"I'm busy."
"Clearly," I said dryly. "Hernandez is a bigger pig than Jerk-Off Jeoffery. He gets handsy. Don't you remember how handsy he was when I accompanied you last time?"
"Threaten to taser his bal s. You'l be okay for a couple of hours. Take someone with you."
"Okay. Right. Except, I don't have a taser."
"I don't have time for your whining, Emmy!" Kyle roared, final y looking up at me. "I need you to just do what I need you to do and stop crying
about it."
I stood there in a stunned silence for a moment. Kyle has yel ed at me before, but after al of the personal shit we recently shared, it felt very
personal this time. He's never cal ed me a whiner or a cry baby or any names at al . Then again, in the past I would have never approached him like
this.
I turned on my heel to leave the room.
"Wait," Kyle said. "I'm sorry. It's just that -"
"Go fuck yourself," I said in a low tone so no one close to his office could hear and then left the room.
Late that night, five minutes after Luke left, Kyle appeared at my front door. I didn't let him in.
"What did you do? Circle the block until Luke left?" I asked, leaning against the door frame with my arms crossed in front of me.
"Actual y, yes I did."
"What do you want?"
"Did you get my texts?"
"Yes."
"You didn't answer."
"I was busy. First I was busy trying to keep that creep Hernandez's hands off of me, and then I was busy with Luke."
He flinched slightly.
"I'm sorry I yel ed at you like that. There's no excuse for it. Do you forgive me?"
"Sure."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't like to hold a grudge."
"Okay." He shifted from one foot to another. "Can I come in and show you how sorry I am?"
"No. We agreed to put 'us' on hold, remember?"
"No,
you
agreed. I adamantly disagreed."
"It wil be easier for both of us if you go along with it. You're not ready to end it with Jess and quite frankly, I'm not sure I real y want to let Luke
go."
Another flinch.
"Did you say that just to hurt me or do you mean that?" He asked.
"Maybe a little of both," I admitted.
"Harsh."
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?"
"A little."
We stood there staring at each other. I real y did feel sorry for being mean, but I had to keep on my game face.
"I guess I'l go."
"Okay."
He turned and started down the drive, but turned back.
"Did you get Hernandez to sign?"
"Of course I did."
"Good girl."
He continued on to his car.
"I love you," he cal ed over his shoulder.
"Love you, too."
Stupid, Emmy!
"Shit," I said and slammed the door.
"My parents are having a cocktail party Saturday night and my mother invited you," Kyle said.
We were waiting for the elevator after another late night of work.
"Me? Why did she invite me?"
"You must have impressed her at the gala."
"We barely spoke ten sentences between us at the gala," I said, stepping onto the elevator.
"She told me to make sure you and Luke were invited," he shrugged. "I wil be happy to see you there."
"As your friend."
"Yeah. Whatever."
I was trying to reinforce our friends only relationship. I was selfish, because I didn't want to give Kyle up completely, but I didn't want to be a
sneaky hoe bag either. We "agreed" on a platonic relationship at the end of that long week after the gala. Since then, we have only hung out a
couple of times, and I sorta missed him.
"What's the party for?" I asked.
"For nothing. A good time. A chance for the Mainline to show off in expensive clothes. Wil you come?"
"Interesting statements from a man who spends thousands of dol ars on a single suit. Do you want me to go?"
He gave a smal smile. "Of course I want you there. Even if you wil be with Luke, and I'l be with Jess."
I didn't say anything. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to try and maintain a platonic friendship after al .
"What should I tel my mother?"
Gah.
"Tel your mother I wil be there."
We stepped off of the elevator and walked through the lobby.
"Are you meeting Luke?"
"Nope. He's in Dal as."
"Want a ride to your car?"
I looked through the front revolving doors. It was pouring rain. Even with my umbrel a, I would surely be soaked by the time I got to my car at the
speed line.
"Yeah, I'l take the ride," I said.
We walked through the building to the attached parking garage reserved just for Sterling employees.
"Why don't you drive to work?" Kyle asked as we neared his car.
"Traffic is a bitch, and I like walking through the city, and if I want to do anything after work, I don't have to worry about finding parking. I just go."
The rain was fal ing in sheets and giving everyone a reason to drive like idiots - more than usual. Kyle didn't complain when he was cut off by
cabs or when traffic gridlocked. He kept one hand on the wheel and one on my seat, not so much a position of comfort as it was an indication of
possession.
"Do you have plans for dinner?" He asked me.
"I have meatbal s in a crockpot at home."
"I could go for some meatbal s."
Probably, it would have served me wel to say no.
"I just have to stop at the bakery on my way home," I said.
Traffic eventual y eased and we made our way out of the city. Every now and then Kyle's fingers would lightly touch my hair or brush gently
across my neck. I didn't stop him or even acknowledge it.
"I'l meet you at your house," Kyle said when I was getting ready to depart.
"There's a spare key under that big rock in the front garden, if you don't want to wait outside for me."
"Cool. Now I can sneak into your house anytime I want to."
"Can you turn the crockpot off, stalker?" I asked, rol ing my eyes.
"Sure. Be careful." He leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth.
"Okay," I said, flustered.
The bakery was half way between my house and the speed line. I parked at the curb while I ran in for bread to go with dinner, and a cake for
dessert.
When I got home, Kyle was draining pasta in the sink, with his sleeves rol ed up to the elbow and the top of his shirt unbuttoned. His tie was on
the table and his jacket was draped over a kitchen chair.
"Thank you, Betty Crocker," I said, pul ing my shoes off.
"Julia Childs," he grinned.
"I'l be back, Julia. I have to change."
