I pul ed up into the Sterling's driveway a few minutes after six and handed my keys off to a valet. Upon entering the door, I checked my coat.
Just outside the enormous dining room, a servant waited with a tray of champagne. I snagged one and drank half of it by the time I was a few steps
inside the room.
I paused and took in my surroundings. The room was slightly dimmed, I suppose to give it a little ambiance. The bar, I quickly noted, was in the
far left corner, and there were tables of food straight ahead, along with servants wandering the place with trays of booze and food. There were
tables, couches and chairs set up throughout the room to make it look like an enormous living area. It didn't at al look tacky, but looked posh.
Real y, it looked more like an upscale club. I was impressed.
There must have been two hundred people in the room. I recognized some faces, but many were strangers. There was no sign of Kyle, his
parents, or Dumb-Dumb Jessyca. I floated towards the bar, stopping to speak to a few people along the way.
One guy I knew, Trevor, fol owed me on my journey. I think he thought he was gonna get some. Trevor's had a crush on me since high school.
He was good looking enough, but he was a pig. I was pretty sure I heard a rumor that he had the clap.
I was rescued from Trevor several drinks later when Kyle magical y appeared at my side.
"Hel o," Kyle said, openly letting his eyes wander up and down my body.
In my mind, while purchasing my dress and shoes, I told myself that I was buying the nude, backless, short dress because it was stylish, not
because I knew Kyle would love it. The six inch red shoes were bought because they matched the dress, not because Kyle thought high heels made
my legs look incredibly sexy. I wore my hair up with a few strands loose, because it was comfortable, not because Kyle had a thing for me exposing
my neck in this way.
But let's be truthful. I did it al for Kyle.
Shame on you, Emmy.
"Hel o, Kyle."
"My mother is looking for you," he said, offering his hand.
"Nice seeing you again, Trevor," I said, taking Kyle's hand and graceful y stepping off of the stool.
"Maybe we can talk somewhere more quiet and secluded later," Trevor said.
"Maybe not," Kyle said firmly and lead me away.
"I don't know, maybe I'd like to talk to Trevor in a more secluded, quiet place later," I said.
"If I ever catch you with that loser, I'l beat him to within an inch of his life," he said seriously.
He had his hand on my bare back as we weaved through the crowd. I loved it. He loved it. We loved it.
"Wel , that's drastic, coming from a man who has been indifferent to me for days."
"It wasn't easy."
"No kidding," I muttered.
"You look amazing." His fingers trailed down my back.
"Thank you."
"Every guy in this room wants you, and every woman is jealous."
"Whatever." I rol ed my eyes and shook my head.
"It's true. Take a casual look around the room."
"I'm not vain enough to check. Even though I think you're exaggerating, I'l take your word for it."
"Where's Luke?"
"Bachelor party in Chicago. Where's Jess?"
"Around."
A moment later we reached his mother. Jess was with her. Great.
"Mrs. Sterling," I said reaching out my hand. "Thank you for inviting me."
She nodded with a brief smile and said "You look lovely."
She looked at me from head to foot and then had me slowly spin around. I felt like she was about to buy me.
"Beautiful," she sighed. I was beginning to wonder if she were a lesbian.
"Yes," Jess piped in. "Although, it is a little...skimpy." Her eyes flickered over to Kyle. Kyle was watching me.
"But you pul it off perfectly, Emmy," Mrs. S said. She gave me another brief smile and walked away.
"What was that al about?" I drew close to Kyle so only he could hear me. "That was weird."
"You remind her of what she used to be."
"She used to be an idiot?" I laughed lightly.
He flashed me his grin, but didn't answer because dumbass Jess interrupted by taking hold of his arm.
"It was nice to see you, Emmy," she said without meaning it. She tried pul ing Kyle away, but he stood firm.
"Did you think about it?" He asked, practical y ignoring Jessyca.
"The answer is no, of course." I looked at him like he was nuts.
