light of the living room.
"Shit." He said, when he saw me.
"I'm rarely al owed to be here incase Jess comes by. You invade my life on every level and I can't even spend the afternoon in your home." I
sniffed and quickly wiped away a tear. "That makes me feel like trash. I let you into my home whenever you feel like it, and the circumstances are
the same. Luke could show up anytime and I take that risk. You're hardly risking anything. You're so careful that
you
don't get caught, but have no
concerns about me getting caught."
He sighed and looked at the floor, but said nothing.
"That's what I thought." I said after a minute. I wiped my tears and I took his key off of my key ring and threw it on the coffee table.
He was standing in front of the door and once he realized I was going to leave he stood up a little straighter. I boldly walked over, but he put his
hands on my shoulders when I tried to go around him.
"Kyle, let me go."
"No way. If you leave now I know you won't ever come back to me."
"If Jess shows up you're going to have a problem. That's why I'm not al owed to be here."
"I want you to be here." He held onto me tighter when I again tried to leave.
"I can't be here, because of Jess." I said lamely.
"I don't give a fuck about Jess right now!" He roared.
I stared at him, startled. He put his hands on my face and apologized.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yel . I just don't care about that right now. I real y don't want you to go."
I took a few steps back, out of his reach, and crossed my arms.
"Kyle, let me go."
"I don't want you to leave." He said pathetical y.
"I mean...
let me go.
"
He stared at me and shook his head.
"I can't." He took a step towards me.
"You have to, because I am letting
you
go." I said softly.
"No." He shook his head.
"Yes." I started around him for the door again.
"No!" He grabbed me by my wrists.
"Kyle, let go!" He did and I looked at him as if he were crazy. Maybe he was and I trapped myself here with him.
"Emmy, please." He pleaded, stepping towards me again. He again cradled my face in his hands and then kissed me. I pul ed away.
"Kyle! You can't make everything okay with a fucking kiss!"
As if he didn't hear me, he tried to kiss me again. I slapped him hard across the face. My hand hurt from hitting him and I wasn't sure how he
was going to react but I stood my ground. He looked a little stunned for a few seconds but shook it off.
Too quick for me to react, he threw me over his shoulder. I yel ed at him and punched him in the back as I tried to get down, but he didn't put me
down until we reached his bedroom. He threw me on the bed and pinned me down.
I started to scream, but he quickly covered my mouth. He didn't say anything, he just stared at me. He held me down easily and I fought for a
long time before I relented and went slack.
He waited until he knew I wasn't going to scream and uncovered my mouth.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said. "You're
not
trash and I don't want to let you go. I wil try harder to find a way to make things right, but I don't want you to go."
I didn't speak right away. I wasn't sure what to say or how to feel. Part of me wanted to leave and never come back and another part of me
wanted to believe him.
When I stil didn't say anything after a while, he gave me a closed mouth kiss while keeping his eyes locked with mine. When he tried for a more
serious kiss, I turned my head. Aggravated, he forced my head back and kissed me more aggressively than he's ever kissed me.
I real y fought it at first, but the truth is, he knew what he was doing. I was a huge sucker for his kisses. From day one, whenever he kissed me
he would disarm me completely. No one has ever kissed me the way that Kyle kisses me. Not Luke, not anyone. That's why I kept trying to get away
every time he would try.
The more I relented, the harder he kissed me. I involuntarily moaned a little and pushed my body into his. He took my arms and pinned them
above my head without ever taking his lips from mine. He pressed himself against me and moaned into my mouth.
I struggled against him as he got more aggressive, but I didn't want him to stop. He used one hand to hold my wrists down and with the other he
tore open my shirt. I heard buttons hitting the bed, the wal , and who knew what else. I cried out in pain when he initial y grabbed at my breast but
then I sighed with pleasure.
He slid his hand down my stomach and then between my legs. He went around my panties and sent me into a frenzy. He was being so rough,
but I was enjoying it.
He started to fumble around with his belt and jeans, never releasing my wrists with his other hand. Once he freed himself, he again reached
between my legs and
tore
my panties off of me. He entered me with such force I was pushed half a foot across the bed. He released my hands long
enough to pul me back to the edge of the bed and again pinned me down as he slid into me again.
I real y thought we were going to break the bed because we were going at it so hard. He used both hands to pin my arms now and the harder
he squeezed my wrists, the closer I knew he was getting. Just when I thought he was about to break my wrists, he moaned my name and it was
over.
Luke caressed my bare leg lazily. We were relaxing in his bed, reading. He was reading a paperback and I was reading on my Kindle, but
Luke had put his book down, turning his attention on me. I was wearing a pair of boy shorts and a tee shirt, my standard sleeping gear in warm
weather.
I liked sleeping at Luke's. I could get completely comfortable without any concerns of another woman walking in and wondering why I was there
or why I was in bed with her boyfriend. It had become like a second home, which was real y important since my parents' return from Louisiana. If I felt
like punching my mom I could just go to Luke's. I had clothes there, a toothbrush, deodorant and other necessities.
"I love hairy legs on my woman," Luke said, stil caressing my leg. "I love getting my fingers al tangled in your long, coarse leg hair."
"Stop!" I smacked him with his book. "I just haven't felt like shaving."
"At least your legs wil be warm and protected when it rains."
I gave him the most evil stare I could muster and then went back to my book.
"How is your book?" He asked, resting his head on my lap.
I ran a hand through his light hair and sighed a happy sigh.
"Amanda Hocking is my hero," I said about the author I recently discovered after Luke gave me the kindle as a gift. "I want to have her babies."
I said dreamily.
"Wel , that sure ruins
my
plans."
"What plans?" I put the kindle on the table next to the bed.
