’m sick to
death of seeing his face every single day. It’s just too damn expensive to get
a divorce.”
Penny was astonished. All she could
manage was a weak, “Oh.”
“I do love the popcorn though,” she said
with a twinkle in her eye. “And Harry always accepts my orange slices.”
Penny looked down at Mrs Steller with
narrowed eyes. “Are you pulling my leg?”