"I don't believe that," he hinted a smile as he slowly let himself be dragged off by the succubus.
"Why not?" I crossed my arms.
He broke free of Jess and whispered in my ear "Because you dressed up for
me
."
He al owed Jess to take him away without a backward glance.
I wanted to go back to the bar, but Trevor was there, watching me from afar. I grabbed two glasses of champagne off of a moving tray and
drank them quickly. I ambled over to a group of people I knew and al owed conversation to distract me for a while, but every now and then my eyes
would float around the room in search of Kyle. When I final y saw him across the room, he was already looking at me.
His face gave nothing away, but there was something in his eyes that made my heart flutter. I peeled my eyes away, so no one in my group
would get suspicious, but every time I looked in his direction, he was watching me.
Eventual y, I got tired of talking to people I usual y don't care about. I got tired of Kyle's staring and Jess's glaring. I felt like I should have never
come, and especial y should have never dressed to impress Kyle.
My heart real y wanted to go where he was offering, but my mind knew better. A wise man once said "Anyone who can rationalize love through
intel ect, has no idea what love is, for it is an emotion, and cannot be rationalized. For love is crazy." I couldn't al ow myself to plead insanity and run
into Kyle's arms. Under the circumstances, rationalizing love through intel ect was the right thing to do, even if it was crushing me from the inside
out. I'm pretty sure the man who made that quote wasn't thinking about cheating in the name of love, but occasional y, my own mind went that way.
While Kyle's attention was elsewhere, I slipped out of the party. When I got home, I turned on the radio in the kitchen, took out the half gal on of
Breyer's vanil a and chocolate ice-cream, a jar of peanut butter and a big spoon. I found some chocolate chips and mini marshmal ows in the cabinet, grabbed a bowl to dump them in and sat down at the kitchen table. I ate right out of the carton, finding creative ways to get al of my ingredients into my mouth at the same time. This was my comfort food, but it wasn't working very wel .
I had eaten half of the ice-cream when I heard the front door open. My heart skipped a beat. I sat stock stil , wondering if I'd be able to defend
myself with a sticky spoon. Footsteps sounded in the hal and I thought maybe I could convince the robber or rapist to sit down and have some ice-
cream instead of committing their intended crime.
Kyle appeared, holding my pocketbook.
"You forgot this in your haste to leave the party," he said, setting it down on the table.
"You're bad habits are rubbing off on me."
"I thought maybe you were trying to lure me here." He took a spoon out of the drawer and sat down across from me.
"Don't you need to get back to the party?"
"Not my party."
"Hmm."
We ate in silence for a while. When it seemed like we were both done, I got up and started cleaning up the mess. Kyle helped and when we
were finished we stood on opposite sides of the table staring at one another.
"You should probably go," I said.
"Why?"
Because I don't know if I will be able to say no.
"
It's late."
"Never stopped you before."
I couldn't think of another excuse, so I just stood there looking at everything but him.
"Tel me you don't want me in your life and I wil leave."
I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off with "And you have to mean it."
I closed my mouth. I opened it again, sputtered out a few words, but not enough to say what I real y should say and have this done and over.
"That's what I thought," he said, walking around the table.
I moved away in the opposite direction. We circled the table until I ended up where he had been standing and vice versa.
"Why are you running from me?" He asked in a quiet voice.
"I...I..."
Damn it.
"
Stay where you are," Kyle said firmly.
I obeyed and watched with apprehension as he walked around the table. I seized up when he reached for me, and my feet dragged when he
tried to make me close the distance between us. Roughly, he pul ed me to him, but my arms stayed limp at my sides.
"No more of this just friends shit," he said, tilting my head back. "There's nothing platonic between us."
Just before his lips touched mine, I hurriedly said "But this is wrong!"
"Yeah, but it feels right."
Maybe that was true. Mental y and moral y speaking, it was so very wrong, but when we were together it
felt
so right. But that didn't mean I had
to give in.