"I was hoping maybe you would want to someday have
my
babies." When I looked surprised, he said "I didn't mean like tomorrow or next year, but someday."
I stared at him and shifted uncomfortably. He sat up and looked at me, but I couldn't meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you felt so differently than I do..." He looked so deflated and I instantly felt bad.
"Oh, no. It's not that," I turned to look at him. I couldn't tel him the main reason I reacted that way, but I could tel him something else that was
true. "I'm just not sure that I would be a good mother..."
"What? You would be an excel ent mother. You're nurturing, caring, and responsible."
I winced at "responsible." My actions over the past several months were not responsible. To cover my reaction, I smiled and said "You know I
drink way too much."
"You don't drink and drive, you don't drink at work, and you know your limit. I've never seen you out of control. Besides, I haven't seen you pick
up a drink in weeks."
Oh, you poor man. I've been out of control for months.
"Now that my mom is back, that may change." I rol ed my eyes, but Luke took me into his arms.
"You can come here whenever you want to get away from that old bag."
"Thanks." I laughed.
"And while we're on the subject..."
"What's up, doc?" I looked up into his face, which had grown serious.
"I'm thinking of moving back to Chicago, and soon."
"What?" I broke free of his embrace so I could look at him better. I must have looked as stricken as I felt, because he put his hands up as if to
calm me down.
"I want you to come with me." He said in a rush. "I mean, you don't have to decide right now."
"Oh," I said softly. "How long?"
"By October, at the latest." He took my hands in his. "I real y want to be with you, but my family is in crisis and they need me. And to be honest, I need them, too."
I nodded in agreement. His family
did
need him. His parents were way older than my own and needed looking after. He had two sisters, but not
only did they have their own families to worry about, one of them just found out she had cancer. I felt real y bad for reacting the way I did.
"I understand," I said. "I promise to deeply consider it."
"I'm going home in two weeks for a few days. Think you can get away?"
I considered it a moment. I had plenty of vacation time saved up and even if I didn't I wasn't worried about losing money. Kyle was a problem.
He was insanely jealous of Luke.
"I'l go." I said, deciding that Kyle couldn't always be my first priority.
Luke grinned and kissed me. I locked my fingers behind his head and pul ed him closer. I had told my mom I would be home for dinner, but
once Luke slipped his hand under my shirt I didn't feel confident about making it on time.
I did make it to dinner on time. My mom was her usual annoying self, but for the most part I was able to tune her out. My mind was already
heavily weighing on Luke's proposal.
I could decide to go, and it would be the end of the triangle I was in, but the thought of letting Kyle go made my chest ache.
"You're not paying any attention to anything I'm saying!" My mom's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry. What did you say?"
She sighed dramatical y and rol ed her eyes. "I
said
I wish you would consider coming back with us in the fal . I hate that you're up here al
alone."
"I'm not alone, trust me." If only she real y knew how much I was never alone.
"Yes, I know you have Luke and you've become friendly with the Sterlings, but you ain't got no family here."
"I have cousins and aunts and uncles."
"I meant none that you talk to."
"I talk to Mayson al of the time and sometimes I may run into Tabitha at the store."
"You know what I mean!" She snapped.
I put my fork down and looked from her to my dad. "If you guys want me to move out of the house so you can stay down there, just say so."
Now my dad put down his fork and looked at me. "No one is saying that, Emmy. We would never make you leave here if you didn't want to."
My mom looked at my dad with a look of surprise. "I
am
saying that!"
"Oh for crying out loud," he grumbled, throwing down his napkin. I pushed my plate away and crossed my arms.
"I'm too damn old and tired to be coming back and forth," my mom pouted. "I would rather use this time to maybe take a cruise or visit my
cousins in France."
"News flash, mother," I said. "You don't
have
to keep coming back and forth. I can take care of the house just fine."
"If we didn't come up here, no one would ever see ya!" She said in a high pitched voice. "You never come down to see us or the rest of the
family."
I couldn't argue that point, because she was right. I didn't feel al that close to my siblings or their kids, but it very wel could have been my own
fault.
"Fine. If you want me to move out, I wil ." I got up and carried my plate to the sink and started stuffing the contents into the disposal.
"You don't have to go anywhere," my dad said to me, and then to my mom "she doesn't have to go anywhere. If you're too tired to come back
and forth then stay in Louisiana."
"What are you going to do if I decide to move further away?" I asked my mom. "Not visit me? Is that al I have to do to be rid of your incessant
nagging?"
She wrinkled her nose at me. "You're a devil of a child."
"I'm thinking of moving to Chicago," I announced. "With Luke. In October."
They both looked at me quietly for a moment. My mom tried to be casual, but failed.
"Wil you be moving there as a married woman?"
"No." I said defiantly.
"You're gonna live in sin?" She shrieked.
"Oh stop it!" I yel ed. "Don't act like you're al about that because you're not."
"What are you doing wrong? You should have a
marriage
proposal by now! Not a
wanna-live-together
proposal!" She slapped the table.
"Samantha!" My dad yel ed.
"She's thirty-one years old and isn't even close to bein' married! Maybe you need a makeover. I can send you to New York and you can get your
hair done so it won't be so plain."
"She is fine the way she is." My dad was trying to be patient.
Ignoring him, my mom continued on. "You can get a new wardrobe - a good one. You can go to the gym and maybe work some of that bel y off."
"Are you finished insulting me yet?" I asked quietly.
"Is it the sex?" Her eyes widened and even as my dad tried again to stop her mouth, she talked over him. "There are books you can buy and
maybe you can be better in bed. Maybe you need al of it - the make-over, the clothes, the gym, and the sex stuff."