I went upstairs and after some thought, I changed into unattractive sweat pants and an ugly purple tee shirt. Maybe if I looked a hot mess, Kyle
would be less likely to want to throw me on the floor and make sweet love to me. The thought of it instantly made me horny.
I sighed and returned to the kitchen where Kyle had set the table and poured two glasses of red wine.
"Nice work," I said, impressed.
"Thanks."
We ate dinner with quiet conversation. It was pleasant and platonic, and I started to feel that maybe we could pul off this friendship thing after
al . After dinner, we put the dishes in the sink and started on the cake, while standing at the counter.
"I want to talk to you about something," Kyle said after we finished the cake and had washed it down with the rest of the wine.
"If it's about the cake, I'm sorry. We can't always have my mother's cake, and I'm not a good baker. My cookies burn and my cakes are crunchy."
His mouth curved up slightly, amusement danced in his eyes.
"I'l let it slide this time," he said.
"What a friend." I gave his arm a hearty, friendly whack.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh?" I took a step backward, which was a big mistake because I literal y backed myself into a corner. Kyle wasted no time closing the distance between us, trapping me.
"I don't want to be just your friend," he said.
"We had an agreement," I said feebly.
"No,
you
agreed. I didn't agree to something I knew I wouldn't be able to do."
"You have to accept my friendship or nothing at al ," I argued.
"I don't have to accept either one of those options. You want to explore the possibilities as much as I do. You don't like this box you've put us in
any more than I do."
"That's not true."
"Oh? It isn't?" He ran a finger over my neck, just under my ear, like he did in the car earlier. A grin appeared on his face. "See? Your eyes just
glazed over. You love when I touch you."
I pushed his hand away, aggravated by his bal sy behavior, but he grabbed my hand and pinned it to my side. He pinned my other hand, too
before leaning in to kiss me. I pul ed my head back, turned so that he got my cheek instead. He let go of my hands and grabbed my head with both
of his hands.
I was pressed into the counter, with nowhere to go, and he had a firm hold on my head. I could have hit him, or pinched him, but why bother? I
probably would stil cave.
Kyle's lips were warm, his tongue warmer. When it was apparent I wasn't going to fight him anymore, he used his hands to pul me into him and
then held me extremely tight. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed back.
Minutes passed, judging by the numbness spreading through my lips, when suddenly Kyle pul ed away. Entirely. He backed away from me,
leaving me confused and wanting.
"I want you to think about that for a few days before you decide you only want to be my friend," he said and left me alone in the kitchen.
Moments later I heard the front door close.
I was stil reeling when my phone buzzed on the kitchen table. On weak knees I crossed the kitchen and plucked the phone off of the table.
"Hey, babe," Luke said.
"Hey," I said, breathlessly.
"You sound like you ran to the phone."
"I practical y did," I lied and then mental y chastised myself for lying.
Wel , I couldn't tel him Kyle left me breathless, could I?
"How are you?" Luke asked.
A little fucked up.
"Fine. Tired. How are you?"
"The same," he sighed.
He proceeded to talk about the suckish points of his day. I didn't mind. Luke doesn't complain much, so if something bothers him I want to hear
about it.
"So, what's going on in your world?" He asked when he finished talking.
"The Sterlings invited us to a cocktail party they're having on Saturday."
"While that sounds painful y merry, I have a bachelor's party to attend Saturday night in Chicago."
I giggled. "Painful y merry. Funny. I forgot you weren't coming right home. You're flying to Chicago to get drunk and have other women shake
their boobs in your face."
"If it bothers you, I won't go," he said seriously.
"No," I kicked at the table leg. "It doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just jealous."
"Jealous? You're not the jealous type."
"Maybe I want boobs shaken in my face."
He laughed hard for almost an entire minute.
"You're a riot."
"I know. Seriously, though, have a good time, be careful. Make sure you get a lap dance."
"I'd rather have you dancing on my lap."
"Wel , you know where to find me."
He chuckled. "I'm going to get to bed. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Night. Miss you."
"Miss you, too. And..."
"And?"
"I love you," he said in a quiet tone.
"I love you, too, Luke."
We hung up. I sat down in a chair and let my head hit the table with a loud
THUNK
.
At work, I pretended that nothing had happened. Kyle did, too, which should have made life a little easier, but Kyle wasn't being friendly. He
wasn't being a dick either. He was indifferent. It was as if he were saying "See, this is how it wil be if you decide you only want to be friends."
At the end of late work nights, Kyle usual y left with me, always offering to take me to my car. This time when I stepped into the elevator, he bid
me goodnight and took the stairs. By the time the elevator picked up stragglers from other floors, Kyle was gone.
I decided that I was going to have to shake it off. Psshh, that kiss wasn't even al that. If he wanted it to be that way, that was fine. I can be
indifferent, too. I was indifferent before he stalked me and found me in my bar that night.
When Saturday rol ed around, I was mental y and emotional y exhausted from being indifferent. I almost didn't feel like going to the cocktail
party. I lounged around on the couch, flipping through boring Saturday television, eating popcorn with too much butter. My mom cal ed me half a
mil ion times, but I never answered. Judging from the voicemails she left, she wasn't cal ing about anything important.
The party was at six. At three, I had to make a decision. If I were to go, I had to shower, shave, wash and style my hair and do my makeup. My
dress was stil in the bag from when I bought it, draped over a chair in the living room, and my new shoes sat in a box by the couch. If I didn't go, the
careful y selected dress and shoes would have been bought in vain, and I do not waste designer clothes and shoes.
I dragged myself off of the couch and went upstairs to get ready.
***
land. During the summer, the property was beautiful y landscaped with lush gardens and fountains shaped like naked little cherubs spitting water out
of their mouths…and other things.