"But Jess and Luke..." I said as his lips neared mine again.
"This isn't about them. Now shut up so I can kiss you." And he did.
I didn't immediately kiss back. I just stood there stiffly. He pul ed away and pul ed my arms up and put them on his shoulders.
"Hold on to me," he whispered before kissing me again.
His tongue teased mine, daring me to kiss back. I tried my hardest not to kiss him, but his lips on mine was like dangling a steak in front of a
hungry dog. Even a wel -trained dog would only be able to stand it for so long before he devoured it.
If I kissed back this time though, there would be no going back. I wasn't sure how this would end or with whom, or how many hearts would be
broken. I was only sure of the way I was feeling at that moment, which is why I tightened my arms around his neck and kissed Kyle back.
It's been a month since I kissed Kyle back that night, and I've been living a TLC song. I spent the majority of my time with Luke and I loved every
minute of it, but I secretly couldn't wait to see Kyle. I felt guilty for stepping out on Luke, but I couldn't help myself. Kyle was a drug and I was the
addict. Every time I would try to break it off with Kyle, he would somehow convince me not to, and maybe I didn't real y want to, or I would have stuck
to my guns.
At work, I real y tried to stay professional, but when I would find myself alone with Kyle in his office, I couldn't resist his advances. I would come
out looking flustered, but my office mates attributed it to Kyle's remaining ability to occasional y be a big dick.
At least three times a week, Kyle and I would see each other outside of work. We even started going on real dates - way out of the way, of
course, where we were unlikely to run into anyone we knew.
Our biggest obstacles were Jessyca and Luke. Kyle's situation was more complicated than my own. I know we aren't living in the 1500's and
this isn't a country that practices arranged marriages, but in essence, that is what it is. Jessyca sat on a fortune, as did Kyle, and both of their
families owned or had a big stake in very successful and lucrative businesses. Bringing the two families together made it appear the two
businesses were together, or have a big chance of coming together. Somehow that translated into more money for both, and sometimes, as in the
case of Kyle's parents, the two businesses actual y do merge.
While I work for Sterling Corporation, I don't pretend to understand al of that shit I just told you. I just take Kyle's word for it. The bottom line is
that he was expected to marry Jess for those reasons, and until he found another way to appease his dad, Jessyca's dad and a bunch of other
people things would remain the same.
I didn't just accept this. It wasn't okay with me. In that fourth week of our new "relationship" it spurned a pretty heated argument.
"So, eventual y you wil propose." I said rather unkindly.
We were in Baltimore for the day, strol ing through the aquarium, one of my favorite places. I had always known that his relationship with Jess
was more business than love, but I had asked for more explicit details regarding the situation because I was already growing tired of being sneaky.
He had just given me the run down.
"I didn't say that. I said that it is expected of me."
"What happens if you just break up with her?"
"You've asked me that before," he said, looking down at the floor.
"You haven't given me a straight answer."
He hesitated, bit down on his bottom lip like he was thinking.
"My father wil disown me and find some reason to fire me."
"Is that al ?" I almost laughed. "You'd have to go earn a living like a normal person?"
"It's not just that," he looked at me cautiously.
"What else is there?"
"Jess has possession of...some pretty sensitive information."
"Regarding what?"
"Regarding Sterling Corp and some of its' business associates."
"Sounds like a lot of trouble. I hope it's not an Enron situation."
"No, but if the information came to light at the wrong time, a lot of shit wil go down that no one is prepared to deal with."
"So, Jess is blackmailing you into staying with her?"
"Not exactly. She doesn't know that I know."
I sighed extra loud. "So much drama. How long do you expect to have to play along?"
"I don't know. I can't give you a time frame. Just know that I'm working on it."
"This is ridiculous," I huffed. "I wish I understood the circumstances
before
I 'committed' to this dysfunctional relationship."